... this is new to me!!

[Confused_Me]

Hello all,

 

I'm hoping someone can shed some light here for me...

 

Recently I met up with a very old friend who has been the OM (Other Man) with a woman for 5-6 years now... He left to go interstate 2 years ago, and recently the woman left her long-term partner to start a new life with him... They have been together long-distance for only 4 months now and she has proposed marriage to him, sold her business and says she wants to spend the rest of her life with him... He has not accepted the proposal (yet) as he says he wants to do that himself, when the time is right...

 

Recently we found eachother on facebook and began communicating. We found we only live 1 1/2 hours from eachother so we organised to meet up for a reunion... Well... when we did the feelings we both felt for eachother were overwhelming and I know if he was now single, we would be dating. However, he has already committed to this woman, but is having severe doubts about whether she can remain faithful and even says he thinks she will stuff it up! However, he has just gone interstate to pick her up and bring her back to their new life and is hoping it will work.

 

I feel a little lost as I've never cheated on anyone and cannot understand how people can do this... but of course it happens!

 

I really hope that he sees her for who she really is before she ruins his life and all his new plans... You see, she has only expressed interest in him because he is on a good wicket with a great well-paying job, and new goals... I'm wondering if she is a gold digger, but he says she has more money than him so that doesn't make sense...

 

I'm trying not to be the bad person here but does anyone believe it will last for them? I mean, they were meeting about 10 times a years for sexual encounters, etc. I asked him why she didn't leave her partner sooner... and he said because he was a A-hole and she was trying to get away from him (her ex is now stalking her apparently!!)... this doesn't make sense to me either... Why didn't she leave him sooner if he was so bad!

 

My friend says she is a Good Person... she does foster care work, etc. But I fail to see how she can be that good if she has lied and cheated on someone for so long...

 

Trying hard not to be judgemental here but secretly I hope it doesn't work for them as I feel he deserves better ...

 

I have always had feeling for him and we have both discussed how torn he feels right now... I know that if she hadn't sacrificed so much for him, he would be dating me right now... but of course, he would feel like a super A-hole if he pulled out now... and I think he needs the time to find out for himself... I only hope it not too long down the road...

 

I guess my question is ... does the term "once a cheater, always a cheater" ring true??

 

I find it hard to believe with all the doubts he has about her how he can even entertain the idea of going through with her proposal...

 

Please help me!

 

Thanking all in advance...

[whichwayisup]

If you stay with this man, your life will be a mess. She left her long term partner for this guy, gave up alot to start over..

 

Remember too, you only know what he's told you about her, reguardless of the fact that they had an affair, he was her partner in crime there, so his hands aren't clean.

 

To be honest, it seems instead of being happy for him you want their relationship to fail. This is HIS life and if you're a true friend, you'll just let things be, let him live his life with her. But sadly, you aren't the true friend, a platonic friend because you both have crossed the line by discussing your feelings.

 

I feel a little lost as I've never cheated on anyone and cannot understand how people can do this... but of course it happens!

 

Think about your situation right now. You are him now. He IS with someone, and you're the other woman, or almost..(Seems you're waiting in the wings for them to fail.) Just like he was the OM, again, he helped her cheat on her long term partner so if you're going to look at anyone who is cheating, it's him now, NOT her.

[Confused_Me]

Think about your situation right now. You are him now. He IS with someone, and you're the other woman, or almost..(Seems you're waiting in the wings for them to fail.) Just like he was the OM, again, he helped her cheat on her long term partner so if you're going to look at anyone who is cheating, it's him now, NOT her.

 

Oh, thanks for the reply. But I am not with him, so to speak. I don't intend to be with him while all this is happening...

 

And yes, a part of me would like them to fail because I don't like the sound of her ... and I've known him for so long... He lived next door to my Mother for 3 years! We go back a long way ...

 

I never meant to get involved and when he asked my opinion I kept out of it, letting him know clearly that it was his decision to make...

 

I just felt an incredible bond and connection to him which I guess is clouding my own judgement... but I have no intention of seeing him on the side... That would be wrong! But he did tell me his feelings as we have been friends for so long...

[whichwayisup]

You go back a long way but you have NOT been in his life for a long time, and only recently hooked up again. You're investing too much energy into him and his life. HIS life.

 

Sure, you're not the OW (yet) but by discussing feelings, hopes, the what if's - You are certainly in the process of having an emotional affair with him. Do you talk daily? See him daily? Is he on your mind alot? If yes, then you are too close for comfort.

 

Doesn't matter how well you know him, or that you've known him longer than her - HE is WITH her. Take a step back, let him decide for himself who he wants. You don't realize this, but your presence in his life, talking about this stuff IS affecting HIS judgement/feelings in his current relationship.

[Confused_Me]

Doesn't matter how well you know him, or that you've known him longer than her - HE is WITH her. Take a step back, let him decide for himself who he wants. You don't realize this, but your presence in his life, talking about this stuff IS affecting HIS judgement/feelings in his current relationship.

 

I am not discussing anything with him. I have told him I will not get involved in his decision process and I've left him with no thoughts that I will be there for him if it doesn't work out. I have made this very clear to him... I have said NOTHING to him about her or his feelings for her... I have only listened to him. But while I was doing this I saw signs I didn't want to see... I am an empath and an intuitive person ... If we talk, it is about mundane things like mutual friends, etc. So I fail to see how I am being the bad person here... I am merely a person who has provoked his thought processes... As I know for a fact that he has been in contact with his past flames in these last few weeks... A sign to me he is having severe doubts about her... And she has brought that on all by herself, I say.

 

And no, we do not talk daily. It has only been one week. I have heard from him once in that time. That was through facebook when he told me he had returned safely from Interstate. I replied, I was glad he had returned safely... and that was it!

 

We don't live in the same area. So not seeing him is a blessing.

 

I am merely torn between being his friend and having feelings for him. But I have not told him how I feel. I have giving him no hope of a future with me at all. I know how confused he is and he will get all the space he needs from me.

 

But I would like to thank you for pointing out how my prescence in his life may be delaying his relationship progress, so thanks!

 

However, if a person is with the "right" person... they wouldn't even entertain the idea of cheating ... that is my belief.

[GreenEyedLady]

Wow.

 

Jealousy to the nth degree.

 

Just show him your true colors. He doesn't know the real you anymore.

[Lookingforward]

I think you're right - you deserve each other.......

[whichwayisup]

However, if a person is with the "right" person... they wouldn't even entertain the idea of cheating ... that is my belief.

 

Yet he was the OM in an affair with someone. YOU are almost in the same position as him because of your feelings. I don't understand why you cannot see that? Also, you have posted this in the OM/OW forum.......

 

Let him go. Completely. This woman gave up ALOT to be with him so obviously SHE thought he was worth it. Doesn't matter if you don't like her, it's NOT YOUR life. Sorry to be harsh but I have to agree with GEL on this one..You sound jealous, even if you think you're not, please re-read your posts.

[Lookingforward]

Yet he was the OM in an affair with someone. YOU are almost in the same position as him because of your feelings. I don't understand why you cannot see that? Also, you have posted this in the OM/OW forum.......

 

Let him go. Completely. This woman gave up ALOT to be with him so obviously SHE thought he was worth it. Doesn't matter if you don't like her, it's NOT YOUR life. Sorry to be harsh but I have to agree with GEL on this one..You sound jealous, even if you think you're not, please re-read your posts.

 

yup GEl isn't the only green eyed lady in this thread

[Tomcat33]

 

I really hope that he sees her for who she really is before she ruins his life and all his new plans... You see, she has only expressed interest in him because he is on a good wicket with a great well-paying job, and new goals... I'm wondering if she is a gold digger, but he says she has more money than him so that doesn't make sense...

 

 

I guess my question is ... does the term "once a cheater, always a cheater" ring true??

 

Who is she really, please enlighten us. And since you don't even know this woman please tell us who you think she is?

 

What is funny is that you don't see the irony in your thought process. On the one hand you are ASSUMING that this woman is not good for your friend because she cheated on her H to be him, and on the other you are desperately trying to win over a man that is cheating on someone else and you wonder if once a cheater always a cheater. Given what you think of this woman then your answer should be right in your own thoughts.

In fact it should be in the opening answer to the question I asked about what you think of her

 

I won't even go into the jealousy and manipulation you are doing to prevent this union from happening... others here have already summed it up nicely.

 

By the way me personally and given what you just described in this situation I think you are right I think that woman should not with your friend, I think she is too good for him.

[Tomcat33]

However, if a person is with the "right" person... they wouldn't even entertain the idea of cheating ... that is my belief.

 

 

While I do believe that to a certain degree, this particular couple has not really had a chance to see how they will work out as a couple, and even for your own benefit he should be certain that it will never work before he moves on to you. If you took him now and he left her after everything they have been through and right on the cusp of embarking on the relationship he will NEVER EVER be able to commit to you he will have a bucket full of unresolved emotions towards that relationship so in actuality it is YOUR relationship that would never work.

[whichwayisup]

Recently I met up with a very old friend who has been the OM (Other Man) with a woman for 5-6 years now... He left to go interstate 2 years ago, and recently the woman left her long-term partner to start a new life with him... They have been together long-distance for only 4 months now and she has proposed marriage to him, sold her business and says she wants to spend the rest of her life with him... He has not accepted the proposal (yet) as he says he wants to do that himself, when the time is right...

 

Recently we found eachother on facebook and began communicating. We found we only live 1 1/2 hours from eachother so we organised to meet up for a reunion... Well... when we did the feelings we both felt for eachother were overwhelming and I know if he was now single, we would be dating. However, he has already committed to this woman, but is having severe doubts about whether she can remain faithful and even says he thinks she will stuff it up! However, he has just gone interstate to pick her up and bring her back to their new life and is hoping it will work.

 

They've been together for 5-6 years, affair partners, she left her spouse to be with him, gave up everything. Honestly if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't try to compete with that. You knew him a long time ago, lost contact and only recently have been back intouch.

 

Read the parts I bolded. Notice how even though he's telling you he has doubts, his actions show you that he IS into her, he does want her.

 

Let him go. Find a single guy worthy of your time, effort and love. Not a man who was an OM, but isn't anymore and is now IN a relationship. If you stick around you WILL be the OW in his life, get hurt and lose self respect.

[NoIDidn't]

I am an empath and an intuitive person ...

 

 

Me, too. I ended up counselling my therapist a few times.

 

So, I know how influential we can be in person when we start in on questioning someone. We ask though-provoking questions and drop them in such a way as to leave the impression that we want to convey.

 

Be careful you are not trying to give him your doubts. As an empath it is often hard to know whose feelings we are actually feeling sometimes. And situations like this cause even the non-clairvoyant to lose objectivity.

 

We tend to get hurt very deeply when we aren't clear emotionally. Be careful and step back regardless of your feelings.

 

(My H thinks I am psychic )

[OWoman]

I asked him why she didn't leave her partner sooner... and he said because he was a A-hole and she was trying to get away from him (her ex is now stalking her apparently!!)... this doesn't make sense to me either... Why didn't she leave him sooner if he was so bad!

 

You can't understand a common psychological phenomenon, although you're an "empath and intuitive person"? Well, you seem to have internet access, so you might want to enlist the assistance of Google or Wikipedia - terms like "battered person syndrome" or "Stockholm Syndrome" or any such should point you in the right direction.

 

Back to your main point, though - the very things you seem to be projecting onto this woman (you might want to look up "projection", too, while you're at it) are either attributes you're denying in your "friend" or attributes you're denying in yourself. Your post contains all the "light" you need shed - if you read it carefully, it should leap out at you.

 

Your main question though seems to be, "does 'once a cheater, always a cheater' ring true?"

 

On this forum you'll find those that say yes (mainly bitter BS types, or bitter FOW types) and those who say no (some reconciled BSs, some OWs, and some others who've seen friends or family happily living out their lives with their former OW / OM or MM / MW after D and remarriage). But I suspect that's not your real point in asking.

 

Assume, "once a cheater, always a cheater" does hold. Then they get together, she takes up with someone else on the side, and he seeks solace in your arms and you sail off into the sunset together. Only to have history repeat as he seeks solace in the arms of someone new as you're sailing off and about to embark on your new togetherness. Oh - no, don't worry, they won't _sleep together_ (yet) - he'll just be discussing with her his doubts about you and the R, since she and he are such good (albeit recently reconnected) friends - his great-aunt once lived three doors down from her second-cousin. And then, he'll dutifully sail off with you, keep in contact with her via Facebook until she helps him realise that you're really not right for him because you were willing to help him undermine his previous R with the MW-who-left, so that he dumps you to be with her.

 

Assume it doesn't. He and his MM-who-left sail off into the sunset and are eternally happy. You leave increasingly bitter and twisted messages on his FB wall until he blocks you as friend and you never hear from him again.

 

Whichever way, heads he wins, talks you lose. You're allowing this to eat you up and I really don't see a happy ending in it for you, either way.

 

Good luck.

[Lookingforward]

You can't understand a common psychological phenomenon, although you're an "empath and intuitive person"? Well, you seem to have internet access, so you might want to enlist the assistance of Google or Wikipedia - terms like "battered person syndrome" or "Stockholm Syndrome" or any such should point you in the right direction.

 

Back to your main point, though - the very things you seem to be projecting onto this woman (you might want to look up "projection", too, while you're at it) are either attributes you're denying in your "friend" or attributes you're denying in yourself. Your post contains all the "light" you need shed - if you read it carefully, it should leap out at you.

 

Your main question though seems to be, "does 'once a cheater, always a cheater' ring true?"

 

On this forum you'll find those that say yes (mainly bitter BS types, or bitter FOW types) and those who say no (some reconciled BSs, some OWs, and some others who've seen friends or family happily living out their lives with their former OW / OM or MM / MW after D and remarriage). But I suspect that's not your real point in asking.

 

Assume, "once a cheater, always a cheater" does hold. Then they get together, she takes up with someone else on the side, and he seeks solace in your arms and you sail off into the sunset together. Only to have history repeat as he seeks solace in the arms of someone new as you're sailing off and about to embark on your new togetherness. Oh - no, don't worry, they won't _sleep together_ (yet) - he'll just be discussing with her his doubts about you and the R, since she and he are such good (albeit recently reconnected) friends - his great-aunt once lived three doors down from her second-cousin. And then, he'll dutifully sail off with you, keep in contact with her via Facebook until she helps him realise that you're really not right for him because you were willing to help him undermine his previous R with the MW-who-left, so that he dumps you to be with her.

 

Assume it doesn't. He and his MM-who-left sail off into the sunset and are eternally happy. You leave increasingly bitter and twisted messages on his FB wall until he blocks you as friend and you never hear from him again.

 

Whichever way, heads he wins, talks you lose. You're allowing this to eat you up and I really don't see a happy ending in it for you, either way.

 

Good luck.

 

 

ROFL That was very good OW

[Lookingforward]

OP, you sound VERY confused - your post is all over the place.....we organised to meet up for a reunion... Well... when we did the feelings we both felt for eachother were overwhelming and I know if he was now single, we would be dating. Not apparently so overwhelming for him however that he didn't go interstate to pick her up to start their new life together..........

 

I really hope that he sees her for who she really is before she ruins his life and all his new plans..he has known her for over 6 years...yet you who have never met her and know next to nothing about her nonetheless "know" what "she is"

 

You are desperately trying to convince yourself that YOU are far better suited to him than this woman he actually loves enough to be with.....sad sad sad

[Confused_Me]

Me, too. I ended up counselling my therapist a few times.

 

So, I know how influential we can be in person when we start in on questioning someone. We ask though-provoking questions and drop them in such a way as to leave the impression that we want to convey.

 

Be careful you are not trying to give him your doubts. As an empath it is often hard to know whose feelings we are actually feeling sometimes. And situations like this cause even the non-clairvoyant to lose objectivity.

 

We tend to get hurt very deeply when we aren't clear emotionally. Be careful and step back regardless of your feelings.

 

(My H thinks I am psychic )

 

 

Thanks NoIDidn't. It's nice to hear some kind words after reading all of the above. I will take your advice

 

Just so that EVERYONE is clear on this, I HAVEN'T influenced him intentionally. I have kept my mouth SHUT on this. I haven't said anything to him about his choices, etc.

 

I just know from what he has told me as a FRIEND that it won't work between them ... NOT because they had an AFFAIR with eachother... But because they are not COMPATIBLE with eachother. PERIOD! He is realising this now. It's as plain as the nose on my face and I don't have to be a Psychic to SEE this.

 

I came to this forum to get answers not be judged by all and sundry. WOW! I won't be coming here again. I told you all how I felt so that I can get some answers on how I was feeling, etc. Instead, most of you have pounced on my back like a pack of wolves... sad!

 

She gave up EVERYTHING for him! Why? Who Knows. Perhaps she does love him. HOW the H** have I manipulated him??? I haven't said BOO to him about any of this. Only in the forum... He knows this is his choice. Not mine. But I know he is drinking a lot because of these worries he has. I know the effect this is having on him. He won't say NO know because she has sacrificed so much for him. I truly believe he felt she was what he wanted and needed. Now he has her, he's not so sure.

 

I won't be interfering in their relationship. Why have some of you assumed I HAVE???

 

PS. I think I know her well enough by her actions alone. Why, (after 2 years) does she contact him and want to move in with him and marry him? Just think, he was down and out for a while when he moved interstate. Now in the last 4 months he has a great job, New house and is doing great with his career! Why couldn't she be with him before that?? Can someone please answer that one for me!?? And, why is she in such a rush to marry him in only 4 months of being in an exclusive relationship? Sounds like she has something to hide if you ask me... He hasn't even a chance to get to know her or her him... If I was her, I would only do this if I was running away from something... or myself.

 

Oh, and his best female friend (married) doesn't like her either. I think that speaks volumes.

[Confused_Me]

While I do believe that to a certain degree, this particular couple has not really had a chance to see how they will work out as a couple, and even for your own benefit he should be certain that it will never work before he moves on to you. If you took him now and he left her after everything they have been through and right on the cusp of embarking on the relationship he will NEVER EVER be able to commit to you he will have a bucket full of unresolved emotions towards that relationship so in actuality it is YOUR relationship that would never work.

 

I totally agree with you here! He asked me what he should do. I told him it was HIS descision because I already know it was a DONE DEAL. She sold her business and everything. So I know he has to give it a go with her to see if it works. That's common sense and even I know that. Thanks for pointing it out though.

 

And, just to clear everything up. I don't even know if I am suited to him! How could I when we haven't had a chance to get to know eachother in that way.... I told him this too. Wow! You people sure know how to judge without asking questions... I think I am in the wrong thread...

[Confused_Me]

OP, you sound VERY confused - your post is all over the place.....we organised to meet up for a reunion... Well... when we did the feelings we both felt for eachother were overwhelming and I know if he was now single, we would be dating. Not apparently so overwhelming for him however that he didn't go interstate to pick her up to start their new life together..........

 

Ah YES! I am confused, hence my Username! and he went interstate to pick her up because her parents bought him a plane ticket to do it. They didn't want her driving up on her own. Also, he comes from there and all his friends are there.... and I know they are starting a new life and I told him I hoped it worked! But my post is voicing my own concerns in regards to this. For example, he drinks copious amounts of beer each night and is Manic Depressive. In my experience someone who is always depressed is doing something wrong. He doesn't even like himself. (PS. you could ask for clarity before you judge!)

 

I really hope that he sees her for who she really is before she ruins his life and all his new plans..he has known her for over 6 years...yet you who have never met her and know next to nothing about her nonetheless "know" what "she is"

 

He has SLEPT with her for 6 years. Woopee Doo! Doesn't mean he knows her! Gee, even I can give my best front in the sack lol ... It takes living together to really get to know the other person! And NO, I don't know her. I just have suspicions...

 

You are desperately trying to convince yourself that YOU are far better suited to him than this woman he actually loves enough to be with.....sad sad sad

 

NO, I am not! I don't know if I am any more suited to him. But I do think she is NOT!

[Confused_Me]

Who is she really, please enlighten us. And since you don't even know this woman please tell us who you think she is?

 

What is funny is that you don't see the irony in your thought process. On the one hand you are ASSUMING that this woman is not good for your friend because she cheated on her H to be him, and on the other you are desperately trying to win over a man that is cheating on someone else and you wonder if once a cheater always a cheater.

 

Who said I was DESPERATELY trying to WIN him over!? I am merely trying to work out my own thoughts and feelings. And I know she is not good for him. But that is my opinion!

 

 

I won't even go into the jealousy and manipulation you are doing to prevent this union from happening... others here have already summed it up nicely.

 

Who said I was manipulating!? and if you think I have, please explain how, if I haven't said any of this to him!? I haven't manipulated him in the slightest. Sure, I may be a little jealous, but I am human afterall. I try my hardest to curb that tendency. I know it is not GOOD!

 

By the way me personally and given what you just described in this situation I think you are right I think that woman should not with your friend, I think she is too good for him.

 

How would you KNOW!? You don't know him or her. Sure I don't know her either... Only what he has told me and I think she is wrong for him. But once again, that is my opinion. And sure, you are ALSO entitled to YOURS!

[Confused_Me]

You can't understand a common psychological phenomenon, although you're an "empath and intuitive person"? Well, you seem to have internet access, so you might want to enlist the assistance of Google or Wikipedia - terms like "battered person syndrome" or "Stockholm Syndrome" or any such should point you in the right direction.

 

Back to your main point, though - the very things you seem to be projecting onto this woman (you might want to look up "projection", too, while you're at it) are either attributes you're denying in your "friend" or attributes you're denying in yourself. Your post contains all the "light" you need shed - if you read it carefully, it should leap out at you.

 

Your main question though seems to be, "does 'once a cheater, always a cheater' ring true?"

 

On this forum you'll find those that say yes (mainly bitter BS types, or bitter FOW types) and those who say no (some reconciled BSs, some OWs, and some others who've seen friends or family happily living out their lives with their former OW / OM or MM / MW after D and remarriage). But I suspect that's not your real point in asking.

 

Assume, "once a cheater, always a cheater" does hold. Then they get together, she takes up with someone else on the side, and he seeks solace in your arms and you sail off into the sunset together. Only to have history repeat as he seeks solace in the arms of someone new as you're sailing off and about to embark on your new togetherness. Oh - no, don't worry, they won't _sleep together_ (yet) - he'll just be discussing with her his doubts about you and the R, since she and he are such good (albeit recently reconnected) friends - his great-aunt once lived three doors down from her second-cousin. And then, he'll dutifully sail off with you, keep in contact with her via Facebook until she helps him realise that you're really not right for him because you were willing to help him undermine his previous R with the MW-who-left, so that he dumps you to be with her.

 

Assume it doesn't. He and his MM-who-left sail off into the sunset and are eternally happy. You leave increasingly bitter and twisted messages on his FB wall until he blocks you as friend and you never hear from him again.

 

Whichever way, heads he wins, talks you lose. You're allowing this to eat you up and I really don't see a happy ending in it for you, either way.

 

Good luck.

 

WOW! What an over-active imagination you have. I feel sorry for you for being so bitter!

[Confused_Me]

 

Assume it doesn't. He and his MM-who-left sail off into the sunset and are eternally happy. You leave increasingly bitter and twisted messages on his FB wall until he blocks you as friend and you never hear from him again.

 

Oh Dear... I care about this person. And leaving bitter and twisted messages on someone's facebook wall is definately NOT my style! Please don't make me out to be someone I'm not. You don't even know me!

 

And before you come back with: "you don't KNOW HER either"... Yes, you are right! I DON'T!!

 

Whichever way, heads he wins, talks you lose. You're allowing this to eat you up and I really don't see a happy ending in it for you, either way.

 

Good luck.

 

Yes, I am seeking opinions and you are all helping in some way, which is good. So thanks EVERYONE!

[Confused_Me]

ROFL That was very good OW

 

I don't understand why you are here Lookingforward! None of your insight has been supportive in the slightest. You only seem to like creating trouble and enjoy the "band wagon" feeling... SAD:eek:

[Tomcat33]

How would you KNOW!? You don't know him or her. Sure I don't know her either... Only what he has told me and I think she is wrong for him. But once again, that is my opinion. And sure, you are ALSO entitled to YOURS!

 

 

Becuase you don't really know him, you said so yourself, so how could you really know if she is good for him or not?

 

Do you not see the flaws in your logic? I am not picking on you confused just hoping and seeing if you can spot your train of logic...

 

Look you wanna go for this guy, fine go for him you will do as you please either way, but what is the point of making excuses? Sure he told you things but you don't really know what they are about. If you really don't know him OR her how can you know that she is bad for him?

[Confused_Me]

Becuase you don't really know him, you said so yourself, so how could you really know if she is good for him or not?

 

Do you not see the flaws in your logic? I am not picking on you confused she seeing if you can spot your train of logic...

 

Look you wanna go for this guy, fine go for him you will do as you please either way, but what is the point of making excuses? Sure he told you things but you don't really know what they are about. If you really don't know him OR her how can you know that she is bad for him?

 

Why can no-one see I am not "going for him?" ... I am here to sort out my feelings in regards to this. I don't even know if I want him. I haven't told him I want him. And where there are feelings, there is no LOGIC. That's almost factual... I truly hope she is right for him, but deep in my heart, I know she is not because of the drug use and alchohol he is using. He is numbing himself for whatever reasons I'm not sure of...

 

The reason I think she is bad for him I have already spelt out in previous posts. For example, WHY NOW does she get with him when everything in his life is going so well.. For gods sake. He was living homeless near a river for a while ... And she was using him as the OM. That is the reason I think she is BAD for him. If you truly love someone, you wouldn't do that, would you? I do want the best for him... My biggest fear is running into him in another 13 years and seeing him down the local Pub every single night while she is out cheating around. Can any of you understand that?? That is my logic.

 

I know some of you may wonder where I am coming from. Granted, I am confused. But the feelings I am feeling are confusing me. When we recently caught up we didn't even have to speak to eachother. We knew what the other was thinking instantly. We have a bond of friendship and familiarity. That's all. Maybe that is all it will ever be. I just came on here to get some answers to my confusion.

 

I have predicted many things with other people and have be correct many times. When I looked at their photograph together she seemed glowing happy. He seem sad. This is why I am worried about him. When she messages him it is weird. He looks at the message and wonders what she meant by it.

 

I have seen him happy and his whole face lights up. I only hope she can light it up for him. But I haven't seen his face light up when he talks about her. Yes, I think he has sincere and genuine feelings for her. But I don't think he is in love with her. And I know he will be the cheater if they stay together because I know by the way he speaks, she is not on the same level. His needs are changing with his new life and she is a part of his old life. That is what I see.

 

I don't know how I fit in here. Maybe I am just the friend. I told him I will not wait for him either way and there is NO WAY I will be the OW. (I shouldn't even have posted in this thread, but I thought maybe I should, as I am having feelings about him!). However... I have been the OW many years ago and it ended badly. I am not going down that track again. Not for anyone, as it NEVER works. People only end up resenting you in the end and I don't want that. I also know I have had too much hurt in my own life to go that route... He knows the pain I have had to deal with because of our past and the small town we both lived in together. You see, my Mother was a victim of domestic violence. There were fights at my house and he lived next door and heard it all. I think this has created our bond as we know the pain we have both dealt with growing up.

 

I am HIS friend. NOT hers. I don't even know her. But from what I have heard, she is NOT right for him. WHY is he contacting his ex flames??? Can someone answer that one?? And no, I am not an ex flame. My best friend like him and I liked his brother many years ago. I also knew his ex girlfriend and I was friends with her. She was a lovely girl.

 

I do apprecitate your advice everyone. Thanks for taking the time...