... this is new to me!!

[whichwayisup]

How could I when we haven't had a chance to get to know eachother in that way.... I told him this too.

 

But with that being said - Do you not see that by telling him this HAS influenced and confused him at the same time about his relationship with her?

 

Sorry that I may have come off harshly at times in my replies - I just don't want to see you get sucked in and put yourself in a situation where you will get hurt. Most around here offered you harsher advice, but it was heartfelt and even if some of it read a certain way that bothered you, just keep in mind that they answered which means they care. Public forums with tons of people, you're going to get all sorts of replies, some you won't like, some you will.

[Confused_Me]

But with that being said - Do you not see that by telling him this HAS influenced and confused him at the same time about his relationship with her?

 

Yes, maybe that is true. I wasn't ready for the feelings I felt for him when we met again. I will limit all contact with him now. If he messages me I will keep it (like I have) about mundane stuff. The thing I find hard to understand is why would he be confused about her if he was so sure? Can you answer that? And is it possible that once the OM has finally got what he wants, all challenge is over? Could this be what is happening... My guy friend has said this. A bit like the greyhound that catches the rabbit - once he has it, it's over! Could it be possible that he never thought anything would come from it, so now he's left wondering what happened. He told me that he feels pushed into getting married because of his parents expectations of him, etc. He said his family have only ever seen him as the loser of the family... Just some things that have made me think that what is happening is happening for all the wrong reasons.

 

Sorry that I may have come off harshly at times in my replies - I just don't want to see you get sucked in and put yourself in a situation where you will get hurt. Most around here offered you harsher advice, but it was heartfelt and even if some of it read a certain way that bothered you, just keep in mind that they answered which means they care. Public forums with tons of people, you're going to get all sorts of replies, some you won't like, some you will.

 

Don't worry about that happening:) I am actually a lot more level-headed than what my posts indicate. I am speaking from the heart here. But my head is so much Stronger!

 

I'm also a member of a Psychic site where this has all been discussed before. I just wanted to come on here where the topic is clear and get more opinions. It is all helping, even though some of you are harsh. But I'm wondering why so many are making me the bad person because I have feelings for him. I'm not acting on them. Just feeling them. I don't ever want to be the person to block off my feelings. That would make me numb. Something I did as a child of domestic violence, and I don't want to do that again.

 

However, it's good that you are pointing out how I may be confusing him. I never meant that to happen. But if he is having doubts about her, don't you think that means something?

 

I think it is best to let them get on with it. They will never know unless they give it a go! I did tell him I hope it will all work out for him. And I did mean it when I said it. I'm really not a bad person. Most people come to me for advice, but right now I need advice.

[GreenEyedLady]

Don't worry about that happening:) I am actually a lot more level-headed than what my posts indicate. I am speaking from the heart here. But my head is so much Stronger!

 

I'm also a member of a Psychic site where this has all been discussed before. I just wanted to come on here where the topic is clear and get more opinions. It is all helping, even though some of you are harsh. But I'm wondering why so many are making me the bad person because I have feelings for him. I'm not acting on them. Just feeling them. I don't ever want to be the person to block of my feelings. That would make me numb. Something I did as a child of domestic violence, and I don't want to do that again.

 

However, it's good that you are pointing out how I may be confusing him. I never meant that to happen. But if he is having doubts about her, don't you think that means something?

 

I think it is best to let them get on with it. They will never know unless they don't give it a go! I did tell him I hope it will all work out for him. And I did mean it when I said it. I'm really not a bad person. Most people come to me for advice, but right now I need advice.

 

You're all over the place.

 

First you post this is in the OW/OM forum. You're not going to get anyone here on the bandwagon against his fiancee. You should have posted in Infidelity if you wanted support against the XMW.

 

You said earlier "why is she coming back now after 2 years?" Sometimes MP end their M's and when they take care of what they need to take care of, then they go to start a real R with their lover.

 

No one said that you are a bad person. However your posts are resoundingly jealous and even the most casual reader can see that you want him for yourself and you're trying to convince everyone else that you are the better, more moral woman for him. And that you don't consider their R legitimate.

 

Even people who are in a "normal" R have doubts sometimes. Especially when you have someone in your ear telling you it won't work. You'd be amazed at how 3rd parties affect R's. Even third parties on a forum.

 

What will be, will be.

[Confused_Me]

You're all over the place.

 

First you post this is in the OW/OM forum. You're not going to get anyone here on the bandwagon against his fiancee. You should have posted in Infidelity if you wanted support against the XMW.

 

Yeah, I guess I posted rashly!

 

You said earlier "why is she coming back now after 2 years?" Sometimes MP end their M's and when they take care of what they need to take care of, then they go to start a real R with their lover.

 

OK. Then why do they subject the OM to hanging and hoping in the process???

 

No one said that you are a bad person. However your posts are resoundingly jealous and even the most casual reader can see that you want him for yourself and you're trying to convince everyone else that you are the better, more moral woman for him. And that you don't consider their R legitimate.

 

Your opinion.

 

Even people who are in a "normal" R have doubts sometimes. Especially when you have someone in your ear telling you it won't work. You'd be amazed at how 3rd parties affect R's. Even third parties on a forum.

 

I didn't tell him it wouldn't work! HE told me that! Get your facts right first.

 

What will be, will be.

 

And yes, my posts may be all over the place. Because I am C-O-N-F-U-S-E-D.

 

But I'm getting there. And yes, we've already established I am a little jealous. A normal human emotion. Afterall, that is your name, isn't it!?

[Lookingforward]

If you bothered to go back and look at my questions you would realise that I am seeking answers to specific questions. Instead you judge and attack because that puts you on the pedestal of superiority! It is common knowledge that someone will defend if attacked. Maybe you are too self-righteous to see that;)

 

This forum says supportive and discussion. How have you been supportive to MY needs in all this? Are my feelings any less because I am not in the relationship? What has happened to YOU in the past that makes you so Righteous Lookingforward???

 

You obviously are having as much difficulty comprehending my posts as your own..... I have NO idea where you are getting these accusations.

 

You asked for advice and like some other posters I merely pointed out the inconsistencies..... if you see that as an attack then so be it.

[Confused_Me]

Your post:

She asks for advice but what she wants is validation - she'd rather shoot the messenger than really LOOK at what she posted........and when she doesn't hear what she wants...she throws a hissy fit worthy of a small petulant child.

 

Your posts are dripping with sarcasm, not a need to help other people.

 

You obviously are having as much difficulty comprehending my posts as your own..... I have NO idea where you are getting these accusations.

 

You asked for advice and like some other posters I merely pointed out the inconsistencies..... if you see that as an attack then so be it.

 

Yes, you did. And didn't hold back on rubbing my nose in the situation either!

[Lookingforward]

Because you were doing exactly that - yelling (in type) at anyone that tried to point out how much of your dislike of the OW stems from your jealousy. But I'll leave to it.

 

Good luck

[GreenEyedLady]

Afterall, that is your name, isn't it!?

 

Uh, my name is GreenEyedLady because I have green eyes. Nothing more to it than that.

[Lookingforward]

Uh, my name is GreenEyedLady because I have green eyes. Nothing more to it than that.

 

lol exactly

[whichwayisup]

Yes, maybe that is true. I wasn't ready for the feelings I felt for him when we met again. I will limit all contact with him now. If he messages me I will keep it (like I have) about mundane stuff. The thing I find hard to understand is why would he be confused about her if he was so sure? Can you answer that? And is it possible that once the OM has finally got what he wants, all challenge is over? Could this be what is happening... My guy friend has said this. A bit like the greyhound that catches the rabbit - once he has it, it's over! Could it be possible that he never thought anything would come from it, so now he's left wondering what happened. He told me that he feels pushed into getting married because of his parents expectations of him, etc. He said his family have only ever seen him as the loser of the family... Just some things that have made me think that what is happening is happening for all the wrong reasons.

 

His life has to play out as it will .. Without you involved. If he starts to talks to talk about her, just tell him to go with his heart and leave what you feel or think out of it. You don't know their dynamtic behind closed doors, and someone else, I think TC said it, they have to see what happens and give their relationship a chance to see if it'll work. They owe it to eachother considering they had the affair and she left her husband and her life to be with him..And he did accept her willingly.

 

You're on the outside looking in, only they know what's what.

 

Don't worry about that happening I am actually a lot more level-headed than what my posts indicate. I am speaking from the heart here. But my head is so much Stronger!

 

That's good to know. Just shield your heart and let him be.

 

I'm also a member of a Psychic site where this has all been discussed before. I just wanted to come on here where the topic is clear and get more opinions. It is all helping, even though some of you are harsh. But I'm wondering why so many are making me the bad person because I have feelings for him. I'm not acting on them. Just feeling them. I don't ever want to be the person to block off my feelings. That would make me numb. Something I did as a child of domestic violence, and I don't want to do that again.

 

People are just trying to open your eyes because obviously affairs CAN happen in a blink of an eye. Drinking, being alone, one stupid move without thinking can lead to something else. Just don't ever put yourself IN that situation...He did once with her while she was married, and look where they are now. She shouldn't have cheated on her husband, but she did. It was completely inappropriate of her to go outside of her marriage, but she did... All I'm saying is, stuff happens and the people here are just making sure you see this.

 

However, it's good that you are pointing out how I may be confusing him. I never meant that to happen. But if he is having doubts about her, don't you think that means something?

 

My point exactly. And, if he IS having doubts about her, it doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. Or maybe it does...This is how affairs start though!

 

You can do some changing within and stop focussing on his life. Yes, you're a friend, but you're not the right friend for him to rely on during this process. You two crossed the lines and had inappropriate feelings/talks about the feelings - THAT makes this situation confusing, for him as well. I know you didn't mean for it to happen, but your emotions are on your sleeve with him, and he knows this.

 

I think it is best to let them get on with it. They will never know unless they give it a go! I did tell him I hope it will all work out for him. And I did mean it when I said it. I'm really not a bad person. Most people come to me for advice, but right now I need advice.

 

Exactly. This has to play out between the two of them. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't .. If it fails, let it be because they tried and it just didn't work out, not because he has feelings for you and he isn't sure anymore..

 

Try to grow a tough skin if you're gonna stick around on LS. Take in the help, ignore the rude and mean words - Look for the actual advice itself.

[Angel1111]

PS. I think I know her well enough by her actions alone. Why, (after 2 years) does she contact him and want to move in with him and marry him? Just think, he was down and out for a while when he moved interstate. Now in the last 4 months he has a great job, New house and is doing great with his career! Why couldn't she be with him before that?? Can someone please answer that one for me!?? And, why is she in such a rush to marry him in only 4 months of being in an exclusive relationship? Sounds like she has something to hide if you ask me... He hasn't even a chance to get to know her or her him... If I was her, I would only do this if I was running away from something... or myself.

 

Oh, and his best female friend (married) doesn't like her either. I think that speaks volumes.

 

Well, from what I've seen, this is a good place to get bashed for sharing your thoughts. And while I don't think you deserve that, I could see it coming by the way your post was worded.

 

All that aside, I must say that my biggest concern is that this woman proposed to this guy. Talk about demasculating! I'm guessing that was one of the nails in the coffin because it was probably a huge turn-off for him.

 

As far as why she chose this point in time to be with him, I could only guess since we know so little about her. It may be because she didn't want to feel like she was jumping from the proverbial frying pan into the fire. Why step into that kind of mess? Men aren't usually happy creatures to be around when their careers are in the tube. So, that may have been going through her mind. But I really think she's been contemplating it for some time and by the time she made the decision, things changed for him. Probably just a coincidence because most people have to think things through for a long time before taking action.

 

Honestly, I think your friend isn't telling you everything. I think he has encouraged her to be there with him and he has probably said and done a lot of things that have motivated this woman to take the leap she has taken.

 

As far as his best female friend is concerned, you may be right about that. Still, I think you're drawing conclusions about a situation that you only know one side to. Tread carefully....

[whichwayisup]

All that aside, I must say that my biggest concern is that this woman proposed to this guy. Talk about demasculating! I'm guessing that was one of the nails in the coffin because it was probably a huge turn-off for him.

 

If the situation reversed and the MM left his family, worked things out so he could leave and give up everything, enough time passed and then he moved to be with his OW and 4 months later asked her to marry him, most of you here would be telling her what? Honestly now, would the advice be the same? NO don't marry him, take your time, or go for it? I think that many WOULD tell her to go for it, that he left and sorted out his life and then came to you.

[whichwayisup]

Honestly, I think your friend isn't telling you everything. I think he has encouraged her to be there with him and he has probably said and done a lot of things that have motivated this woman to take the leap she has taken.

 

As far as his best female friend is concerned, you may be right about that. Still, I think you're drawing conclusions about a situation that you only know one side to. Tread carefully....

 

I agree with this 100%. Fact is, I bet his girlfriend doesn't "know" that he has feelings for you nor knows you have feelings for him.. If anything, he'd deny it if she asked him about you..

[Confused_Me]

His life has to play out as it will .. Without you involved. If he starts to talks to talk about her, just tell him to go with his heart and leave what you feel or think out of it. You don't know their dynamtic behind closed doors, and someone else, I think TC said it, they have to see what happens and give their relationship a chance to see if it'll work. They owe it to eachother considering they had the affair and she left her husband and her life to be with him..And he did accept her willingly.

 

You're on the outside looking in, only they know what's what.

 

 

 

That's good to know. Just shield your heart and let him be.

 

 

 

People are just trying to open your eyes because obviously affairs CAN happen in a blink of an eye. Drinking, being alone, one stupid move without thinking can lead to something else. Just don't ever put yourself IN that situation...He did once with her while she was married, and look where they are now. She shouldn't have cheated on her husband, but she did. It was completely inappropriate of her to go outside of her marriage, but she did... All I'm saying is, stuff happens and the people here are just making sure you see this.

 

 

 

My point exactly. And, if he IS having doubts about her, it doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. Or maybe it does...This is how affairs start though!

 

You can do some changing within and stop focussing on his life. Yes, you're a friend, but you're not the right friend for him to rely on during this process. You two crossed the lines and had inappropriate feelings/talks about the feelings - THAT makes this situation confusing, for him as well. I know you didn't mean for it to happen, but your emotions are on your sleeve with him, and he knows this.

 

 

 

Exactly. This has to play out between the two of them. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't .. If it fails, let it be because they tried and it just didn't work out, not because he has feelings for you and he isn't sure anymore..

 

Try to grow a tough skin if you're gonna stick around on LS. Take in the help, ignore the rude and mean words - Look for the actual advice itself.

 

Ok... thanks for the advice. BTW... she was not married to the ex-partner!

[whichwayisup]

But she was in a long term relationship..

 

You're welcome.

[Angel1111]

If the situation reversed and the MM left his family, worked things out so he could leave and give up everything, enough time passed and then he moved to be with his OW and 4 months later asked her to marry him, most of you here would be telling her what? Honestly now, would the advice be the same? NO don't marry him, take your time, or go for it? I think that many WOULD tell her to go for it, that he left and sorted out his life and then came to you.

 

I guess I'm not really following you on this one. What I was saying is that I think it's incredibly inappropriate for a woman to propose to a man. Maybe it's my Southern upbringing but that just doesn't work with men. They want to be the ones to propose to the woman, not the other way around. I don't know what women are thinking when they do this. It's tops the All-Time Worst Idea list for the century.

[Confused_Me]

I guess I'm not really following you on this one. What I was saying is that I think it's incredibly inappropriate for a woman to propose to a man. Maybe it's my Southern upbringing but that just doesn't work with men. They want to be the ones to propose to the woman, not the other way around. I don't know what women are thinking when they do this. It's tops the All-Time Worst Idea list for the century.

 

I agree with you Angel. He told me how this made him feel and emasculated was what he felt. I think this turned him off like you said.

 

Men want the idea to be their idea. Regardless of what any woman says, this is how it is!

[whichwayisup]

Question is, did she propose or did she just say she would like to get married? There's a big difference in wanting to marry and asking to marry..

[Angel1111]

Oh, I meant to ask - who contacted who on Facebook? Did you find him and contact him, or the other way around? Just curious.

[Angel1111]

Question is, did she propose or did she just say she would like to get married? There's a big difference in wanting to marry and asking to marry..

 

I certainly hope he would understand the difference between those two things!

[Confused_Me]

His life has to play out as it will .. Without you involved. If he starts to talks to talk about her, just tell him to go with his heart and leave what you feel or think out of it. You don't know their dynamtic behind closed doors, and someone else, I think TC said it, they have to see what happens and give their relationship a chance to see if it'll work. They owe it to eachother considering they had the affair and she left her husband and her life to be with him..And he did accept her willingly.

 

Yes, I agree. Thank you. Now we are getting somewhere... I did tell him this but this and asked him what his gut was telling him. He replied, that she would stuff it up! This is why I am worried for him, as he is going against his intuition. But I do agree that even if it doesn't work, they need to KNOW it won't work. I get this!

 

You're on the outside looking in, only they know what's what.

 

 

 

That's good to know. Just shield your heart and let him be.

 

Told him this as well

 

 

People are just trying to open your eyes because obviously affairs CAN happen in a blink of an eye. Drinking, being alone, one stupid move without thinking can lead to something else. Just don't ever put yourself IN that situation...He did once with her while she was married, and look where they are now. She shouldn't have cheated on her husband, but she did. It was completely inappropriate of her to go outside of her marriage, but she did... All I'm saying is, stuff happens and the people here are just making sure you see this.

 

 

 

My point exactly. And, if he IS having doubts about her, it doesn't mean it has anything to do with you. Or maybe it does...This is how affairs start though!

 

I think he is searching again ... just my feeling. Doesn't mean it is for me!

 

You can do some changing within and stop focussing on his life. Yes, you're a friend, but you're not the right friend for him to rely on during this process. You two crossed the lines and had inappropriate feelings/talks about the feelings - THAT makes this situation confusing, for him as well. I know you didn't mean for it to happen, but your emotions are on your sleeve with him, and he knows this.

 

Yes, unfortunately. I am chatting to other men though and searching myself.

 

Exactly. This has to play out between the two of them. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't .. If it fails, let it be because they tried and it just didn't work out, not because he has feelings for you and he isn't sure anymore..

 

Exactly.

 

Try to grow a tough skin if you're gonna stick around on LS. Take in the help, ignore the rude and mean words - Look for the actual advice itself.

 

OK... will do my best. I'm a little on the sensitive side. I feel things greatly. Always have, which is why I do Psychic work

 

I'm also aware of my own patterns of wanting to rescue men...

[Confused_Me]

Oh, I meant to ask - who contacted who on Facebook? Did you find him and contact him, or the other way around? Just curious.

 

I saw his profile on a mutual friend's page and added him. He was the first to email me. However, I did search for him a few weeks before that as I wondered what he was up to... Just coincidence that he turned up quickly there-after. His Mother set up his facebook account and knew the password and everything. We both know that his Mother was reading his messages to me, even though they were pretty innocent. When he changed his password, she called exactly 5 minutes after that with a pretty weird conversation...

 

Why do you ask Angel?

[Confused_Me]

Question is, did she propose or did she just say she would like to get married? There's a big difference in wanting to marry and asking to marry..

 

She asked him to Marry her!

[Lyssa]

His mother set up the FB account for him??

[Confused_Me]

His mother set up the FB account for him??

 

Yes, exactly!