? for single guys - explain this behavior

[McLovely]

Let's say you go on a blind date with a lady and you tell her several times how much fun you're having. It's generally an all around pleasant and fun time for both. During the date you make several advances such as kissing, holding hands, caresses. You end the date with a long tender kiss and smile.

 

Then you wait a few days and you text her only to say "hi".

 

Then days and days go by and you have officially "poofed".

 

Why get very affectionate on a date with a woman you have no intention of calling, asking out or seeing again?

[Nemo]

Then days and days go by and you have officially "poofed".

Either you turned him gay, or he was already firmly headed in that direction.

[carhill]

Dating other women is a likely scenario.

 

I used to assign, especially for a man, way too much importance to the meaning of things when just getting to know someone new while casually dating. I think the first person I really just took my time with and didn't stress out about in that regard was my wife. Perhaps that was because I wasn't overwhelmingly attracted to her immediately and she grew on me over time. For me, prior, infatuations fed my insecurities and caused inappropriate attachment issues (too much expectation of intimacy too quickly). I still see this potential in myself, but have learned tools to cope better. I don't think everyone has this issue.

 

If I can be direct, if I had been the man in the example, I would have made those gestures for two reasons, one to convey intent, and, two, to gauge for myself if any attraction I felt was real. For a guy, visual and tactile go together. To use a LS descriptor, it's entirely possible that he found he did not feel attraction to you (wasn't "into" you), but otherwise thought you were a good person, so didn't want to give you the wrong impression by maintaining contact. If he felt that way, a better move would've been to be honest with you.

 

I tend to look at the most positive reasons, rather than cr@p like he's a player, used you for a cheap feel, ego boost, etc. Assigning the best attributes to people usually brings people with those attributes into your life. Time will tell if this guy is one of them. I would entertain the attentions of other gentlemen if I were you.

[LoveDeluxe78]

Let's say you go on a blind date with a lady and you tell her several times how much fun you're having. It's generally an all around pleasant and fun time for both. During the date you make several advances such as kissing, holding hands, caresses. You end the date with a long tender kiss and smile.

 

Then you wait a few days and you text her only to say "hi".

 

Then days and days go by and you have officially "poofed".

 

Why get very affectionate on a date with a woman you have no intention of calling, asking out or seeing again?

 

Just happened to me for the very first time! Honesty would have been much better.....

[Trialbyfire]

While I'm not a guy, I'll answer anyways. I think he's juggling and may have found someone who's either putting out or who he's interested in more.

 

If he's playing you, he'll come back. If this is the case, he's using the hook. Interest, withdrawal, interest again.

[Nemo]

If he's playing you, he'll come back. If this is the case, he's using the hook. Interest, withdrawal, interest again.

Can you withdraw your interest without having made a deposit first?

 

Never underestimate a guy's ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

[Trialbyfire]

Can you withdraw your interest without having made a deposit first?

 

Never underestimate a guy's ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Technology has greatly improved. You can almost do anythin you want.

 

You can be interested but not invested. Once investment starts, it's a tad more difficult.

[McLovely]

I tend to look at the most positive reasons, rather than cr@p like he's a player, used you for a cheap feel, ego boost, etc.

 

I got over those assumptions several years ago. Age does that.

 

I suppose if I was to look at the situation without bias (as much as that is possible) I might lean to the conclusion that while he may have been attracted to me, we are in somewhat different places in our lives. He is a bit on the rebound and admittedly carries around some baggage, while I've been free of that for some time.

 

Perhaps he reflected on that and decided not to pursue, because I was not shy about letting him know that he needs to rid himself of the luggage before he's ready for a relationship. However, I am a very direct person and do appreciate the direct approach in return.

[McLovely]

If he's playing you, he'll come back. If this is the case, he's using the hook. Interest, withdrawal, interest again.

 

Well, if that is his intention, then he will not find me responsive to that. I don't play games. Very done with that. I am of the mind that there are no second chances when it comes to initiating relationships. You snooze you lose.

[Nemo]

, because I was not shy about letting him know that he needs to rid himself of the luggage before he's ready for a relationship.

Just how much junk is he packing?

[McLovely]

Just how much junk is he packing?

A 24" carry-on AND a garment bag.

[Trialbyfire]

Well, if that is his intention, then he will not find me responsive to that. I don't play games. Very done with that. I am of the mind that there are no second chances when it comes to initiating relationships. You snooze you lose.

If he is playing you, when he comes back it will be a harder press until he's convinced he's got you hooked, then he'll withdraw again. Each time he does this, he sets the hook deeper.

[LoveDeluxe78]

Well, if that is his intention, then he will not find me responsive to that. I don't play games. Very done with that. I am of the mind that there are no second chances when it comes to initiating relationships. You snooze you lose.

 

Amen to that!!!!

[McLovely]

If he is playing you, when he comes back it will be a harder press until he's convinced he's got you hooked, then he'll withdraw again. Each time he does this, he sets the hook deeper.

 

Then it is a good thing that I have a thick skin.

[Nemo]

A 24" carry-on AND a garment bag.

No wonder you're so deflated. My best thoughts are with you.

[Trialbyfire]

Then it is a good thing that I have a thick skin.

You go!

 

While players can be fun to play with, a game of catch and release is about as far as it's worth taking!

 

Remember, he's got you thinking about him, hasn't he?

[Nemo]

While players can be fun to play with, a game of catch and release is about as far as it's worth taking!

The release can feel really good. If you time it just right, you can both get off at the same time.

[McLovely]

Still nothing. Misleading jerk.

[carhill]

Lotsa fish in sea. Chum a bit

[onmyownagain]

I had a date with a woman I met online a couple of weeks ago. We met up in a pub and seems to really get on, she told me she wanted to meet up again etc.

 

We parted and she texted to say she had a really nice time and couldn't wait until next time.

 

I texted her a few days later, nothing....

 

Haven't dated for years until now, find this sort of thing very strange. If I didn't like the person I think I would have been honest with them.

[gummybear]

While I suck at being in relationships, I ironically have the dating thing down pretty well I think.

 

Questoins:

1. Does he look at you like he really really wants you but he has to hold himself back because you two are just dating?

2. When he hugs or kisses you, do you feel him holding you closely like he doesn't want to let you go? Not sexually, but more romantically that is

3. Does he look into your eyes and smile at you like you are the most beatiful woman in the world to him?

 

Unless you answer yes to at least 2 of the questions, he may just not be that into you. In that case, don't take it personally because you can't expect em all to be into you. When I don't find those 3 things above present after the first date, I might give it maybe one more date, and if it's still no, I cut them off.

 

When a guy is into you, it should be obvious. And they probably wouldn't want to date anyone else while dating you for fear that you might find out and they'd lose you. Based on my own past experiences that is....

[gummybear]

I had a date with a woman I met online a couple of weeks ago. We met up in a pub and seems to really get on, she told me she wanted to meet up again etc.

 

We parted and she texted to say she had a really nice time and couldn't wait until next time.

 

I texted her a few days later, nothing....

 

Haven't dated for years until now, find this sort of thing very strange. If I didn't like the person I think I would have been honest with them.

 

either she wasnt that into you, or she didn't like the fact that you waited a few days to contact her and it was only via texting (as opposed to calling). I myself dated a guy who only would call/txt once every 2-3 days even when we were serious, and it drove me nuts. I will most likely avoid guys like that in the future.

[bones1]

Well, if you met online, usually those are much lower quality meets.

 

Many men and women are in a way, almost addicted to online dating, in that they constantly meet more and more and more people.

 

In the old days, you might approach one woman a week, or month, and if she had half of what you were seeking, you would be ecstatic. Now, people can go home, log on, and contact 50 women a night.

 

So, thats why I always feel a sigh of relief when I meet a woman who does not online date.

[xpaperxcutx]

Well, if you met online, usually those are much lower quality meets.

 

Many men and women are in a way, almost addicted to online dating, in that they constantly meet more and more and more people.

 

In the old days, you might approach one woman a week, or month, and if she had half of what you were seeking, you would be ecstatic. Now, people can go home, log on, and contact 50 women a night.

 

So, thats why I always feel a sigh of relief when I meet a woman who does not online date.

 

So true... instead of a hook up once a month or so... they can just hook up with a different girl every night, because it's that convenient.

[bones1]

And I don't think it being people any closer to meeting a better fit, it just plants the seed in the back of your mind that there are MILLIONS at your fingertips. Which makes many people less apt to stay with one.

 

I think if you meet people online you have to realize the vast majority might just disappear, and it isn't your fault.

 

Its like being in a candy store. You might love Dove dark chocolate, but since your options are so many, you will sample others. Where as people not in a candy store would be very content just to stay with the Doves dark chocolate, and be very content.