29 years?????

[pelicanpreacher]

Unfortunatly the way the economy is today I do have to go to work whether I would like to or not....matter of fact I am sicker then a dog right now but do not have any choice but to be here.

I have many relatives and friends that support me and probably wouldn't have made it this far without them.

Making decisions right now just is not the priority on my list and find it difficult to have to make them. I do not know why I find it easy to confide in strangers with my problems, maybe I don't feel quite so alone knowing there are so many people out there having the same issues as I.

My husband is now talking about counseling but I can't help wonder why now and not when I suggested some time ago....is it because it's now his idea? Or does it buy him time? I hate thinking this way...but being as niave as I am I really don't want to keep getting burned!

Still confused....just taking everyday as good as I can.

 

I would suggest that you counter his offer by telling him to go to individual counselling and that you will take a "wait and see" stance on what you'll decide to do from there! If he comes back with the same old "rattle and hum" in response then you'll know that this is just another manipulative attempt on his part to control you.

[PWSX3]

My husband is now talking about counseling but I can't help wonder why now and not when I suggested some time ago....is it because it's now his idea? Or does it buy him time? I hate thinking this way...but being as naive as I am I really don't want to keep getting burned!

Still confused....just taking everyday as good as I can.

Have you seen any changes in him?

 

Has he given you any suggestions except to say; lets go to counseling?

 

The first time when my W told me she was going to leave I suggested we go to counseling. She said; if you want to try that then you find us a counselor so I did.

 

I started reading books, which if you knew me that is something "I" DO NOT do.

I found this great web site & started to try & learn, but for some reason I have a thick head & it takes a while for it to sink in.

 

It doesn't matter who's idea it is as long as it is an honest attempt to work on the marriage.

 

I also feel a person needs to do everything they can to save the marriage so then if it doesn't work you can walk away from it saying; I did everything I could have done.

 

If you didn't/don't do the counseling then down the road would that make you say; what if we would have?

[Geishawhelk]

Yes, I was going to say much the same thing as PWSX3. And don't think for one moment that his manipulative, 'turning everything on you' will work, in that scenario. Counsellors are trained people, and can spot denial and control issues a mile off. He might try all he likes to put it on to you, but they'll see right through him. Counselling isn't about blame, it's not about judging, it's not about who's wrong or right.

It's not even about keeping you two together, if it seems the best thing is to be apart.

Counselling is about ironing out the creases, and gaining mutually acceptable closure. Not always possible, but better than the alternative......

And you really do need to talk to a professional about your own problems. Don't dismiss it out of hand.

That, after all, is why you came here, isn't it?

 

Oh, by the way......

 

28 years.

I ended it.

I'm 52, and have never been happier.

[stuckinoz]

Cheetah...... my heart goes out to you.

When I saw the title of this thread "29 years???" I knew I had to read it.

My husband & I have been married 28 years.

Your H sounds somewhat like mine....manipulative & turning things around to make them your fault....

We did see a counselor - Together & separately. But not until we stopped seeing her did I understand that she completely dodged our entire issue. So, I suggest, be careful who you choose IF you decide to go thru with this.

AND What is it about older men & younger women (I assume the employee was younger than you) This just does not fit in my brain. I don't think most of them really WANT someone younger. They just want to toy with the idea....think that MAYBE they "Still Got It".

My husband too is having his ego stroked by another. BUT, does not want for us to be apart. (eyes rolling)...GO Figure!!!!!

 

Economy right now I know is a HUGE deciding factor for people in our situation. I have read the divorce rate is down because of this. I for one did move out on my own - I can take care of myself (for now) - but the security of the future.....well, none of us can predict that.

 

I did go back to him after being gone - things are NO better than they were.

 

I say all of this to really say ..... be careful, trust your heart & your head, & go with your gut feelings!!! Good Luck To You!