Housemate woes..

[FKM_1]

Hi all,

 

Been lurking here for a while and the advice given always seems to be rather good, so I thought I'd see if anyone can help me with a particularly tricky situation..

 

I've known this girl now for over five years, we became really good friends at uni and we have an awful lot in common, and we're both part of a really close-knit group of friends who see each other regularly. I didn't really have any sexual or loving feelings for her at all throughout uni but after I left and went back to see those still around, they began developing. There's no real 'history' between us except for one (very) drunken night in the second year (3 years ago) when she told me she may find it hard to live with me because of 'boy girl feelings'. I mentioned something ridiculous and drunken about 'having sex to get it out the way' and she oddly seemed to think it was a good idea! I got a bit more out of control and tried to kiss her, but it wasn't at all reciprocated and I had to apologise the next day, though she was absolutely fine about it all and it seemed to have no effect on our friendship.

 

After I left uni I moved in with two other mutual friends outside the group and in that time I went back to uni to visit her and my other friends who were still there, which is when I started to have feelings for her. I completely dismissed them as just a crush, and often I'd change my mind rather sharply about whether or not what I was feeling was genuine and indeed whether I felt anything for her at all.

 

Fast forward two years and because she came to work where I do and I was looking for a new place to live, we decided to move in together with another mutual friend. I didn't forsee that any feelings I had for her would be a problem however after two months, it's becoming more obvious to me that there's definitely something there. The two major things that bother me is that I don't clearly know what she feels about the situation and also, if anything was to happen what effect it would have on our friendship and those around us. Another problem was that she had a one night stand with a guy she met out (which was very much out of character for her) and I became, dare I say it, really jealous, although of course I've kept this well and truly to myself.

 

A bit of background on me; I'm 25 (as is she) and a reasonably good looking guy with an average history of girlfriends and sexual experience, though one of my biggest problems is getting too involved with girls that show interest. I can't work out if what I'm feeling is genuine, or because of that one night three years ago when we discussed how we felt and she admitted she might like me, whether or not I'm worried that I see her as a safety net that could be taken away. I do find her physically attractive and we have an awful lot in common and share a sense of humour, but because I didn't feel anything for her for such an amount of time at uni, I'm worried that it's something else playing with my emotions.

 

She's the kind of girl that I could talk to about anything and I'm almost sure a conversation about this would be fine, however for obvious reasons it seems like a real minefield and could really be problematic not just for me or her, or for those around us. My other idea was to speak to one of our mutual friends (another girl), but I don't want to create an aura of secrecy around our friendship group.

 

Any advice would be hugely appreciated! Thanks ever so much