Strip Club

July 17, 2008

Yes, we're still married.

I don't feel like I can trust him, and am constantly worrying about what he might do. It is honestly destroying me.

I feel the same way too and it is stressful. I have alot of migranes and this kind of stress triggers them often.

July 17, 2008

One last thing....DON'T LET HIM WALK ALL OVER YOU.....treat him like an adult, (an adult with issues) but like you would any other person you know who drinks / smokes dope.....

What do you mean? If I let him do what ever he wants, etc. then he is walking all over me, not respecting me.

July 17, 2008

What do you mean? If I let him do what ever he wants, etc. then he is walking all over me, not respecting me.

You're not respecting him either when you try to control his life and actions.

This is the worst thing Mrs. Moose will now confess to anyone that she tried to do and failed miserably at....all it did was feed the need for me to rebel even more....

July 17, 2008

What do you mean? If I let him do what ever he wants, etc. then he is walking all over me, not respecting me.

Another way to put it would be... Don't let him cast you in the role of Mommy. He's not some teenaged boy who needs to sneak behind Mama's back in order to have some fun. He's a grown man, one who makes his own decisions. It's a mistake to allow him to cast you in the role of authoritarian, the one who spoils all his fun.

So... what it boils down to is that there are some things you can live with and some you can't. Same as HE gets to make choices for himself, so do you. IF, by his actions, his behavior is consistently outside the parameters of what you can tolerate.... then hey, he made his choices, it's your turn to make yours.

You can't control other people. It always breeds hard feelings. All you can do is decide if they're acceptable to you or not.

July 17, 2008

I am really trying to work on this and I appreciate all the advice I am receiving. I asked if he would consider counseling and he said no. I asked once again and he said "if you think it will help".

July 17, 2008

I usually agree with the honering the vows thing, but when a person is bieng treated like crap in a marriage, then it's time to leave.

I actually believe its time for real communication and perhaps counseling? Def marriage counseling.

July 17, 2008

I am really trying to work on this and I appreciate all the advice I am receiving. I asked if he would consider counseling and he said no. I asked once again and he said "if you think it will help".

Well, if he agrees to go now, give it a try. If he doesn't make any effort while in counseling, then leave. Simple as that.

July 17, 2008

You're not respecting him either when you try to control his life and actions.

This is the worst thing Mrs. Moose will now confess to anyone that she tried to do and failed miserably at....all it did was feed the need for me to rebel even more....

I've flat out told my husband that I have nothing more to say to him concerning our issues. I'll honor my vows because he refuses to consider opening our marriage. I'll remain sexually faithful, I'll go to work, come home, eat, go to sleep, rinse and repeat. He can gorge himself on porn, he can openly ogle and stare at young women in the streets but he'll do it alone because I'm no longer interested in being humilated.

Guess what? that's not good enough, he's unhappy, I need to "smile, act happy"

July 17, 2008

Guess what? that's not good enough, he's unhappy, I need to "smile, act happy"

That's the whole point. You're showing him that his way isn't THE way either.....keep up the good work!

July 17, 2008

I think there a real difference between trying to impose limits on one's fiancee (No, you can't go to strip clubs! No, you can smoke weed!) and trying to decide if we want to be married to them based on the limits they impose on themselves. You're not in charge of trying to police his behavior, your only responsibility is being honest in your own reaction to it...

Mr. Lucky

July 18, 2008

That's the whole point. You're showing him that his way isn't THE way either.....keep up the good work!

What I'm showing him is that the marriage is dead in the water, after the things he's said to me the thought of him seeing me nude or touching me makes me want to retch. What needs to happen now is some sort of agreement as to how we will conduct the remainder of our lives.

I'm not interested in doing things with him, I have no interest in talking with him beyond superfical aspects of daily life. We need to find a way to co-exist in the same house peacefully while developing our own lives independent of each other, as far as I'm concerned we live in different zip codes mentally.

July 18, 2008

What I'm showing him is that the marriage is dead in the water, after the things he's said to me the thought of him seeing me nude or touching me makes me want to retch. What needs to happen now is some sort of agreement as to how we will conduct the remainder of our lives.

I'm not interested in doing things with him, I have no interest in talking with him beyond superfical aspects of daily life. We need to find a way to co-exist in the same house peacefully while developing our own lives independent of each other, as far as I'm concerned we live in different zip codes mentally.

This sounds incredubely lonely to me. This doesn't sound like a life at all. You could exist for years and years like this and each year that passes, a bit of your life will pass to. You've only have one life. Why do you want to spend it in a hollow, loveless marriage? Vows are fine when you are with someone who respects and honers you, but in this situation, he sounds like he's already broken one (to cherish you). The marriage sounds like a death trap. Why not get out and live?

July 18, 2008

I've got a different point of view here and if anyone has noticed my posts I'm pretty conservative about relationship issues.

But...COME ON PEOPLE! It's just a freakin strip club!! Is there a backstory here? I can't believe everyone jumping in and saying "drop this ********* he's a worthless jerk!" Seriously???

Strips clubs are nothing special. If the guys want to drag you along to the strip club and you go for a while, what's the big deal? Strip clubs aren't about getting all horny and fantasizing about the girls for the rest of your life. It's just a different thing to do with a bunch of friends once in a blue moon. It's more about drinking beer, hanging with your friends and laughing a bunch. It's not a bunch of horny wolves salivating and rubbing themselves.

Now I can see the problem if your SO starts spending lots of money and going all the time...that would be unhealthy.

But geez what's the big damned deal here?

Divorce over a strip club? WTF?

July 18, 2008

It's more about drinking beer, hanging with your friends and laughing a bunch. It's not a bunch of horny wolves salivating and rubbing themselves.

Then why not go to a sports bar then?

July 18, 2008

I've got a different point of view here and if anyone has noticed my posts I'm pretty conservative about relationship issues.

But...COME ON PEOPLE! It's just a freakin strip club!! Is there a backstory here? I can't believe everyone jumping in and saying "drop this ********* he's a worthless jerk!" Seriously???

Strips clubs are nothing special. If the guys want to drag you along to the strip club and you go for a while, what's the big deal? Strip clubs aren't about getting all horny and fantasizing about the girls for the rest of your life. It's just a different thing to do with a bunch of friends once in a blue moon. It's more about drinking beer, hanging with your friends and laughing a bunch. It's not a bunch of horny wolves salivating and rubbing themselves.

Now I can see the problem if your SO starts spending lots of money and going all the time...that would be unhealthy.

But geez what's the big damned deal here?

Divorce over a strip club? WTF?

You haven't been reading all the post, have you? This is about more than a strip club.

By the way, if strip clubs aren't that big of a deal, then why is your post so emotionally intense?

July 18, 2008

I've got a different point of view here and if anyone has noticed my posts I'm pretty conservative about relationship issues.

But...COME ON PEOPLE! It's just a freakin strip club!! Is there a backstory here? I can't believe everyone jumping in and saying "drop this ********* he's a worthless jerk!" Seriously???

Strips clubs are nothing special. If the guys want to drag you along to the strip club and you go for a while, what's the big deal? Strip clubs aren't about getting all horny and fantasizing about the girls for the rest of your life. It's just a different thing to do with a bunch of friends once in a blue moon. It's more about drinking beer, hanging with your friends and laughing a bunch. It's not a bunch of horny wolves salivating and rubbing themselves.

Now I can see the problem if your SO starts spending lots of money and going all the time...that would be unhealthy.

But geez what's the big damned deal here?

Divorce over a strip club? WTF?

Apparently you have not read the whole thread. It is more than just a strip club. That was just the tip of the iceburg.

July 18, 2008

I wrote him a letter yesterday. I cooked dinner and gave it to him afterwards. The letter basically said how much I loved him and that I was giving this relationship all I had and I would continue to. I explained how the vows that we took mean something to me. I told him how it feels as if he doesn't care anymore and that basically the ball was in his court. I will continue to give it my all.

When I was getting ready to go to bed, he stood up and said he was really going to try to make "us" work. And he was going to try to be better.

I'm hopeful at this point.

July 18, 2008

You guys got cheating problems!!!

Stripping is pretty much cheating in my book! And what else has he lied about!?! Hmmmm?

you both better get some counseling because there are obvious some trust issues floating around!

if he was just looking at a strip club, he probably would tell ya! but i bet he is getting some lap dances and maybe MORE!!!

and him accusing you of cheating?! thats projecting in my book!

July 18, 2008

Going to a strip club is not that bad. Lying to you after you asked hurts and destroys trust. I see so many people in this forum saying get rid of that loser etc. etc. Posters need to remind themselves that the forum is one sided. You both need marriage counseling. I am sure you say hurtful things to him too. He's not the only one projecting anger I am sure.

Women and men are completely different when it comes to sex. Men need women to have copius amounts of sex to feel love and women need to feel love to have copius amounts of sex (in marriage). So you are both projecting negative to one another right now. He's resenting you for not making him feel like a man and you are resenting him from not appreciating you and making you feel special.

Both of you need to stop cold turkey with the BS and have a nice night out and a nice night in the bedroom. Simple as that. For all you posters saying dump that loser, go have a look in the mirror. If there is no infidelity or physical abuse, the marriage is very salvageable.

cyabye

P.S. He is going to a strip club because you are NOT handling your business at home. Now climb on that pole.

July 18, 2008

P.S. He is going to a strip club because you are NOT handling your business at home. Now climb on that pole.

Actually, he was going to a strip club because HE wasn't handling his business at home. I love how it's the guy that goes to the strip club and the woman that gets told it's what she did that made him do it.

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When I do ask him to do something he says i'm nagging and bitching at him. He blames me for the way he acts. "If you wern't such a bitch I wouldn't ________" (insert what ever fits at the time)

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