Would You Date a Girl with a family like mine??

[Tabatha]

Okay, I just want to know.

I've thought about my "boyfriend" and how he's stuck through everything with me. After I've been documenting and looking over all the events that have happened between myself and my family, it hit me that he put up with alot.

 

• Cops have been called many times.
  
• My family (the majority being my uncle, mom and cousin) threatining my boyfriends life.
  
• Whenever he is on the phone with me, they listen in, and he knows it. If he tries to say something, he gets cussed at to no end.
  
• They think that violence is the key to solve problems, and are not afraid of the law.
  

We try to seperate our problems in the relationship, from the problems with my family. But sometimes, it's inevitable when we fight because of them. I'm embarrassed to go around his family, and his friends because they know how they are and have acted.

 

So would you turn away...or would you stick it out because I am ME, and not my family?

[Tabatha]

If you want to know more...look up my old posts. They might be helpful in understanding what I'm talking about.

 

If he's ignored what his family and friends have said, about staying away from me, what does that mean about how he feels?

[Green]

if the sex was good and I saw a future end to the madness I would date you

[trubella]

how about getting a cellphone. if i was a guy probably not.

[D-Lish]

Yeah girl, I would... (reversing gender roles).

But I would just stay clear of the family.

[Tabatha]

if the sex was good and I saw a future end to the madness I would date you

there looks as now, no ending insight to the madness unfortunately. When I move out on my own....then it will end.

 

how about getting a cellphone. if i was a guy probably not.

There are a lot of things on my list to get. Cell phone, Car, and a place of my own. Job and money come before that. I need to stop waiting on my work to call me back. They probably got a new server and didnt need me. I need to go job hunting, like..tomorrow.

 

Yeah girl, I would... (reversing gender roles).

But I would just stay clear of the family.

Best thing to do. But I'm stuck here

[D-Lish]

there looks as now, no ending insight to the madness unfortunately. When I move out on my own....then it will end.

 

 

There are a lot of things on my list to get. Cell phone, Car, and a place of my own. Job and money come before that. I need to stop waiting on my work to call me back. They probably got a new server and didnt need me. I need to go job hunting, like..tomorrow.

 

 

Best thing to do. But I'm stuck here

 

So- you just visit your man away from your house and family.

 

Don't get me wrong- a family CAN ruin relationships. Geesh- my ex husband had this weird "Leave it to Beaver" psycho dysfunctional family that appeared all upstanding on the outside- but had these wicked crazy issues behind closed doors. His fam and their issues did end up ruining our marriage.

 

You have to reduce it to the fact that your dude is dating you- and not your family. if they are causing problems- just start seeing your guy away from the family. When you are in a position to leave your situation- do so.

 

When you mention that your family sees violence as a means to an end, I get a bit worried. But it sounds like you want to stand out from that crowd and forge your own path- which is highly recommendable.

 

You've obviously met with some positive influences along the way that have helped you to see something different... that's great- and that is most likely why most good guys would stick around.

[JustinWolf]

I would date you because I know how you are and I sort of understand you. If you're living alone, even better ^^

 

You like someone for who they are, yea family plays a part but eventually a distance creates itself from the family and you start your own, keeping that in mind you get to be stronger.

[Keridan]

How long have you been with this guy? It makes a difference. Maybe you could shack up with him at his place or something?

[Tabatha]

So- you just visit your man away from your house and family.

 

Don't get me wrong- a family CAN ruin relationships. Geesh- my ex husband had this weird "Leave it to Beaver" psycho dysfunctional family that appeared all upstanding on the outside- but had these wicked crazy issues behind closed doors. His fam and their issues did end up ruining our marriage.

 

You have to reduce it to the fact that your dude is dating you- and not your family. if they are causing problems- just start seeing your guy away from the family. When you are in a position to leave your situation- do so.

 

When you mention that your family sees violence as a means to an end, I get a bit worried. But it sounds like you want to stand out from that crowd and forge your own path- which is highly recommendable.

 

You've obviously met with some positive influences along the way that have helped you to see something different... that's great- and that is most likely why most good guys would stick around.

 

They've put loads of stress on us. I keep reminding myself, and he does himself, and we both remind each other, that WE are dating US, not my family.

 

 

I dislike violence. My mom has been hit in her marriages. My aunts have been hit in theirs. My Uncle has been in and out of jail for most of his life and has several felonies for drugs and agrivated assalts. My cousin has been to jail for assalting people a few times,and he's only 22. I don't want to ever end up like them, so I am so Happy I have had people along the way, open my eyes and tell me I can be so much better than them.

 

He's not welcome around my family. He hasn't even stepped foot in my house since we began dating in Nov. 2007. I always go out with him to his house, to his friends, and his family. It's just they always seem to reach him even if he's not around, either it be by phone or passing on the street.

 

The cousin who is 22, saw me walking down a street next to our street (I was walking down the road the be picked up by my boyfriend and his friend)(He(cousin) lives 13 houses down from me), turned around real quick drove past me, went up the street, when he saw my boyfriend driving towards me, turned around again, I got in the car fast, and my cousin drove up beside my boyfriend on the WRONG side of the road, and cornered us at the stop sign. Everytime my boyfriend inched closer to the stop sign, my cousin would hit the gas and do the same. He almost hit us. The only option was for my boyfriend to make a right and drive towards my cousins house, and my cousin road right up on his ass the whole way until he (my cousin) reached his driveway, and it stopped. This was just Yesterday.

[Tabatha]

I would date you because I know how you are and I sort of understand you. If you're living alone, even better ^^

 

You like someone for who they are, yea family plays a part but eventually a distance creates itself from the family and you start your own, keeping that in mind you get to be stronger.

 

Distance is my goal. I want to be different then them. I don't want to make the same mistakes.

 

How long have you been with this guy? It makes a difference. Maybe you could shack up with him at his place or something?

 

8 months, yesterday. He doesn't have a place of his own, because he still lives at home. So I'm in a tough situation. His parents let me stay a week when my mom and I got into a fight back in March. But, I knew it wouldn't last for long, so I made amends with my mom, but it didn't last. She still treats me the same. Still stuck here.

[Keridan]

Is there any hope of pooling money and getting a place together? 8 months is kinda early for that, but it sounds like he is a good guy and you really like him. The home situation is very unacceptable. Btw, how old are ya?

[Tabatha]

I'm 20. Once we both get financially stable, I'm sure there will be away to get a place together. I'm thinking of finding someone to live with and pay them $500 a month for a room.

[trubella]

why do they hate him. hopefully they wont act on those threats they made.

[Keridan]

In GA, that seems slightly expensive, but not outrageous. Mind you I haven't been there in a couple years. I think that's a good idea. I'm sorry for your situation, but it sounds like the guy is doing his best.

 

Maybe set some goals. In 30 days I will either have a job or have applied to 100 places (sounds like a lot, but only a few a day). In 60 days I will have $X in the bank. In 90 days I will have ... You get the point. Make it a step-by-step deal and ask him to join you in the process. It might make things easier if you have a goal (and end to the situation) in sight.

[Tabatha]

why do they hate him. hopefully they wont act on those threats they made.

I don't know anymore. lol honestly. It's all just a mess. With my mom, she doesn't like him for who he is, for what he does, and she only met him once. She prejudged him before she met him. (He smokes sometimes). I don't think it's a big deal. I've accepted him for who he is. He's actually a great guy who treats me better than my family. If he could im sure he'll give me the moon, and tie a lasso around it lol (I'm sure you've seen it's a Wonderful Life:love:).

 

My cousin and Uncle don't like him because they don't like anyone who calls them out for what they are and think it's disrespectful for someone to stand up for themselves against them .

 

My sisters and brother....they just go with what everyone else says about him. Follow the leader....basically.

 

I hope they don't go through with their threats either. It scares me.

 

In GA, that seems slightly expensive, but not outrageous. Mind you I haven't been there in a couple years. I think that's a good idea. I'm sorry for your situation, but it sounds like the guy is doing his best.

 

Maybe set some goals. In 30 days I will either have a job or have applied to 100 places (sounds like a lot, but only a few a day). In 60 days I will have $X in the bank. In 90 days I will have ... You get the point. Make it a step-by-step deal and ask him to join you in the process. It might make things easier if you have a goal (and end to the situation) in sight.

 

Nice plan idea, and I can definately work with it.

That's a very good idea!

[Keridan]

I wish you all the luck in the world! I'm sure you will work things out

 

Btw, I never answered the title of the thread. I have dated a woman with a family much like the one you describe. I personally didn't care all that much, but I'm kinda weird. Not much in the way of fear or resentment. I knew I cared about her and she cared about me. We did well and even ended up as friends when we broke up a couple years later (nothing at all to do with her family). I wasn't trying to play hero, but there was a period when I ended up answering her phone because she couldn't handle her family and I had no problem telling them off. I recorded their threats once or twice, but had no reason to do anything with it. (To be honest, I was kinda entertained by them)

[JustinWolf]

I believe that everything can be pushed aside when you care about someone so much. When you love someone it feels as if you could go against anything and when you let something passionate grow bigger then you have a chance to maybe say one day: I made the right choice, that's my woman. you know?

[MaxManwell]

Okay, I just want to know.

I've thought about my "boyfriend" and how he's stuck through everything with me. After I've been documenting and looking over all the events that have happened between myself and my family, it hit me that he put up with alot.

 

• Cops have been called many times.
  
• My family (the majority being my uncle, mom and cousin) threatining my boyfriends life.
  
• Whenever he is on the phone with me, they listen in, and he knows it. If he tries to say something, he gets cussed at to no end.
  
• They think that violence is the key to solve problems, and are not afraid of the law.
  

We try to seperate our problems in the relationship, from the problems with my family. But sometimes, it's inevitable when we fight because of them. I'm embarrassed to go around his family, and his friends because they know how they are and have acted.

 

So would you turn away...or would you stick it out because I am ME, and not my family?

 

Depends on how good looking you are and if you put out or if you are crazy like your family.

 

In itself not a exclusion criteria.

[mental_traveller]

I'd only date you if you excommunicated the problem members of your family, or moved away with me and didn't give them the address.

 

When you date someone, and they live with their family, then to some extent you are involved with their family too. Also for the longer-term, serious relationships often involve family getting involved. Few people have the desire or ability to cut their troublesome family members loose.

 

If I was in your shoes, I'd move away as soon as I could, and basically not talk to them again.

[Tabatha]

I wish you all the luck in the world! I'm sure you will work things out

 

Btw, I never answered the title of the thread. I have dated a woman with a family much like the one you describe. I personally didn't care all that much, but I'm kinda weird. Not much in the way of fear or resentment. I knew I cared about her and she cared about me. We did well and even ended up as friends when we broke up a couple years later (nothing at all to do with her family). I wasn't trying to play hero, but there was a period when I ended up answering her phone because she couldn't handle her family and I had no problem telling them off. I recorded their threats once or twice, but had no reason to do anything with it. (To be honest, I was kinda entertained by them)

 

Haha. I let my guy read this thread, and he agreed with you and said, sometimes my family are entertaining to him. He just laughs at their stupidity and immaturity. Thank You for the Luck, I'm going to need it!

 

I believe that everything can be pushed aside when you care about someone so much. When you love someone it feels as if you could go against anything and when you let something passionate grow bigger then you have a chance to maybe say one day: I made the right choice, that's my woman. you know?

 

That's why I never gave up. I knew how my family felt, but I don't want it to become a pattern where I let my family dictate who I date. And if I walked away from this one, I wouldve turned into a pattern. I see potential in this relationship, I'm not going to let it fade just because my mommy says to. I'm a grown girl. I can make my own mistakes, and learn from them. Something, she never let me do.

 

Depends on how good looking you are and if you put out or if you are crazy like your family.

 

In itself not a exclusion criteria.

 

• Well, I've been told I should Model.
  
• I recently decided not to "put out" any longer til I'm in a Commited Relationship. My boyfriend and I don't know what to call us. I still call him my bf, just because he doesn't care, and it's easier than saying ex, boyfriend, lover, friend or whatever he is!
  
• Im Not Crazy. I'm very shy. Quiet. Polite. Soft Spoken. No Profanity. Good Girl. Very nice.
  

I'd only date you if you excommunicated the problem members of your family, or moved away with me and didn't give them the address.

 

When you date someone, and they live with their family, then to some extent you are involved with their family too. Also for the longer-term, serious relationships often involve family getting involved. Few people have the desire or ability to cut their troublesome family members loose.

 

If I was in your shoes, I'd move away as soon as I could, and basically not talk to them again.

 

Yea, when I'm out, I figure I'm not going to associate myself with them. Might stop by for Turkey dinner and Christmas to catch up, but other than that, I am going to be like my Cousin. She's in College and has really nothing to do with my family except around holidays.