Could moving out be a good thing?

[Grrlish]

Need your input ASAP please!

 

I moved in with my boyfriend last Christmas (Dec 2007), after dating for 8 months. This was fast by some standards and not by others but I'll get to that.

 

We're both in our early 40s. We dated slowly for the first two months, and then we both had to give in because we were falling in love. Wefit very well together in many ways, including important things like general morality, views on 'right and wrong', politics, recreational activities, professional drive, and on. We were having some open conversation about getting married.

 

He asked me to move in about 3 months after we started dating, and a few more times after that. I declined. I hadn't lived with a man in about 20 years (not counting a retarded fling where a guy moved into my place and mooched off of me for a few months). I really did not want to just live with anyone. And more than ever, in the last couple of years, I became comfortable with the fact that I really do want to meet and marry my life partner.

 

Well, between both of our hectic work schedules, the fact that he is allergic to planning ahead, the fact that I was at his place about 75 percent of the time at night, and the fact that I spent 5 years (different relationship) living out of my gym bag and didn't want to do it anymore, I made the decision to move in with him.

 

I now believe it was a mistake to move in without being married. We should have been at the point of making the mental and emotional commitment of getting married before living in the same house.

 

It seems that once I moved in, the motivation to continue down the path of developing our relationship seemed to disappear...for him. He has done some really jerky things, started losing his temper at the drop of a hat (he is absolutely not physically violent but he snaps at me a lot and then gets himself all worked up into a frenzy), and a couple of weeks ago I discovered that he has been communicating with his ex-girlfriend for the last few months. I spoke to her directly and after 4 hours of conversation, I feel certain that he was not trying to see her or date her or anything. But you can imagine how this went over with me, considering that it was going on without my knowledge. I also get the feeling that even though she said that she is not interested in him, that she would still take him back.

 

So, he and I got into some stupid argument nearly a month ago, followed a few days later by him asking me to move out. We've been mostly avoiding each other at home for the last month. We haven't been anywhere or done anything together during this time. We've had a few relationship talks and gotten into a few arguments.

 

I have a lease in my hands, which I received today. I knew it was coming yesterday, and last night I completely broke down. I don't cry super easily, meaning if I'm crying, it's for real that I'm hurting, big time. I was absolutely sobbing. Somehow in there, I told him that this is not the way things were supposed to go for us; not even close. He became very upset as well. He held me and asked how in the world we got so messed up. We slept together all night, closer than in a long time.

 

This morning, I started thinking about packing my things and moving and started crying again. (Darn faucet.) He wrapped his arms around me and we exchanged a few thoughts about things. As he was getting ready to leave for a meeting, he asked what I was doing today. I reminded him that my lease should be coming via email. He asked if I thought they were going to rent the place to me and I said that I assumed so since they were sending me the lease. He said well, then the next question is: Do we go through with it? I didn't answer as he finished getting ready to leave for a meeting. He came back upstairs, kissed me on the forehead, and said that it seemed to him that we have some more talking to do; that he didn't know if I thought so but he should.

 

Things are such a mess that it seems that if there is a chance that we can repair things, I don't know if we can do it living under the same roof, day in and day out. I think that we both need to breathe and clear our heads. I also need to focus on getting my new business off the ground. I quit my job to work for myself and I haven't been able to focus on it at all with all of this going on at home.

 

But then again, aren't we supposed to be able to work through the hard times without physically separating?

 

Can we back up a little and perhaps not lose everything, and possibly even make things better?

 

I don't want to move out but I think that he needs to be ready for a bigger commitment or things will not get any better.

 

Input, please!