Do guys generally not like to date women who are virgins and are 20+?

[carhill]

And what did you find? lol

I found our psychologist is a pretty smart guy, just like I am

 

Nice sidestep

[lilac23]

I found our psychologist is a pretty smart guy, just like I am

 

Nice sidestep

lol

no seriously?

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I would love to date a woman who is a virgin and is 20 and above. My last love interest was 32 and she is a virgin (at least that is what she tells me). I admire a person with such devotion and am sad that I was not like that. I really wanted my wife to be the one who had the honor of my virginity.

 

 

DNR

[miss_28]

unfortunately, there are stigmas and rules and preconceived ideas of what everyone's sexuality should be... but you sexuality is your own, no matter what anyone thinks. Sex is all about being comfortable with yourself and with your partner... the physical act is not the big deal - the state of mind is. If your a strong-willed, strong-minded person, with confidence and self-esteem, who gives a crap what any of us think? Some people think that the ones who sleep around have serious emotional damage and are likely to leave you because they are bored... is this true? Some think that virgins will immediately worship the ground you walk on once they take that virginity away and become pains... is that true? Personally, I prefer less experience... simply because I don't trust people who've been around...

 

All i can say is IMHO, if you walk into it knowing what you want and what you feel, you'll be ok... personally, i loved my experience, no regrets even though I'm not with that person now. I didn't become clingy or needed... it was just a part of the relationship for us. And he knew. His first reaction when I told him was shock and concern... "what if we do it and you fall in love with me and i hurt you?". I told him you know what, if its a problem, its your problem... i'm a grown up, if i make the decision, its my decision, not yours... so you chose if you want to leave or not". He stayed... and he had no regrets. so don't worry about it too much and just go with the flow...

[lilac23]

 

All i can say is IMHO, if you walk into it knowing what you want and what you feel, you'll be ok... personally, i loved my experience, no regrets even though I'm not with that person now. I didn't become clingy or needed... it was just a part of the relationship for us. And he knew. His first reaction when I told him was shock and concern... "what if we do it and you fall in love with me and i hurt you?". I told him you know what, if its a problem, its your problem... i'm a grown up, if i make the decision, its my decision, not yours... so you chose if you want to leave or not". He stayed... and he had no regrets. so don't worry about it too much and just go with the flow...

did he ask you anything about why you were still a virgin?

[lilac23]

wow. I'm really surprised by that. Maybe it's a cultural difference, between the UK and the US? I really don't know.

 

I really don't know, perhaps it is.

[christian6]

 

All i can say is IMHO, if you walk into it knowing what you want and what you feel, you'll be ok... personally, i loved my experience, no regrets even though I'm not with that person now. I didn't become clingy or needed... it was just a part of the relationship for us. And he knew. His first reaction when I told him was shock and concern... "what if we do it and you fall in love with me and i hurt you?". I told him you know what, if its a problem, its your problem... i'm a grown up, if i make the decision, its my decision, not yours... so you chose if you want to leave or not". He stayed... and he had no regrets. so don't worry about it too much and just go with the flow...

that's great. I suppose a lot of guys just find it stressful.

[miss_28]

did he ask you anything about why you were still a virgin?

 

 

absolutely... he thought it was weird... he thought only unattractive/religious/clingy people were virgins... he asked me why and i told him that it simply didn't happen for me... usually because most of the guys i know wanted to sleep around or wanted one night stands. I just was never one that felt the need to do what others were doing, so i just studied, got my life together first, then started to see what was out there first before making a choice out of needing to fit in. I'm not a prude, just like to shop around before i choose a mate. And i didn't feel it was necessary for me to sleep around to find what i wanted. plain and simple for me... he actually admired and respected that... plus is was a contrast to his ex...

 

Now, don't get me wrong... i'd be lying if i said i didn't on many occasions think i was a freak, or question if i was frigid, or scared, or all those things you may be doing... and i met a lot of guys who got turned off by the fact that i had no experience, this day and age, that's the way people have been conditioned to think... that everyone has to fit into a certain mold. And a lot of my friends were very promiscuous, one of my friends was even a porn actor... but because they kinda saw where i was coming from and because i never tried to impose my preferences on them or tried to make them feel out of place, they were cool with it. but yeah, there are a lot of close-minded people (girls and guys) who think their sexuality is the way everyone's should be.

 

My point is, try not to stress over it... things are fine if you can find it in yourself to be fine with it. And really, sex already is too big a deal... and for the wrong reasons. Just enjoy yourself, and if you meet someone that you feel your ready for, great. And being ready can mean different things, either love, lust or whatever. Just don't stress over it.

 

hope it helps.

[miss_28]

that's great. I suppose a lot of guys just find it stressful.

 

yes. a lot of guys do find it stressful... and its a shame to be stressed over a detail that may have no bearing on the relationship. Maybe people focus on the wrong things when they get involved in relationships... but it can't be helped, only overcome guess.

[lilac23]

 

Now, don't get me wrong... i'd be lying if i said i didn't on many occasions think i was a freak, or question if i was frigid, or scared, or all those things you may be doing... and i met a lot of guys who got turned off by the fact that i had no experience, this day and age, that's the way people have been conditioned to think... that everyone has to fit into a certain mold. And a lot of my friends were very promiscuous, one of my friends was even a porn actor... but because they kinda saw where i was coming from and because i never tried to impose my preferences on them or tried to make them feel out of place, they were cool with it. but yeah, there are a lot of close-minded people (girls and guys) who think their sexuality is the way everyone's should be.

 

 

did anyone break up with you over it though?

[Dark-N-Romantic]

What a lot of people fail to realize is that we carry each and everyone of our loves to the next relationship. So if that man or woman gives you mind blowing head and they are not a virgin, more than likely it was a skill they learned over many a try (unless they are naturally talented, which I was, but got better with other partners). I will always remember who did what to make me feel a certain way and sometimes wonder if a thing I learned should be done with my partner because I know so and so liked it. Some sex acts may not be preferred by your lover or spouse because someone else did it to them and it soured them to the activity and so an act that was really important to you is being denied to you because someone already been there and done that.

 

If a lot of people really were open and honest and allowed their partners to be open and honest about their past relationships... How many relationships would end or envy or disgust? How many women would stay with a guy who had at least 50 lovers? How many men would stay with a woman who did things worst than you see in porn? How many women would want to be with a man who has a bunch of kids and is neglecting them or who has to spend out a large amount to child support? How many men would really want to dip their stick into a woman who has had a history of STDs? These are the things we REALLY don't get out with our freedom to express our sexual natures. How many kids are being born to parents not ready? How many are being murdered in the womb? How many men and women are going through pain, heartache, and bitterness because a relationship they really thought was good and now realize all the sex they were giving up only meant the were a good distraction for a time? Or how many become emotionalless sex toys so they don't get hurt?

 

There is a lot that goes into sex and I really wish I had kept those things above in mind before I awakened myself inappropriately to my sexual side.

 

 

DNR

[miss_28]

did anyone break up with you over it though?

 

yes they did... absolutely. Some guys just don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't have experience... i guess they think someone with experience has something knew to teach them. or perhaps they like to be compared and told they are the greatest of all the former lovers... or perhaps they fear the "stage five" clingers (which is my favorite, because guys who quote from that movie don't get that the girl was "pretending" to be a virgin... and a stereotypic one at that). Guys also forget that they were virgins too at one point... lol... or maybe they remember it and how bad they may have been at it their first time. Maybe they figure they'll hurt you... either emotionally or physically... or they feel like they have to live up to something (pressure). Its sad really. But what can you do about it? All you can do is worry about yourself and how you feel about yourself. Which is why, i believe if a guy is going to dump you over his insecurities, then trust me, he's not for you. And if you feel insecure about yourself, that will only fuel his insecurities... (and if there is one thing i've learned, is that everyone already comes with latent insecurities... - no need to add more)...

 

but, not every guy will feel that way... you just gotta keep dating until you meet someone worthwhile.

[miss_28]

dnr... i agree with you completely... i was lucky, because i approached my sexuality as did other important parts of my life, its just the way i am... so i'm happy with what i ultimately chose.

 

Not all my friends ended up so lucky. some got stds, some have had terrible relationships (jealousy over a past lover), and some are my age with a kid or two and no way to make ends meet. One had an accident with a condom breaking, got pregnant and ended up in a coma because the fetus was growing in her fallopian tube... you name it. not everyone is so happy they have a lot of experience and vice versa.

 

i just have two motto in my life that i truly stick by... "be true to yourself"...

and "don't judge my decisions unless you let me judge your decisions".

[tanbark813]

yes they did... absolutely. Some guys just don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't have experience... i guess they think someone with experience has something knew to teach them. or perhaps they like to be compared and told they are the greatest of all the former lovers... or perhaps they fear the "stage five" clingers (which is my favorite, because guys who quote from that movie don't get that the girl was "pretending" to be a virgin... and a stereotypic one at that). Guys also forget that they were virgins too at one point... lol... or maybe they remember it and how bad they may have been at it their first time. Maybe they figure they'll hurt you... either emotionally or physically... or they feel like they have to live up to something (pressure). Its sad really. But what can you do about it? All you can do is worry about yourself and how you feel about yourself. Which is why, i believe if a guy is going to dump you over his insecurities, then trust me, he's not for you. And if you feel insecure about yourself, that will only fuel his insecurities... (and if there is one thing i've learned, is that everyone already comes with latent insecurities... - no need to add more)...

 

but, not every guy will feel that way... you just gotta keep dating until you meet someone worthwhile.

 

First off, guys do get that the "stage 5 clinger" girl in the movie was pretending to be a virgin. But it was a movie. She's not a real person. That reference is to make a point. You can use part of a movie without having to reference the entire thing.

 

Secondly, why is it that you automatically assign all these negative traits to men who prefer non-virgins? I gave a very valid reason earlier about why I would be hesitant about getting serious with a virgin and I notice you conveniently left that out. It also has nothing to do with insecurity. It seems like anytime a person is disagreed with, they blame the dissenting opinion on insecurity.

 

Finally, from you in an earlier post:

 

but yeah, there are a lot of close-minded people (girls and guys) who think their sexuality is the way everyone's should be.

 

Sounds like you should take your own advice. It's a little hypocritical to want your views to be accepted while not only not accepting others, but insulting them to boot.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Miss28 your previous comment about not wanting someone because of their lack of experience...

 

I really get hot when people say things like "Would you buy a car without test driving it?" or "What if they don't know what they are doing?" and all this other craziness to explain why people should have sex with people they are dating. I mean, first and foremost, comparing a person and an act such as sex to something as unrelated as a car is totally insulting. I mean, you can't get HIV/AIDS from driving a car. A car won't come looking for you 9 month's later trying to get you on Maury to prove you are the father or have you balling your eyes out because the guy was not the father after you acted the fool talking about some "I'm 1000% sure..."

 

I consider my partner and myself as clay when it comes to the whole of relationship. We take our time to sculpt each other in mind, body, and spirit as we create the master piece before our eyes. I treat her like a undiscovered land full of hidden treasures worth searching for. But, now if I change my partner, it would be like smashing the clay and having to start the whole process over again. Or having to deal with the frustration of uncovering the treasures of a new island and leaving another behind with the treasures exposed for others to plunder.

 

These are the reasons why I have sworn to a second virginhood. Why I am waiting to be married before I have sex again.

 

While I do age that whom ever you decide to give yourself to, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and in the right way. You stay strong and true to yourself and the right man will come along. Especially if he is anything like me, if he knows what a true treasure he has in you, he will gladly wait until the time is right because like one can't rush in cutting a precious gem for a collection, one should not rush the pleasure of one who is open to you mind, body, and spirit.

 

 

DNR

[miss_28]

First off, guys do get that the "stage 5 clinger" girl in the movie was pretending to be a virgin. But it was a movie. She's not a real person. That reference is to make a point. You can use part of a movie without having to reference the entire thing.

 

Secondly, why is it that you automatically assign all these negative traits to men who prefer non-virgins? I gave a very valid reason earlier about why I would be hesitant about getting serious with a virgin and I notice you conveniently left that out. It also has nothing to do with insecurity. It seems like anytime a person is disagreed with, they blame the dissenting opinion on insecurity.

 

Finally, from you in an earlier post:

 

 

 

Sounds like you should take your own advice. It's a little hypocritical to want your views to be accepted while not only not accepting others, but insulting them to boot.

 

 

dude... i'm sorry you think i was referring to you at all... i was about the movie, but not about the insecurity... lol... but maybe the fact that you feel that way says a lot.

 

And yeah, the movie is just a movie... that's my point. The actress was doing a stereotypic thing... that's what made her hilarious. That she was over the top.

 

Also, I have no problems with guys who like experienced girls... all i said is that they're not for me... just like i'm not for you... relax. But, just like you say "yeah, some virgins do get clingy"... yeah, "some guys are insecure". Did i say you are insecure? Did i attack you at all?

 

Let's just agree to disagree... you have your tastes, i have mine. its that easy guy.

 

i'm sorry if you got offended by anything i said, but i don't think you read my posts right.

[miss_28]

Miss28 your previous comment about not wanting someone because of their lack of experience...

 

I really get hot when people say things like "Would you buy a car without test driving it?" or "What if they don't know what they are doing?" and all this other craziness to explain why people should have sex with people they are dating. I mean, first and foremost, comparing a person and an act such as sex to something as unrelated as a car is totally insulting. I mean, you can't get HIV/AIDS from driving a car. A car won't come looking for you 9 month's later trying to get you on Maury to prove you are the father or have you balling your eyes out because the guy was not the father after you acted the fool talking about some "I'm 1000% sure..."

 

I consider my partner and myself as clay when it comes to the whole of relationship. We take our time to sculpt each other in mind, body, and spirit as we create the master piece before our eyes. I treat her like a undiscovered land full of hidden treasures worth searching for. But, now if I change my partner, it would be like smashing the clay and having to start the whole process over again. Or having to deal with the frustration of uncovering the treasures of a new island and leaving another behind with the treasures exposed for others to plunder.

 

These are the reasons why I have sworn to a second virginhood. Why I am waiting to be married before I have sex again.

 

While I do age that whom ever you decide to give yourself to, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and in the right way. You stay strong and true to yourself and the right man will come along. Especially if he is anything like me, if he knows what a true treasure he has in you, he will gladly wait until the time is right because like one can't rush in cutting a precious gem for a collection, one should not rush the pleasure of one who is open to you mind, body, and spirit.

 

 

DNR

 

I'm not sure what you mean... where did i say to test drive a person through sex? I thought i said that for me it was the opposite... that you should see if you and the person you are with are ready for a sexual relationship... before engaging in one... to see if you have enough in common to be on the same wavelength...

 

unless i misunderstood you... for which, if its the case, i apologize.

[lilac23]

yes they did... absolutely. Some guys just don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't have experience... i guess they think someone with experience has something knew to teach them.

yeah, I've been with a string of men who think like that, over the past few years, which is why I posted here.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I'm not sure what you mean... where did i say to test drive a person through sex? I thought i said that for me it was the opposite... that you should see if you and the person you are with are ready for a sexual relationship... before engaging in one... to see if you have enough in common to be on the same wavelength...

 

unless i misunderstood you... for which, if its the case, i apologize.

 

A little of it was a misunderstanding on both our thoughts. I did not mean to say you said that, but a previous statement you made reminded me of that statement about the test driving. And the fallacy was on my part, I thought you were a virgin waiting.

 

I from my experience understand why people wait until they are married. They are the wiser ones in my book.

 

 

DNR

[miss_28]

cheer up hon, you seem to be like me in that you gotta meet people and get to know them before you get intimate with them. And there's nothing wrong with that either.

[lilac23]

cheer up hon, you seem to be like me in that you gotta meet people and get to know them before you get intimate with them. And there's nothing wrong with that either.

lol, no just that I've had the same thing going again and again. And some of them said a lot of nasty things for god knows what reason.

Did the guy(s) who broke up with you over it tell you that they wanted experience, etc?

[miss_28]

A little of it was a misunderstanding on both our thoughts. I did not mean to say you said that, but a previous statement you made reminded me of that statement about the test driving. And the fallacy was on my part, I thought you were a virgin waiting.

 

I from my experience understand why people wait until they are married. They are the wiser ones in my book.

 

 

DNR

 

yeah... we both misunderstood... (i gotta start watching what i say...) lol... i don't think anyone should feel superior because they are or aren't virgins, is all i'm trying to say... and i know what you mean about the test driving statement... i've had that debate in real life and i don't think sleeping around means you're necessarily better equipped to pick a winner. so on that, we are in agreement.

[miss_28]

to lilac...

 

yep... lol... one guy told me that he wanted a girl who knew what she was doing... (I was 18 at the time)... he dumped me. Next week he found out he had crabs... lol... his ex gave it to him... guess i knew why he kept scratching his crotch...

 

another angel told me the same thing (we had been dating a week and i told him up front as he was being pushy). When i said a day later that maybe we weren't meant to be because we wanted different things, he told me... and i quote: "... you know, i could've f**ked you anytime i wanted, your just another c**t". (this floored me - he was a real jeckl and hyde) To which i replied "hmm... wow... didn't know i had no choice in the matter". And the list goes on. Not all guys are like this though, one told me that he felt more comfortable with a girl who had more his sexual tastes... that he really respected me and was sorry he couldn't get past that. I thought that was cool and we became the closest of friends... lol... he's really a great guy. To the ones who are nasty about it... they are the insecure ones.

[lilac23]

to lilac...

 

yep... lol... one guy told me that he wanted a girl who knew what she was doing... (I was 18 at the time)... he dumped me. Next week he found out he had crabs... lol... his ex gave it to him... guess i knew why he kept scratching his crotch...

 

another angel told me the same thing (we had been dating a week and i told him up front as he was being pushy). When i said a day later that maybe we weren't meant to be because we wanted different things, he told me... and i quote: "... you know, i could've f**ked you anytime i wanted, your just another c**t". (this floored me - he was a real jeckl and hyde) To which i replied "hmm... wow... didn't know i had no choice in the matter". And the list goes on. Not all guys are like this though, one told me that he felt more comfortable with a girl who had more his sexual tastes... that he really respected me and was sorry he couldn't get past that. I thought that was cool and we became the closest of friends... lol... he's really a great guy. To the ones who are nasty about it... they are the insecure ones.

oh dear, you seem to have had bad experiences with even more men than me! I had met several who thought it was weird and didn't want inexperienced women, but in particular 3 had been incredibly nasty.

Oh and there was one when I was around 17 who told me the same thing the guy told you when you were 18!

[miss_28]

oh dear, you seem to have had bad experiences with even more men than me! I had met several who thought it was weird and didn't want inexperienced women, but in particular 3 had been incredibly nasty.

Oh and there was one when I was around 17 who told me the same thing the guy told you when you were 18!

 

yes, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been had i slept with them then found out i'd been used... so even though they hurt my feelings and made me feel stupid at first, i'm very happy they showed their true colors before anyone got serious. and the guy i was with was wonderful... even though we broke up, (he left me), it wasn't because of sex... and that's important to me.