His wife is a ventilated quadriplegic.

[GPFan]

I bet the very person (TC) on this thread would see things completely differently if she were the W that's so afflicted.

Or if it were her Mother. I am assuming she loves her Mother of course, I could be very wrong.

 

 

 

It IS punishment to be married to someone like the poor woman in this situation. But people endure it out of guilt out of love out of a sense of duty.

 

 

 

He should be "honoured" to spend his days dying next to a woman who is practically dead?!?! I think you should look up the meaning of honour. If there is any hounour ito be GIVEN it should be to the caregivers (H included) in this situation who are giving everything to make sure this woman has the best days possible in her last days.

 

 

 

 

Yes it does depend on that. So if you are in a coma for 10 yrs you expect your H to basically stay faithful to you during that time? Wait don't answer that I know the answer.

 

Well go back and read the thread and see what my answer to that is if it were ME in the W's shoes.

Fascinating!

 

 

 

Stupidity follows me, but I run much faster...

You may wish to revisit this lovely signature for possible revision.

[noforgiveness]

It IS punishment to be married to someone like the poor woman in this situation. But people endure it out of guilt out of love out of a sense of duty.

 

 

 

 

It's obvious you have never been in love before. Real committed love.

[jj2007]

 

So you chill!

I suggest you take your own advice.

You just can't let anything go can you?

I don't know what is going on in your life, but IMO, it must not be too great because it projects into your posts. Why are you letting people on here get to you so much if everyone is so wrong? Why not ingnore it since you are so superior to us anyway?

[whichwayisup]

see what my answer to that is if it were ME in the W's shoes.

 

It's easy to say you know what you'd do in that situation, until you're in it. I "think" I know what I'd do in a situation like that - But god forbid it ever happens, who knows what I'd think.

 

It IS punishment to be married to someone like the poor woman in this situation. But people endure it out of guilt out of love out of a sense of duty.

 

As it should be. That is what committment is in a marriage. Even if the person doesn't like it, it's part of the responsibility of marriage. When someone has a child who's been hurt, it's the parents responsibility to be there and do everything necessary to help, to love, to support. If a parent was ill, the children would be there as well etc..

[Lizzie60]

Fidelity really doesn't depend on whether someone is able to perform sexually or not.

 

I think we put all the emphasis on sex.. but it's not just sex.. this woman, can't do much of what a 'normal' wife would do.. it's not just sex.. it's everything.. every single little thing a normal couple would do..

 

I think she (W) should be honored to have such a good H and a good caretaker to give her the best care she needs..

 

I'm sure some women in her situation would suffer more than just being paralysed.. they would also be left 'alone', at least she's got support from him.

 

I'm sure they (the H and the OW) don't make it 'obvious' that they are in love.. I doubt she even know what's going on.. or maybe she does and she accepts it.. who knows..

 

to the OP.. don't leave her.. I'm sure you do a terrific job... you will be rewarded one day (you'll have him)

[Tomcat33]

I don't care what anybody says...Though you'll never admit when you're wrong, even upon pain of death, I still luv ya!

 

Oh that's not true there have been plenty times I have admitted I was wrong here, and when I am wrong I am the first to admit it. I don't feel I am wrong. I don't feel I need to change my stance just because it doesn't sit well with some, it is my view on the situation and just because some of you are choosing to drag my stance out because it does not agree with how you see things, it doesn't make me wrong.

 

Pain of death is being felt by all involved in the situation and the pain of death is what this woman came here to discuss since it is what is driving her guilt and questions. She is right to have questions she is right to feel uncomfortable in this situation it shows she has moral fiber in even though she is caught in a less than morally ideal situation it shows she is still aware of her actions. My stance on the situation does not take away from that or what the W is going through in any way or form. I'm sorry some are so busy trying to cut my words up, they missed the message.

 

It's obvious you have never been in love before.

 

It's obvious you make a lot of assumptions, we have a whole thread here that proves that nicely. Why would you stop at me, right?

 

It's easy to say you know what you'd do in that situation, until you're in it. I "think" I know what I'd do in a situation like that - But god forbid it ever happens, who knows what I'd think.

 

Interesting because in this VERY same forum I have seen many times the words "I would never cheat" or "I would NEVER be involved in an A" and yet when others tell them "weeeell you never know until you are in that situation" a lot pipe in to remind them that THEY know themselves best, if they say that will never happen to them, it won't. And of course everyone else will pipe in to say yes yes yes that's true (insert applause track here)

 

Well let's see given how I see life, given what I have experienced and how I my character has been formed I have a pretty good idea I will never WILLINGLY eat cow's tongue or snake, I also know I would never sky dive, I would never kill a person (unless it is self defense) I will never eat poo, I will never speak Japanse, I will never be a billionaire, I will never cheat on a partner, what else...the list goes on and on and on...

 

SO, take my word for it I KNOW what I would want in that situation if I was in a vegetative state. I am not 10 yrs old so can you respect I have my own views on this? SO please, spare me on that "you never know what you'd do" because I think I know ME best. You keep denigrating people's experiences as if you have know others better than they know themselves. Earlier you were also saying this woman doesn't really feel love for the man and vice versa, challenging what these people are really feeling is ok but to say it ISN'T love you simply cannot tell them what they feel is not real. Just like you cannot tell me what I would do in that situation is also not real.

 

But my alltime favourite is "an affair realtionship is fantasy it is not real and you don't feel what you think you feel in that type of relationship"

And that is being said to someone who is in an A relationship with a married person for years! (ok they don't feel anything real because YOU say so)

 

It's the same thing over and over around here, some of you are of the idea that unless everyone thinks like and acts like you then you feel you are being personally disrepected when people DON'T follow your suit, you try to IMPOSE your way of doing things and people need to drop any concerns they have and just follow you like some computer reacting to key strokes. It is so glaringly obvious who are the people that tend to do that and it boils down to some quasi grandiose complex, when in actuality you are not more grandiose than the next guy. You don't have all the answers and you most certainly don't hold the key to life.

 

I have been called every name in the book here been told I am "forcing my opinion" (what's forcing my opinion no agreeing that I am wrong?) been told I am WRONG (that's the best one, telling me I am WRONG for my stance, from non other than the opposing camp of my stance, that's HILARIOUS) and I haven't once said anyone was wrong or right. I have my stance and I am defending it and for the last two pages people keep coming back to argue my stance and then same few pipe in to hurl more insults and to tell me to "let it go",

 

So what is "let it go"? Everytime I keep reading another post trying to tear me or my stance down I should bowe my head and I should agree that you are right and I am wrong? Well NO, that's not going to happen, feel free to insert the definition of insanity right here____________________ because if you keep coming back to prod at my thoughts and to try to twist my posts, let me remind YOU are not capable of letting it go and that IS insane.

 

My stance is not wrong, it just doesn't adhere to yours. If you really want to let it go, then let it go.

[whichwayisup]

Interesting because in this VERY same forum I have seen many times the words "I would never cheat" or "I would NEVER be involved in an A" and yet when others tell them "weeeell you never know until you are in that situation"

 

I meant being in his wifes condition and allowing your spouse to go off and do whatever.

[Tomcat33]

I meant being in his wifes condition and allowing your spouse to go off and do whatever.

 

 

I know and so did I we are talking about THIS situation.

I would not hold my husband hostage to me for 5 years if I was completely incapacitated, I wouldn't expect him to be sexually celebate for 5 yrs. and even less so if I knew I was dying. Would I want my H to be doing this right infront of my face, NO, but I would understand that he needed to tend to his necessities. Why people find this so shocking, I don't know and I don't really care.

[whichwayisup]

Would I want my H to be doing this right infront of my face, NO,

 

But with that being said, his wife is not brain dead, nor is she stupid. She knows her husband and there's always a chance she is suspicious or wondering if something is going on between wyld and her husband.

 

This all still comes down to the ethical part of wyld being his wife's caregiver and having an EA with her husband. She is too emotionally attached and involved - She's admitted that it would upset her deeply if she overheard him speaking to his wife, mentioning love to his wife. I'm sure wyld gets abit hurt too if she sees him holding his wife's hand, stroking her head or something as well.

 

She can be the OW, but she can't be giving care to his wife anymore. It's a total conflict of interest now and honestly if she continues to do this, she's putting herself in the line of fire in the future. I said this earlier, but all those co-workers who are OK with her getting close to the husband WILL NOT back her up if their jobs are on the line. They will run and turn the other way, leaving her to defend her choices and actions by crossing the professional lines by continuing to care for the guy's wife while having an EA with her husband.

[pelicanpreacher]

I STILL LUV YA!

[NoIDidn't]

She can be the OW, but she can't be giving care to his wife anymore. It's a total conflict of interest now and honestly if she continues to do this, she's putting herself in the line of fire in the future. I said this earlier, but all those co-workers who are OK with her getting close to the husband WILL NOT back her up if their jobs are on the line. They will run and turn the other way, leaving her to defend her choices and actions by crossing the professional lines by continuing to care for the guy's wife while having an EA with her husband.

 

 

Exactly! When this thing sees the light of day, its not going to seem so appealing. When the rest of this woman's family find out that the H is starting a relationship with the nurse that cared for their daughter, sister, mother, cousin, niece, whatever,..the OP is not going to like what they most likely will have to say to her.

 

Plus, no one knows what those same co-workers say about the situation behind closed doors. Maybe they don't really approve at all, but don't want to rock the boat at work?

 

If a future with the man is what she really wants, she needs to stop taking care of his W. If that is professional suicide, then she already did that nine months ago.

[Tomcat33]

But with that being said, his wife is not brain dead, nor is she stupid. She knows her husband and there's always a chance she is suspicious or wondering if something is going on between wyld and her husband.

 

 

 

And like I said a million times before it is NOT like they are screwing infront of the woman, and I serioulsy doubt they are doing googley eyes or even having signs of affection and romance for each other infront of the W's face, that is not what I am sensing. More than likely or if I can guess what is going on they are prob quite business-like towards each other in her peresence especially since they are trying to keep their romantic interest under wraps. Think about it they are two people having a clandestine romance they are not going to me so evil as to flaunt this infront of this poor woman, and even more so than that, they are not going to be SO careless and obvious to do that. So the assumption that they are letting on they are romantically into each other infront of the ill W is not one I see as an option here since the two would have to be really careless to do that.

 

Ultimately I support the idea that she might need to step down for legal and criminal implications down the line especially since the family might catch on, I don't disagree with that but again if it means this woman's care will suffer if Wyld steps down then I don't see that as a "great" idea either but ultimately one that Wyld needs to decide given what would be best for the W and the family.

[Tomcat33]

I STILL LUV YA!

 

 

Yeah LUV YA TOO.

[whichwayisup]

And like I said a million times before it is NOT like they are screwing infront of the woman,

 

No, but they ARE having an emotional affair and feelings are there. The energy between wyld and him have been picked up on by her co-workers, so don't you think that his own wife would see this as well?

 

Ultimately I support the idea that she might need to step down for legal and criminal implications down the line especially since the family might catch on,

This is for her own protection, legally. I'm not talking emotionally or about her personal life, but professionally.

 

I don't disagree with that but again if it means this woman's care will suffer if Wyld steps down then I don't see that as a "great" idea either but ultimately one that Wyld needs to decide given what would be best for the W and the family.

 

Thank-you for seeing my point in this - I see yours too, but in all honesty, even wyld has admitted this about her feelings for him and how she would feel if she overheard intimate conversations, she said she would feel hurt. I'm not saying she would put her patients care in danger, but the rest of the family won't see it that way. She has invested interest in this now, so there's alot at stake.

 

On a personal level, yes, if she could do both without any fallout that would be different. I mean, she also has a choice NOW to tell ALL the family members with his blessing ofcourse, what is going on between her and her patients husband..But, I doubt very much she would do that because she knows what their reaction would be, let alone his wife. Somewhere on page one she DID say that she does NOT want his wife to find out because she said it would be betrayal..

[whichwayisup]

with that but again if it means this woman's care will suffer if Wyld steps down

How will she suffer when there are 6 more caregivers involved? And if she stepped down, another caregiver would be put in her place.

 

She is the caregiver, a friend to the wife as well BUT she is having an EA and making future plans, having discussions with the husband, sharing feelings etc... HOW is that different than a bestfriend making moves and making plans together with the husband in another situation where the wife isn't ill or bedridden?

[bentnotbroken]

And like I said a million times before it is NOT like they are screwing infront of the woman, and I serioulsy doubt they are doing googley eyes or even having signs of affection and romance for each other infront of the W's face, that is not what I am sensing. More than likely or if I can guess what is going on they are prob quite business-like towards each other in her peresence especially since they are trying to keep their romantic interest under wraps. Think about it they are two people having a clandestine romance they are not going to me so evil as to flaunt this infront of this poor woman, and even more so than that, they are not going to be SO careless and obvious to do that. So the assumption that they are letting on they are romantically into each other infront of the ill W is not one I see as an option here since the two would have to be really careless to do that.

 

Ultimately I support the idea that she might need to step down for legal and criminal implications down the line especially since the family might catch on, I don't disagree with that but again if it means this woman's care will suffer if Wyld steps down then I don't see that as a "great" idea either but ultimately one that Wyld needs to decide given what would be best for the W and the family.

 

 

AAAHHHH so now you are the one making assumptions. Just like everyone else is putting their own spin on things, you are too. You are guessing, sounds like you are doing the same as those with differing opinions.

[whichwayisup]

More than likely or if I can guess what is going on they are prob quite business-like towards each other in her peresence especially since they are trying to keep their romantic interest under wraps

 

All the more reason for both of them to know that what they're doing is wrong on that professional level.

 

I hope wyld doesn't get burned, I know she's in pain - But, her being in a profession like she's in, she has choices to make, reguardless of the personal side of it.

[Tomcat33]

. I said this earlier, but all those co-workers who are OK with her getting close to the husband WILL NOT back her up if their jobs are on the line. They will run and turn the other way, leaving her to defend her choices and actions by crossing the professional lines by continuing to care for the guy's wife while having an EA with her husband.

 

 

Well if the coworkers thought that if this got out and their jobs are on the line in terms of people thinking the entire team was in on making this woman's helth worsen in order for the Wyld and the H to get together don't you think they all would have stepped down from this stuation by now? WHO would put their job on the line for another coworker, there are 7 caregivers in total, don't you think even ONE would stand up and say "wait a minute if this gets out we could all go down for conspiracy or foul play"? I am surprised if this situation is as compromising as it is NO one in the team has watched their backs?

[Tomcat33]

No, but they ARE having an emotional affair and feelings are there. The energy between wyld and him have been picked up on by her co-workers, so don't you think that his own wife would see this as well?

 

It hasn't "been picked up" go back and read what Wyld wrote "they have openly discussed the situation" VERY different thing.

[Tomcat33]

AAAHHHH so now you are the one making assumptions. Just like everyone else is putting their own spin on things, you are too. You are guessing, sounds like you are doing the same as those with differing opinions.

 

 

If you can't beat'em, join'em!

[whichwayisup]

It hasn't "been picked up" go back and read what Wyld wrote "they have openly discussed the situation" VERY different thing.

 

But we don't know what is going through the wife's head....We can only go by what wyld assumes, as she doesn't know what his wife is thinking or feeling..

[bentnotbroken]

If you can't beat'em, join'em!

 

 

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

[whichwayisup]

If you can't beat'em, join'em!

 

Actually, that is quite funny.

[Tomcat33]

But we don't know what is going through the wife's head....We can only go by what wyld assumes, as she doesn't know what his wife is thinking or feeling..

 

 

Well if we can all assume on a situation we are not even invloved in then why can't she?

 

It's just so funny the things that get called out are the very same things people are doing themselves.

 

 

this is what Wyld said:

 

Some of my co-workers know how we feel about each other and are very supportive as we get along so well, and have actually stipulated that they know it sounds horrible but being so involved in the situation they understand the grey areas a little better.

 

So there is no "if they can tell so can the W" they can can tell because it has been discussed with them.

 

Sure maybe the W can tell or see something we don't know that either way. AAAALL assumptions.

 

So let's say the W cannot tell, just for the sake of looking at my stance, let's say the W is totally cared for she feels loved from the H and the team of caregivers and does not suspect a thing, there are still a lot of people on here who have that undying moral dilemma with the situation, and that's fine but if the woman is not suffering due to the actions of Wyld and the H what is the problem here other that personal moral issues of onlookers?

 

And please respond to this since you said coworkers would not support her why are they not stepping down from the situation or ratting her out if it could mean that they too can lose their jobs over this?

 

Well if the coworkers thought that if this got out and their jobs are on the line in terms of people thinking the entire team was in on making this woman's health worsen in order for the Wyld and the H to get together don't you think they all would have stepped down from this stuation by now? WHO would put their job on the line for another coworker, there are 7 caregivers in total, don't you think even ONE would stand up and say "wait a minute if this gets out we could all go down for conspiracy or foul play"? I am surprised if this situation is as compromising as it is NO one in the team has watched their backs?

[whichwayisup]

If I were a co-worker and the sh.it was about to hit the fan, I would not get involved, I would stay far far away.

 

Some of my co-workers know how we feel about each other and are very supportive as we get along so well, and have actually stipulated that they know it sounds horrible but being so involved in the situation they understand the grey areas a little better.

 

Until the consquences and fallout and reactions, a possible lawsuit by the rest of the family, extended family...

 

Sure maybe the W can tell or see something we don't know that either way. AAAALL assumptions.

 

Yes, by me, by you, by everyone, even wyld. We all assume and that's why side discussions go on and we each tell what we think, hense why this thread is so long..lol