Suggestion box for ls

[KATANYA]

I have recently logged back in to LS and cannot help but notice HOW MUCH OM bashing is going on here in the OM/OW forum. Actually, it seems more like a forum for the self righteous few to preach the gospel to the damned hoping some will repent and see the err of their ways.........

 

In all fairness, everyone needs a place to vent and every forum needs to serve its purpose! I'm sure I am not the fiirst to suggest this but doesn't LS feel its time to give the BS their day.......if the Infidelity forum doesnt suit their needs why not a forum that reads :

 

"Betrayed Spouses: the other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves wanting to save their marriages, take back their cheating, lying spouses, find outlets for their anger and resentment at their farse of a marriage and bash and blame any other man/woman who every participated in the affair."

 

Of course it does not have to be quite that specific but really people....read the forum outline! If you don't like the topics and don't agree with the forum content don't put yourself through this time and time again. Reading story after story of affairs, secret trysts and OP who have relationship issues with their OM/OW when you yourself are trying to either heal or move on from being th BS in a relationship would be akin to pulling scabs off healing wounds just to watch it bleed!

 

Just my two cents!

 

For those that I havn't chatted with in a long time glad to see you still here and weathering the assault and look forward to catching up with where everyone is in their respective situations!

[Lizzie60]

I have recently logged back in to LS and cannot help but notice HOW MUCH OM bashing is going on here in the OM/OW forum. Actually, it seems more like a forum for the self righteous few to preach the gospel to the damned hoping some will repent and see the err of their ways.........

 

In all fairness, everyone needs a place to vent and every forum needs to serve its purpose! I'm sure I am not the fiirst to suggest this but doesn't LS feel its time to give the BS their day.......if the Infidelity forum doesnt suit their needs why not a forum that reads :

 

"Betrayed Spouses: the other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves wanting to save their marriages, take back their cheating, lying spouses, find outlets for their anger and resentment at their farse of a marriage and bash and blame any other man/woman who every participated in the affair."

 

Of course it does not have to be quite that specific but really people....read the forum outline! If you don't like the topics and don't agree with the forum content don't put yourself through this time and time again. Reading story after story of affairs, secret trysts and OP who have relationship issues with their OM/OW when you yourself are trying to either heal or move on from being th BS in a relationship would be akin to pulling scabs off healing wounds just to watch it bleed!

 

Just my two cents!

 

For those that I havn't chatted with in a long time glad to see you still here and weathering the assault and look forward to catching up with where everyone is in their respective situations!

 

Even that kind of forum would still be an OW bashing..

 

This will never stop.. unfortunately..

[noforgiveness]

:laugh:I love these posts where the ow like to pretend that it is only betrayed spouses who have a problem with people who "date" married men. We all know that most of society frowns upon affairs thus the reason they are hidden. Thus the reason you need the forum. You know you can't tell your mommy and daddy and friends what you are involved in. It's so funny the ow like to pretend it is only the self righteous who frown upon it.

 

Whatever you need to tell yourself I guess.

[GreenEyedLady]

Sheesh!

 

Yet another example of what the op was hoping would end.

 

Is there no end to the constant needling by the few? It really makes it harder to help those who need help.

 

We are more than our acronyms. All it does is divide, when we need to come together to help those who ask for it.

 

Help, not hurt or belittle or to make feel small. But support and encourage, so that others can take responsibility and feel empowered.

 

To build up, not to break down.

 

Maybe this is what we should tell ourselves.

[noforgiveness]

Oh please the sole purpose of this post was to bs bash.

 

 

"Support and discussion for those who find themselves wanting to save their marriages, take back their cheating, lying spouses, find outlets for their anger and resentment at their farse of a marriage and bash and blame any other man/woman who every participated in the affair"

 

That wasn't a suggestion that was a bashing.

[GreenEyedLady]

Oh please the sole purpose of this post was to bs bash.

 

 

"Support and discussion for those who find themselves wanting to save their marriages, take back their cheating, lying spouses, find outlets for their anger and resentment at their farse of a marriage and bash and blame any other man/woman who every participated in the affair"

 

That wasn't a suggestion that was a bashing.

 

Do you see that you played right into it?

 

And while I don't know the exact intention of your post, do you see that you hurt/offend others with your words? You don't have to answer the post, you can report it.

[whichwayisup]

Any type of these threads that are created like this one here just adds fuel to the fire.

 

It comes in waves, depending on the person posting, the situation, the attitudes. Recently I've found that everyone has been getting along better, but then again, I haven't read all the threads.

[noforgiveness]

Do you see that you played right into it?

 

And while I don't know the exact intention of your post, do you see that you hurt/offend others with your words? You don't have to answer the post, you can report it.

 

How exactly did I hurt and offend people? By pointing out that it is not just bs's that disapprove of EMA's? I think that's a known fact and not something they should be offended by hearing.

[GreenEyedLady]

How exactly did I hurt and offend people? By pointing out that it is not just bs's that disapprove of EMA's? I think that's a known fact and not something they should be offended by hearing.

 

By being so condescending and using the words your "mommy" and "daddy." It's offensive when you insult an entire category's intelligence.

 

I'm done now.

[KATANYA]

Actually I had no intention of BASHING anyone because I truly believe everyone has the right to say feel and do what they want. I was just truly surprised at HOW MUCH OW bashing is happening and gotten away with in the OW forum and it almost makes you NOT want to post as an OW/OP because no one is getting the feedback/help they are coming here seeking. My suggestion is simply to EMPHASIZE (hence the caps) that if you don't want to accept that OW are out here and you don't condone the behavior and you dont accept that the A's sometimes are more than just sex and mean something to both the MM/MW and the OW/OM then do yourself a favor and DONT READ!!!!!

 

Personally, I am just happy to be back and am not the least bit daunted by the backlash I'll get when I say that I am back with my MM (abeit a totally different kind of relationship than we had before and one that requires more explanation than I'll give today) and things have never been better! I've had a really rough few months and many more to go and he has been the best friend I never thought I'd ever have by my side!

 

By the way, hi GEL....hope you are still doing well and as blissfully happy in your R as you were when I left for awhile.

[noforgiveness]

By being so condescending and using the words your "mommy" and "daddy." It's offensive when you insult an entire category's intelligence.

 

I'm done now.

 

:laugh:saying mommy and daddy is condescending? Sorry I will never be too grown up to stop calling my mommy and daddy mommy and daddy. I guess you are too mature for a mommy and daddy?

[noforgiveness]

Actually I had no intention of BASHING anyone because I truly believe everyone has the right to say feel and do what they want. I was just truly surprised at HOW MUCH OW bashing is happening and gotten away with in the OW forum and it almost makes you NOT want to post as an OW/OP because no one is getting the feedback/help they are coming here seeking. My suggestion is simply to EMPHASIZE (hence the caps) that if you don't want to accept that OW are out here and you don't condone the behavior and you dont accept that the A's sometimes are more than just sex and mean something to both the MM/MW and the OW/OM then do yourself a favor and DONT READ!!!!!

 

Personally, I am just happy to be back and am not the least bit daunted by the backlash I'll get when I say that I am back with my MM (abeit a totally different kind of relationship than we had before and one that requires more explanation than I'll give today) and things have never been better! I've had a really rough few months and many more to go and he has been the best friend I never thought I'd ever have by my side!

 

By the way, hi GEL....hope you are still doing well and as blissfully happy in your R as you were when I left for awhile.

 

:laugh:I get it. You are angry at his wife for hanging on to that farce of a marriage and bitter and lashing out at the bs's. Your anger is misplaced and should be with him for being to much of a coward to choose one woman instead of having his cake and eating it too. I don't think you are as happy as you profess to be.

[KATANYA]

Oh, and to clarify WHY I posted to begin with, almost EVERY situation I started to read either begins or ends with the Poster saying (pleading???) "Please don't bash me" or "I don't need bashing" but getting at least two or three posts right off doing just that anyway.

 

Why not just let people come here, ask their questions, tell their stories, vent their pain, etc. in a forum designed to support them and like-situationed people.

 

My apologies if I offended any BS who feel they don't fall into the BASHING category.........dont want to imply ALL people are the same. Just could not help but notice after being away for awhile that many posts are not even addressing the poster's issues or questions but are judging, chastising and for lack of originality.......bashing.

[Tony]

The Other Man/Woman forums are the most problematic on this site. Participation requires a great amount of intelligence, maturity, open mindedness and restraint. Many people just prefer to bash. It's much better not to participate at all if a member has nothing to contribute except judgments.

 

I think this category is sufficient. Creating additional infidelity categories will only spread the madness over more of the site.

[Virgo1982]

Oh, and to clarify WHY I posted to begin with, almost EVERY situation I started to read either begins or ends with the Poster saying (pleading???) "Please don't bash me" or "I don't need bashing" but getting at least two or three posts right off doing just that anyway.

 

Why not just let people come here, ask their questions, tell their stories, vent their pain, etc. in a forum designed to support them and like-situationed people.

 

My apologies if I offended any BS who feel they don't fall into the BASHING category.........dont want to imply ALL people are the same. Just could not help but notice after being away for awhile that many posts are not even addressing the poster's issues or questions but are judging, chastising and for lack of originality.......bashing.

 

Well I am convinced that some posters are obsessed and mentally unstable. How much of a rush does one get by posting nasty messages to people all day long? Go to the water cooler and have a drink. Go have sex with your H. Spend some quality time with the children. Most of the BS offer balanced advice. A select few are bytches that I would cheat on if I had made a mistake and married them. Could you imagine living with those nutbaskets? I can't even spend much time in a forum with them without my skin crawling. Sorry LS...

 

There I said it...

[KATANYA]

LOL actually his wife is not really hanging onto the 'farce' of a marriage...she has her own side dish! And I would never waste my time being angry at her or envious of her- life's too short, I'd never want or accept her life and she's not a bad person she's just in a crappy marriage that otherwise provides her with everything she needs minus a faithful husband!

 

I am happy wit MYSELF and what MY LIFE is about. I choose to have MM in it not him choosing me. He does not make my happiness I make my happiness!!!! I have a wonderful, full life and he adds to it! We have a friendship that works for us and makes us both happy and I want, need or expect NOTHING from him but he chooses to do for me and be there for me and I accept that knowing I would be absolutely fine without him as well! Above all, our years of friendship has been tested and tried and has withstood a great deal only to come out stronger and richer.

[noforgiveness]

LOL actually his wife is not really hanging onto the 'farce' of a marriage...she has her own side dish! And I would never waste my time being angry at her or envious of her- life's too short, I'd never want or accept her life and she's not a bad person she's just in a crappy marriage that otherwise provides her with everything she needs minus a faithful husband!

 

I am happy wit MYSELF and what MY LIFE is about. I choose to have MM in it not him choosing me. He does not make my happiness I make my happiness!!!! I have a wonderful, full life and he adds to it! We have a friendship that works for us and makes us both happy and I want, need or expect NOTHING from him but he chooses to do for me and be there for me and I accept that knowing I would be absolutely fine without him as well! Above all, our years of friendship has been tested and tried and has withstood a great deal only to come out stronger and richer.

 

wow so this man has an easy out. His wife is a cheater and he still chooses to stay married to her? I wonder why...

[KATANYA]

Thanks for the answer Tony......just offering my two cents because I missed this site while I was sick and was disappointed at how malicious some posts were. Seemed to be much more volatile to post here than when I left.

[KATANYA]

Well Noforgiveness, my guess would be that they both are 'friends' having been together going on 30 years and raising a houseful of kids and now working on grandkids...for her liking the money, the nice things, the trips, the prestige of being his 'wife' and for him having things stay 'status quo' while he runs his businesses and lives his life which she has very little interest in.

 

She knows of his past indiscretions (and I'm not going to even pretend there have not been more than one or two) and he knows she has strayed although does not know that she has had one steady outside interest for 10 years. They both get along well enough and focus on their children, grandchildren etc. I believe they 'love' each other (you can't have that kind of history and not) but the days are long gone that they are 'in love'. If he were poor she would be gone.....if she left he would not go after her.......for them it works!

[noforgiveness]

Well Noforgiveness, my guess would be that they both are 'friends' having been together going on 30 years and raising a houseful of kids and now working on grandkids...for her liking the money, the nice things, the trips, the prestige of being his 'wife' and for him having things stay 'status quo' while he runs his businesses and lives his life which she has very little interest in.

 

She knows of his past indiscretions (and I'm not going to even pretend there have not been more than one or two) and he knows she has strayed although does not know that she has had one steady outside interest for 10 years. They both get along well enough and focus on their children, grandchildren etc. I believe they 'love' each other (you can't have that kind of history and not) but the days are long gone that they are 'in love'. If he were poor she would be gone.....if she left he would not go after her.......for them it works!

 

So you know he loves her and is never leaving and you are ok with that?

[whichwayisup]

I think certain posters flame other certain posters and then the reactions happen. Not all, but some.

 

It all just comes down to wording things a certain way and keep in mind that there is a real human being on the other side of the screen - With feelings and emotions. Oh and common respect for others as well.

 

Big difference between harsh advice and bashing. Many who aren't bashing and give harsh advice are accused of being judgemental and being a basher. I understand that emotions are high at times, depending on what is going on in a persons life and how they read the advice, take it in is different as well depending on the frame of mind.

[Lizzie60]

The Other Man/Woman forums are the most problematic on this site. Participation requires a great amount of intelligence, maturity, open mindedness and restraint. Many people just prefer to bash. It's much better not to participate at all if a member has nothing to contribute except judgments.

 

I think this category is sufficient. Creating additional infidelity categories will only spread the madness over more of the site.

 

That's what I was thinking.. great minds think alike...

[KATANYA]

So you know he loves her and is never leaving and you are ok with that?

 

Quite simply.......yes!

 

I don't want to live with him, marry him, etc. I dont want him to leave his 'life' for me. I don't need him to take care of me. I never intend to get married again in my life but if somebody comes into my world, sweeps me off my feet and proves to be worthy of my love and life..........who knows!????? That's not meant to sound conceited its just that I think people settle and accept so many things because they don't want to be alone.

 

Without sounding judgemental or condescending, many women (people) stay in marriages and relationships that are not working rather than be ALONE! I think some people equate being alone with being lonely! I am neither settling nor lonely! I love MM for what good he brings to my life and am not judging all the negative he has in his life as that is HIS choice and those are his decisions. As long as the negative things stay in his world and do not interfere with me he is welcome to share parts of my life with me.

[Lizzie60]

Well I am convinced that some posters are obsessed and mentally unstable. How much of a rush does one get by posting nasty messages to people all day long? Go to the water cooler and have a drink. Go have sex with your H. Spend some quality time with the children. Most of the BS offer balanced advice. A select few are bytches that I would cheat on if I had made a mistake and married them. Could you imagine living with those nutbaskets? I can't even spend much time in a forum with them without my skin crawling. Sorry LS...

 

There I said it...

 

You are TOO MUCH.. I love it.. I love it.. that was hilarious and sooo true..

[Lizzie60]

Quite simply.......yes!

 

I don't want to live with him, marry him, etc. I dont want him to leave his 'life' for me. I don't need him to take care of me. I never intend to get married again in my life but if somebody comes into my world, sweeps me off my feet and proves to be worthy of my love and life..........who knows!????? That's not meant to sound conceited its just that I think people settle and accept so many things because they don't want to be alone.

 

Without sounding judgemental or condescending, many women (people) stay in marriages and relationships that are not working rather than be ALONE! I think some people equate being alone with being lonely! I am neither settling nor lonely! I love MM for what good he brings to my life and am not judging all the negative he has in his life as that is HIS choice and those are his decisions. As long as the negative things stay in his world and do not interfere with me he is welcome to share parts of my life with me.

 

WOW I could have wrote this post.. I feel the same way.. I like my space.. I don't want a man in MY house.. I can take care of myself financially so I don't need someone to tell me how to spend MY money...