Virgo1982 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I love how the ones that do spend a good amount of time on the board are suddenly "suspect" for doing exactly that. Its a great way to try to twist this around make them look bad based on their participation here...sometimes I guess you have to take the only tack available to you. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself I guess. I'm single, but if I were with someone, I would not be on as much. Maybe I would. I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 AND the ones leveling the accusations are on here aaaaallllllll the time. Yabutt they don't claim to be 'faithful' to their partner.. or they are single.. Ha! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I'm single, but if I were with someone, I would not be on as much. Maybe I would. I don't know. Yes, maybe you would.. if you were miserable in your M.. then of course you would.. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I love how the ones that do spend a good amount of time on the board are suddenly "suspect" for doing exactly that. Its a great way to try to twist this around make them look bad based on their participation here...sometimes I guess you have to take the only tack available to you. Whatever makes you feel better about yourself I guess. There's alot of people who spend a good amount of time here. I myself have made lots of friends here. And especially now, since I moved to a new region, I don't know many people here, so I turn to my "home away from home." I think spending time on LS has widened my perspective and validated my personal beliefs. It's definitely helped me to voice my opinion. Mostly I want to help people to see what they want for themselves. And impart a little bit of experience along the way. I want to believe that's what most the posters here want, too. Owl, I don't think anyone meant to question your participation here. You are very fair and level-headed. Sometimes the truth is hard to swallow, you know? GEL Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 There's alot of people who spend a good amount of time here. Owl, I don't think anyone meant to question your participation here. You are very fair and level-headed. Sometimes the truth is hard to swallow, you know? GEL Yeah, I wasn't referring to Owl or Luv with that comment. I don't know if I got comfortable with my partner whether I would be on here as much, but I think I would try to spend my time with my family because they would mean so much to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 How much time you spend on a forum is a bit of a red herring imo Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Yes, maybe you would.. if you were miserable in your M.. then of course you would.. Lizzie, I probably would. Better to do that than to cheat I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Lizzie, I probably would. Better to do that than to cheat I guess. I hate to quote myself, but that could go either way. This should be interesting... Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Yeah, I wasn't referring to Owl or Luv with that comment. I don't know if I got comfortable with my partner whether I would be on here as much, but I think I would try to spend my time with my family because they would mean so much to me. Yeah, when my honey is home I'm not usually on here. And it's summer now, so I guess I'll be on here alot. My first summer off in many years. Kids are at their dad's and here I am on LS after visiting the gym. Beat's the heat, that's for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I agree that I would wonder why someone would spend lots of time at LS during "at home" hours. I'm rarely on my computer at home. Only when it's necessary. I have many better things to do! But anyway, sorry about the OT stuff. I do think the original post was done in a very ugly manner designed to P people off. It didn't me, 'cause I'm not in a relationship where there is cheating going on. I don't leave him with enough energy to want to, even if he were so inclined! lol But I can see where some people who have been hurt by a cheating spouse would be mortally wounded by a post such as that which was obviously worded in a way to do just that. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Yeah, when my honey is home I'm not usually on here. And it's summer now, so I guess I'll be on here alot. My first summer off in many years. Kids are at their dad's and here I am on LS after visiting the gym. Beat's the heat, that's for sure! Yes, I'm waiting for 5 o'clock... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Lizzie, I probably would. Better to do that than to cheat I guess. Yes but like you said in your previous post.. if you're happy with your partner you won't spend all your time on forums.. Better to do that than to cheat I guess... I agree.. but.. some do cheat on those forums... (I call it cheating just as much as if they were on 'dating sites') ... they are taking the time they should be with their partner to chat or flirt with 'cyber friends'.. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I agree that I would wonder why someone would spend lots of time at LS during "at home" hours. I'm rarely on my computer at home. Only when it's necessary. I have many better things to do! But anyway, sorry about the OT stuff. I do think the original post was done in a very ugly manner designed to P people off. It didn't me, 'cause I'm not in a relationship where there is cheating going on. I don't leave him with enough energy to want to, even if he were so inclined! lol But I can see where some people who have been hurt by a cheating spouse would be mortally wounded by a post such as that which was obviously worded in a way to do just that. I didn't see it as ugly or obvious. She was dismayed that ppl who are not OM/OW would jump on a board that is designed to support them and bash them. She was disheartened and hurt by the frequency of this action. It is very understandable. If I could speak for her I would say that she found the bashers to have ugly intentions by preventing the OM/OW to share their feelings and frustrations in their path for clarity and decisions. What was obvious to me was her intention in getting the typical angry BS (there is a difference among BS's) to step up to the plate and refrain from bashing. Let people post. Let the experts in their field or forum quide them. Believe it or not, we do learn from our experiences and mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I didn't see it as ugly or obvious. She was dismayed that ppl who are not OM/OW would jump on a board that is designed to support them and bash them. She was disheartened and hurt by the frequency of this action. It is very understandable. If I could speak for her I would say that she found the bashers to have ugly intentions by preventing the OM/OW to share their feelings and frustrations in their path for clarity and decisions. What was obvious to me was her intention in getting the typical angry BS (there is a difference among BS's) to step up to the plate and refrain from bashing. Let people post. Let the experts in their field or forum quide them. Believe it or not, we do learn from our experiences and mistakes. I couldn't agree with this more. Very well said! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 So he got back together with you after she dumped him??? I was with my first MM dor 18 years.. and I know for a fact that he didn't lie to me 1/100 of what he lied to her.. He cheated on her less than 2 years after they got married.. and never stopped.. Sometimes they DO change when they find the right person, the one they truly love.. but I have to say this is quite rare. No! he didn't get back together with me. He wanted/wants to, but I am not going there. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I didn't see it as ugly or obvious. She was dismayed that ppl who are not OM/OW would jump on a board that is designed to support them and bash them. She was disheartened and hurt by the frequency of this action. It is very understandable. If I could speak for her I would say that she found the bashers to have ugly intentions by preventing the OM/OW to share their feelings and frustrations in their path for clarity and decisions. What was obvious to me was her intention in getting the typical angry BS (there is a difference among BS's) to step up to the plate and refrain from bashing. Let people post. Let the experts in their field or forum quide them. Believe it or not, we do learn from our experiences and mistakes. You don't think the statement "...their farce of a marriage..." was designed to be hurtful? Wow. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 You don't think the statement "...their farce of a marriage..." was designed to be hurtful? Wow. no more than certain other comments posted on this board are........ Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 You don't think the statement "...their farce of a marriage..." was designed to be hurtful? Wow. Maybe that is how she see's the M of her MM. Maybe it comes out of a place of frustration from within, and has nothing to do with hurting anyone else. And while it certainly could have been worded differently, it was not. And once again the two sides are pitted against each other. By now, you'd think that we would all get along. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Heck...I say name the people you dont agree with. "Certain other posters"...there are only a couple I don't agree with...they know well that I don't agree with them...and there are no bones about it. Call a waffle a waffle, and be done with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 By now, you'd think that we would all get along. GEL...the Rodney King of LS! :) Personally, I agree with you. I don't hate or actually have a real "issue" with OW in general...I might not care for their actions, but they're still people and I still endeavor to treat everyone as a person. There are specific PEOPLE I don't get along with...and if I'm going to say something to or about them...I say it up front TO THEM, and avoid collateral damage as much as I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Heck...I say name the people you dont agree with. "Certain other posters"...there are only a couple I don't agree with...they know well that I don't agree with them...and there are no bones about it. Call a waffle a waffle, and be done with it. Unfortunately, calling a waffle a waffle can get one infracted faster than you can press send................ Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 i havent been round these parts for a while, but i recall that this has been an issue on this forum before. I dont know many of you and havent read up much on the OW forum as yet, but i do get upset by vitriol in respect to fidelity issues on forums, its drives me bonkers. I personally feel that if you want to express a different opinion to someone who's vunerable to judgement, that the worst thing you can do is judge. I have never been an OW but i know that if I feel judged (and ive done much to be judged), I feel defensive, so its much harder to communicate with and express and opinion that will be considered when someone's defensive. And if you want to show someone a different opinion, you have to be respectful towards them. If you don't, it just seems like the poster is a target for your own projections. If you need a target, then youre better off examining your own feelings rather than someone elses Link to post Share on other sites
Author KATANYA Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 Nothing in my original post was intended to be intentionally hurtful to any particular BS. Ironically, the very idea that there are BS who are taking offence to my post and are angered at my comments on marriages being a farse simply further prove my point! THIS IS A FORUM FOR OW/OM so of course I am writing from the OW perspective!....My opinions about having a separate site for BS its simply an observation that I have been away for a number of months, come back and find that almost every thread started contains a plea from the OW to not be bashed and STILL there are all sorts of derogatory posts back to them that serve no real purpose but to judge their actions with very little support on a site designed to support and encourage dialogue on the issue of being OP. And that is not indicative of ALL posters or even all BS who post here........just an observation that there seem to be more now than when I left! As for my comment that the marriage is a farce well, call it whatever you want but you have a 'marriage' that is NOTHING that you thought it was and you commited years to a person that, in the end, does things that make you wonder if you ever knew him at all and if the relationship you thought you had ever really existed. Many, MANY people have stated that to survive and move forward in a marriage after an A is to build a whole new relationship because the one you thought you had is gone or never really existed! I used that word because I've heard it used MANY TIMES before by many BS as well as OP to describe a relationship that was not anything what they thought it was. Quite honestly, I really don't know the issue with getting hung up on one or two words, my issue is not with the BS at all it is with the fact that I come on the OW forum because I am one and because I can relate to other women who are in the same type of relationship. I come here to both seek support for relationship issues as well as give support to others in like situations. I just don't get, and will never get, why if this site offends a person and the nature of the site is against everything someone believes, then WHY come here at all?????? If coming here helps a BS understand the other side - GREAT! If the intentions are not that noble then why bother? Maybe that is the question I should have asked "If the presence and thoughts of OP offend you, why do you come to an OW/OM forum?" Again, I DON'T THINK EVERY BS THAT COMES HERE DOES SO TO BASH THE OW/OP-IT WAS JUST AN OBSERVATION THAT IT SEEMS MUCH MORE PROMINENT THAN IT WAS! (sorry for yelling!!!) ++++++++++++++ BTW hi WF......glad to be back! Still going through treatment but the worst is behind me (I hope). Havn't gotten a chance to read through your past posts but am hoping all is well with you too! Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 THIS IS A FORUM FOR OW/OM so of course I am writing from the OW perspective!... to be fair kat, its not exclusively for OW or OM, its to discuss the issues arising from OW/OM as i understand it. Which also means hearing things from both perspectives, and i also see the value in being shown how hard it hits people, the pain and anger affairs cause. However, i dont expect those posts typed in anger to have an effect as OW are vunerable to being judged. i think a range of views is both necessary and unavoidable. Systematic angry posts are counter productive for everyone though - it certainly will embed any anger BS's feel as they are reliving their experiences through the LS posts Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 You don't think the statement "...their farce of a marriage..." was designed to be hurtful? Wow. I don't think she meant all marriages were as such. Mine was, and I was not offended in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
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