Tomcat33 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Oh.. did I miss something.. is the OW forum only for those who need advices on how to end their A.. or is it a place where the OWs can post about just anything they want to... Yeah didn't you know that for some an act of charity around here comes with the disclaimer: "I will help you "PROVIDED" you are willing to let go of the affair and become a reformed OP" I would love to see what would happen if we decided to pillage the Infidelity forum unless people were only willing to walk away from an A partner. Hemmm seeing as we have to live in this black and white world then I suppose what's fair is fair isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 That and deflecting their own role in the affair usually saying something like, "i have no responsibility here, I am not the one that said the vows to his wife/husband". The old, "not my problem" tripe. Why is it my problem that you or someone else can't hold their spouse to their vows? That sounds like a personal problem to me. Link to post Share on other sites
angie2443 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I just think the amount of time spent on the computer-unless work related-should be a concern in a relationship. In addition, I believe those people who are happy in their relationship, or over the damage they experienced would spend a lot more energy there rather than the computer. . I don't really know what post your responding to, but I totally agree. I've seen people get hooked on the computer to the point where they neglected their relationship and the relationship suffered. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 What about all these ex OW on LS who are all theoretically happy with their MM they supposedly have "all to themselves" now? Why are they still posting too? Speaking for myself, I have some friends here, and stay in touch both on LS and off. I have friends all over the world, and the way we keep in touch is electronic - email , Facebook, Twitter, Mxit, IM and yes, forums where appropriate. My work involves lots of online work too - so I'm online a lot at work, less so at home but it's not a 9 - 5 type job so yes I do work outside of "work hours" (as does MM - it's the nature of our kind of work) and snuggling up next to each other, each with our lappie, chatting as we go about our business online beats sitting three feet apart staring passively at a tv "together" that some people spend their "together time" doing. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 This I agree with...BS and OW/OM do have a lot in common. And when its all said and done...we all tend to walk away hurting after the affair. Owl I'm sorry you were hurt, really I am. I've not been hurt by an A - it's possible some of the BWs have, where the MM left, but mostly it's been the MM hurt when I walked and he was left alone or with just the BW and a gaping hole where dissatisfaction with the M had grown. This time around, the MM is happy & thriving, the kids are happy & thriving, the BW is having to face some hard truths that may one day lead to her being able (for the first time, ever) to be happy, and to thrive - so win-win, I reckon, on this one. (Which, before anyone else feels the need to point out, I'm not claiming to be the way it ALWAYS works out in EVERY A...) Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Ya, and then that pleading is usually followed up with the ritual of wanting advice on how to handle the MM/MW that have nothing to do with ending the affair. That and deflecting their own role in the affair usually saying something like, "i have no responsibility here, I am not the one that said the vows to his wife/husband". The old, "not my problem" tripe. I'm failing to understand how any of that justifies bashing. Or are you one of those people who hangs around polling stations and beats up on the voters who vote for a party other than the one you support, because if they don't share your opinion then they're obviously wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Why is it my problem that you or someone else can't hold their spouse to their vows? That sounds like a personal problem to me. ... or that somebody else chose to exercise their FREEDOM OF CHOICE to walk away from their vows? I've never held a gun to anyone's head to engage in an A with me. I've never hit on anyone who reports to me, anyone whose work I mark, anyone of whose life I hold the remotest amount of power or influence. None of the people I've ever had an A with would have suffered any adverse consequences had they said no, nor did any of them agree under any form of duress. Agreement in all cases was freely given, after full disclosure of terms and expectations, and due consideration of the consequences. When someone gives informed consent, acting freely and of their own accord, the responsibility for their decision is theirs and theirs alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 What about all these ex OW on LS who are all theoretically happy with their MM they supposedly have "all to themselves" now? Why are they still posting too? Even now that MM is no longer married, I still come here because I've made friends with some of the FOW/OW. Other than that, I also post on other boards on LS. I can keep in touch with them through emails or IM but I like being here sometimes. I don't think I can stop posting here especially when there are posters here that have supported me throughout my R and the loss of my mother. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Keep in mind TC that this thread was started by an OW and directly bashes all BW by calling our marriages a farce and all the other "nice" things she said. And then, as always, along comes another OW to claim that our anger is the reason our H's cheated and who would blame them? This is a thread intended to bash BW on the OW forum. If she really wanted "peace" she could have gone about it without her own bashing and insults. JMO I disagree. I think Katanya made a really good point in her opening post: If you don't like the topics and don't agree with the forum content don't put yourself through this time and time again. Reading story after story of affairs, secret trysts and OP who have relationship issues with their OM/OW when you yourself are trying to either heal or move on from being th BS in a relationship would be akin to pulling scabs off healing wounds just to watch it bleed! It is the exact same conclusion I've drawn. This forum exists to help and support the OM/OW. But sometimes it's hard to tell, with all the negative vitriol they are constantly bombarded with. It unfortunately becomes necessary to "consider the source" when this happens. (Sigh) Maybe we're expecting too much from each other. Nobody is completely objective, especially about the topic of infidelity. But I really like what WF said (as usual!!): With all due respect, I think the OP just wants to see a place that claims to be one of support actually deliver what it offers. ... and this: If I could speak for her I would say that she found the bashers to have ugly intentions by preventing the OM/OW to share their feelings and frustrations in their path for clarity and decisions. What was obvious to me was her intention in getting the typical angry BS (there is a difference among BS's) to step up to the plate and refrain from bashing. Let people post. Let the experts in their field or forum quide them. Believe it or not, we do learn from our experiences and mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Speaking for myself, I have some friends here, and stay in touch both on LS and off. I have friends all over the world, and the way we keep in touch is electronic - email , Facebook, Twitter, Mxit, IM and yes, forums where appropriate. My work involves lots of online work too - so I'm online a lot at work, less so at home but it's not a 9 - 5 type job so yes I do work outside of "work hours" (as does MM - it's the nature of our kind of work) and snuggling up next to each other, each with our lappie, chatting as we go about our business online beats sitting three feet apart staring passively at a tv "together" that some people spend their "together time" doing. And all of the above could be said for ANY person who posts on LS. I was simply responding to allegations about folks - particularly BS's - spending any amount of measurable time on LS and that they must be neglecting their partner as a result. Not that I'm a BS, but really. You can't make an assumption like that, or you have to assume the same about everyone on LS, not just BS's. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Even now that MM is no longer married, I still come here because I've made friends with some of the FOW/OW. Other than that, I also post on other boards on LS. I can keep in touch with them through emails or IM but I like being here sometimes. I don't think I can stop posting here especially when there are posters here that have supported me throughout my R and the loss of my mother. Exactly! Which is another reason to NOT make assumptions about any LS poster's reasons for being here. It's NOT necessarily because anyone is being neglected or that someone's M sucks. And no one should have to explain why they are here. That would be a whole 'nother thread, and it would be a LONG one! Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 And all of the above could be said for ANY person who posts on LS. I was simply responding to allegations about folks - particularly BS's - spending any amount of measurable time on LS and that they must be neglecting their partner as a result. Not that I'm a BS, but really. You can't make an assumption like that, or you have to assume the same about everyone on LS, not just BS's. That wasn't the case. It was 24/7-an exaggeration. Link to post Share on other sites
openingup Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 [Quote: Owl;1757657]Who's on here 24/7??? I've yet to see ANY poster posting at anything approaching those hours...or anyone who's posting advice (or even just insults) at anything near the frequency or range of hours that's been suggested."] Umm, how would you know how many hours (or when) others are posting unless LS is WAAAY too big a part of your life? I think you might be protesting a bit too much. Keep telling yourself, it's just a website, it's just a website . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 [Quote: Owl;1757657]Who's on here 24/7??? I've yet to see ANY poster posting at anything approaching those hours...or anyone who's posting advice (or even just insults) at anything near the frequency or range of hours that's been suggested."] Umm, how would you know how many hours (or when) others are posting unless LS is WAAAY too big a part of your life? I think you might be protesting a bit too much. Keep telling yourself, it's just a website, it's just a website . . . I try, but being right is an addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 And all of the above could be said for ANY person who posts on LS. I was simply responding to allegations about folks - particularly BS's - spending any amount of measurable time on LS and that they must be neglecting their partner as a result. Not that I'm a BS, but really. You can't make an assumption like that, or you have to assume the same about everyone on LS, not just BS's. For the 3rd time, I was speaking of 3 BS's. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 For the 3rd time, I was speaking of 3 BS's. All this is not necessarily for you, Virgo. There is another LSer who spouts off about people still on LS who "claim to be happy" ALL THE TIME and how their M must really suck despite what they say. And it gets very old. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 and fwiw there is nothing on this board's header that says only post here if you want to END the A, is there ? No, but the point is, they seem to want to sweep the pain they help to cause under the rug and deflect any responsibility, yet want to cry when someone calls them on said behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 All this is not necessarily for you, Virgo. There is another LSer who spouts off about people still on LS who "claim to be happy" ALL THE TIME and how their M must really suck despite what they say. And it gets very old. Alrighty. I was getting a little concerned. Point taken. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 No, but the point is, they seem to want to sweep the pain they help to cause under the rug and deflect any responsibility, yet want to cry when someone calls them on said behavior. Bish, you are scaring me. What's up with the avatar? I miss the old one. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 I'm failing to understand how any of that justifies bashing. Oh sure there are people here that will call names and tell them they are, as lookingforward put it, bottom sucking scumbags(or something to that effect). But if calling people on their behavior and calling them on the fact that they don't care who they hurt, but then expect sympathy for their views is "bashing", then so be it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 but when certain BSers and FOWs only come onto the OW board to harass and harangue the posters then it's counterproductive.......and I'm sure the adrenaline buzz they get as they press send on a nasty bashing post can't last long enough to make it worth while OW/OM need a place they know they can post without being called names by the "aggrieved" parties. It's not helping them work through things if you bash them and they never come back is it ? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Bish, you are scaring me. What's up with the avatar? I miss the old one. Cool, then I think I'll keep this one for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Oh sure there are people here that will call names and tell them they are, as lookingforward put it, bottom sucking scumbags(or something to that effect). But if calling people on their behavior and calling them on the fact that they don't care who they hurt, but then expect sympathy for their views is "bashing", then so be it. Bish, it would be a different thing if the OW posters were wandering into the M or infidelity boards expecting support, but they're not, they're on a board that is ostensibly the place on this forum for them to post. How is beating them to a pulp on their first posting even pretending to help ? It's just making the basher feel good briefly Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Oh sure there are people here that will call names and tell them they are, as lookingforward put it, bottom sucking scumbags(or something to that effect). But if calling people on their behavior and calling them on the fact that they don't care who they hurt, but then expect sympathy for their views is "bashing", then so be it. Some BS don't care who they hurt either. Some BS don't acknowledge the marital problems until a threat comes along-in some cases. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted July 22, 2008 Share Posted July 22, 2008 Cool, then I think I'll keep this one for a while. You're so sweet and loveable. Link to post Share on other sites
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