"Veterans" of Online Dating

[HiItsMe]

Okay, her profile...pretty basic/standard profile. It's entitled:

 

[sIZE=+2]Looking for a fun, nice guy

[/sIZE]I'm a 'normal', fun, nice person looking for the same! I've been an independent woman for quite some time and I've had to deal w/some 'disappointing' experiences, however, I've always tried to make it a habit of being optimistic and grateful (2 of my best qualities!). I'd like to meet someone who's willing to build something from a friendship into something more serious. Oh, I almost forgot - I love to laugh and I love sarcastic humor. If you tend to be almost always serious, there's nothing wrong with that, but please don't try to be someone your not for my sake.

 

 

My email to her:

 

Hello, How are you?

 

I happened to come across your profile here on POF and figured I'd introduce myself. My name is Herbie.

 

Looking for a decent and nice lady with a great sense of humor to spend some time with. What attracted me to your profile is that you prefer to build something from a friendship, I too seek the same thing, looking for a best friend as well.

 

I am your typical nice guy who knows how to treat a woman like a lady, I even have a great sense of humor....though I don't do that for a living, my friends and family are audience enough.

 

I like a sarcastic sense of humor as well, my favorite TV Show "Scrubs" seems to portray that so well.

 

So how long have you lived in <Local City>? Great photos by the way, the first one is my favorite.

 

Take care...

 

Herbie

 

Now, I mentioned I was a nice guy, well...for one thing she said in her profile, "Looking for a nice guy...." Probably wouldn't have otherwise. But since she mentioned it...I figured, no big deal.

 

Now, it might sound "regular" I suppose, but I'm sure it could use some tweaking, but...who knows right?

[grogster]

Okay, her profile...pretty basic/standard profile. It's entitled:

 

[sIZE=+2]Looking for a fun, nice guy

[/sIZE]I'm a 'normal', fun, nice person looking for the same! I've been an independent woman for quite some time and I've had to deal w/some 'disappointing' experiences, however, I've always tried to make it a habit of being optimistic and grateful (2 of my best qualities!). I'd like to meet someone who's willing to build something from a friendship into something more serious. Oh, I almost forgot - I love to laugh and I love sarcastic humor. If you tend to be almost always serious, there's nothing wrong with that, but please don't try to be someone your not for my sake.

 

 

My email to her:

 

Hello, How are you?

 

I happened to come across your profile here on POF and figured I'd introduce myself. My name is Herbie.

 

Looking for a decent and nice lady with a great sense of humor to spend some time with. What attracted me to your profile is that you prefer to build something from a friendship, I too seek the same thing, looking for a best friend as well.

 

I am your typical nice guy who knows how to treat a woman like a lady, I even have a great sense of humor....though I don't do that for a living, my friends and family are audience enough.

 

I like a sarcastic sense of humor as well, my favorite TV Show "Scrubs" seems to portray that so well.

 

So how long have you lived in <Local City>? Great photos by the way, the first one is my favorite.

 

Take care...

 

Herbie

 

Now, I mentioned I was a nice guy, well...for one thing she said in her profile, "Looking for a nice guy...." Probably wouldn't have otherwise. But since she mentioned it...I figured, no big deal.

 

Now, it might sound "regular" I suppose, but I'm sure it could use some tweaking, but...who knows right?

 

The e-mail is fine: well-written and personable. I'm a guy with successful online dating relationships, and I don't see any problems or "red flags" in the entreaty.

[HiItsMe]

The e-mail is fine: well-written and personable. I'm a guy with successful online dating relationships, and I don't see any problems or "red flags" in the entreaty.

 

 

Grogster, thank you....that's good to hear....so I've been doing good ALL along.

 

So I guess it isn't really me then?

[miss_28]

ahhh... now i remember why i hate meeting people online... i think you're problem is you aren't keeping it loose... let me explain. Online dating hinges on meeting strangers and just being out there with no expectations whatsoever. All the people who have profiles also have other things going on in their lives as well... they most likely are just out there testing waters, having some fun, etc. Online dating is the most casual, no strings attached form of getting to know someone because there is no initial face to face, even the ones who go online looking for something serious don't want to feel like they're attracting desperate people. Don't take it so serious... don't invest too much in your profile either, it'll come across that this is the only thing that you've got going on.

 

I know 3 beautiful couples that got married from online dating... great people (interesting, kind, attractive people)... you know what their online approach was every single time? Loose, fun and go with the flow. Maybe we'll connect maybe we won't. They didn't obsess about it. They shared funny emails, talked on the phone a couple of times, hung out and let things develop. They certainly didn't obsess about there profile!

 

Nobody owes anyone anything when they go online... they aren't ignoring you because they want to reject you, they just look for something more interesting than the generic response that your a nice guy. And when it comes to games, everyone, even people who say they don't play games, play games. That's life - especially online. And guess what... its ok...

 

Oh, one last thing... guys, please stop referring to all women as shallow, cold and calculating bitches... it's a huge turn off, as a woman its demoralizing to read, and if you have a negative attitude towards women, we will pick up on it and drop you like a hot potato. If you had a bad experience with a woman... fine... direct your anger towards her, not towards all women in general. If you think we're not worth the effort, then just stop putting in the effort all together, give it up, you'll do everyone a favor.

[DunnoWhat]

My email to her:

 

 

Hello, How are you?

 

I happened to come across your profile here on POF and figured I'd introduce myself. My name is Herbie.

 

Looking for a decent and nice lady with a great sense of humor to spend some time with. What attracted me to your profile is that you prefer to build something from a friendship, I too seek the same thing, looking for a best friend as well.

 

I am your typical nice guy who knows how to treat a woman like a lady, I even have a great sense of humor....though I don't do that for a living, my friends and family are audience enough.

 

I like a sarcastic sense of humor as well, my favorite TV Show "Scrubs" seems to portray that so well.

 

So how long have you lived in <Local City>? Great photos by the way, the first one is my favorite.

 

Take care...

 

Herbie

 

Now, I mentioned I was a nice guy, well...for one thing she said in her profile, "Looking for a nice guy...." Probably wouldn't have otherwise. But since she mentioned it...I figured, no big deal.

 

Now, it might sound "regular" I suppose, but I'm sure it could use some tweaking, but...who knows right?

Yes it could use tweaking alright!

 

First thing I notice and this is important: theres nothing to respond to. You ask her how she is and tell her about yourself but ask no questions or say nothing interesting. Why not ask her what she thinks of the city etc. It gives her something to reply to

 

Don't mention the photos. Just say you like her profile. Saying you like how she looks gives the impression that it might be her looks you really like.

 

"Typical nice guy"?? You're supposed to be unique and interesting. Nobody is looking for "typical" guys.

 

Another massive mistake: She mentioned she likes sarcastic humour and you tell her you are very funny etc etc. Mistake no1 there was telling her something she wanted to hear. Women know what you're doing here. Mistake no2 was you said you have a good sense of humour etc but the email screams SERIOUS!! Have a laugh with her joke around.. SHOW her you have a sense of humour and you are sarcastic.

 

It came across as trying too hard and that means that you are desperate for a date. Now I'm not saying you are but thats the subconscious message that email is giving her.

 

Have fun, tell her the things you like and don't like and ask her some questions about herself. It's important to ask her questions so you give the impression that you have high standards instead of trying to show her how great you are.

[HiItsMe]

Yes it could use tweaking alright!

 

First thing I notice and this is important: theres nothing to respond to. You ask her how she is and tell her about yourself but ask no questions or say nothing interesting. Why not ask her what she thinks of the city etc. It gives her something to reply to

 

Don't mention the photos. Just say you like her profile. Saying you like how she looks gives the impression that it might be her looks you really like.

 

"Typical nice guy"?? You're supposed to be unique and interesting. Nobody is looking for "typical" guys.

 

Another massive mistake: She mentioned she likes sarcastic humour and you tell her you are very funny etc etc. Mistake no1 there was telling her something she wanted to hear. Women know what you're doing here. Mistake no2 was you said you have a good sense of humour etc but the email screams SERIOUS!! Have a laugh with her joke around.. SHOW her you have a sense of humour and you are sarcastic.

 

It came across as trying too hard and that means that you are desperate for a date. Now I'm not saying you are but thats the subconscious message that email is giving her.

 

Have fun, tell her the things you like and don't like and ask her some questions about herself. It's important to ask her questions so you give the impression that you have high standards instead of trying to show her how great you are.

 

I made a massive mistake of telling her what she WANTED to hear....how lame. LOL Sorry, I don't buy it, but nice try!!

 

Sorry, dude, going on what Grog says....this ends this post...thank you very much Grog. :-)

[miss_28]

i agree with you 100% dunno.

[miss_28]

I made a massive mistake of telling her what she WANTED to hear....how lame. LOL Sorry, I don't buy it, but nice try!!

 

Sorry, dude, going on what Grog says....this ends this post...thank you very much Grog. :-)

 

... and that's why you're not going to get anywhere online...

[DunnoWhat]

... and that's why you're not going to get anywhere online...

He won't. He's too stubborn and a know it all

[Art_Critic]

Sorry, dude, going on what Grog says....this ends this post...thank you very much Grog. :-)

 

You really don't want advice with online dating do you ?

 

Grog is right... in most cases a nice ice breaker email.. I personally would stay away from telling them what you are looking for in your first email.. your profile is supposed to do that..

 

But if I was to break it down to figure out why it didn't get a response I would look at this:

Your email had no flair to stand out and you did use the word typical..

So DunnoWhat is also right and he is right about the humor.. your email wasn't funny and funny was what she was asking for..

 

The other thing to consider is that when a person reads your email they also look at your profile..

Your profile.. the wording of that profile also matters.. it should have some humor injected as well..

No typos and your pictures should not have any women in them.. even cut out women..

[DunnoWhat]

Grogster, thank you....that's good to hear....so I've been doing good ALL along.

 

So I guess it isn't really me then?

If thats what you want to believe then believe it but don't expect much changes in your 'luck'.

[HiItsMe]

If thats what you want to believe then believe it but don' expect much changes in your 'luck'.

 

Well, actually I placed, in my opinion and em ail that does NOT sound like I'm trying to hard.

 

So it's really how one PERCEIVES it....Grogster perceived it as a nice, well written email....nothing all about despreation (have no idea where you got THAT, lol)

 

While you...so it differently

 

Since THAT is the case.....it's a good WEEDING out process.

 

Personally, I think you read into the email too much.

[Art_Critic]

Also.. try and remember that women get tons of email each day and more.. some women can get 20-30 emails EACH DAY and they only have time to reply to a few so you want your email to be the one they reply to..

 

Your email has to be different and stick out more than the other 18 emails she got that same day..

 

In a sense you have about 30 secs of her time to turn her head and say ".. damn that guy is cool "

[shockandawed]

OP,

 

Are you looking to serious improve your online or dating life in general, or just looking to counteract every bit of advise you are getting?

 

I spent about a year and a half online dating as well as IRL. In that time, I have actually met approximately 70 girls from the dating sites. I have had every experience imaginable, deceptions, bland dates, fake illnesses, etc.. but I have also learned alot and have met some great girls, including one very special lady.

 

You may very well be all the things you say about yourself, in fact, I am assuming you are. With that in mind though, one date every 6 months indicates you are doing something wrong. Nothing wrong with that, I screwed up a ton. I spent alot of time self analyzing, geting advise etc and can assure you, like anything else, it's always a learning process.

 

If you want advise and genuinely improve those numbers, post away. There are plenty of people here who have traveled these roads. If you just want to whine about your lack of repsonses but defend everything you do and refuse to accept advise, then I don't see any point of posting here.

[HiItsMe]

Also.. try and remember that women get tons of email each day and more.. some women can get 20-30 emails EACH DAY and they only have time to reply to a few so you want your email to be the one they reply to..

 

Your email has to be different and stick out more than the other 18 emails she got that same day..

 

In a sense you have about 30 secs of her time to turn her head and say ".. damn that guy is cool "

 

Right, sometimes I send a follow-up email in case I get overlooked. :-) You know, since they get tons of emails.

[HiItsMe]

OP,

 

Are you looking to serious improve your online or dating life in general, or just looking to counteract every bit of advise you are getting?

 

I spent about a year and a half online dating as well as IRL. In that time, I have actually met approximately 70 girls from the dating sites. I have had every experience imaginable, deceptions, bland dates, fake illnesses, etc.. but I have also learned alot and have met some great girls, including one very special lady.

 

You may very well be all the things you say about yourself, in fact, I am assuming you are. With that in mind though, one date every 6 months indicates you are doing something wrong. Nothing wrong with that, I screwed up a ton. I spent alot of time self analyzing, geting advise etc and can assure you, like anything else, it's always a learning process.

 

If you want advise and genuinely improve those numbers, post away. There are plenty of people here who have traveled these roads. If you just want to whine about your lack of repsonses but defend everything you do and refuse to accept advise, then I don't see any point of posting here.

 

Check out this site

 

Apparently, alot of gents there have their same issues as well

[shockandawed]

Also.. try and remember that women get tons of email each day and more.. some women can get 20-30 emails EACH DAY and they only have time to reply to a few so you want your email to be the one they reply to..

 

Your email has to be different and stick out more than the other 18 emails she got that same day..

 

In a sense you have about 30 secs of her time to turn her head and say ".. damn that guy is cool "

 

 

AC is so right on this. I have a female friend who signed up on one of the same sites I was using. It was amazing the sheer volume of emails she got. She let me access her inbox and I learned alot. One of the biggies was the emails really need to stand out. Not anything fake or outlandish. Just short and funny. When she logs on and there are 20 or so waiting, it doesn't take long for the attention span to wane. Also, there are alot of strange emails, that after awhile, they naturally build up a quick defense mechanism. If there is one word in your email that reminds them of some previous freak, off you go.

 

When I shortened my emails and kept them loose, the responses increased dramatically.

[miss_28]

Right, sometimes I send a follow-up email in case I get overlooked. :-) You know, since they get tons of emails.

 

A follow up email!? does that ever work for you? there is no way i'd ever respond to someone who emailed me twice without me having responded first... it reeks of desperation...

 

online dating is all about perception, not just about your perception of yourself, but of others perception of you. actually, all social interaction is like that if you think about it... a follow up email is pushy, shows me you're too invested in the process and would definitely weed you out, not the other way around.

[Art_Critic]

Check out this site

 

Apparently, alot of gents there have their same issues as well

 

There are bitter people everywhere Hitsme.... not meaning you but some of those guys bitching in that link

 

The funny thing is that you are talking to quite a few people on LS that have had good success with online dating and you are just tossing aside our advice.

 

I'm at a loss on what to say to try and get you to look at you, your emails, your profile and your pictures to figure out what isn't meshing..

 

See.. Women online are varied just like the guys are.. so if you are not getting a response it isn't them as a group.

 

I think you need to keep trying.. work on trimming down your email size.. humor.. actually show it instead of telling them you are funny.

 

and look at your profile better.. make sure you have the good fun things that you do in your life mentioned in there..

Make sure your profile doesn't look jaded or not over an ex..

 

Don't mention previous dates or even other online experiences in your profile.

No lists of likes/dislikes in your profile either..

 

and also look at how you define what you are looking for.. son't make your options broad.. they will think you are not discriminating and will settle for anyone..

But at the same time make youe requires broad enough to pull in the women.

 

The age you specify in your profile can matter too.. Don't say your are looking to date 10 years under your age but not 10 years over...

They will see that as a turn off if you do...

[HiItsMe]

A follow up email!? does that ever work for you? there is no way i'd ever respond to someone who emailed me twice without me having responded first... it reeks of desperation...

 

online dating is all about perception, not just about your perception of yourself, but of others perception of you. actually, all social interaction is like that if you think about it... a follow up email is pushy, shows me you're too invested in the process and would definitely weed you out, not the other way around.

 

 

Actually, I got the the "Follow Up" advice from an article on the net, and also from some other people like yourself giving advice.

 

So...heh...go figure....can't satisfy everyone all the time.

[HiItsMe]

There are bitter people everywhere Hitsme.... not meaning you but some of those guys bitching in that link

 

The funny thing is that you are talking to quite a few people on LS that have had good success with online dating and you are just tossing aside our advice.

 

*Sigh* I don't know what to tell you.

 

I think you need to keep trying.. work on trimming down your email size.. humor.. actually show it instead of telling them you are funny.

 

 

 

Possibly.

 

 

 

and look at your profile better.. make sure you have the good fun things that you do in your life mentioned in there..

Make sure your profile doesn't look jaded or not over an ex..

 

Could those FUN things include pictures with me out doing activities and amongst other friends?

 

Don't mention previous dates or even other online experiences in your profile.

No lists of likes/dislikes in your profile either..

 

That's one thing I DON'T do....however....I have seen ALOT of women do this, ESP when they get emails from guys that don't fall into their "physical criteria"....one woman said, "Okay, guys, I want to make myself clear! I have been getting emails from men that DON'T meet my criteria...and she went onto a full paragraph or 2 about certian height and details on what his body should look like......BAD idea, right?

 

and also look at how you define what you are looking for.. son't make your options broad.. they will think you are not discriminating and will settle for anyone..

But at the same time make youe requires broad enough to pull in the women.

 

Don't make my options broad, yet don't make them too strict either?

 

The age you specify in your profile can matter too.. Don't say your are looking to date 10 years under your age but not 10 years over...

They will see that as a turn off if you do...

 

I have areasonable dating ages, I am 36, and I willl date from late 20's to early 40's. SO I suppose that's reasonable?

 

Anyways, I wanted to say something else, I actually used to really "customize" each email to each woman basck in the days of dial-up...then I gave up...didn't want writing cramps...so I became more casual in my write-ups.

 

I mean, like on that review site, I have been on sites where alot of men...LIKE ME, have complained

 

1. Man, women are picky

2. Man, it's like a 10 to 1 ratio of men to women on dating sites, I'm throwing away my money and time.

3. Alot of men throwing up their arms pretty much dismissing women as overly picky with unrealistic expecations

 

Just telling you what I've heard from other men.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

Hello, How are you?

 

I happened to come across your profile here on POF and figured I'd introduce myself. My name is Herbie.

 

Looking for a decent and nice lady with a great sense of humor to spend some time with. What attracted me to your profile is that you prefer to build something from a friendship, I too seek the same thing, looking for a best friend as well.

 

I am your typical nice guy who knows how to treat a woman like a lady, I even have a great sense of humor....though I don't do that for a living, my friends and family are audience enough.

 

I like a sarcastic sense of humor as well, my favorite TV Show "Scrubs" seems to portray that so well.

 

So how long have you lived in <Local City>? Great photos by the way, the first one is my favorite.

 

Take care...

 

Herbie

 

[/i]Now, I mentioned I was a nice guy, well...for one thing she said in her profile, "Looking for a nice guy...." Probably wouldn't have otherwise. But since she mentioned it...I figured, no big deal.

 

Now, it might sound "regular" I suppose, but I'm sure it could use some tweaking, but...who knows right?

I'm going to be honest and go against everyone else and say that if I received an email like this on a dating site, I would probably delete it immediately. You seem intensely desperate. You implore her to believe "I have a great sense of humour!!!" but there was nothing clever, humourous, or endearing about that email. You seem boring and typical; you seem to lack a genuine personality (based on what's written in that email; not a dig on you as a person). And yes, telling a girl "what you think she wants to hear", riddled in vagueness and without substance, is not attractive in the least.

 

A follow up email!? does that ever work for you? there is no way i'd ever respond to someone who emailed me twice without me having responded first... it reeks of desperation...

If a guy sent me a "follow-up email" before I responded to the first one, immediate block+delete! Seriously creepy. There's a reason she didn't respond to your first one, believe me.

 

Women are picky because they get more attention more easily. In order for a woman to notice you, you have to stand out. If that email is any indication, I doubt you will stand out for any woman at all.

 

I realize you don't want to listen to any advice that doesn't flatter you, so this post probably won't mean a thing to you...but I'm sure most other people on this thread will agree I'm right.

[HiItsMe]

I'm going to be honest and go against everyone else and say that if I received an email like this on a dating site, I would probably delete it immediately. You seem intensely desperate. You implore her to believe "I have a great sense of humour!!!" but there was nothing clever, humourous, or endearing about that email. You seem boring and typical; you seem to lack a genuine personality (based on what's written in that email; not a dig on you as a person). And yes, telling a girl "what you think she wants to hear", riddled in vagueness and without substance, is not attractive in the least.

 

 

If a guy sent me a "follow-up email" before I responded to the first one, immediate block+delete! Seriously creepy. There's a reason she didn't respond to your first one, believe me.

 

Women are picky because they get more attention more easily. In order for a woman to notice you, you have to stand out. If that email is any indication, I doubt you will stand out for any woman at all.

 

I realize you don't want to listen to any advice that doesn't flatter you, so this post probably won't mean a thing to you...but I'm sure most other people on this thread will agree I'm right.

 

Hell,if that's the case, the profiles I read of women are just as boring or plain. lol.

 

I figured all the "real deal" will come out on the actual date or at least the phone call.

[HiItsMe]

The advice given pretty much mimicks what I've already done...and what other people I have known to do, some have written emails to women, some better sounding than even mine.

 

Only to get a "delete" so really.

 

I mean, why do I see SO many men complain about their "turn around" rate in replies from women.

 

I think I've gotten perhaps at the most 3 dates in ONE year...from online dating.

 

I attribute to more physical attraction, because, I had women tell me they weren't physically attracted...and there must be that "chemistry".

 

Believe me, about 90% of ignored emails are probably from men who didn't find their pictures or they were too short or something.

 

Alot of women I have met here have strict height criterias and other such unrealistic expetations.

 

I have done my share of exceptional emails, but only to still not impress anyone.

 

But I bet if I posted those too, you'd find SOMETHING wrong with it, I know you will.

[DunnoWhat]

I'm going to be honest and go against everyone else and say that if I received an email like this on a dating site, I would probably delete it immediately. You seem intensely desperate. You implore her to believe "I have a great sense of humour!!!" but there was nothing clever, humourous, or endearing about that email. You seem boring and typical; you seem to lack a genuine personality (based on what's written in that email; not a dig on you as a person). And yes, telling a girl "what you think she wants to hear", riddled in vagueness and without substance, is not attractive in the least.

Thats what we're all saying to him but he won't listen. lol