MY BIL is moving out....yeeeahhhh.

[redfathom]

Okay, I don't want to sound too excited, because I do like my BIL a lot. We are good friends.

 

However, he has been living with us since he was 16 and he just turned 23...seven years people!!! He graduated college May of last year and started to look for a place around October of last year. I am both excited for him and for us (me and hubby).

 

We have been married eight years and will finally have some privacy. Not to mention...the STORAGE and extra room! That is like the ultimate. The extra room will be our guest room/my art studio!!!

 

We will move our desk (with PC) in their from our bedroom, get me a drafting table, buy a hide a bed love seat and move the TV from the bedroom in there so we can get an armoire for extra storage in our bedroom. His cloest is huge BTW...haha, yeaaahhh. I can finally move all my art stuff out of the living room (which takes up some space) and I don't have to use the dining room table anymore to draw. Now I can also work on learning photoshop while my H is sleeping (we have different hours so that was hard to do, finding time).

 

I am also excited about redecorating his room and the guest bathroom.

 

So next weekend, he moves out.... And we all get to start a new phase of our lives...

[Ronni_W]

Back to the honeymoon phase for you two!!!

 

Great news, Red. That is sure to take off a lot of pressure -- even if you DO love BiL to pieces, enjoy his company, etc., etc...it still is just different having someone else around for that long. Inhibiting in ways that day-to-day don't seem that important but...it's nice to know you CAN, er, christen the washer or kitchen table IF you want

 

Have fun with your decorating projects, too (if you two lovebirds can find the time, that is.)

[redfathom]

Well, the kitchen table is already taken care of...haha. We did tell him yesterday we were going to make his room the naked room!! HAHA!!

[redfathom]

Okay, I should add...I really need to keep my cool and let this be a good thing. But he was a jerk yesterday. Two years ago we traded in his PS2 and got a PS3 which took $100 off the $600 price. He uses the PS3 more then anyone. He asked yesterday if we were going to buy him out of it...!!!

 

I wanted to say, yeah, when you pay us back for all the food, utilities, car insurance and gas money we have given you over the last seven years...

 

He said he is also upset about getting his own cell plan. I had offered to let him pay us 1/3 of the bill and stay on our plan. He said that was not a fair deal ($50 a month) because my H gets $100 credit every two years for a new phone and he doesn't. So now his bill will be like $65+. Oh well I guess...

[Ronni_W]

Yeah...you just gotta focus on all the 'sweet' that are gonna come once he leaves.

 

But that's kinda the prob with being "too nice" ~ those on the receiving end forget that it IS taking some energy and money on our part (I think cos WE forget to remind them once in a while), and then just start expecting more and more as their rightful due. (I had this with my own brother living with us for waayyyy too long -- I realized I have to take some {a lot?} of the responsibility for him feeling so entitled.)

 

Now <getting out calculator> lemme see: I'd save minimum $15/month if I stay on your cell. plan. Two years...what's that? - 24 months? What is $15 times 24??? Oh...lookie here ~~ I'd end up saving $360 over the 2 years.

But screwitt -- I'm rather just gonna bitch about YOUR lousy $100 credit.

 

I know what you mean about not wanting to stress the self out over these things, or seem kinda 'small and petty' -- but from some other perspective it is NOT small. There were times I just felt used and under-appreciated. And then I had to say, "Oh well", too - what else are ya gonna do, huh?

[redfathom]

Yes, I do feel used.

 

I want to say, well for seven years you never paid for food or utilites. For two years we paid your car insurance and gas so you did not have to work your high school summers...so let's see. We probrably let you skate by $150 a month on the low end x seven years = $12, 600. I will take cash, check or credit for payment. But being as nice as we are, you can pay this off over the next five years, so your monthly payment to us will be: $210. Your first payment we will deduct the $100 for the PS2 you feel you are entitled to.

[Ronni_W]

I know what you mean. Isn't it 'weird' that he's all-of-a-sudden very aware of the value of a dollar?

If he does any more acting up between now and his move-out date, maybe you could counter with something like, "Look, I don't want to end up feeling resentful for everything I've done and provided for you for the past 7 years, and I need you to help me stay feeling good about my part and about our relationship."

 

Twelve years later, I wish I woulda said something like that, and maybe got my brother to consider what my sacrifices may have been, and think about ME for 60 seconds. But I never did express my own disappointment and hurt.

Fortunately, though, I also didn't say, "Look here you ungrateful, wretched, spoiled freakin' BRAT..." . But who knows if that won't have a stronger impact?

 

Stay strong and on the 'high road' -- it's all we have, when this kind of thing goes on around us.

Best luck and have a happy weekend,

Ronni

[redfathom]

The funny thing is that he sounds resentful, like we took advantage of him...he just doesn't have a clue.

 

I mean he was 16 when he moved in and I was 19...yet my H and I took on the financiall and emotional responsabilites caring for him. When he turned 18 I expected things to be better and get better as he got older.

 

I was wrong. I am sure deep down he is grateful, but he does not act like it.

 

Not to mention him and his other brother treat my H like crap. We went to the mall last weekend with them and twice they left a store they were all at with out saying anything (well, almost, they did text him, which he did not get until like 30 min. later).

 

In one store he was looking around and they just left. The 2nd store we were waiting for them killing time playing a PC game, it had been a while, then they called and said they were checking out at X store. My H was like, "when did you leave" and they said, oh we sent you a text message. It was pretty rude since we were waiting for them and went to that store so they could shop for something.

[redfathom]

I have to update you on something funny. MY BIL is basically a slob. I try to be good about nagging him and thus end of cleaning up after him a lot. Dishes, trash, etc.

 

Well, on Friday his best friend was over (who he is moving in with) and we were sitting in the living room. MY BIL ate earlier and still had his plate on the coffee table and other trash.

 

His friend goes: "When we move in together, you should know: you will use coasters on the tables, you will not leave dirty dishes laying around and you will pick up your trash."

 

HAHA, I thought this was hilarious, because my BIL is aweful at these things. His new roomate sounds like he will be a bigger nag then me. I mean you should see my BIL's room. There is no room to stand on the floor. Boxes, clothes, trash, dirty plates, etc.

 

Also, my BIL's new place has a washer and dryer and he said he is going to wash all of his clothes at our house before he moves...haha, I told my H why should we still be paying for his soap and water. He has an apartment as of Friday, he can wash his clothes at his own place.

 

Now a serious questions, how so we decide what he takes with him?

 

The TV in his room is our, the towels are ours, the bathroom furniture is ours, dishes, pots, silverware, all ours. We all ready plan on giving him our old silverware set and also our dining room table and chairs. What about towels and such, should we give him some or let him buy his own?

 

Do we even need to have a discussion about this and if so, how?

[Ronni_W]

His friend goes: "When we move in together, you should know: you will use coasters on the tables, you will not leave dirty dishes laying around and you will pick up your trash."

:laugh: Justice is so sweet, huh? Isn't it also great how the Universe is helping you out? -- In no time flat, BiL will have a REALLY clear picture of all the small and big ways in which you and Hubby have been assisting him.

 

Now a serious questions, how so we decide what he takes with him?

It really depends on you, Red -- do you want to potentially get into something over linens and cooking utensils???

Or, will you "hate" yourself if you give him any more than he's already had benefit of???

 

I'd suggest doing whatever will make YOU feel best, into the future. If they are high-quality, almost new items, there certainly is a case to be made for keeping them yourself. Otherwise...will keeping them add to your standard of living or enjoyment of life? -- I'd kinda base it on those factors.

 

Have a happy week -- I guess you are "counting the sleeps"