What Can I do?

[Rufus09]

When I was told about the dreadful "past numbers" by my 21yr g/f, it was quite high by "my standards" if you could call them that. Her number was 17. A little longer into the relationship and its revealed that its not actually 17 but 21. Im not going to go into how I found out although she did tell me. I thought to myself why did she leave out 5? I don't get why it's such a big deal. Then, because I knew about her ex's (bcos she told me about them during the our time together), that her first real long term releationship was when she was 16. But she had 4 more boyfriends (and then me) since then.

 

So where did the other 15 enter? She told me this was before her first real boyfriend (when she was 16).

 

So, Im not going to go into great deal, but she has had a troubled past, with her parents, step parents, moving around constantly, her parents were/are not the best role models one could want. This led to some serious drug abuse and self harm. She is extremely attractive and has VERY few friends due to the constant moving about (Country to country). Also, note that her majority of friends are of the male variety. Althought Me persoanlly, I wouldnt not consider them friends. And at the same time, she is very intelligent.

 

So, Im in two minds here as to what I should do. For me personally 21 is too high for me to feel comfortable with. Let alone most of them being before she was 16 .

 

Half of these were one night stands fueled by drink. Others were apparently in search of meeting a nice boyfriend. She has no brothers or sisters so without decent parental role models...I guess she was quite alone.

 

She has done a few things since we've being going out that have really annoyed me, but nothing in the form of cheating.

 

But Im feeling a case of the old RJ. And, whether or not I CAN trust her, given her "openess" to sex. She HAS cheated on one of her ex bf before, again she told me this I didn't ask.

 

Its the whole 15 guys when she was 16. I cant help but think a "normal" girl would do THAT much at such a young age...a child still. Again, her parents were not very helpful.

 

Do I need some sense smacking into me? The fact I need to ask this on here shows I have some doubt.

 

What do you guys think?

[NatoPMT]

 

So where did the other 15 enter?

 

i dont mean to sound disrespectful, but snarf.

 

you have no reason to think she will cheat on you, shes not done anything your questioning - so just allow yourself time before you get further involved with her, make sure you dont miss or ignore any red flags and keep things slow.... and put these issues out of sight until you have actual reason to feel that shes not trustworthy - you can create a self fulfilling prophecy

 

you should only get as involved as its appropriate.

 

what did she do to annoy you? how long have you been together?

 

ive moved around a lot too, and it is hard to keep friendships and sometimes you feel isolated, help her to establish a social circle of appropriate people, or at least encourage her to do so, if she feels she has people she can trust and is part of a social community, while not judging her or allowing any paranoia to creep in on your part, her insecurities are more likeloy to be left in her teenage past. And i had a million problems in my teens, and they periodically came back, but when i was unhappy, allow yourselves to be happy

[stillafool]

I don't think that's a reason to think she would cheat. That was before you and her were together. Why does no one care if a guy has had 21 partners but if it's a girl she must be a slut. Great that she likes sex and you. If she didn't like sex they would call her frigid. I swear girls just can't win for losing!

[nmail]

Hi

You have done a good question, it’s really interesting. If you get any good reply, so please let me know. So I’ll also get some good idea.

Thanks for your future help.