Goin Crazy.

[Ninja Extrordinaire]

Hi Everyone,

 

Im just going to bust right into song and dance and get to the point.

 

I broke up with my gf of 2 years on jul 2. The relationship was at a point where it was just a nasty vicious cycle of her getting me angry at her because she would make plans with me then bail on me because something more "fun" would suit her fancy. She never understood how this could make me angry and would just say " Why can't you just be happy for me?". This coming from the same person who a few months before she wanted to drop out of university and when we were around friends she was fine, but as soon as we were alone, she would just cry and bitch and moan. I stood beside her, and encouraged her to finish. Low and behold as soon as she finishes and graduates, I can count on one hand how many times I saw her in the next 2 months up to july. She never wanted to make time for me, she was more interested in partying. (granted, I don't blame her) but the thing that killed was the fact that she would invite to all these places knowing I couldn't go because of work. So I would always be mad that she would just do as she pleases and forget me so easily.

 

I'm 25 and she's going to be 22 pretty soon. We come from very different backgrounds, as such I paid my way through college from my pocket and I work short hours but many days. I still live at home but I pay rent and am now saving money to move out to a different province and start a new career in what I studied in college. I pay for everything myself.

 

Whereas she works for a family owned business, gets to choose when she wants to work, and gets paid whenever she wants. Her mom basically bought her a new car and said just pay for the gas.

 

So, the day after Canada Day I told her I still love her very much and DO NOT *want* to break up with her, and asked her if she could meet me halfway in trying to mend our problems and she said she couldn't think of anything so I ended our relationship.

 

I knew what was going to happen, she wanted me back not even 4 days later, but I stayed strong and said to her that getting back so very soon will just be a false security and probably screw things up more. I suggested we try opening our lines of communication to figure things out because we weren't fighting anymore. But of course she decided not to think about it and has been constantly on the road doing stuff.

 

I love her very much still and she feels the same, we are still really physically attracted to eachother but the thing that is killing me is that I know I want to be with her and try again to make things work (Love makes you a dumbass I find ) while our feelings are still strong for eachother. But she is hesitant, and while that is fine, im not going to make someone do what they don't want to do, I can't just go from BF to Friend like that, I know I have to cut all contact from her in order for myself to accept things and move on.

 

So..that is my stinky situation. Don't get me wrong, right up until the last 6 months our relationship was very amazing. She is a Great person, but everyone knows how things change when your just a friend and then become more.

 

Im just having a hard time accepting how things can be so great and end up so crappy.

Any feedback is great.

 

Thanks

[livvy]

She is young, she needs to do this at this moment in her life.

 

Its not fun for the boyfriend in these circumstances.

 

You have two choices:

 

1: You either stay with her and accept that this is the way its going to be between you

 

or

 

2: You move on to pastures new.

 

Sometimes the relationship is good, the attraction is there and even love is there but the most important element that binds these things together is timing.

 

If the timing is wrong then the relationship either doesn't work out or it brings misery to one or both of the couple.

[mattdad]

On one hand she gives you a lot of what you want; and on the other she treats you lower than the garbage collector. Or, as I wrote the other day...

 

Week on, week off, between heaven and hell

Tried telling myself it was just as well

I had my life; you had yours too

But the emptiness I felt was nothing new...

 

That Dr. Phil character says that people will treat us the way we let them treat us. I guess that's about right. Maybe if you get cold yourself and let her chase YOU for a change then perhaps things will be different, otherwise...

However, you are only 25 and have a lifetime ahead of you, go out and make the most of it!

[Ninja Extrordinaire]

Thanks for the feedback.

 

It was her birthday this past friday, I bought her a gift (haven't seen her yet to give to to her) and she really wanted me to go to her cottage. The day before she gave me this spheel about how it wouldn't be the same if I didn't go, but told me NOT to come if I was going to feel sad, expect that we would have some kind of physical contact or anything else that a BF and GF would do.

 

SO...I said I didn't want to go.

 

I think after I give her her gift, im just going to disappear from her. Not tell her that, but Im just goin to make myself Un-available.

 

I'll never be able to move on if I don't, and there would be NO chance of a mutual friendship.

 

I got a quote for you mattdad

 

"I'd rather walk alone, than chase you around. I'd rather fall myself than have you drag me on down" Ben Harper

 

Sounds bout right?

[mattdad]

Never heard it, but a darn good quote

Mind if I use it in a breakup note? ;-}

 

This is your thread, but I feel that knowing that others go through the same situations, and make the same decisions is very beneficial.

I've made about the same decision as you - to move on in my life alone if need be. Of course, over my 40 plus years I've always managed to grow and find others to live with and love with.

The future looks bright indeed....

Keep in touch buddy