Smart to leave him alone for a while ?

[Nagini]

So I am crazy about aguy who told me on our first date asked me my five year plan and told me his (without asking)

We are/were friends and live 9 hours apart.

He is moving to my city next year for work.

In th emiddle of our lovely dinner he said he is NOT looking for The One or any relationships for a long time to come because he was divorced and badly hurt.

So I said oh I see. (thinking weird for him to state this on 1st date and weirder that he is already 32 and wants to wait till late 30s to look for love again)

I replied not me. Im looking for fun ove rnext 5 years but also marriage/kids.

We still had alovely dinner but on our next couple dates I kept telling mysel fI couldnt let myself have deep feelings.

Finally we had such a huge attraction we had sex. he and I both sai dbest sex ever. And then did twice more.

He knew before and after though that I cant keep havign sex with him or Id get attached (oxytocin repeat release ) He joked well lets see if I did get attached.

Finally he said the sex opened a pandora's box and makes everything serious....

Since then we have staye din touch long distance via email.

He has made attempts to call me and we did have one weird conversation where I was certain he was trying to discuss us and that he chickened out..

He keeps sending frustrating signs that he really cares (he is always asking how I am, can he help make me happy and less stressed, gives advice on how to handle my life's problems)

And now it seems he is trying to help me plan my vacation...keeps asking me zillion questions about it. When I was brave aND ASKED if he wants to be included he replied his new job starts soon.

Well whenever I truly fish for information about how he feels he backs off.

 

And reverts to only talking about his job or working out or safe subjects.

 

So at this point I feel like just leaving him alone for a good long while.

(for several weeks until summer ends)

It is too confusing.

[Geishawhelk]

I think he's confused. Truly, I do, I don't think he knows what he wants, because he stated his definite long-term plans, but I think how he feels about you is messin' with his head. And plans. And I think he's resisting.

 

CAUTION: He sounds a bit of a control freak: needs to have a handle on everything, and have it all 'just so'..... but life isn't like that. But he's trying to make it 'like that'......

[Nagini]

I think he's confused. Truly, I do, I don't think he knows what he wants, because he stated his definite long-term plans, but I think how he feels about you is messin' with his head. And plans. And I think he's resisting.

 

CAUTION: He sounds a bit of a control freak: needs to have a handle on everything, and have it all 'just so'..... but life isn't like that. But he's trying to make it 'like that'......

 

 

Your caution is spot on. You have NO IDEA. lol

His very best friend broke ranks and IMd me. The dude said to keep it between us because he would be in trouble but my guy says nothing but good things about dating me

and spends a good amount of time talking about me....So strange that his friend felt compelled to tell me that.

 

And yes he is th ebiggest type A everything must be in order and life is precision mapped out man you'll ever find.

 

Poor me.

[Geishawhelk]

No, not poor you....

Life is a moveable feast....

let him do the chasing. Back off for a while. Stay silent (he'll soon be in touch no doubt,) but resist being controlled. From the very first moment, be your own woman. Don't be tempted to capitulate to please him, or for the quiet life.... if you do that, he'll assume you'll always be willing to let him take the lead. You MUST, absolutely MUST be your own woman, with your own mind on things..........

[Nagini]

No, not poor you....

Life is a moveable feast....

let him do the chasing. Back off for a while. Stay silent (he'll soon be in touch no doubt,) but resist being controlled. From the very first moment, be your own woman. Don't be tempted to capitulate to please him, or for the quiet life.... if you do that, he'll assume you'll always be willing to let him take the lead. You MUST, absolutely MUST be your own woman, with your own mind on things..........

Thanks I will stay silent....Im the one who wrot ehim a long email two nights ago. I wrote him abou tmy stress with my sick parent, ideas fo rvacation and aske dhim several questions about his new job/house.

No reply. But I see that he was on myspace tonigh same time I was... no email or anything..

 

Im sure he'll reply oh say Sunday....

Nah this is it Im taking hiatus...I have a keen ridiculous sixth sense and its telling me he is playing around a least mentally with other girls sinc ehe is annoye dIm not avaialble 100% fo rhim.... Well he can have this fun and Ill come back at him better than before just when he's gone nuts wondering and finally missing me.

Men are like little two years olds sometimes .... they take advantage and ignore Mommy until she sticks them in the corner and leaves the room.

He can play with his toys until he gets bored and then panics finally.

 

HAH

[Geishawhelk]

I say this with a great deal of respect for the guys whom I know are mature, logical and sensible with their emotions, but I've unfortunately come to the conclusion that some men - truly - don't progress mentally, beyond 9. Perhaps even 7 at a push.....

Really.

Put him into the 'body' of a kid, and you'll see what I mean. Do you want to be a partner or a wet-nurse.......?

[Nagini]

I say this with a great deal of respect for the guys whom I know are mature, logical and sensible with their emotions, but I've unfortunately come to the conclusion that some men - truly - don't progress mentally, beyond 9. Perhaps even 7 at a push.....

Really.

Put him into the 'body' of a kid, and you'll see what I mean. Do you want to be a partner or a wet-nurse.......?

 

 

I m hoping this time alone with his thoughts will be wake up call.

I know he IS highly capable of being in adult relationships and taking on lots of responsibility.

He has a small son from his first marriage and is great Dad. He is very good friends with his first long term girlfriend(she is happily married) just friends. He is just using two back to back heartbreaks by other women as excuses....

I think part of it is he see me chatting with alot of purely platonic guys online and getting ego strokes from them about my photos and I think he thinks Im just pretending Im busy and sticking him in the friendzone.

 

Thanks for you input btw !

[Lucky_One]

When a guy tells you that he doesn't want a serious R, and then tells you that he doesn't want to go on vacation with you, and when you have only had one telephone conversation since he left after having sex with you, and won't answer fishing questions about how you feel, then YOU need to listen to what he is not saying. You were a fun date, he had great sex with you, and he isn't interested in anything more.

 

Don't read anything into the fact that he tells his friend good things about you; there is no reason for him to say ugly things about you, is there? Asking how you are doing and trying to help friends with stresses is exactly what friends do. BFs, on the other hand, call you, come see you, and go on vacation with you in order to relieve your stresses.

 

You said, "I have a keen ridiculous sixth sense and its telling me he is playing around a least mentally with other girls sinc ehe is annoye dIm not avaialble 100% fo rhim." Why would he be annoyed with you? You do seem available to him 100% - if he wanted you to be.

[Nagini]

When a guy tells you that he doesn't want a serious R, and then tells you that he doesn't want to go on vacation with you, and when you have only had one telephone conversation since he left after having sex with you, and won't answer fishing questions about how you feel, then YOU need to listen to what he is not saying. You were a fun date, he had great sex with you, and he isn't interested in anything more.

 

Don't read anything into the fact that he tells his friend good things about you; there is no reason for him to say ugly things about you, is there? Asking how you are doing and trying to help friends with stresses is exactly what friends do. BFs, on the other hand, call you, come see you, and go on vacation with you in order to relieve your stresses.

 

You said, "I have a keen ridiculous sixth sense and its telling me he is playing around a least mentally with other girls sinc ehe is annoye dIm not avaialble 100% fo rhim." Why would he be annoyed with you? You do seem available to him 100% - if he wanted you to be.

 

Haha how do I seem 100% available ? I told him twice Ive been to busy to date anyone since we had sex and am still too busy to date and that vacation will have to wait.

Well youre getting some facts offf.... he WANTED to talk on the phone more BUT I am always or miss his calls....Plus he was all interested in discussing vacation...But now that Ive told him I cant tak eit after all for another month I think I turned him off.

And sure friends care about each other. Th eway he is handling things is different then my casual friends do.

 

Also youre an other woman so I dont see where you can give me helpful advice.

Thnaks anyway.

[Lucky_One]

An ex-other woman, and possibly know a lot about men and what makes them tick.

 

But if you don't want to hear that he isn't into you, then hey - your fantasy.

[Nagini]

Your posts to myself and others are all bitter and colored because you were helping some man be a cheater.

Not all men are like that.

Youre on ignore.