I Cheated Today

[Ifeelbad]

I feel horrible but I cheated on my husband of 5 years. I have never cheated before nor ever will again. But today, I got pressured and was drinking and .... I did realize immediately what what happening and stopped it. But he did go inside me for a second.

 

The guy was a really good friend that I knew liked me but I have always made it very clear I was married.

 

What do I do! I have never done anything like this before and will never again.

[mark982]

tell your husband, and pray he's understanding.it sounds like you may have a drinking problem.any way that you look at it he must be told.

[Ifeelbad]

tell your husband, and pray he's understanding.it sounds like you may have a drinking problem.any way that you look at it he must be told.

 

 

Actually no drinking problem...the opposite. I do not drink and "my friend" egged me on. I explained that I have not had a drink in over 2 years and he ordered one for me.

[Lookingforward]

I feel horrible but I cheated on my husband of 5 years. I have never cheated before nor ever will again. But today, I got pressured and was drinking and .... I did realize immediately what what happening and stopped it. But he did go inside me for a second.

 

The guy was a really good friend that I knew liked me but I have always made it very clear I was married.

 

What do I do! I have never done anything like this before and will never again.

 

Do you have ANY idea how lame you sound ? What about this post is supposed to make us believe you will never do it again ?

[whichwayisup]

I explained that I have not had a drink in over 2 years and he ordered one for me.

 

Yet you drank it anyway...

 

This guy has NEVER been your friend because a true friend wouldn't do what he did to you. Though, with that being said, you can't put all the blame on him. At any time, you could have said no and walked away, or called your husband.

 

I'm not judging you or trying to make you feel bad - But, ask yourself why you put yourself in that situation to begin with. Are you unhappy in your marriage? Feeling neglected? Maybe you do love your husband but aren't sexually turned on by him anymore and this 'friend' made you feel good about you?

 

.... I did realize immediately what what happening and stopped it. But he did go inside me for a second.

 

Can I ask? Obviously there was some kissing and fooling around beforehand..I doubt (or I guess it's possible though) that he just put it in you without turning you on first.

[Angel1111]

I don't know how to help you out with this one. If you tell your husband about it, it will turn your relationship upside down. Don't expect him to be understanding about it because he's not going to be.

 

I'm not sure I would say anything to him because you stopped the guy before a full-blown sex act was consummated (yeah....I'm searching for a bright side here). It's your call and it depends on whether or not your husband might hear about it from someone else.

 

I think you're expecting your husband, and others, to see this from the point of view that you were persuaded to keep drinking and then, because this guy was always attracted to you, he somehow managed to get you out of his clothes. But I doubt you'll be able to sell that story so I'd drop it if I were you and start thinking about it from your husband's angle. Yes, he probably will be pissed at the guy and may even go punch his lights out, but he's going to be even more pissed with you.

 

As the saying goes, it takes a lifetime to build trust, and only one moment to destroy it. The fact that you've been faithful for 5 yrs won't mean a lot at this point. Make sure that you never let yourself get into this kind of situation again. It could've stopped at the touching stage, kissing stage, unbuttoning stage, etc. Your husband will be thinking about that, too. Being drunk will not be reassuring to him.

[whichwayisup]

Tell your husband exactly what happened. If he loves you, and feels you deserve a chance to make it right again, he'll forgive you. Though, he'll probably want to talk to the OM (Other Man) and also TELL you to never contact him again. You DO know that friendship has to end, right? Let's hope you and this guy don't work together, because if you do work with him, quit your job. Ask for a transfer...By doing this, you will be proving to your husband IN actions that you want your marriage to work and you only want him, noone else.

 

Be honest, answer all that he needs to know.

 

How long have you and the 'friend' been friends and close?

[Tony T]

I feel horrible but I cheated on my husband of 5 years. I have never cheated before nor ever will again. But today, I got pressured and was drinking and .... I did realize immediately what what happening and stopped it. But he did go inside me for a second.

 

The guy was a really good friend that I knew liked me but I have always made it very clear I was married.

 

What do I do! I have never done anything like this before and will never again.

 

Don't tell your husband, don't tell your best friend, don't tell your dog...DON'T TELL A SOUL IN THIS WORLD!!! Just forget about it. If you tell one single person it will get to your husband and there will be hell in your family. Forgive yourself, stop drinking so much and get on with your life. ZIP YOUR LIPS about this one!

 

People who cheat for the first time and run home to tell their spouse are some kind of nuts. That's not honesty, that's stupidity.

[LakesideDream]

Don't tell your husband, don't tell your best friend, don't tell your dog...DON'T TELL A SOUL IN THIS WORLD!!! Just forget about it. If you tell one single person it will get to your husband and there will be hell in your family. Forgive yourself, stop drinking so much and get on with your life. ZIP YOUR LIPS about this one!

 

People who cheat for the first time and run home to tell their spouse are some kind of nuts. That's not honesty, that's stupidity.

 

 

Tony, as a long time BS, I have to agree with you. I understand the downside. If I had known my ex was cheating at year 5 I might have left... and started over. In hindsight that's a very attractive possibility.

 

The reality is it would have created damage that would never have healed. No more future.

 

The only way this womans marriage will survive intact is to never say a word, and see that it doesen't happen again. Honesty and character are obviously not important to this gal.

 

This is a terrible situation for this young couple to be in. She's really screwed the pouch. If she "tells" her husband all heck with break loose. Oh hell, at last thought, it's probably doomed anyway. I doesen't matter much either way.

[Shygirl15]

I don't understand why some of us think confession helps. Look, he doesn't know so it doesn't matter. As long as you're sure you'll never do it again.

 

Please don't tell your HB anything, you'll just break his heart. If you're a Christian, go and confess at the Church, and ask for forgiveness from God.

 

I'm sorry this happened but I'll not blame you.

 

I just saw Tony T's post and I agree 150%.

[Angel1111]

I don't understand why some of us think confession helps. Look, he doesn't know so it doesn't matter. As long as you're sure you'll never do it again.

 

Please don't tell your HB anything, you'll just break his heart. If you're a Christian, go and confess at the Church, and ask for forgiveness from God.

 

I'm sorry this happened but I'll not blame you.

 

I just saw Tony T's post and I agree 150%.

 

I agree, too. There is a such thing as too much honestly and sometimes it serves no purpose except to get the guilt off your chest. But after that, you'll be wishing you had never said a peep about it. There would be SO much damage from this discussion with her H and it's just not worth it.

[Sks]

If you do it once you will do it again............................

[forrest]

except that if she contracts STDS and now, so her husband might as well. Not exactly fair to put him in danger, right? You cheated, take the punishment that comes with your actions. I ****ing hate people who don't take responsibility for their behavior.

[just-a-girl]

I can't make up my mind about it. One side of me says to tell him because he deserves the option to leave you if he wants to. You committed the deed you can suffer the consequences of your actions and be accountable for it.

The other side of me says if you think that he would not leave then don't tell him. Why should he have to suffer for your actions. You should keep that monkey on your back alone.

What I do know is cheating does not happen over night this was NOT something that you just stumbled on. Something is either going on with you or your marriage and you need to figure out what that is and fix it.

[GPFan]

It appears you were up for some shenanigans as you chose to imbibe the drink you could have absolutely refused. As whichwayisup pointed out, how likely is it that he went inside you for a second and you didn't know it was coming?

 

I think this was a personal experiment or self-test, if you will. Take some time to think deeply recent events, then make a decision as to whether to tell your Husband or not.

[BentSpine]

Your old relationship is already over. What was, will never return again. Even if you keep silent.

 

If you choose to take responsibility and take the consequences of telling him, then it's possible that you two can, in time, build a new, different and trusting relationship.

 

But who am I kidding. You won't do that. You're too afraid of facing the consequences of your actions.

[NatoPMT]

I feel horrible but I cheated on my husband of 5 years. I have never cheated before nor ever will again. But today, I got pressured and was drinking and .... I did realize immediately what what happening and stopped it. But he did go inside me for a second.

 

The guy was a really good friend that I knew liked me but I have always made it very clear I was married.

 

What do I do! I have never done anything like this before and will never again.

 

you didnt realise immediately unless he came up behind you and stealthily sneaked it in - cheating to me is anything you wouldnt do if your partner is looking but you do accept you cheated

 

alcohol isnt a source for blame here. its a cop out, its a contributory factor, but its not the reason you did it - what is the reason you did it?

 

whats wrong in your marriage? what do you feel unhappy about? time to be honest with yourself

[soda]

I'm not sure how you didn't realize that what you were doing was wrong until he was inside of you.

 

You were alone with the guy, right? I suspect that you were alone with him in a place that you shouldn't have been...his house, his car...etc. You didn't see anything wrong at that point?

 

There was probably fooling around that led up to intercourse, right? You didn't recognize an issue at that point?

 

You betrayed your husband. If you don't tell your H and he finds out (your "friend" could tell others) your marriage will be over. If you want to any shred of hope to save your marriage, you need to start working very hard to regain your husband's trust.

[Bryanp]

If your so-called friend egged you on to go into a store and steal something would you have done it? It sounds so lame. He egged you on because he ordered a drink for you so I guess that meant you had to drink it and have sex with him?

 

Your husband needs to know. If the roles were reversed wouldn't you have wanted to know? Since he was in you - you will now need to get tested for STD's. If your so-called friend is married or has a girlfriend then they need to be told also.

 

I am sorry but you are a married woman and because he ordered a drink for you - you felt forced to drink it and then have sex with him? Whatever happened to just saying no thanks for the drink? What is wrong with this picture? Your have a duty to tell your husband because he has a right to know. Either your relationship is based on honesty and trust or lies and deceit. The choice is yours.

[Angel1111]

Your old relationship is already over. What was, will never return again. Even if you keep silent.

 

If you choose to take responsibility and take the consequences of telling him, then it's possible that you two can, in time, build a new, different and trusting relationship.

 

But who am I kidding. You won't do that. You're too afraid of facing the consequences of your actions.

 

I disagree with this because if it were me and my husband did something like that - yes, if I knew about it I'd go through the roof and never forget it. But, if he had guilt about it like this woman does, and vowed to himself that he'd never do it again, and realized that he completely put our marriage in jeapordy then, no, I honestly wouldn't want to know about it.

 

I suppose getting an STD would be a possibility, but very unlikely in this case. I think she needs to leave it alone and just learn a lesson from it. If there are deeper issues in her marriage, she definitely needs to look at that. She also needs to develop a stronger sense of boundaries and understand that her actions are her responsibility, not someone else's.

[NatoPMT]

She also needs to develop a stronger sense of boundaries and understand that her actions are her responsibility, not someone else's.

 

thats important.

[xpaperxcutx]

I think the guilt's eating away at her as it is. The best thing to do is to understand why you did ( not blame the alcohol), and see to yourself that you won't do it again. Telling the husband is not going to help, because had she had FULL intercourse with the friend, then it'd been a problem, but they didn't go through with it. So it's a mistake, but not a irreversibale mistake.

 

Maybe the reason she was about to cheat was because there are existing marital problems the OP and her husband haven't addressed. They should seek couple's therapy.

[whichwayisup]

This wasn't just a kiss or a grope. His penis was inside of her and because of that, she put herself and her husband's health at risk. Yes, the chances are slim that she caught something, but still - That chance is still there. Imagine herpes for life..Or what if she was ovulating and a small bit of pre-cum got her pregnant, even for that short amount of time he was inside of her. Never say never.

[lkjh]

Don't tell your husband, don't tell your best friend, don't tell your dog...DON'T TELL A SOUL IN THIS WORLD!!! Just forget about it. If you tell one single person it will get to your husband and there will be hell in your family. Forgive yourself, stop drinking so much and get on with your life. ZIP YOUR LIPS about this one!

 

People who cheat for the first time and run home to tell their spouse are some kind of nuts. That's not honesty, that's stupidity.

 

So you think her husband doesn't have the right to know about this? She already broke one of her vows now lets go for a couple more.

[Trialbyfire]

One drink isn't going to make you drunk, regardless if you're a teetotaller, unless you chugged the drink on an empty stomach. If that's the case, you'd be sick first.

 

The drink is just an excuse to do whatever you've wanted to do. Accept responsibility for it by telling your husband. He deserves to know. Even if your "friend" was wearing a condom, you can still get STDs like herpes and HPV.