I Cheated Today

[lkjh]

I agree, too. There is a such thing as too much honestly and sometimes it serves no purpose except to get the guilt off your chest. But after that, you'll be wishing you had never said a peep about it. There would be SO much damage from this discussion with her H and it's just not worth it.

 

To much honesty is admitting your the one that scratched the paint on the car not hey I let another guy inside of me after only a few years of marriage.

[whichwayisup]

If it was just a kiss I would tell her not to tell. But, it was more than that and possibly there's abit more to the story that we don't know, some details left out..

[lkjh]

There is more like why is she going out with a man that she knows likes her?

[InLimbo2]

Not true - I rarely rarely drink - and have gone long stretches of not even having a beer socially - I can definitely get seriously impaired by one drink - even more so when I was thinner/less body weight. And also what the 1 drink might be - my SO is a social drinker - but he had a drink a few weeks ago with 151 rum - basically jet fuel in a glass - he was DRUNK.

 

 

One drink isn't going to make you drunk, regardless if you're a teetotaller, unless you chugged the drink on an empty stomach. If that's the case, you'd be sick first.

[Trialbyfire]

Not true - I rarely rarely drink - and have gone long stretches of not even having a beer socially - I can definitely get seriously impaired by one drink - even more so when I was thinner/less body weight. And also what the 1 drink might be - my SO is a social drinker - but he had a drink a few weeks ago with 151 rum - basically jet fuel in a glass - he was DRUNK.

Would it impair you enough to cheat on your SO?

[InLimbo2]

First - my post was just regarding the statement that it was impossible to get drunk on one drink.

 

Second - your question implies making a choice - if I drank a drink of 151 I doubt that I would be far from passing out and be unable to make a conscious choice on any matter. Even after 1 drink of something else I may be impaired enough to not make a good choice/decision on anything - or on whether to have a 2nd drink, etc etc. That's how people end up driving drunk -their judgment is so impaired they think they are perfectly fine to drive.

 

Do I think I could get drunk and do something I shouldn't? Something I normally wouldn't? You bet - did it before - I drove drunk once, back in early 80's - got home safe - no clue how - scared the sh*t out of myself and never did it again. I also learned that alcohol ramps up my libido tremendously and lowers any inhibitions I have. Luckily I learned the lessons long ago and before I killed anyone or caused someone great anguish.

 

It's one of the reasons I don't really drink - hate not being in control of myself - or when I do drink I only do so in the company of people I absolutely trust.

 

I think the OP either didn't know how greatly booze could effect her or ignored it and had the drink(s). I think the 'friend' took advantage of the situation. I think it impaired her ability to think straight - and that the moment of penetration snapped her out of it like a bucket of cold water. I have a hard time crucifying the OP for her behavior - she learned one of the same lessons I did - the only difference being that she was married/committed at the time and I lucked out and wasn't when I learned my lesson about the effect of alcohol on my judgment.

 

Now if this was second time - or she had prior experience that told her she was hot to trot when drinking and drank with the guy anyway - I might have a diff POV on it. Sounds to me like she made a terrible mistake under the influence. Doesn't say anything to me about her character or trustworthiness as a person. Tells me she just shouldn't drink with anyone but her husband - and that she's learned that lesson.

 

 

 

 

 

Would it impair you enough to cheat on your SO?

[Trialbyfire]

First - my post was just regarding the statement that it was impossible to get drunk on one drink.

 

Second - your question implies making a choice - if I drank a drink of 151 I doubt that I would be far from passing out and be unable to make a conscious choice on any matter. Even after 1 drink of something else I may be impaired enough to not make a good choice/decision on anything - or on whether to have a 2nd drink, etc etc. That's how people end up driving drunk -their judgment is so impaired they think they are perfectly fine to drive.

 

Do I think I could get drunk and do something I shouldn't? Something I normally wouldn't? You bet - did it before - I drove drunk once, back in early 80's - got home safe - no clue how - scared the sh*t out of myself and never did it again. I also learned that alcohol ramps up my libido tremendously and lowers any inhibitions I have. Luckily I learned the lessons long ago and before I killed anyone or caused someone great anguish.

 

It's one of the reasons I don't really drink - hate not being in control of myself - or when I do drink I only do so in the company of people I absolutely trust.

 

I think the OP either didn't know how greatly booze could effect her or ignored it and had the drink(s). I think the 'friend' took advantage of the situation. I think it impaired her ability to think straight - and that the moment of penetration snapped her out of it like a bucket of cold water. I have a hard time crucifying the OP for her behavior - she learned one of the same lessons I did - the only difference being that she was married/committed at the time and I lucked out and wasn't when I learned my lesson about the effect of alcohol on my judgment.

 

Now if this was second time - or she had prior experience that told her she was hot to trot when drinking and drank with the guy anyway - I might have a diff POV on it. Sounds to me like she made a terrible mistake under the influence. Doesn't say anything to me about her character or trustworthiness as a person. Tells me she just shouldn't drink with anyone but her husband - and that she's learned that lesson.

Answer my question. Better yet, let me amend it. Have you ever cheated on any SO, after one drink?

[whichwayisup]

But the point is, she drank the drink BEFORE she was drunk - She had a choice to say NO and she didn't. She put herself in that situation. Oh and I'm sure the inappropriate conversations were taking place before that 1st drink.

 

She met up with this, she likes him, has affection for him as he does her. That is what this comes down to.. The booze just helped and yeah, she changed her mind and realized it was wrong, but she first chose to let "it" happen by spending time with someone else who she has feelings for and knew he had them for her.

[InLimbo2]

I did answer your question, you just didn't like the answer because it didn't agree with yours

 

Have I ever cheated on any SO after one drink? No - only because I learned to only drink when with my SO or others that would keep me in line. Have I ever, while single, had a drink or drinks - and engaged in behavior I later wished I hadn't? yep.

 

Here's another for you - would it be possible I could cheat on my SO after one drink? Yes - if he wasn't there and I was drinking with people I couldn't trust. It's why I don't drink with people I can't trust.

 

Seems to me the OP learned that.

 

Answer my question. Better yet, let me amend it. Have you ever cheated on any SO, after one drink?

[InLimbo2]

And before the first time I did something I later wished I hadn't, I made a choice to have a drink(s) because I had no idea the effect it would have on me.

 

You ASSUME inappropriate convos went on, I checked, the poster never said that.

 

She posted they were friends and she knew he liked her - you make it sound like some grand unrequited mutual passion because it bolsters your POV. Some of my SO's closest friends think I'm great - and if I were single they'd want a shot at me - they've said that to me and to him. The difference is that they all have honor and even if I was drunk (and yes I have been drinking around them) they wouldn't take advantage of my impaired state. She chose her friend poorly - who hasn't done that at some point in their life.

 

 

But the point is, she drank the drink BEFORE she was drunk - She had a choice to say NO and she didn't. She put herself in that situation. Oh and I'm sure the inappropriate conversations were taking place before that 1st drink.

 

She met up with this, she likes him, has affection for him as he does her. That is what this comes down to.. The booze just helped and yeah, she changed her mind and realized it was wrong, but she first chose to let "it" happen by spending time with someone else who she has feelings for and knew he had them for her.

[NatoPMT]

i also feel drunk after just one drink

 

is it the general view that alcohol can facilitate you cheating and your culpability is reduced - so its the acceptance of the drink thats the culpability? being tipsy lowers inhibitions, but to me it doesnt turn you into a different person - alcoholism and blackouts being the exception

 

if you aren't capable of giving consent or saying no, then i think there's a legal case for rape in the UK. im not suggesting that in this case, but im interested to see how its viewed - sorry if thats going a bit off topic

[Trialbyfire]

I did answer your question, you just didn't like the answer because it didn't agree with yours

 

Have I ever cheated on any SO after one drink? No - only because I learned to only drink when with my SO or others that would keep me in line. Have I ever, while single, had a drink or drinks - and engaged in behavior I later wished I hadn't? yep.

 

Here's another for you - would it be possible I could cheat on my SO after one drink? Yes - if he wasn't there and I was drinking with people I couldn't trust. It's why I don't drink with people I can't trust.

 

Seems to me the OP learned that.

You can't lump all regretful behaviour with cheating. It's an entirely different ball game unless you believe that drink isn't an amplifier. I've never regretted anything that's happened after a few too many. Sure, I did some crazy stunts but no regrets and nothing even close to cheating, not even a kiss.

[InLimbo2]

Ok - if you can't lump all regretful behavior together - I think that in terms of regretful behavior that driving drunk and possibly maiming or killing someone is way worse than kissing someone else - but that's just me.

 

I've regretted things once or twice after drinking and only once was drunk driving. Plenty of people have slept with others they probably wouldn't have if they'd been stone cold sober - I did once - many people do it repeatedly - didn't say it was smart, just that it happens.

 

The only difference between me and the OP was she was married at the time and I wasn't. You seem to think that it's the married part that can overcome the impairment abilities of booze - I don't - booze is booze and it has it's effect - marital status doesn't change that. I learned the effect of booze on me when I was single, unfortunately this poster appears to have learned the effect of booze on her while married. She also learned her friend is not really her friend.

 

 

 

 

You can't lump all regretful behaviour with cheating. It's an entirely different ball game unless you believe that drink isn't an amplifier. I've never regretted anything that's happened after a few too many. Sure, I did some crazy stunts but no regrets and nothing even close to cheating, not even a kiss.

[Trialbyfire]

Ok - if you can't lump all regretful behavior together - I think that in terms of regretful behavior that driving drunk and possibly maiming or killing someone is way worse than kissing someone else - but that's just me.

 

I've regretted things once or twice after drinking and only once was drunk driving. Plenty of people have slept with others they probably wouldn't have if they'd been stone cold sober - I did once - many people do it repeatedly - didn't say it was smart, just that it happens.

 

The only difference between me and the OP was she was married at the time and I wasn't. You seem to think that it's the married part that can overcome the impairment abilities of booze - I don't - booze is booze and it has it's effect - marital status doesn't change that. I learned the effect of booze on me when I was single, unfortunately this poster appears to have learned the effect of booze on her while married. She also learned her friend is not really her friend.

Since I've never slept with a stranger, single or married, tanked or otherwise, perhaps this is the difference. Also, I've never cheated in any relationship, marriage or otherwise, tanked or otherwise, friend or otherwise.

[Arise_Serpentor]

you are responsible for your actions, drunk or not! do you think being intoxicated can 'create' elements of you that aren't there? Do you think being drunk can turn a non-racist man a racist? Or vice versa?

you have cheating in you and you know it! sooner you face it, sooner you can deal with it!

[InLimbo2]

Who said anything about a stranger? She knew this guy - he was a friend. The one time I did it it wasn't a stranger either. I know you are trying to find a morally superior high ground - and grasping at straws to do so by inaccurately portraying the OP - or me - as some that just sleeps around with strangers - but it's not accurate.

 

And though you are certainly entitled to your own morals and experiences - the reality is that most people on the planet have occasionally done things they probably shouldn't have - drunk or sober - because they are human and make mistakes - otherwise we'd all be born perfect and continue to live perfect lives.

 

 

 

 

Since I've never slept with a stranger, single or married, tanked or otherwise, perhaps this is the difference. Also, I've never cheated in any relationship, marriage or otherwise, tanked or otherwise, friend or otherwise.

[Trialbyfire]

Who said anything about a stranger? She knew this guy - he was a friend. The one time I did it it wasn't a stranger either. I know you are trying to find a morally superior high ground - and grasping at straws to do so by inaccurately portraying the OP - or me - as some that just sleeps around with strangers - but it's not accurate.

 

And though you are certainly entitled to your own morals and experiences - the reality is that most people on the planet have occasionally done things they probably shouldn't have - drunk or sober - because they are human and make mistakes - otherwise we'd all be born perfect and continue to live perfect lives.

Regretful behaviour can't all be lumped together. If you're already of the ilk that is capable of cheating, you will do it under the amplification effects of alcohol. If you're not of that ilk, you won't do it.

[NatoPMT]

you are responsible for your actions, drunk or not! do you think being intoxicated can 'create' elements of you that aren't there? Do you think being drunk can turn a non-racist man a racist? Or vice versa?

you have cheating in you and you know it! sooner you face it, sooner you can deal with it!

 

thats how i see it, i asked as a few posts indicated thats now how others see it.

 

the none racist into a racist is a great analogy

[Kristine]

Not much you can do what's done is done. I don't suggest telling your husband but then again he may find out from said friend. Either way your marriage is over. You tell him it's sooner, you want time, let him hear and deny deny deny deny. I cheated I told eventually. I'd never cheat again either and that's the truth. I was drunk too but that's no excuse, I had an out I didn't take it. I got divorce for other reasons I told him after we were divorced and he didn't believe me at first, I'm not the cheater type and won't cheat again.

 

So my advice is keep quiet. You made the mistake you live with it. Telling only hurts the other person, if he finds out deny it. Few marriages survive adultry.

[Nevermind]

A marriage might survive a one-night stand, if the cheater is truly filled with remorse and shame and the wish to make the marriage work. A marriage will never survive cheating and further betrayel.

 

In my opinion, not telling is just as bas the one-night stand. It is the second breaking of trust, and beyond that nothing can be restored ever again.

[InLimbo2]

That's your opinion - and it's only an opinion - not fact. There are any number of drugs - and yes alcohol is a drug - that can cause people to do and say things they normally would never.

 

 

Regretful behaviour can't all be lumped together. If you're already of the ilk that is capable of cheating, you will do it under the amplification effects of alcohol. If you're not of that ilk, you won't do it.

[Kristine]

I used to believe fully in honesty but reality is, marriages end over infidelity regardless of how remorseful the person may feel. Trust is the issue and it's gone. Now I told of my indecresion, it happened once and I was drunk but still conscious enough to have said no stop. It changed how I was view by my ex-husband forever. That's why I say live with your own indecresion. But you won't be able to, so prepare for the end of your marriage.

[Trialbyfire]

That's your opinion - and it's only an opinion - not fact. There are any number of drugs - and yes alcohol is a drug - that can cause people to do and say things they normally would never.

As yours is an opinion...not fact. Perhaps you need to look at this again, from a one drink perspective. You're really reaching when you make the example of 151 proof. More than likely, what the OP had, was a drink with normal alcoholic levels.

 

She had every right to refuse drinking, if she doesn't normally drink and gets tanked easily. Even you know not to drink with people you can't trust. She had full knowledge that this "friend" was attracted to her. Why she would risk being alone with him and allowing herself to be "pressured" to have one drink, speaks volumes. It's called playing with fire. I give the OP more credit than being totally brainless.

[soda]

She can pretend that it didn't happen, but the truth WILL come out eventually. There is a chance, albeit slim, that the marriage can heal if she is forthright and fesses up to her betrayal. However, if her husband finds out from someone else...the marriage will MOST definitely be over.

 

Face your problems head on. If you try to run from them, they will catch up to you. At least by facing your problems head-on, you stand a fighting chance.

[InLimbo2]

Very true - mine is a different life experience than yours - the difference is I don't state my position on it as fact - like you do. You don't know what the other poster had for a drink - so you are reaching also - and assuming. My SO had the 151 when he ordered a rum and coke in a place we go to often - he had no clue that 151 meant 151 proof. I know that after 1 beer my judgment is impaired - evidently so was hers.

 

You are assuming again - I know I get tanked - and my judgment is impaired and my libido is increased by drinking - the only way I know that is because I've experienced it. How do you know that wasn't the first time it ever happened to the OP? You don't - but your assumptions make it easier to hang her.

 

So what if he was attracted to her? Now she's responsible for his feelings? This could have just as easily been someone who was attracted to her and she didn't know. I've had a drink or two or more with people who have an attraction to me - but I know I can trust them to not take advantage of it or me. She picked her friends badly.

 

As yours is an opinion...not fact. Perhaps you need to look at this again, from a one drink perspective. You're really reaching when you make the example of 151 proof. More than likely, what the OP had, was a drink with normal alcoholic levels.

 

She had every right to refuse drinking, if she doesn't normally drink and gets tanked easily. Even you know not to drink with people you can't trust. She had full knowledge that this "friend" was attracted to her. Why she would risk being alone with him and allowing herself to be "pressured" to have one drink, speaks volumes. It's called playing with fire. I give the OP more credit than being totally brainless.