I Cheated Today

[havoc]

Okay, what is the big deal about wearing a dress? Why is it that if a woman wears a dress there are all these assumptions about looking for sex, providing "easy access", "looking cute", etc? Sometimes a dress is just a dress.

[havoc]

Ladies, answer this.. Is this a double standard again?

 

Lets say I am drinking with a female I go to her house. We fool around. I pass out. We are in the same bed.

 

I wake up and she is on top of me.

 

Yes, that is rape.

[bish]

Okay, what is the big deal about wearing a dress? Why is it that if a woman wears a dress there are all these assumptions about looking for sex, providing "easy access", "looking cute", etc? Sometimes a dress is just a dress.

 

I have already responded to this.

 

A woman wearing a dress in public is not looking for sex.

 

However, when it comes down to a married woman going over to a guy's house, a guy that she KNOWS wants her, simply to watch a movie...you dont' wear a cute little dress over there. Either she is trying to tease the guy, or she wore it just in case.

 

Yes, sometimes a dress is just a dress. I completely agree.

 

This isn't one of those sometimes.

[bish]

I think she cheated and an attack of conscience hit her mid-act.

 

I don't know. She shows up in a dress for a DVD at the guy's house. At the very least, she craved the guy's attention.

 

BINGO!!!!!!

 

 

If I had a female friend who I was certain "wanted me" despite the fact that I'm married, I would never go to her home without my wife.

 

BINGO!!!!!!

 

 

In fact, it would be a deal breaker in the friendship. There had to be events leading up to this that OP should have confronted or run away from. One does not just assume, without some trigger, that every friend "wants him/her" unless he/she is narcisstic.

 

Damn you are on fire. Spot on. Well said.

[NoIDidn't]

Sometimes a dress is just a dress.

 

Or its just the easiest thing in the closet to put on. Sometimes I just don't want to be bothered with putting on two pieces of clothing. And with it being summer time, I can just throw on a sundress and call it a day.

 

This certainly isn't about the clothing.

 

At first glance of the first post in thread, it seemed like the OP started feel too guilty and had the guy stop. Alcohol has nothing to do with it, really. I've done this before, but I was single. For some reason I just couldn't go on. And no matter when its said - NO means NO.

 

But I don't think rape is even in the equation. Had a friend try that too, and I certainly am not one to try and rationalize it. Never spoke to him again. Wasn't it said that the OP was text messaging the guy?

 

Something's fishy.

[bish]

Or its just the easiest thing in the closet to put on. Sometimes I just don't want to be bothered with putting on two pieces of clothing. And with it being summer time, I can just throw on a sundress and call it a day.

 

This certainly isn't about the clothing.

 

I don't know your marital status...but lets put you in one.

 

You are married, a guy that you KNOW wants to jump your bones invites you over to watch a movie. Why just you and not your husband too? And why wouldn't you ask if hubby could come along?

 

So you have this guy you are going to be in the presence of that wants to give you the high hard one, so you open up the closet and instead of putting on a pair of shorts or jean....boom, you grab a dress. A cute little dress...knowing this other guy wants you. Is that acceptable behavior for you as a married woman?(if you are a guy, then just pretend you are a woman

 

Now I agree, its not about the clothing. Its about her knowing what she was doing when she went over there, but tried to pretend like, "oh, we are nothing but friends". The dress was only a small part of the equation to a story she is telling that doesn't jive.

 

First she says he "ordered" her a drink as if they were at a bar...then we find out she went to his house and he "made" her a drink.

 

Then she says she cheated....only to come back and say she was passed out. Even though she said it only hit her when it entered her as if she was lucid the entire time.

 

Sorry, her story doesn't jive and as far as I'm concerned, she knew what she was doing by going over there...EVEN by putting on clothing that would tease this guy and be "easy access"...again...a guy she KNEW wanted to screw her.

 

Even if she never mentioned the dress....lets just take the dress out of the equation completely. She knew what she was doing by going over to this guy's house without her husband..the guy didn't invite the husband, SHE didn't ask if the husband could come along....bottom line, she went over to a guy's house without her husband....and for repetition's sake...again....a guy that wanted her and she knew it.

[bish]

At first glance of the first post in thread, it seemed like the OP started feel too guilty and had the guy stop. Alcohol has nothing to do with it, really. I've done this before, but I was single. For some reason I just couldn't go on. And no matter when its said - NO means NO.

 

 

Ya, and when she wanted him to stop....he did. How does saying NO mitigate the fact that she cheated?

 

You are correct, no means no. And this guy did the right thing by stopping.

[NoIDidn't]

Bish

 

 

I am married. And I wouldn't encourage the guy by even talking to him on that level anymore to protect my marriage.

 

My H and I have a mutual friend/associate that did that years ago. She would call and invite him places and wouldn't invite me. I called her on it and said if you can't invite me, he's not going either. Its just not appropriate when the friend is of the opposite sex. Nothing to do with insecurity or possessiveness. Its good old common sense.

 

My problem isn't the clothing. Its the whole situation. As an actual victim of rape, I don't like it when women make false claims. Most men aren't rapists and the thrown in that the sister friend left her behind is suspect as well. We women go to the bathroom together in groups, we would NOT leave a friend at a man's house alone. Especially a MARRIED friend.

 

The OP just needs to own her shiot. I'm not bashing her. She likes the attention the guy gave her. She needs to figure out why that was so important to her. She needs to stop the lame "he made me do it" excuse as that's the first clue into what really went on.

 

A possible good man and supposed friend is having his reputation put on the line online. Sure, he may have encouraged the drink but not in a sinister way. We've all encouraged friends to "live a little" if they seem like they need the break. We aren't telling them to get drunk so we can take advantage of them.

 

Enough of my book. I just think something is fishy. JMO.

[whichwayisup]

You all seem to forget that the guys sister, her friend, invited her over to hangout. And that same 'friend' left her there, knowing she wasn't feeling well and resting upstairs. I don't believe she went there with any intentions except to hangout with her friend and the brother.

[NoIDidn't]

You all seem to forget that the guys sister, her friend, invited her over to hangout. And that same 'friend' left her there, knowing she wasn't feeling well and resting upstairs. I don't believe she went there with any intentions except to hangout with her friend and the brother.

 

 

Yeah, I missed that part. I was under the impression that the brother invited her over alone and the sister just happened to be there. I see now why it would be disturbing that the sister left her behind. I wouldn't have done it. I may have gone over without my H, but I would not have stayed after I wasn't feeling well.

 

But that's only what I would have done.

[orangesean]

A possible good man and supposed friend is having his reputation put on the line online. Sure, he may have encouraged the drink but not in a sinister way. We've all encouraged friends to "live a little" if they seem like they need the break. We aren't telling them to get drunk so we can take advantage of them.

 

I don't agree with this at all. Being falsely accused of rape, if that does come about and a rape did not happen is not good at all.

 

But... there is no way this man is a good man or a supposed friend. Because a good man would never have sex with another man's wife or even put her in a situation that would lead to that. Good men have respect for other people's relationships, even if there is something missing or if something is not going well. Same goes for good women.

 

Other men want to take what they can't have or prey on those with weak wills and morals loosened by problems at home. It's just as much as the woman's fault in that case, but any man that would jump on it just doesn't have integrity and should be alone the rest of his life.

[bish]

Bish

 

 

I am married. And I wouldn't encourage the guy by even talking to him on that level anymore to protect my marriage.

 

Exactly my point. You wouldn't go to another guy's house that has designs on you, much less do it while putting on the dog for him.

 

 

My H and I have a mutual friend/associate that did that years ago. She would call and invite him places and wouldn't invite me. I called her on it and said if you can't invite me, he's not going either. Its just not appropriate when the friend is of the opposite sex. Nothing to do with insecurity or possessiveness. Its good old common sense.

 

We are in total agreement.

 

 

My problem isn't the clothing. Its the whole situation.

 

Same here...the clothing was just a small part of it.

 

 

As an actual victim of rape, I don't like it when women make false claims.

 

I don't think she made that claim. I know I asked her because she tried to excuse it by saying she was drunk. so he either took advantage of her, which is rape, or she cheated. I was simply wanting that clarification from her since it can't be both.

 

 

The OP just needs to own her shiot. I'm not bashing her. She likes the attention the guy gave her.

 

Exactly and she dressed for the occasion. but again, like you, it isn't my main problem, it was only a small part of it.

 

 

I just think something is fishy. JMO.

 

Oh its definitely fishy. She can't seem to keep her story straight and modified it based on the responses she was getting.

[bish]

You all seem to forget that the guys sister, her friend, invited her over to hangout. And that same 'friend' left her there, knowing she wasn't feeling well and resting upstairs. I don't believe she went there with any intentions except to hangout with her friend and the brother.

 

She KNEW the brother was going to be there and she KNEW he wanted her.

 

It doesn't matter who did the inviting. It was still inappropriate as a married woman for her to go somewhere without her husband while in the precense of a man that she knew wanted to bone her.

[Virgo1982]

I don't know your marital status...but lets put you in one.

 

You are married, a guy that you KNOW wants to jump your bones invites you over to watch a movie. Why just you and not your husband too? And why wouldn't you ask if hubby could come along?

 

So you have this guy you are going to be in the presence of that wants to give you the high hard one, so you open up the closet and instead of putting on a pair of shorts or jean....boom, you grab a dress. A cute little dress...knowing this other guy wants you. Is that acceptable behavior for you as a married woman?(if you are a guy, then just pretend you are a woman

 

Now I agree, its not about the clothing. Its about her knowing what she was doing when she went over there, but tried to pretend like, "oh, we are nothing but friends". The dress was only a small part of the equation to a story she is telling that doesn't jive.

 

First she says he "ordered" her a drink as if they were at a bar...then we find out she went to his house and he "made" her a drink.

 

Then she says she cheated....only to come back and say she was passed out. Even though she said it only hit her when it entered her as if she was lucid the entire time.

 

Sorry, her story doesn't jive and as far as I'm concerned, she knew what she was doing by going over there...EVEN by putting on clothing that would tease this guy and be "easy access"...again...a guy she KNEW wanted to screw her.

 

Even if she never mentioned the dress....lets just take the dress out of the equation completely. She knew what she was doing by going over to this guy's house without her husband..the guy didn't invite the husband, SHE didn't ask if the husband could come along....bottom line, she went over to a guy's house without her husband....and for repetition's sake...again....a guy that wanted her and she knew it.

 

If I were her husband, I'd be pissed.

[havoc]

Ah, nevermind....

[Walk]

Perspectives on Acquaintance Rape

David G. Curtis, Ph.D., B.C.E.T.S.

Clinical Associate, Long Island Psychological Associates, P.C.

http://www.aaets.org/article13.htm

 

Acquaintance rape remains a controversial topic because of lack of agreement upon the definition of consent. In an attempt to clarify this definition, in 1994, Antioch College in Ohio adopted what has become an infamous policy delineating consensual sexual behavior. The primary reason this policy has stirred such an uproar is that the definition of consent is based on continuous verbal communication during intimacy. The person initiating the contact must take responsibility for obtaining the other participant's verbal consent as the level of sexual intimacy increases. This must occur with each new level.

 

Despite the violent nature of acquaintance rape, the belief that many victims are actually willing, consenting participants is held by both men and women alike. "Blaming the victim" seems to be an all too prevalent reaction to acquaintance rape.

 

Responses of the Victim

 

• Only 27 percent of those women whose sexual assault met the legal definition of rape thought of themselves as rape victims.
  
• 42 percent of the rape victims did not tell anyone about their assaults.
  
• Only five percent of the rape victims reported the crime to the police.
  
• Only five percent of the rape victims sought help at rape-crisis centers.
  
• Whether they had acknowledged their experience as a rape or not, 30% of the women identified as rape victims contemplated suicide after the incident.
• 82 percent of the victims said that the experience had permanently changed them.
  

[Walk]

She KNEW the brother was going to be there and she KNEW he wanted her.

 

The guy was a really good friend that I knew liked me but I have always made it very clear I was married.

So she's wrong because she passed out and he shoved his dick in her? The guy was a f*cking saint in all this?

 

The worst this girl did is trust an azzhole. She told him clearly that she was married. The guy took advantage of a girl who was passed out after puking. Nothing screams "come f*ck me!" like vomit coated lips.

 

You blame the girl??? Specifically state she wore a dress as proof she lead the guy on? I better go tell my 9 year old niece that she can't wear dresses any more because men take it as an consent to have sex.

[Angel1111]

She KNEW the brother was going to be there and she KNEW he wanted her.

 

It doesn't matter who did the inviting. It was still inappropriate as a married woman for her to go somewhere without her husband while in the precense of a man that she knew wanted to bone her.

 

If that were the case, then women would stay at home all the time, I suppose. Ok, generally speaking, your statement has validity if a woman hardly knows the guy, or she knows him but realizes that his attraction to her can translate into potential rape. Still, it does not make her responsible for his actions.

 

If men are the way you seem to depict them, then women are far more naive and trusting than you give us credit for. Just because a guy is attracted to me doesn't mean I suspect that he's going to force himself on me at his first opportunity. Thinking like that would be exhausting. And I wouldn't think too much about going to a guy's house with a friend, especially if I had known him and her for many years. In this case, the girl had been friends with this guy since they were 16, if I remember correctly. Not many women would feel cautious in this situation, unless the guy continually made advances toward her and was disrespectful.

 

I have not personally met many men who I thought would take things to that level, and I don't think most men are that way. If a woman has so much power over a man that he's willing to rape her, then I would say that is more his problem than hers. And it definitely doesn't make it her fault.

[bish]

So she's wrong because she passed out and he shoved his dick in her? The guy was a f*cking saint in all this?

 

Not at all the guy was a saint in all of this. He wanted and screwed a married woman.

 

Its her story and flip-flopping that is suspect in all of this.

 

They are BOTH to blame. But she is the married one here.

 

 

The worst this girl did is trust an azzhole.

 

 

No, the worst thing she did was disrespecting her husband and keeping company with a man she knew wanted to bone her.

 

And her story keeps flip-flopping.

 

 

She told him clearly that she was married.

 

She didn't just tell him that night. He knew for years. She also knew that this "friend" wanted her. If I have a female friend that I know has designs on me and I have a SO or am married, you aren't gonna see me going over to her house without my SO.

 

Hell, even if a female friend didn't have designs on me, it is inappropriate for me to hang out with her and expect my SO to stay home.

 

 

The guy took advantage of a girl who was passed out after puking.

 

Uh, She only mentioned passing out after we all didn't buy her first story.

 

And she said that she realized what was going on when he put it in her...as if she was lucid the entire time.

 

So which is it? Was she aware the whole time? Or was she passed out?

 

Did this guy order her a drink at a bar? Or did he make her one at his house? She needs to figure out which version of the story she wants to tell before posting it.

 

 

 

You blame the girl??? Specifically state she wore a dress as proof she lead the guy on? I better go tell my 9 year old niece that she can't wear dresses any more because men take it as an consent to have sex.

 

Once again, you missed the point in earlier posts. She knows this guy wants to #%$#% her. So why in the hell would she be in his company WITHOUT her husband and in clothes that he can easily get to his goal?

 

Again, the clothing isn't the problem, its only a minor issue of that FACT that she keeps company with a guy that wants to have sex with her and she knows this, and keeps company with him and doesn't bring her husband along.

 

Dont you think he might have wanted to watch a movie too?

[bish]

If that were the case, then women would stay at home all the time, I suppose.

 

Not at all. While one can only assume that all men will want to have sex with a female friend, its quite different in this case.

 

She already KNEW he wanted her. thats far different from assuming he wants her.

 

 

Ok, generally speaking, your statement has validity if a woman hardly knows the guy, or she knows him but realizes that his attraction to her can translate into potential rape. Still, it does not make her responsible for his actions.

 

It doesn't make him responsible for his actions. It makes her responsible for her role in disrespecting her husband.

 

and who says this is rape? She changed her story when we all called her on it. Oh, THEN she said she was passed out after one drink...sorry...don't buy it. buzzy after one drink, maybe. kinda drunk after one drink, doubtful, but maybe. Passed out and puking? don't think so.

 

I think she knew what she was doing and wanted to make it look like she didn't. First she says she cheated, then she comes back and says she was passed out....aye yi yi.

 

 

If men are the way you seem to depict them, then women are far more naive and trusting than you give us credit for.

 

I didn't depict men in any way....just this one.

 

 

Just because a guy is attracted to me doesn't mean I suspect that he's going to force himself on me at his first opportunity.

 

This goes beyond attraction. this is a guy that has tried hooking up with her in the past. And it doesn't matter whether he forces himself on her or not. It doesn't matter whether he tries to woo her from her husband.

The fact of the matter is, it was disrespectful to her husband for her to keep company with a man she knows wants her.

 

Gee, why do you think she didn't bring her husband along?

 

 

Thinking like that would be exhausting. And I wouldn't think too much about going to a guy's house with a friend, especially if I had known him and her for many years.

 

So if you have a guy friend that you know would like nothing more than to get your clothes off, you think that is appropriate for you to hang out with him if you have a husband?

 

Again, we aren't talking about a woman that simply assumes this guy wants her, she KNOWS he does.

 

 

I have not personally met many men who I thought would take things to that level, and I don't think most men are that way.

 

You are assuming what she is saying is true after she flip flopped her story.

 

 

If a woman has so much power over a man that he's willing to rape her, then I would say that is more his problem than hers. And it definitely doesn't make it her fault.

 

You saying he raped her?

 

And she is not responsible for his actions. She IS responsible for disrespecting her husband by keeping company with a man she knows wants her clothes off.

[blondiepants]

I love how they vanish as soon as the posts start getting sticky.

[lkjh]

Don't you hate when women calls rape just to excuse their wrongs!!! Come on she has one drink then blacks out and wakes up with him inside of her and all of a sudden she is fully capable of saying no and going home perfectly fine. Sorry but thats not how being drunk works, you don't just snap out of it. Even though she was passed out she can still give a good account about how his sister just left her there and somehow she is capable of remembering the night in detail.

[bish]

Don't you hate when women calls rape just to excuse their wrongs!!! Come on she has one drink then blacks out and wakes up with him inside of her and all of a sudden she is fully capable of saying no and going home perfectly fine. Sorry but thats not how being drunk works, you don't just snap out of it. Even though she was passed out she can still give a good account about how his sister just left her there and somehow she is capable of remembering the night in detail.

 

EXACTLY!!! She is telling a story and the story changes based on how people respond.

 

But in her defense she didn't say or insinuate she was raped. She is just making excuses, and I believe, lying so it doesn't look like she had any role in it.

[Virgo1982]

It reminds me of that woman who went to Mike Tyson's hotel room 3 o'clock in the morning and proceeded to accuse him of raping her...

[Darth Vader]

What's next? Is the poster of this Thread gonna blame her husband for her actions?! PLEASE! That's the only thing that's missing on this Thread!