I have missed the boat.

[Bloodelf]

First off, i just turned 21 on the 10th, never been in a relationship and really dont have any close friends. though i have aquatances.

I am painfully shy, and it seems as though im socially retarded, as i didnt learn how to be sociable in high school as others did.

I dont think im that hideous or anything, and dont want people to think there is something wrong with me because ive never been in a relationship or anything.

[Suiyobi]

You're what people would call a late-bloomer. I'm one, too. But honestly, after much introspection with myself, I've realized that not being in any serious relationship right now isn't that big of a deal. Continue to do what you enjoy and sooner or later someone important will come into your life.

 

But it does help to make some changes. You said that you're painfully shy. You'll have to learn how to boost your self-confidence. Socially retarded, you say? I know the feeling. Start looking into pop culture, and that doesn't necessarily mean just the entertainment aspects; I mean everything from entertainment to politics to even tech stuff. If you're not a great conversationalist, at least be a great listener. People will appreciate you for that rather than being a blabber-mouth or someone who appears to bull$#!t his or her way into discussions. Also, even if you say you're not hideous, first-impressions are important so it does help to at least make sure you look clean.

 

In time, you'll gain more friends and possibly even a mate.

[Angel1111]

Well, most people don't exactly learn to be social, they just are or are not, I think. I agree with the above post, do things to take you out of your shyness - because that's really a symptom of having no self-confidence in being accepted for who you are. I personally don't mind it when a guy can be in a crowd and not dominate the conversation. But, I don't like it when someone is too quiet, either, because you can't get to know them and they don't contribute to the conversation. This is probably why you merely have acquaintences instead of close friends - because you hold yourself at a distance and they don't really know you. Most people will assume that's the way you want it and give you your space.

 

Missed the boat at 21? I don't think so. You're just beginning. Take some classes that teach social skills, dress skills, etiquette, etc. I'm sure they're out there. By the time you reach 25, you can end up with more poise, manners and presence than most people. It's all up to you to fix the things you don't like about yourself, and the things that are holding you back from having the things you want.

[Angel1111]

Sorry, my posts have gotten screwed up.

 

Also, are you in college? If not, I really recommend that you drop whatever it is you're doing and get your degree. If you're not in college, then it's a blessing that you're not married or anything else because you have the freedom to do that now. College will be so important in making your life easier. If you don't have the money, there are loans, etc. that can get you through it. People can help you with that. Life does not have to be a struggle and please, don't make yours one. Also, college life is a great place to work on your social skills and make friends.

 

I just did a quick search on the internet - I didn't look at this site in detail but maybe this will be a good place for you to start. Good luck!

 

http://www.mydreemproduction.com/

[D-D]

I am like you. I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. I am really shy and tend to avoid social situations. I think you will come to a point when you realize that you need to get out there if you don't want to be single anymore. I have made this realization and I go out on a date once and a while now. Nothing has worked out yet, but I am confident that I will find something if I keep trying.

 

You are 21. You have a lot of time left ahead of you. Concentrate on just being happy and you will do fine. Just because everyone else is in a relationship doesn't mean you have to be too!

[Kristine]

You're blest. Take this time to cultivate yourself. I was in my first horrible marriage with a child at 21. I had dropped out of college, now I'm returning as an adult and scared because I'm the older student I didn't want to be. Take this time to pursue your dreams whatever they may be. Focus on your education. The right man will come along soon enough, and a few wrong ones. You really don't have to try so hard, my social skills aren't the best. I worry about meeting someone again. Yet people come around. God gives us lots of opportunties.

[Bloodelf]

Yea i am in college, starting second year in august. Im just shy till you get to know me, then im fine and can talk alot. I guess you could say im "well read" so topics for conversastion are almost never a problem, i just have trouble at the begging.

[Angel1111]

Yea i am in college, starting second year in august. Im just shy till you get to know me, then im fine and can talk alot. I guess you could say im "well read" so topics for conversastion are almost never a problem, i just have trouble at the begging.

 

Begging? What are you talking about?

[Bloodelf]

i meant to say "beginning" stupid spelling.

[Throne Of Lies]

Twenty One is quite young- until not too long ago it was pretty normal for men not to have a serious relationship before that age. It is still by no means unheard of.

 

Really, you have large quantities of the only commodity that exists- Time. This is what I would recommend to really get what you want out of investing some of that into things that would make you happier.

 

1. Grow those acquaintances into friends. To do this, invite a couple of them to join you somewhere. It is baseball season- that is perfect. Ask two or three or four of them to come to a baseball game with you. If you as four, chances are at least one or two will show- and then you can drink some beer (21!) and watch grown men hit things with bats. It is a good time, and will start to cement those acquaintances as friends.

 

2. Get some skills that make you feel more attractive. You are a knowledgeable guy apparently, and that is great! You should pour some time into picking up some abilities that will make you feel more confident in your self. A good one is cooking. You'll be able to make your self tasty, healthier food (this is important for the next one) and if you want to do something with your acquaintances, there is always an opportunity for you to do something that involves food! That will help cement you in their memory, it is super helpful for that. Failing that, if you have a little more time, or it just jumps out at you, musical ability makes women pretty weak in the knees. Go ahead, ask any of them. I don't get it, but it works.

 

3. Picture whatever you think is really attractive- and make yourself like that. Working out, getting some sun, dressing nicer, whatever. Everyone has something about their personal appearance that they wish they could change, and it is almost always something they CAN change. So do it! Not because it will make you look better, which it will, but because it will make you feel more self confident, which is pretty much the key to life, if nobody has clued you in on that little gem yet. Maybe you are really scrawny like me. You can totally pick up tons of women the way you look- but you will feel better if you get a little bigger. Or maybe it is the exact opposite. Either way, targeting things in your body that bug you and changing them feels GOOD and gives you the self confidence you need to make friends.

Ever Notice how list items always seem to get bigger from one to the next on the internet? If you are studying Psychology maybe you could shed some light on that for me, I think it is fascinating.

 

4. Maximize your social interaction. Take every opportunity that you have to expose yourself to people. Talk to EVERYONE, no matter what, if you have even just a second to do it. Get on every internet dating/networking site you can find, and just talk to people. You will get better at it fast. Remember that carriage is everything. Most women don't even judge a man's height or facial appearance or anything like that which we might think they do, they judge your carriage. Men are the same way, but different in the obvious particulars. Here is a great exercise- walk down three city blocks standing perfectly erect. Head up, shoulders back, chest out. Try and make eye contact with everyone you can. Everyone you can make eye contact with, smile at. Do that once a day and you will be a pro at social interaction in a month. Trust me.

 

Do you play RPGs? Your name makes me think might. Which is cool- so get this. What you are going is just like grinding a character. Except this is actually fun. Approach it in the same way, and take real pains to track your progress and celebrate your gains. Enjoy the sensation of getting better at things and watching your circle of friends expand. It is a great feeling, and 21 is a great age to watch it happen!

[amerikajin]

You're what people would call a late-bloomer. I'm one, too. But honestly, after much introspection with myself, I've realized that not being in any serious relationship right now isn't that big of a deal. Continue to do what you enjoy and sooner or later someone important will come into your life.

 

But it does help to make some changes. You said that you're painfully shy. You'll have to learn how to boost your self-confidence. Socially retarded, you say? I know the feeling. Start looking into pop culture, and that doesn't necessarily mean just the entertainment aspects; I mean everything from entertainment to politics to even tech stuff. If you're not a great conversationalist, at least be a great listener. People will appreciate you for that rather than being a blabber-mouth or someone who appears to bull$#!t his or her way into discussions. Also, even if you say you're not hideous, first-impressions are important so it does help to at least make sure you look clean.

 

In time, you'll gain more friends and possibly even a mate.

 

Very well said.

[Bloodelf]

Thanks for the suggestions, however i dont think im cut out for a relationship anyway. I never really had any confidence in myself and i just dont see how i can undo 21 years of negative conditioning ive done to myself. Besides who would want me anyway?

 

Oh and ive dabbled in mmorpgs, not really my thing. Got the name from Warcraft III before wow was released.

 

I have accepted my fate, and i am fine with that.

[ltrade123]

We are all beautiful, you're as beautiful as the homecoming king, but you won't accept that....Unfortunately the world is unfair, you were born socially awkward perhaps, while your peers have not troubles. It's unfair and unjust, you need to work harder than they do for the same results. Here's a couple suggestions you can start TODAY....

 

COuple things might help Blood. First, are you physically active? A vigourous physical regimen will help you feel good about yourself physically and mentally. It doesn't matter if you are not athletic, thats all the more reason to learn to work and move your body every day.

 

Second, I've had serious problems with mental illness....I'm not saying you have one, but if you do and your not diagnosed, you are wasting time you don't need to waste. Medication TURNED MY LIFE around after a point where I felt very self destructive. Might be worth at least talking to a Doc.

 

THird, are you in Unversity? I'd think about study abroad. I've found through lots of travel that while people are the same everywhere, other societies value things differently than we do in America. It would help you SEE all those qualities your negativity blocks from you.

 

Dial me Up Blood, I've been in the **** and I know what its like. YOu just need someone who has been there before...