loomis Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 It might get a little lengthy so hang in there. I have really gotten to know a certain girl well. She's 25 and I'm 20. She knows I like her a lot, and I know she likes me quite a bit as well, she tries to hide it. We have had sex and we both enjoy it a lot. We'll be up till all hours of the night, which in the morning she always gets mad about but she doesn't do anything about it. I'll try and leave her place but she wont let me....Anyway So last night we're laying in her bed and having a good time, we have sex and it's great. She then proceeds to ask me how many people I have been with. I tell her she is my second and she replies with "oh well that puts a lot of pressure on me" I told her "No it really doesn't don't even worry about it" I like to think I'm a more mature 20 year old. I mean I know when to not push someone. I then ask her how many she had been with she just replies with "...I don't answer that question" I was like "Ok well I guess that's cool" We've both been tested within this year, so I wasn't worried about any of that. I then said "you know what it's really not a big deal to mean I just care that you're clean" Which if anyone said to me I would totally be cool with. Well she got really cold saying "That was probably the worst thing you could have said. That's really offensive" I tell her I'm really sorry and that I would never say anything to offend her. I tried to explain myself but she just got more cold, telling me to stop. I waited a little bit, I was stroking her back. I said "Listen, then only thing I really care about is that I make you feel good and you we enjoy each others company" She was really tired by then and said that she wasn't mad or anything..... Now today she's just been kinda cold to me. Not texting or anything. She might just be asleep or busy. I've texted her just a few times, I don't want to push it. So my question is after all that, was I in the wrong for saying that? I mean would it bother you women if i said that to you? Maybe she's just weird and got some issues. Tell me the truth though! thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Just let it go, dude. She's probably forgiven you now but rest assured she'll never forget what you said. Best you don't bring it up again lol. Btw, I don't mean to sound like an ass but your issue has taught me at least one thing NOT to say to a girl. Thanks for the tip. XD Link to post Share on other sites
Narf Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 As a female, i would be offended sorry... I would prob forgive it but it makes me think or gives the impression that you think she is dirty ... And that is offensive Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 It was one of those things that shouldn't have been said outloud because you know you've both been tested and are clean. Lesson learned. Give her some space, don't call her for afew days. She is upset and hurt by your comment, I know you didn't mean it cruely, you were stating a fact, but it still hurt her. Then buy her some flowers, apologize, tell her that you didn't think and you didn't mean to upset her - hopefully all will be OK. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I don't think it was that bad of a thing to say but if it hurt her, then you can't talk her out of how she feels. I'm more concerned about how she expected you to answer her about how many women you've been with, but it was ok for her not to answer you about how many men she's been with. Sounds like a double-standard to me. If she didn't want to answer the question, she shouldn't have asked it. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 Loomis, is this the same girl from the bank that you spoke about before? Do I think it's a bad thing to say to someone? No- I wouldn't be offended! It's super important to care about those types of issues in this day and age. Asking about it shows you're responsibile about your sexual health- something we all need to care about. If she is offended becuase you wanted to make sure her tests came out negative- I am sure it's only a temporary reaction! She'll get over it. Sounds as if she has some trust issues? I once had a guy start talking to me about his numbers immediately after the first time we slept together... He stated that he had been with 9 girls- but predicted he'd be with 5 more before getting married an settling down. NOW THAT WAS OFFENSIVE TO ME... especially 5 minutes after having sex with him for the first time!! I asked him to leave my place...lol. Him and I never really recovered from that little scuffle. I don't think brining up the being std thing was a major deal... come on, in this day and age- we all need to be concerned and cover our own butts. I'd just give her a couple days to calm down. If it's the same girl- it seems she has a habit of doing some ignoring wheh she doesn't like somethng you have said! So get into the habit of letting her take space when this happens and wait for her to come back to you. Don't sweat it. I ask these types of questions of new partners as well.... hey- I wanna know!! It's my body I am protecting! Link to post Share on other sites
Author loomis Posted July 24, 2008 Author Share Posted July 24, 2008 Loomis, is this the same girl from the bank that you spoke about before? Do I think it's a bad thing to say to someone? No- I wouldn't be offended! It's super important to care about those types of issues in this day and age. Asking about it shows you're responsibile about your sexual health- something we all need to care about. If she is offended becuase you wanted to make sure her tests came out negative- I am sure it's only a temporary reaction! She'll get over it. Sounds as if she has some trust issues? I once had a guy start talking to me about his numbers immediately after the first time we slept together... He stated that he had been with 9 girls- but predicted he'd be with 5 more before getting married an settling down. NOW THAT WAS OFFENSIVE TO ME... especially 5 minutes after having sex with him for the first time!! I asked him to leave my place...lol. Him and I never really recovered from that little scuffle. I don't think brining up the being std thing was a major deal... come on, in this day and age- we all need to be concerned and cover our own butts. I'd just give her a couple days to calm down. If it's the same girl- it seems she has a habit of doing some ignoring wheh she doesn't like somethng you have said! So get into the habit of letting her take space when this happens and wait for her to come back to you. Don't sweat it. I ask these types of questions of new partners as well.... hey- I wanna know!! It's my body I am protecting! Hey D-lish Yeah it's that same girl from the bank. I donno what her deal is she's just strange. I left her alone for the weekend and most of this week and now she's fine again and calling me and stuff. I don't know how much more of it I can take. I mean she's a really cool girl, she said she doesn't even remember about what we talked about that night. I didn't bring it up or anything. I just don't know if I can handle talking to someone so up and down. I think it's just simple, she's got issues hahah. I know that wasn't the wrong thing to say. I mean she's asked me if I was clean. All I said was I care that you're clean. How is that offensive? it's being smart. Thanks for you advice everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
cazu Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I agree that it was an important topic to discuss. Sometimes we just pick the wrong words or timing (I always mess those things up). Maybe you should have had the conversation while clothed, for example, not in post-coital bliss. But what's done is done, and I'm sure she'll get over it. You were not wrong to bring up this very real health concern. You need to take care of your bod! Link to post Share on other sites
whateverwillbe Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Maybe she wants to be more than someone to just have sex with. Maybe by saying what you said, it sounded like you didn't really care about her, that she was just a piece of a$$ and you were just wanting it to be clean. You were smart not to tell her what she claims she doesn't remember. Although, my guess is that she remembers, but clearly doesn't want to think about it anymore, because she wants you in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 I'll be the one to throw this out here : Maybe she has or had an STD and was scared that you said : " I just care if you are clean " That would make most infected people clam up. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 Many times a woman, especially at the start of a relationship, will take mock offence at something to test your reaction. Will you back down, apologise too much, buy her some flowers? Lots of men do, and the woman realises she is with a spineless wuss and dumps him. If you have a backbone, you'll defend your position (in a cool, reasonable way) and she'll respect you for it. Having said that, I don't think you handled the situation ideally. A woman of 25 may well have had a dozen different partners, and was hoping that even at 20 a young stud like you could have got a similar amount under his belt, or at least more than 2. Assuming she was a little surprised by your answer, she may have been more reluctant to tell you her score. Your response to her unwillingness to divulge should have been 'hey no fair, I told you mine now 'fess up.' So you lost some respect from her by letting her get away with not answering. Plus she is worried it looks like she might be hiding a much larger number than she really is, so isn't sure how to play it now. Adding the line about cleanliness likely made her think 'Great, now thinks I'm a dirty old STD ridden whore.' Then she turns that feeling into mock-offence, puts you on the defensive and is now controlling the frame and you have to pass her test. You shouldn't have mentioned STDs in this playful, 'how many have you had' context. But seeing as you did, the best response to her mock-offense would have been to say 'Hey, you're 25 and pretty hot, it's natural that you've had a few boyfriends that's cool with me. How many?' And if she won't answer, YOU playfully scold HER for breaking the deal. And whatever number she says, act like it's fine. Then double it to get the real answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 Actually I have heard it is NOT a good idea to tell someone how many partners you've had . Responses : "I have slept with 64 men"* what a skank * " I have slept with 2 men " * whew not toooo bad * " I am a virgin "* Jackpot * ! And if you tell a jealous insecure guy you've slept with 6 men you will never live any of it down. Reason : " They want to hear a number so they can stress over that guy or guys(s) and then the start all the questions : How big was he ? Am I better than he is ? Blah blah.. Best advice : " I have some experience but its personal how many I have slept with and don't care to devulge such personal information " Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 What's with asking you, then being unwilling to provide an answer to the same question? There's something wrong with this picture. IMO, if someone isn't willing to answer the numbers question, I would have serious issues with that more than anything else. As for getting upset with you, she's weird and a tad controlling. Link to post Share on other sites
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