Purpose of Marriage

[iwanttolive]

Just wondering, what is the purpose of marriage? Is it a license to have children?

 

I'm about to break up with my 4th bf. My fren broke up with her fiancee of 6 years. R/s is so fragile. Why marry and subject ourselves to separation n divorce?

[MrsHellnofires]

its all about tradition and appeasing the family/friends/society.

There are plenty of those who have children out of marriage these days.

i guess it makes it harder for one to leave the relationship? maybe some tax benefits and insurance purposes.

some women want money after the divorce.

ALL marriages that I know of are miserable... if not ended already in divorce.

 

The thing is YOU HAVE A CHOICE! You do not have to get married and subject yourself to anything.

[luvstarved]

its all about tradition and appeasing the family/friends/society.

There are plenty of those who have children out of marriage these days.

i guess it makes it harder for one to leave the relationship? maybe some tax benefits and insurance purposes.

some women want money after the divorce.

ALL marriages that I know of are miserable... if not ended already in divorce.

 

The thing is YOU HAVE A CHOICE! You do not have to get married and subject yourself to anything.

 

Wow, I so disagree with this. I think the PURPOSE of marriage is to find one person in the interpersonal wasteland that you can open up to, trust to know the real you, and basically bond with emotionally,intellectually, physically and spiritually...

 

Is that difficult? Yes. Does it happen often? No. Have I been in miserable relationships? Yes. Have I ever achieved the goal? No.

 

Has my current M been miserable? Yes. Are we working on the goal? Yes. Have things improved? Yes. Will we reach the goal? Oh I hope so.

 

When will I give up on the ideal? I never expect to reach it completely, but I'm not giving up unless it becomes bleeding obvious that I have to.

 

I think that most marriages fail because of selfishness, fear and/or colossal misunderstandings due to lack of effective communication. Overcoming those and having one other human being that really accepts you and feels like a part of you, and you of them, sounds to me like the ultimate happy human experience. It's what I want more than anything. It's an incredible amount of work and worth every bit of it.

 

It is guaranteed to not happen if you look at it as a societal obligation or something that you are subjecting yourself to.

[quankanne]

for me, marriage has always been about a leap of faith into the unknown. Yes, it's also what luv describes, having someone you bond with in every way known, but it's still a leap of faith. An unending hope in what you have with other person.

[Tony T]

Some people are lucky in their marriage choices but most are not. A great many of the ones who stay married are usually not excited about it. On paper, the idea is absolutely wonderful but given that our society is made up largely of self centered, selfish, money hungry, spoiled people...you get what you get. How many personal ads do you see where the person lists what they are willing to give to a relationship....they all state what they WANT!!!

 

Single life can be very lonely at times...but being in a bad marriage is the loneliest place of all.

[Trialbyfire]

Just wondering, what is the purpose of marriage? Is it a license to have children?

 

I'm about to break up with my 4th bf. My fren broke up with her fiancee of 6 years. R/s is so fragile. Why marry and subject ourselves to separation n divorce?

Modern marriage is about emotional commitment to each other, since there's no real advantage to either gender beyond that. There are no safe harbours in life. You're either willing to believe/risk it or you're not.

 

I'd like to believe that one day, I'll again find a partner who I do want to commit my life and love to.

[Lookingforward]

Some people are lucky in their marriage choices but most are not. A great many of the ones who stay married are usually not excited about it. On paper, the idea is absolutely wonderful but given that our society is made up largely of self centered, selfish, money hungry, spoiled people...you get what you get. How many personal ads do you see where the person lists what they are willing to give to a relationship....they all state what they WANT!!!

 

Single life can be very lonely at times...but being in a bad marriage is the loneliest place of all.

 

Your post is right on the money TT

[Curmudgeon]

Just wondering, what is the purpose of marriage? Is it a license to have children?

 

Why marry and subject ourselves to separation n divorce?

 

Children are merely a by-product of a relationship. Sometimes that relationship is a marriage. It would appear that just as often anymore, it's not.

 

Many states openly declare that marriage is merely a fiduciary relationship between two people.

 

To me, the "purpose" of marriage is the beauty of marriage. It's a way for two whole people to come together in commitment and enhance one another.

 

Why marry and subject ourselves to separation n divorce?

 

Why breathe and subject yourself to the inhalation of carcinogens, pesticides, dust, pollen, others' germs and viruses? Why cross streets? Why eat when you're never 100% sure of what you're ingesting?

 

We take chances in life beginning from the moment we climb out of bed in the morning. Marriage is just one more of them. Most of us survive, even if the marriage doesn't. Sometimes we benefit, even for the long-term.

[annieo]

I can't remember who first said this "Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience", probably even more true in second marriages, like mine .

 

But I think we are forgetting, there is the wedding thing. So wonderful to have that singular moment, with all of your family and friends around. To make a definitive statement. I think a lot of people get married for that moment alone.

 

After that, it's a day to day renewal of those vows. Sometimes easy and joyful, sometimes you feel like you are lying through your teeth, but if you are truly married, you don't give up, and you remember what brought you together in the first place.

 

And I agree with Curm, you can't use divorce as a reason to not get married. The only way to not get burned is to never get emotionally attached to anyone. Doesn't sound like much of a life to me.

[fral945]

Just wondering, what is the purpose of marriage? Is it a license to have children?

 

I'm about to break up with my 4th bf. My fren broke up with her fiancee of 6 years. R/s is so fragile. Why marry and subject ourselves to separation n divorce?

 

I don't know. There really is no one purpose today, you'll get 100 different purposes from 100 different people. The only practical purpose I can see is for the financial benefits you get. The original purpose was to get in-laws and have children, but I doubt most people would tell you those are their reasons for getting married today.

 

Why marry? I wouldn't and wouldn't recommend it unless you find someone exceptional that really wants to. Too much to lose and too little gain.

[angryyoungman70]

being in a bad marriage is the loneliest place of all.

 

 

Hear hear.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't know. There really is no one purpose today, you'll get 100 different purposes from 100 different people. The only practical purpose I can see is for the financial benefits you get. The original purpose was to get in-laws and have children, but I doubt most people would tell you those are their reasons for getting married today.

 

Why marry? I wouldn't and wouldn't recommend it unless you find someone exceptional that really wants to. Too much to lose and too little gain.

But what of love?

[annieo]

But what of love?

 

Love should be a large part of it, of course, but there is no reason that you cannot love someone, live with them until the end of your days, without getting married.

So, there have to be other reasons. Love alone isn't enough.

[Trialbyfire]

Love should be a large part of it, of course, but there is no reason that you cannot love someone, live with them until the end of your days, without getting married.

So, there have to be other reasons. Love alone isn't enough.

I guess it's reliant on how you view marriage. For myself, it's the ultimate commitment that yes, this is the person I want to spend my life with, the person that one day, we'll sit in matching rocking chairs and tell stories to our grandchildren, while they roll their eyes.

 

I suppose one other reason is if you have children, it provides them with something concrete they can base their own identities on.

 

Marriage isn't for everyone. Whether or not it's for me again, this remains to be seen.

[luvstarved]

Love should be a large part of it, of course, but there is no reason that you cannot love someone, live with them until the end of your days, without getting married.

So, there have to be other reasons. Love alone isn't enough.

 

I believe it is the official and deadly serious commitment to not bail when the going gets rough and to stick together through thick and thin and all that...there is no reason you can't love someone forever effortlessly but that doesn't happen that often. If it weren't for being married, I would have left before I realized that in the end you're going to have to work it out with SOMEONE...it's highly unlikely to just naturally stay on a love high forever...so, we're trying to work it out.

 

And it is also about family and shared history and all that...those things grow in meaning over time...and if you're lucky so does your love...

[fral945]

But what of love?

 

That's one of the 100 purposes I mentioned.

[annieo]

I believe it is the official and deadly serious commitment to not bail when the going gets rough and to stick together through thick and thin and all that...there is no reason you can't love someone forever effortlessly but that doesn't happen that often. If it weren't for being married, I would have left before I realized that in the end you're going to have to work it out with SOMEONE...it's highly unlikely to just naturally stay on a love high forever...so, we're trying to work it out.

 

And it is also about family and shared history and all that...those things grow in meaning over time...and if you're lucky so does your love...

 

I totally agree. Love might get you into the marriage, but there are times when what keeps you there is your character, the fact that you made a commitment.

That's not to say that marriage is a long, teeth-grittingly endurance run, but there will be good times and not-so-good times. Patience and sticking to your word get you through the tough parts.

Now that I think about it, maybe that IS an aspect of love - sticking with someone even though you aren't totally over the moon about them all the time.