chyna Posted March 17, 2000 Share Posted March 17, 2000 i just want to know what it means when your husband of 3 years refuses to have sex with you. to give a little more info...between the time we were married and now we've had 2 kids...one is 2 the other 5 weeks...since the time we conceived the 1st we've had sex 3 times...the last of which we conceived our 2nd what does it mean?? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 17, 2000 Share Posted March 17, 2000 It can mean a whole lot of things. He may not want anymore children because of the responsibility. He may now see you as the mother of his children rather than a wife and object of his sexual desires. Maybe he's having an affair. Maybe he got used to masturbation while you were pregnant and is addicted to that. Maybe you need to do things to stimulate his sexual interest. Maybe it's very difficult for him to get interested in sex between diaper changes, baby's temper tantrums, etc. Maybe he suffers from depression or the effects of work stress. Elvis Presley NEVER had sex with his wife, Priscilla, after their only child, Lisa Marie, was born. For him, it was a psychological thing with Priscilla becoming a mother. There are many other possible reasons for his lack of interest in sex. Your best bet on fereting out the reason would be to go to a psychologist together. And GET SEXY, drive him wild. If you really want to drive him nuts, start asking him to babysit while you go out clubbing with your lady friends. Let him wonder where you've been. Start acting like you acted when you were dating and having sex often. But whatever you do, don't put pressure on him...that will drive him further away. I'm sure he's a great man...and, believe it or not, this problem is more common than you might guess. Link to post Share on other sites
chyna Posted March 17, 2000 Share Posted March 17, 2000 okay....i understand what you're saying...so chew on this he told me to let him know when i was ready to get in the sadle again (i assumed this meant that he was interested) so i did.....since then he has been using every excuse in the book.....he's got a headache...we don't have protection (even though i offered to go on Depro Vera).....it seems like anything he can think of he sends such mixed signals what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiser Woman Posted March 17, 2000 Share Posted March 17, 2000 I have to say I disagree with the advice to not put pressure on your husband. Now, I don't mean berate him or beat him over the head but you DO need to talk to him. You need to sit down and tell him that this is hurting you and that you are concerned. Try not to be judgmental or accusing but let him know as gently and kindly as possible that this is of great concern to you and that you want to work things out. Not talking about it and trying to face it will only cause many problems later on if you let it go now. Things like this do not get better if they are not resolved - I've lived it and ended up dealing more pain and heartache that I dreamed of because I didn't face the problem when it first happened. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Heather Posted March 17, 2000 Share Posted March 17, 2000 i just want to know what it means when your husband of 3 years refuses to have sex with you. to give a little more info...between the time we were married and now we've had 2 kids...one is 2 the other 5 weeks...since the time we conceived the 1st we've had sex 3 times...the last of which we conceived our 2nd what does it mean?? Chyna, Get a babysitter, go out for drinks and relax together, go and see a live band, laugh & show him your teeth when you smile (men like that). Follow these steps and you never know what could happen in the cab ride home!!! Heather Toronto, Canada Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 18, 2000 Share Posted March 18, 2000 I assumed that you had already had some kind talks as Wiser Woman has advised. She is right. But, I stand by my earlier post. I meant by putting pressure on your husband, giving him ultimatums, etc. If you talk to him, pray, see a therapist, hire a psychic, visit a clergyman, put Viagra in his soup, call Dr. Ruth, write Dear Abby, etc. and all fails, either get used to things as they are or move on. PRESSURE ON HIM JUST WON'T WORK. Men resist pressure like you wouldn't believe. Ask some men. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 18, 2000 Share Posted March 18, 2000 Good though, Heather!!! Link to post Share on other sites
chyna Posted March 18, 2000 Share Posted March 18, 2000 i agree it's a good thought too......only one problem....for the time being getting a babysitter and going out is impossible. my new baby is only 5 weeks old and is breast fed. I won't feel comfortable introducing a bottle for at least a month or so. so for now i'm stuck at home....or at least need to stay close to my baby. any other ideas?? Link to post Share on other sites
chyna Posted March 18, 2000 Share Posted March 18, 2000 you assumed right.....we've already had numerous conversations. he always insists that it's all in my mind.....but how can that be?...it's not like i forget having sex!!.....and he sure doesn't act interested in me! to tell you the truth, it feels like he is always telling me things that he thinks i want to hear and not what he really feels. i just don't know how to get him to be honest with me!! Link to post Share on other sites
Heather Posted March 20, 2000 Share Posted March 20, 2000 i agree it's a good thought too......only one problem....for the time being getting a babysitter and going out is impossible. my new baby is only 5 weeks old and is breast fed. I won't feel comfortable introducing a bottle for at least a month or so. so for now i'm stuck at home....or at least need to stay close to my baby. any other ideas?? Chyna, Your'e making excuses. I breast fed my babies too and you know what you can do to enjoy a simple evening out girl ! Now no more excuses! Did you ever think that maybe he's bored with the house with it's sounds and smells of children (don't get me wrong, children don't smell but baby powder does) If I was a man that alone would turn me off. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE !!! Link to post Share on other sites
matelin Posted April 12, 2000 Share Posted April 12, 2000 you assumed right.....we've already had numerous conversations. he always insists that it's all in my mind.....but how can that be?...it's not like i forget having sex!!.....and he sure doesn't act interested in me! to tell you the truth, it feels like he is always telling me things that he thinks i want to hear and not what he really feels. i just don't know how to get him to be honest with me!! My goodness, I thought I was alone in this sort of problem!! I have a wonderful husband, a good-looking man i may add! he is a workaholic and always provides for us in the best way. We have the best of everything.....except SEX! he suddenly stopped,w/out reversing or excellerating..he just stopped. This is putting a big time stress on the marriage. I try to talk to him and he takes it as bitching! I tell him i have the right to know what is going on. He says nothing is sexy about bitching, and I agree. BUT the only thing we arge about is why he does not want to have sex anymore. I tried averythin, the g-string, walking in the nude, rubbing on him and most important explaining my feelings to him. I have people (men) tell me that I am very attractive and sexy looking, and that makes me feel good. So why doesnt my husband want sex? I have accused him over and over again of affairs...if he is not having sex w/ me then he is having sex else where! He gets very mad and tells me to grow up!he tells me he is not intrested in anyone except for his "beautiful Wife" HA! He is wonderful in many ways which is so damn confusing to me. He brings me my coffe every morning in bed and says"Good morning my beautiful wife"...every morning. My husband is good looking as hell! alot of women would love to have what I have, except for the sex part! we are newly married at two years and that is so sad.ok...here is the low down truth...ready?? it has been going on at a year w/ no sex. I need advice. we used to have wonderful loving hot sex, what happened??i am so confused and hurt. I do not feel pretty anymore. I feel like i am being cheated out on something that should be special.he claims all i think about is sex...not true. I could careless if he would just give me the time of day or night. I am out of answers and trying to figure it out.......thinking about leaving him then maybe I could get to the matter of things since he wont help the situation. he knows how i feel. MEN...what am I doing wrong??? Link to post Share on other sites
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