My ex is talking to me again all of a sudden.

[Melrapuo]

My story is quite a long one, so bear with me.

 

My ex and I had gone out for almost two years. However, in a couple months time things seemed to have gotten boring for both of us. In addition, both of us were pretty stressed out. I had developed a drinking problem, and an obsession with my weight/work outs/eating habits. She was getting stressed out over where she was going to live/her future/her job/not going to school. However, I at least didn't think things were as bad as she did.

 

I noticed that she was hanging out with another guy friend of hers more often. However, during our relationship when this happened I ended up being the guy who immediately got suspicious, even though in reality I was being overprotective. And the one time I decided to stop being an ass, it ended up haunting me. I got a text while I was over her apartment one night, saying that she wanted me to let her be home alone that night. Keep in mind, we had spent pretty much every day of our relationship hanging out for a little bit at least, and had gotten to the point where she wanted me to stay over almost every night.

 

I called her that night asking what was going on (at this point I was in a panic, completely lost). She said things weren't going right, that she thought I didn't love her anymore (not true). We talked for over an hour, I couldn't go to sleep. The next day she calls me at lunch, tells me she had feelings for this other guy, but still loved me. However, she knew it couldn't work between us if these feelings still existed for the other guy. So it went from being a break (which is what she said she wanted) to her dating another guy during this break. I was beyond pissed/depressed. I had pretty much done everything for this girl; helped her move into her apartment, taken care of her when she was sick, done little cute things to make her feel good. And now I was being treated like crap. So later that night (still hadn't slept yet, and this is the next night), I text her and tell her that its over. I'm done. I was gonna give her the keys back to her appt, and I wanted my stuff back as well. She texts me back that she doesnt want the keys, wanted me back. So I go over, try to talk to her, but she ends it with the other guy first. He comes over with her stuff, they talk outside for 45 minutes, then she comes back inside. (Bull****, I know. I was pacing inside her apartment wondering when she was gonna come back in, tell the guy to just leave.)

 

I stay over that night (too tired to move, was awake for 40 hours). The next day I wake up and have this gut feeling like things weren't right. So we talk for 4 hours, decide to take a break again. This time I leave, both of us crying, and I give her my keys back to her apartment. The next month, she ends up with the guy again, dates him for a bit, realizes she doesn't like him and wasn't as happy with him as she thought, and dumps him. To make a long story short, it has gone back and forth between me and her for a bit, but everytime I tell her that the issues we had were obviously fixable, she becomes afraid of doing it, or at least unwilling.

 

Here's the part that bothers me. I've been trying to get over her, and at one point I was close. But the other day she tells me she's gonna break up with the guy. I go "Ok" and think, why is she telling me this? She also ended up saying that she still loved me, and right afterwards says she probably shouldn't have said that. I told her I needed her to be IN LOVE with me, not love me.

 

Anyway, the break up with the other guy happened on Friday, and since then she's IM'ed me about 4 times. Keep in mind, I went a week or so without talking to her, and she's the one who contacted me again. However, she said she still wants to date other people, and live her life. I'm 21 years old, and I'm pretty content with just finding the one person I wanna be with for the rest of my life. Doesn't mean I have to get married and have a family with them immediately, but I'm happier with just settling down then having to go and party all the time. Cuz in all honesty, you CAN have both a relationship and party.

 

She said she wants to date other people cuz she's afraid that if we DID settle down she'd have regrets about not knowing what else is out there. I was happy with who I was with, but I can't disagree on that part. However, if she was having these doubts already, I'm not sure how she would feel even if we did get back together. I'm probably being strung along, and its making me angry.

 

I can do the NC thing, np. I proved that to myself already when I went over a week without talking to her, and realizing that I can live my life without it having to revolve around her (no matter how utterly boring and pathetic it is at this point.) I graduate from college at the end of the fall, I have a summer job that is helping me buy a new car, and I have my health. So its not like I have nothing to look forward to.

 

What pisses me off about this is how she is acting. I know I'm being strung along, and the only way to stop it is if I do the NC thing. What I wanna know is if there is any possibility that things could actually work out. Like...if I'm overanalyzing everything, assuming too much or too little. I've looked online for a lot of answers, and most of them point to there being no chances in this relationship ever working again. I believe there is sincerity in some of the things she says, but I also believe she is treating the situation as something that is much bigger than it actually is. Then again, she could just be too afraid to be alone, and is using me as a back up plan, which I sure as hell don't wanna be.

 

The NC thing worked as I had figured, as she started talking to me again all of a sudden. My friends have told me that the longer I do that, the more likely she is going to ask me how I am, who I am dating, etc. But I'm not sure if I want that. I'm not gonna bring up the idea of us getting back together; for me, I would have to hear it from her. And then I'd have to decide on whether or not I'd take her back at that point. I don't wanna think that the past month and a half I've wasted my life thinking that anything I did or didn't do would resolve this issue. And to make things even worse, her family and friends all want us to get back together. (Her family seems to really like me. They've even told me that, even though I'm not dating their daughter anymore/atm, they still consider me family. I don't think I've ever felt so good than when I heard that, cuz I thought for a time that there was something wrong with me.) They even gave me the summer job I have now, which I didn't ask for. And her dad is a cool guy, helping me out with stuff. In a way I think her family realizes that she is ****ing/has ****ed up, and in a way don't want to see me go.

 

So what do I do? Just take it as being completely over? Give it time? I'm still gonna try and date other people, but only when I feel like I've met someone who shares the same interests as me. I'm not the kinda guy who just goes for random play. And I'm not about to start acting desperate to my ex. Nor will I become just her friend.

 

**EDIT** Sorry, forgot to include a little part (and there are more details to the story if anyone wants to ask certain things). I've gained weight (dropped 10 lbs when this started, and I'm now at a healthy 160lbs). I'm lifting less, but I'm still just as strong. Only drink during social events, and that may be once a week or so. So I've gotten that under control. Its just the depression that I'm having a hard time with, but I'm trying my best to keep my head high, even when it seems impossible.

 

**EDIT** Gonna throw in as many things as I can remember, to help make this situation seem a bit more complicated. She has apologized to me several times for doing what she has done, and at one point even admitted that she has no clue what she's doing. I had called her and heard her crying on the other end because she was so so frustrated with what was going on that she wished it could all go away. In that way I think she's realized she's ****ed up, and I think that she's afraid to get back with me because I have become so fed up at times that I've told her that I'm done, only to take it back (hence the reason why I'm gonna stick w/ NC. It's easier to say its over by not saying anything at all). I can't determine any level of truth behind what she says, and I know anything I try will not change how she feels. She'd have to come to terms with that on her own. I don't see how dating other people will help her, because in all honesty she may never be satisfied with dating other people. And I know I can find someone else out there who won't do this crap to me, but I'm impatient sometimes and this was my first serious girlfriend (and the only person beyond my family who actually gave a crap about me.)

 

Her family has encouraged me to both give it time and date around, get my life back together. I'm forever thankful to them cuz I never expected this from them. I know they really like me and consider me a great guy, and in a way I think they are finding their daughter to be immature at this point. But then again its their daughter, and they know its up to her to make her own decisions. I hate having to admit that I have to let go, but I guess its my only option.

[BannaBee57]

Do you really want to be put on the backburner and have her come sniffing around for an ego boost everytime it doesn't work out with some other guy?

 

It looks like you have some good stuff going for you and you're quite young. If you want to find a nice girl to have a relationship with I say go for it. Let this one go. I know it's hard with all the history, but plenty of us have done it and survived to be much happier people.

 

There are loads of girls in your age bracket that would be interested in finding a loyal guy to get to know better. Give one of them a chance instead of letting this girl mess with you.