Best friend - drunk in my bed

[puttnum1]

Ok. Im 19 and a guy. long story short.. I met this girl Mary a few years ago. We've become best friends since then. I lover her. As a best friend, .. and as more. and she knows that. She however, says she doesnt feel the same way. But im not buyin it. Shes always flirting with me (in public). She sends me mixed signals all the time. She says shes just nice and flirty by nature, which is sorta true. But i have never seen her flirt with any other guy as much as she flirts with me. Then one night, i had a bunch of friends over, drinking. I wasnt paying attention to what she was drinking, and someone gave her way too much to drink and she got drunker than ive ever seen her. She was hanging all over me that night. Stuff she would never do sober. Gently touching my cheek.. long long hugs.. in my arms most of the night. Being the friend i am, i didnt take advantage of her. instead, i took care of her all night, making sure she was okay. I ended up sleeping in the bed with her, nothing sexual at all, just sleeping. and i think she got angry about that. day afterwards, she still insists she has no feelings for me. and i still just dont believe her. ive heard that "a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts" but does that apply to actions too? any thoughts?

[xclusiive]

hm now this is a tricky situation. the problem with this is most people in this situation are afraid that if they start a relationship ..it will ruin the base of their friendship.if you 2 share almost everythign with eachother then maybe shes afraid thatll stop. ..talking bout certain things will slowly start to stop and someitmes things get awkward and not the way imagined at first. my sister was in the exact same situation however her best frend and her were in relationships at the time which they both sacrificed for eachother. luckily it worked out and theyve been together for 2 years. u ahve to be strong bc u can tell her directly that you are deeply attracted to her and that her flirting doesnt necessarily help which may caouse her to push away but you mentioned that you already have tried talkign to her so it can be either being a littlte more aggressive if feelings are strong or you may have to wait until she get her mind straight if she is confused. maybe she has had bad past relationships? but bc again you dont want to lose her completely friendhsip is also very important, you sound like a very nice guy and you didnt even take advantage of her which she should appreciate that especially. wish you thebest of luck!!

[puttnum1]

okay so, she is very upset about waking up next to me. i just do not believe that she has no feelings for me. and my friends agree. so the question is.. do i be the good friend and tell her that i believe her when she says she doesn't like me like that? or do i call her bluff?

[Kenyth]

Frankly, I think she expected and wanted you to get frisky that night. Many people want the excuse of being drunk as an escape route the next day. I think the fact that you didn't do anything put her off. If you want her, you'll have to take the chance and be very forward the next time you find yourself alone with her.

[Virgo822]

FWIW, essentially the same thing happened to me a long time ago. Friends, she got very drunk, I was a gentleman, took no advantage. She ended up sleeping nude in my college dorm room bed while I slept on the floor. She was coming on strong to me but was very drunk.

 

In the end, it ended our friendship. I never did know if she wanted me to take advantage of the situation, or if she really did just get drunk and was embarrassed by the whole scene.

 

I don't know if this helps, good luck to you.

[Kenyth]

I think it's said best by this simple remark.

 

"Play to win!"

 

This doesn't mean you have to be an inconsiderate jerk. You just have to go for what you want in life, and take your breaks if you don't get it, without whining.

 

Being unsure and not taking your opportunities because of fear is a sin that everyone is guilty of at one point or another in life. Sure, there's plenty I regret, but plenty I learned as well.

 

Go for what you want, and drop the things that are hurting you. Play to win! Good simple advice in life. Even if it's a bit harder in practice than just saying it.

[Ronni_W]

okay so, she is very upset about waking up next to me.

IMO, you did the best thing by not taking advantage of a drunk person - next thing you know, she's "very upset" enough to press rape charges.

 

Why not be honest with her -- that you are confused because her words and her actions (sober and drunk) are so vastly different -- that you'd like a clear answer as to what, EXACTLY, is her purpose for sending such mixed messages -- what is it that she wants or expects you do to?

If it is that her game-playing may influence you to want to end the friendship, tell her that, too.

 

It smells as if she is taking advantage of your good nature, keeping you on a bit of a string. Hopefully I'm wrong about that but won't hurt for you to start looking for the signs, one way or the other.

[mental_traveller]

Don't read things into this situation that aren't there.

 

I've had plenty of times where I've had zero interest in a woman, and she has been interested in me - and then one day I've got really drunk, and just been platonically affectionate...and then all of a sudden she thought I was really into her.

 

So listen up - she isn't really interested in you. She likes you as a friend, and probably thinks you are "ok". But she doesn't really lust after you, she doesn't fancy you massively, she just thinks you are nice enough. Her lying in bed with you is purely because she was off her face on booze. Her getting annoyed at you the next day is because she had sobered up and couldn't believe what she did. It's the same as a guy ****ing some ugly fat chick, waking up next to her, and thinking "Oh my god did I really sleep with her?".

 

Do not delude yourself - this girl is NOT lusting after you. If she was, then she would have ****ed your brains out whilst sober, then the next morning woken you up with some oral, told you how much she had fancied you for months/years, and said will you be my boyfriend. Not got mad at you. Capisce?