3 years

[xclusiive]

hey guys ok i dont want to bore you with my story but i really need help andnothing seems to be working, maybe if i come out with it in writing it can help me a little bit hopefully.its quite a logn story and thres way more inbetween but i ahve shortened it alot. i have been in a relationship with my current bf for almost 3 years now. we have had our ups and downs and he cheated on me the first yr we wre together.i forgave him bc altho it hurt at the time a kiss wasnt a big deal. last yr round june we were having very bad time in our relationship. his frend was kind of seeing this grl or i dont even no wat went on but my bf started tlalkin to her wel only for bout week they wentout for one date nd next day he ended up in her bed.wel i figured this on mm own intuitions since there was rumour going round at school that she was pregnant at this time when i figured it out i didnt even no the 2 had talkd. im good! nyways he ended up confessing to me bc the day aftr he slept with her he came back to me nd asked me out nd evrything again. it was realy sweet but had i known i wouldnt have been so quick 2 accept.he was really crushed ovr the whole situation and did cry we spent a whole day tlkain bout it alone and he confessed evrything to me that how he felt disgusted even during the sex and how we went home right after he ignored the grl completely wanted nothing to do with her and told me he only did it with her bc he was very angry and stressed about us.also one time he told me he just wanted to see wat it was liek with nother girl and when i aksed him bout that later he didnt remebr. we technicaly wrent together that week but even tho we dont oficialy go out we still see eachother so i consider it cheating no mater what. bc of his past and what he did i am very jelous and tend to get angry easily.i no reading this u must think he is a pig and ask why am i with him but i really do love him and girls yhou know how it is. he has done nothing to me since that experience and reassures me alot.he gets very annoyed of my jelousy at times but i have gotten way better at controlling myself.one thing i cannot help is i wel i cant get over what he did with that girl i no it was only one time but for that little while she held my man and did all those things we share, it bugs me picturing in my head i cant even stand gioing down by where she lives it getgs me so angry. i honestly hate her. i handled the situation immaturely bc i went up to her and started bitching her out and eventualy pushed and kicked and pulled hair it was nothing big but i felt like i really needed it. she was being realy stupid the day AFTER she had sex with him she had alrady put in her msn name the name of her baby with him:S it really ticked me off.nyways i dont no how i can get over it.it been more than a year and i no ive read some stories where the hurt lasts forver. i just want to stop picturing it in my head and i dont want to ruin my relationship with him bc it has been great! of course his eyes stare here and there but hes a guy right?ive tried thiking bout other things or doing things to keep me busy but when i see or hear certain things i cant help it. i love him very much we do evryhitng together and i think 3 yrs is a long time. i hgear ppl on here tlkaing bout relationships that last 5 months but its not even comparable and im very proud on how far weve gotten.i no this is quite long and i dont mind relies maybe just me writing this will help me out and feel better. thanks alot!