jalexy Posted August 3, 2003 Posted August 3, 2003 I was wondering, the guy I am seeing sometimes does not let me order first when we go out to eat. He takes it upon himself to just order, not thinking hes supposed to let me go first. I think he just doesnt realize hes doing it. So, how do i get him to not do this anymore? I do not want to come out and say it....i want to be nonchalant about this. Help! Also, Sometimes his dressing habits are embarassing. Like last night, he wore a hat (which is fine) but he likes to wear it to the side like a little kid would. I couldnt stand it anymore and so i nicely pushed his hat back to where it should be on his head. I felt embarassed when he was wearing it like that. plus, he had a shirt with a stain on it! a big stain, like the size of four quarters! Am i too fickle? i dress really nice and put on my best for him, i was hoping he would do the same. again, i dont think he realizes what hes doing....
superd Posted August 3, 2003 Posted August 3, 2003 the ordering first thing...hmmm.maybe you have to let that go...the stain on the shirt and the wearing the hat in a silly way...that you may want to confront if and only if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Dragonfly Posted August 3, 2003 Posted August 3, 2003 I think you definitely need to just be open with him on these issues. If you are accustomed to the guy letting you order first, let him know. You say he is "supposed" to, but that is your opinion. It may just be his nature to go first, and doesn't realize that is offends you. The next time you are out, while you are deciding, let him know you would like to order before him this time. Then thank him, and show appreciation for it. If you don't tell him now, think of how you are going to justify telling him six months down the road, if this turns into something?? Your approach seemed good on the hat. If you have to keep doing it, then sit him down and show him how silly he looks with it like that, or at least just mention it. As for the stain, does he do that all the time?? He is a guy, and I apologize for being stereotypical, but they don't always pay attention to how they present themselves, especially certain age groups!! All in all, just make him aware that things bother you. He either doesn't realize he is doing it, or doesn't realize it has such an impact on you.
yes Posted August 3, 2003 Posted August 3, 2003 You can turn it all into a joke, and let him know that way. Ordering first: Next time he does it, say "heeeey, what happened to ladies first? :P" and smile at the waiter & just go ahead and order... Hat: I think you did the right thing but simply putting it on differently for him. Stain: Just say - "Oh oh! look!" - Pretend that he didn't know there was a stain, and you're pointing it out to him. This way, you're drawing his attention to where you want it to be, but not ordering him around. I had a similar problem with a guy-friend - he'd just come sit next to me & eat his lunch, without offering me a single piece. So one day, I said "oh my, your smelly food is making me hungry! perhaps i'll go get something", and he was like "oh my, you haven't eaten yet??" and offered me something, and has been always bringing or at least offering me something every time since then. good luck, -yes
jalexy Posted August 3, 2003 Posted August 3, 2003 Ordering first: Next time he does it, say "heeeey, what happened to ladies first? :P" and smile at the waiter & just go ahead and order... amazing advice!!!!! thank you!! hehe i will try it, i think i need a few more dates and i will do that for sure, thank you. its all about making the other person think you arent being bossy or rude, that is how to approach thi) great!
moimeme Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 I'm still having trouble with the hat thing. Maybe you thought he looked funny but maybe he was wearing it in a way that was very stylish that you just don't like. Ordering in restaurants - do you really care who goes first? As a matter of fact, for years it was tradition for the man to order FOR the woman; the woman often wasn't even asked what she wanted and many fancy restaurants had women's menus with no prices on them - so he's probably following his dad's example. Spots, well yes you do want to draw his attention to them because he may not have noticed them.
jalexy Posted August 4, 2003 Posted August 4, 2003 Hey, he is 22 years old and i just found the way he wore his hat to be......im not sure, not something i want to be seen with in public. hes a dj and so sure, when hes doing that, its cute when he wears his hat to the side. but in a restaraunt? yeah....i really felt kinda embarassed. about the ordering first, i guess im just used to it. every male, including my father lets the ladies order first. so yeah, i was like hmmm. but i know dealing with this is a hell of a lot better than dealing with a cheater, so yes i am grateful for such small "problems" the stain, he knew about.......before he came over.......which baffeled me.....i just dont think he got it. but hes a cutie...
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