ex boyfriend

[Candace]

I have this ex-boyfriend, Charles. We were hanging out a lot last week and one night we ended up having sex and he suddenly said, "i want to know if you'll go back out with me?" I responded that I didn't want anything serious right now because I just got out of a long term relationship. We ended up talking for an hour about it and finally he told me: it's hard for him to hold a "torch" for me, that i send mixed messages and that he isn't always "going to be around" for me. As I left his house, he also said that I should forget that he even said anything about going out again.

 

We hung out again a few times after that and nothing happened. He showed up at my work the other day and I talked to him for a little while but I had to go home and he seemed to suddenly become very uptight when I said I had to go. I told him that i'd call him and I did, but the conversation was strained and he was being kind of distant and rude and making references to going to the bar with a girl and hanging out with her a lot.

 

This is all happening as I am starting to consider seeing him again, but now he's changed his attitude and is being very untalkative. So, i'm getting the message to just forget about him and accept the past as the past.

 

But part of me wonders if he isn't putting up a front because he is afraid i'll hurt him.

 

He calls me but it seems like he's waiting for me to make plans with him whereas before he always asked me to do things with him. When I do make plans with him he acts unintrigued and actually like he has little desire to talk to me. I bring up the fact that he acts distant and untalkative but he said that I am the one acting "insane" and that nothing is wrong.

 

Any viewpoints?

[Tony T]

Last week, you told him you didn't want anything serious right now after he asked about getting back together. Now you wonder why he's acting a little distant. (And you wonder why he thinks you send mixed messages???) This is NOT rocket science. If you now actually want something with him, give the matter a little time. Don't see him for a period of time. If you tell him now that you didn't mean what you said last week, you will further destroy things. After a period of time, during which I hope you'll see other people, give him a call and see where his head is at. People so seldom understand that words are very, very powerful and people's feelings are very, very fragile. What you say can come back to haunt you. And it looks like it is for you right now. Only time can set things straight again.

[Shirley]

I have this ex-boyfriend, Charles. We were hanging out a lot last week and one night we ended up having sex and he suddenly said, "i want to know if you'll go back out with me?" I responded that I didn't want anything serious right now because I just got out of a long term relationship. We ended up talking for an hour about it and finally he told me: it's hard for him to hold a "torch" for me, that i send mixed messages and that he isn't always "going to be around" for me. As I left his house, he also said that I should forget that he even said anything about going out again. We hung out again a few times after that and nothing happened. He showed up at my work the other day and I talked to him for a little while but I had to go home and he seemed to suddenly become very uptight when I said I had to go. I told him that i'd call him and I did, but the conversation was strained and he was being kind of distant and rude and making references to going to the bar with a girl and hanging out with her a lot. This is all happening as I am starting to consider seeing him again, but now he's changed his attitude and is being very untalkative. So, i'm getting the message to just forget about him and accept the past as the past. But part of me wonders if he isn't putting up a front because he is afraid i'll hurt him.

 

He calls me but it seems like he's waiting for me to make plans with him whereas before he always asked me to do things with him. When I do make plans with him he acts unintrigued and actually like he has little desire to talk to me. I bring up the fact that he acts distant and untalkative but he said that I am the one acting "insane" and that nothing is wrong.

 

Any viewpoints?

Hi!

 

You had sex with him. And that's all he wants. Dating is a time to have fun. To meet people, go out with them, and have a good time. If it's a struggle like what you're going through, then stop seeing him and move on to meeting other people.