havoc Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 My lord no there is no way a woman can propose its just ridiculous. Okay, why? You don't know my situation that I posted above. I don't think my husband found it "ridiculous." Link to post Share on other sites
Author jonesec Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 My lord no there is no way a woman can propose its just ridiculous. Thats like going up to a man and asking ; will you take me out for an expensive dinner and a show tonight ? Men propose you're going to have to wait until he does it, when he is ready, women don't propose. That is not what it's like at all. If two people have been dating long enough that one of them is considering marriage then I hardly see how it can be compared to a date. The only true reason that can ever be given that a woman can't propose is that marriage is about tradition, which is still a reason that doesn't apply to modern couples these day. Why should I put the fate of my life in the hands of a man just because things should only happen when the man is ready? Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 That is not what it's like at all. If two people have been dating long enough that one of them is considering marriage then I hardly see how it can be compared to a date. The only true reason that can ever be given that a woman can't propose is that marriage is about tradition, which is still a reason that doesn't apply to modern couples these day. Why should I put the fate of my life in the hands of a man just because things should only happen when the man is ready? To me, it's really more about romance. I think the real reason proposing has been left up to the man is because when a man is in love with a woman, by nature he wants to protect her, give her gifts, and provide for her and their children. Even in modern marriages, the man is the one who will feel the pressure of taking on that responsibility. If he isn't ready to get married, he will think of that responsibility as a burden. This is the last thing a woman wants. I'm sure there exceptions to this but the poster asked the question and some of us were letting her know that she could be taking a risk doing that because the majority of men would not like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Hey, it's the 21st century for ****s sake. Go for it Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 This is the problem I have with relationships. If what you are saying Angel is true, then I must be doing something wrong. I find it sexy and very liberating to see women standing up for themselves. Taking a chance where they were told that was the realm for men. If women are limited to a certain gender role in relationship ships, would and should that no hold true for the job market? If it is the man's role to ask the woman to out and to ask her to marry him... Is it not the woman's role to work in the home and take care of the kids? The truth is this... There has NEVER EVER been a right or wrong way for two people to design their relationship. Marriages have the same amount of chance for success and failure where the men ask the woman to marry him as there are of women asking men. If I am wrong, you might as well tell that to the friends I know who play these "opposite gender roles" and are making it work. If what your saying is truth, there should be nothing in life that can contradict it, however, life does do just that. OP. The truth is this... You need to be open and honest about your feelings and share them with your boyfriend. You both need to feel comfortable in proceeding how you wish to proceed. The truth is some guys want to propose because they feel it is their job. Others are more than happy to be proposed to (most guys love romance and surprises just as much as women do, I love it when my one of my ex's brought me flowers and I still have the blue and white plush dog my first girlfriend gave me). In the end, you have to decide how to proceed, but just be open and receptive of your boyfriends seen and unseen emotions and said and unsaid words. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
Angel1111 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 This is the problem I have with relationships. If what you are saying Angel is true, then I must be doing something wrong. I find it sexy and very liberating to see women standing up for themselves. Taking a chance where they were told that was the realm for men. If women are limited to a certain gender role in relationship ships, would and should that no hold true for the job market? If it is the man's role to ask the woman to out and to ask her to marry him... Is it not the woman's role to work in the home and take care of the kids? The truth is this... There has NEVER EVER been a right or wrong way for two people to design their relationship. Marriages have the same amount of chance for success and failure where the men ask the woman to marry him as there are of women asking men. If I am wrong, you might as well tell that to the friends I know who play these "opposite gender roles" and are making it work. If what your saying is truth, there should be nothing in life that can contradict it, however, life does do just that. OP. The truth is this... You need to be open and honest about your feelings and share them with your boyfriend. You both need to feel comfortable in proceeding how you wish to proceed. The truth is some guys want to propose because they feel it is their job. Others are more than happy to be proposed to (most guys love romance and surprises just as much as women do, I love it when my one of my ex's brought me flowers and I still have the blue and white plush dog my first girlfriend gave me). In the end, you have to decide how to proceed, but just be open and receptive of your boyfriends seen and unseen emotions and said and unsaid words. DNR I think it was already stated that there are exceptions, I was speaking in general. And most women, when they are in the leadership role in a marriage, will resent it and will usually not respect her husband. As far as what happens in the work place, that is not relevant to this discussion because they're different venues, which I already talked about, also. And whether the man and woman both are working and making the same salary, I'm just saying that even in that case, the man will feel much more responsible about providing for his family than the woman will. This is why more women are likely to leave a marriage when they're unhappy than a man will - because he feels the pressure of taking care of his responsibility. I'm talking more about human nature here than I am anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I think it was already stated that there are exceptions, I was speaking in general. And most women, when they are in the leadership role in a marriage, will resent it and will usually not respect her husband. As far as what happens in the work place, that is not relevant to this discussion because they're different venues, which I already talked about, also. And whether the man and woman both are working and making the same salary, I'm just saying that even in that case, the man will feel much more responsible about providing for his family than the woman will. This is why more women are likely to leave a marriage when they're unhappy than a man will - because he feels the pressure of taking care of his responsibility. I'm talking more about human nature here than I am anything else. What your talking about is feelings and how things are believed to be in this world. We do believe it is the man's place to provide for the family. Yet there are plenty of cases where the woman made or had the most money, but the man still played the lead role in the relationship. It is in the cases where the man was insulted and mistreated by his spouse and/or society for not being the one with the money. And since belittling people is wrong... This automatically disqualifies that it is the man's place to make the most money. And your right again, societies has put certain UNDO pressure and qualifications on men and women to do certain things. So, yes, because a woman is "seen" as the weaker of the genders, the most fickle and emotional and chaotic of the species, and thus they are giving a wider range of things that is "okay" for them to do and not for a man. There are a lot of generalizations I had to destroy when dealing with men and women. A lot of things I had to realize was not truth, but the ways of the time or misconceived concepts too many people take as gospel. I know that the general has no place in dictating what path a person should or must take because, one has to deal with the exceptions. And the truth is this, she needs to propose if that is what is on her heart, but she has to make sure her boyfriend is able to deal with it. It does not matter if he changes his mind the road. Because even if he proposed, he still could do her wrong later on. Generalizations are not worth the concepts they are based on. Generalizations does nothing but hold people back from enlightenment and being free. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I would prefer to propose to him, than him to me. Women are so afraid to take initiative these days...that's why some people & culture view us as 2nd to men. Women needs to step it up and not be so concerned with tradition. If you want it, do it/go get it! Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 My lord no there is no way a woman can propose its just ridiculous. Thats like going up to a man and asking ; will you take me out for an expensive dinner and a show tonight ? Men propose you're going to have to wait until he does it, when he is ready, women don't propose. Women can & should do anything they want to do. Screw tradition, screw "supposed to", wake up, it's 2008! Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I would prefer to propose to him, than him to me. Women are so afraid to take initiative these days...that's why some people & culture view us as 2nd to men. Women needs to step it up and not be so concerned with tradition. If you want it, do it/go get it! So are you asking me to marry you? But, we barely know each other. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 So are you asking me to marry you? But, we barely know each other. DNR Hah, how'd ya guess? I was going to propose to you tonight... Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Hah, how'd ya guess? I was going to propose to you tonight... Just give me a time and I'll make sure I'm online. I think I'll wear my best suit. Oh, virtual orchids would be great. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Not really most cases where the woman proposed instead of the man, they tended to be equal partners with equal say. They did not conform to ridiculous notions that really was a man's idea of how things should be. There is no bases save from the old ways of men being the dominators in many relationships. So, what a man normally would do is string the woman along allowing him to do as he pleases while the woman waited on him, and then, only when HE was ready to settle down did he let her off the hook. And this is the joy about living so long and being in the position of being able to see so many types of relationships. I have many stories and proofs to debunk a lot of myths and theories and old "traditions" that have nothing to do with relationships but more so for the pride of a gender. DNR If a guy hasn't proposed, there's usually a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark-N-Romantic Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 If a guy hasn't proposed, there's usually a reason. False. I know a few couples where the woman wanted to and did propose and it was not because the man did not ask, but because she was ready and he was ready and she beat him to the punch or she told him she did not want to do things according to old traditions that mean nothing. And this is what people need to get through their minds... Traditions and rituals does not equal right or perfect, if that was so, we would not have women in the military or male maids. DNR Link to post Share on other sites
JaneInVegas Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 I was really, really tempted to propose to my fiance. We had talked about getting married for a couple of weeks, and it seemed like he was dragging his feet as well. I chose not to though, because I thought it would be less romantic. I'm not really old-fashioned, and I suppose he would have been fine with my asking (he may have even liked it!) But I just wanted to wait because I thought it would have been more romantic, more special. I'm glad I did wait, because about a week after I started getting antsy about it, he finally did pop the question! Link to post Share on other sites
havoc Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 This thread has been busy while I've been away! Okay, here is how it went down for me when I proposed. About 8 months before I did so, my boyfriend at the time told me how much he saw a future with me -- marriage, kids, the whole shebang. We had just moved in together, so it was a nice talk. We were something of an unconventional couple anyway (different topic). How it happened -- After a night of particularly good sex, I was on top of him, naked, and we were talking about how much we loved each other. I felt so much love for him, and I blurted, without thinking, "Will you marry me?" He was a bit shocked, as was I, but then he said, "Yes!" Later, he did say he was supposed to propose to me (per tradition), so he got down on one knee and asked, while we both giggled, and it was ridiculously romantic. I do like the way it happened, because it wasn't planned and came right from the heart. I don't think what I did somehow reflects badly on our relationship. It was a great moment. Despite my proposing, I think he truly does want to be with me! If he didn't, he would have said no. Link to post Share on other sites
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