at the end of the tunnel...and not seeing a light

[Sarah12385]

*sigh*

as of now it's 10:30pm, Sunday night. i feel so upset, i could just drink myself into some sort of happiness, but, sadly i work tomorrow at 7am.

here's my complaint this evening:

my bf is really into Nascar racing, and today was thee...um, i dunno some big race was on NBC this afternoon around 3. anyways, he called to tell me he was gonna go to his dad's house to watch the race, because he didn't wanna be bothered & whatnot while watching it. i call him back about an hour and a half later, to hear he's at home, and there are numerous *girls* in the background. i asked him who was there and he said "oh Joy, Brianne, Amber, Julie....i dunno, a bunch more are coming over tonight to watch movies". mind you all, these people who are coming over were GIRLS. how many girls total would be at his place? ELEVEN. eleven girls...

now for those of you who haven't read my posts, my byofriend has many friends who are mostly girls, which, i respect, bein as how many of*my* friends are guys.

now, let's back this bus up to last night. last night i went to my FIRST dance club. i went with 2 other girls. my bf asked where i was going, and i could hear in his voice he was a little, insecure/upset with this. knowing there'd be guys there.

now, any other night, he'd tell me "well i'm goin to the Bronze Eagle (a local bar) with the girls tonight...". everything is with THE GIRLS. i DO trust him. i will say that, and i mean that, i trust him...but, it's almost like he rubs it in my face, that he's going out with thees GIRLS, but i feel timid to say anything to him about it, because i know these are his friends. i told him how insecure i feel and all, but he just says "whatever", and i'm like "................". i just....i don't know what to do. i'm at the end of the road here. and for those of you insisting i spend time with his friends, no, they don't like me. they all WANT HIM. lol this is too much. but he's so damn cute, and sweet, and charming...*sigh* men.

[PurpleAngel]

they all WANT HIM

 

??? What do you mean then all want him???

 

for those of you insisting i spend time with his friends, no, they don't like me

 

So what, this is about you and him. It’s about whether HE wants you to be there with him or not that I would be questioning. I wouldn’t care if they liked me or not. They should respect you are his girl and that’s it! IF they don’t like it THEY should leave you two to go out together not you leave them to go out together!

 

If he prefers to go out with other people over you or not invite you cos 'they don’t like you' then well I wouldn’t care how damn cute, and sweet, and charming he is! I'd find myself another Prince Charming to hang out with!

 

Love is not meant to be sweet, romantic and fun NOT depressing and restricting!

 

Stand up for yourself girl! You should be treated like a princess not a leper!

 

Good Luck!

~PurpleAngel~

[Tony T]

It's no wonder why he's got a lot of ladies around him if he's so cute, sweet and charming. So he has no problem putting you off to watch the races...but he'll have 11 of his lady friends over to watch them after lying to you about going to his dad's house for the races. I'm kind of confused on this.

 

Anyway, this all sounds like something you'll just have to get used to. I do know this many girls wouldn't be surrounding your boyfriend unless they were after something...him or something he's got. Now, you need to figure out what that is? Them not liking you may have something to do with it too.

 

Good luck!

[Curt]

I do know this many girls wouldn't be surrounding your boyfriend unless they were after something...him or something he's got.

 

IIII know what you're sayin' Tony...

 

Yup...I bet he's got one o' them widescreen HDTV rigs there. Those babies give crisp video and rockin' sound man!

 

(((Going out to get my sarcasm-o-meter fixed right now)))

 

Curt

[jalexy]

sings *leave him, leave him*

 

 

---> to your boyfriend

[HokeyReligions]

but he just says "whatever",

 

This is the line that caught my eye in your post. This sounds totally disrespectful of your feelings and is a pretty blatant way of saying he doesn't care about you.

 

If thats the case, why be with him at all? It doesn't sound like he would miss you if you left.

[vixen]

why does this sound like it paraleles my problem. guy doesn't seem to want to spend good time with girl, doesn't seem to care to much about girls feelings. comes off as the type of guy who will give girl all freedom she wants, but at what price.

 

It's so easy for a third party to say dump him. Hell my roomy has been scratching his head over why haven't i dumped him.

 

sarah i hear ya, i understand your dilema, but i too can't figure it out. I mean my head says dumping is the right coarse, for both of us, but my heart says love concers all. I'm no help here exept to say, your not alone.

 

vixen

[Sarah12385]

thank you all for your replies.

 

well, about his friends...they all want him, which is why they don't like me. because *i* have him, and they don't. i don't mean to sound stuck up by saying that. all of those girls talk about me. the first time i went out with Jon (the bf), was a a mini golfing place. it was me, him, and Joy (one of the many friends). now, i'm VERY sorry if i sound like a bitch, because i just might and i really really am sorry if i offend anyone, i don't mean to, but, Joy is a very large girl, and she's been "inlove" with Jon for almost 5 years now. he doesn't like her in "that" way, and has told her over and over again. so that night we went out mini golfing, her and i hit it off just fine, i really liked her, she was sooo funny. i could tell she liked him tho, she'd keep tryin to flirt with him, and then when i'd flirt with him, i could just *tell* she was getting irritated.

so after that outing, she began saying "ohhh she's such a DITZ Jon my GOD.....how can you stand her....and what happened to your barbie doll figure girls? all your OTHER girls were like barbies....blonde hair, blue eyes, but NO not her...she's got brown hair and greenish eyes..." blah blah blah. so Joy get alll these other girls on her side, telling them how "ditsy" and stupid i am, etc. so the talking-behind-the-back-because-we're-in-8th-grade thing started up, and i'm not tryin to toot my own horn, but i am not a ditsy, stupid person. and yes, Jon has stuck up for me when Joy bashes me, along with the other girls. but i just can't help think that he'll fall for one of these other girls...

last night, he got online and was talking to me....he asked me if i was mad, and if i still liked him, i said i'm not mad, i'm annoyed, and yes i still like you. he said he still liked me too a lot. but then went on to say he was a little annoyed/mad, and i asked why and he said "cause of the way you act. you can't handle them". and i asked what it was i couldn't handle, and he said "the girls". SOOOO i told him i needed to go because i had to cool off (his comment really fired me up). so......i dunno. i don't even know why i bother posting post after post after post on here...i'm sorry if i'm annoying you all lol, but i do appreciate the replies.

[jalexy]

sings again *baby bye bye bye* llllllllllllllleaveeeeeee him

[vixen]

sounds like you can "handle" the girls just fine, it's just he's doing his best to make it diffacult. Sigh, least i don't have other women to contend with. And don't appalogize for the repeat posts, i like hearing what's up. You nead to vent, it's healthy.

 

Hell i just called my mom and cryed her a river over jon. (funny how thier both jon, is yours a jonathan like mines is?) anywho, if you nead to vent or talk do it, i for one don't mind, and will likely respond to let ya know i'm out here, fealing your pain, and in a way virtualy holding your hand.

 

But unfortunatly like all the advice i've gotten about jon, all i can say is it's up to you. No one can make this decistion for you. Are you happy. Sigh, trust me, it's dead end i know, but we have to come out of this one stronger, we must!!

 

Vixen

[Sarah12385]

thank you vixen

yes hehe, he's a Jonathan lol. i always call him Jonathan too.

lol i just got MORE bad news...it just keeps flowing in my direction. *sigh* one of the many girls he's friends with turned 21 today. all of you Americans know what that means. THE DRINKING AGE! how much you wanna bet he takes her to a BAR tonight...oh Lord i will just die if he does lol

i will...

and i can't go WITH them, because i'm barely 19.

grr this really sucks...

just look at this stress lol. i honestly think i'm putting some of it upon myself...maybe i'm just worrying too much. but honestly, wouldn't you girls feel a big insecure if *your* boyfriend had a bunch of really close *girl* friends?

:\

[clia]

just look at this stress lol. i honestly think i'm putting some of it upon myself...maybe i'm just worrying too much.

 

How long are you going to put up with this?

 

It seems like every problem in your relationship stems from his immature friends and/or the time he spends with them. I think I'd be inclined to find a guy whose friends are a bit more mature...

 

I'm curious, how much time do you spend with him per week? If you are seeing him two or three times a week, then I don't think you need to be insecure about him hanging out with his friends. (I think you've been together a couple/few months, is that right?)

[Sarah12385]

yes clia, i see him mainly...eh, i dunno, 3 days a week, maybe 4. you know, i was just sitting here, thinking, i think i'm afraid that i won't find anyone better. i mean, God his personality is amazing, and he's so damn cute.....his eyes.......when he looks at me, i melt into a puddle of NOTHING. lol....i know i know, it's pathetic, it really is. and i'm so patient and faithful in people, which doesn't help in this case.

[Curt]

I'm sorry, I don't recall if you've already said so Sarah, but...

 

Has he ever told the girls to lay off you, that it hurts him when they berate you?

 

Just curious?

 

Curt

[jalexy]

Originally posted by Sarah12385

yes clia, i see him mainly...eh, i dunno, 3 days a week, maybe 4. you know, i was just sitting here, thinking, i think i'm afraid that i won't find anyone better. i mean, God his personality is amazing, and he's so damn cute.....his eyes.......when he looks at me, i melt into a puddle of NOTHING. lol....i know i know, it's pathetic, it really is. and i'm so patient and faithful in people, which doesn't help in this case.

 

 

quoted from my own mother "dont every stay with someone because of fear"this fear could be that you wont find anyone better; that he will hurt you, etc....

[clia]

i think i'm afraid that i won't find anyone better.

 

You're 19? Trust me, you have only scratched the surface in finding "better" men out there... The world is crawling with them...

 

It seems to me like you see him often enough at three or four times a week...so what's the problem with him hanging out with these girls? Is it solely because they are girls and have crushes on him? Don't forget--you are his girlfriend. They aren't. So let them crush on him all they want. He chose you, not them. I think by letting them get to you so much you are only adding fuel to their fire.

[Sarah12385]

hmm you know what clia you might be right...maybe i *am* adding fuel to the fire.

and may i add, these times i see him during the week, one of those days i get a few hours with him, the other days, i see him for about an hour.

but, i'm gonna just try 'n back off. what bothers me the most is that he doesn't invite me to be with him *and* his friends at the same time. most likely tho because they all hate me. because Joy aka "the leader" beat it into their heads that, in a nutshell, i suck.

[clia]

one of those days i get a few hours with him, the other days, i see him for about an hour.

 

Wait. Stop.

 

Is he taking you out on dates or is he stopping by for an hour?

[Sarah12385]

well let's see...hmm, let's say i see him Saturday, Monday, Wed, and maybe Thurs.

Saturday would be a full day, he'd take me somewhere, like this past Saturday, we spent the day at the zoo and aquarium.

now on Monday, he'd stop by his mum's house (his mum lives 2 doors down from me) and i'd go down there, we'd hang out for...eh...an hour or so, before he either goes home to sleep (haha yeah right) or goes out with...*them*.

Wednesday, he might come pick me up, we'd go see a movie or something small like that, end of date. grr, i know.

then that possible Thursday...hmm...yeah i dunno.

you know, now that i think of it...we haven't messed around in about 2 weeks. not to sound like a perv or anything but...i just realized that. wow...that really sucks.....*gasp* i swear if he's cheatin on me...i'm not gonna be a happy camper.

[clia]

Hmmm....

 

So, two "official" dates a week, Saturday and maybe Wednesday, plus two other days. And that leaves him a few days a week to see his friends. Sounds pretty normal to me.

 

this past Saturday, we spent the day at the zoo and aquarium

 

Did he take you out Saturday evening? Since you don't go out on Friday nights with him, Saturday night should be your night. As the girlfriend, you should get at least one weekend night.

[Sarah12385]

nah...i don't usually get nights with him. well, i'm not stickin up for him lol, but weekend nights are usually hard because he is a bartender on most wknd nights. he's got two jobs so...it's a little hard, i understand that.

well last night, he called me, we talked for about 30 mins, and you know what he asked me, he said "i need a vacation. i just need to get out of here, away from everything and everyONE". i just sat in silence ready to cry, but then a miracle happened hehe, he said "but...i want you with me. we should just get away together. just us." and i said "you mean...none of the other girls?" and he replied "no..none of them. just us. let's go to Hershey, we'll go in the chocolate factory and everything, i heard it's real nice up there."

i was in shock. this seems way to good to be true...

unless all my worrying was worthless.

[Curt]

My Spidey sense is tingling...

 

Why does that sound so strange to me...all of a sudden he wants to see the back of em all...

 

I'd have to ask him....poke around....see if there's anything in particular that is causing this about face...

 

Am I getting jaded?

 

LOL

 

Curt