I am in Love...

[Eliza]

I need help. Last summer in Florida, I became good friends with my brother's friend after meeting for one day. I went to Florida in December and we got to know each other even better and now we are good friends, even though we don't call each other. I felt very heartsick for him when I left, and I didn't think about him for a while. Now, I am so heartsick for him and I don't know why. I know that he is probably not thinking of me the same way, and that is why I don't want to confront him with it. This summer I am going back there to stay the whole summer and I will most likely see him all the time. I just want to know how I can face him and not show my feelings for him, without ruining our friendship? And how can I keep myself from feeling so lost without him when I return home after summer? Please, someone help me. I feel like my heart is breaking.

 

Eliza

[Tony T]

I know exactly how you feel. There is almost nothing more difficult to do than be around someone as friends when you really care for them in a deeper romantic way. Why torture yourself??? Call him, see how he feels. If he "just wants to be friends", forget him, avoid him and know it wasn't meant to happen. Be kind and gentle to your own emotions by not putting yourself through this kind of ordeal. Honestly, there are just too many men out there that will love you with all their heart to invest so much energy and emotion with someone who doesn't reciprocate. You are guilty of self-deception at the highest level if you continue to fool yourself by secretly loving someone who you feel isn't giving you a second thought. I used to love Julia Roberts until someone told me it wasn't me she was smiling at when she appeared on Entertainment Tonight. Damn!!!

[Eliza]

Tony,

 

I thank you for your response to this and I really want to tell him, but I can't tell him and have my heart broken. I could try to tell him in a jokingly way I suppose, but would he eventually figure it out? If I do decide to tell him, would it be better to wait till I see him in Florida or should I tell him when he calls me before I come for summer? I know I would be a fool to hold it in, but could I honestly live as a rejected fool?

 

Eliza

I need help. Last summer in Florida, I became good friends with my brother's friend after meeting for one day. I went to Florida in December and we got to know each other even better and now we are good friends, even though we don't call each other. I felt very heartsick for him when I left, and I didn't think about him for a while. Now, I am so heartsick for him and I don't know why. I know that he is probably not thinking of me the same way, and that is why I don't want to confront him with it. This summer I am going back there to stay the whole summer and I will most likely see him all the time. I just want to know how I can face him and not show my feelings for him, without ruining our friendship? And how can I keep myself from feeling so lost without him when I return home after summer? Please, someone help me. I feel like my heart is breaking. Eliza

[Totally Confused]

Eliza,

 

I am going to be very truthful with you. This man likes you, but as his friend's little sister. If he had cared for you more, he would have called you. Men are pursuers by nature. Take heart, it's not necessarily something you have done, it may just be the fact that you are his friend's little sister and he doesn't want to cross those boundaries.

 

As a suggestion I would not be angry with him. It is not his fault for not feeling something back for you and if you two are as good friends as you say you are, then you will be able to continue with the friendship, and one day be able to get past your feelings for fear of losing the friendship. From girl to girl, some suggestions to try to make him look at as more than just friends. The next time you see him, be just his friend at first and then slowly get him used to the idea, that the two of you could be something more. Do not throw it on him all at once, or you may turn him off, and scare him away. Remember, he doesn't tlok at you that way yet. After a couple of days being with him and hanging out with him, and laughing at his stupid jokes he will then be more comfortable with you. Then, your job is to carefully, and casually start reminding him that you are not only a friend, and his friend's little sister, but that you are also a woman. Suggest in a fun, casual friendly way (as if you are only joking) that you two would make a great couple. Then let it go. You have now planted a seed and he will now start to look at you differently, without even realizing it. The next day, suggest some other way that the two of you would be great together (Of course, casually and in a fun way) and then talk about something else. Later on that evening, if you get a chance, suggest something else. This is called conditioning. Do this over a period of, say, a couple of days until he gets used to the idea. He will hopefully come up with the idea himself (so he will think) and he may even say something to you. If none of this works, then go to plan B. Tell him, outright, how you feel (in a very non-threatening way). Say " I really enjoy your company and for some reason I feel like I may be feeling someting more for you, but I am not one hundred per cent sure. How do you feel?" You should get your answer right then and there, and then you will know for sure.

 

Nothing is ever set in stone. You would be surprised at how things can turn around unexpectedly. There is always hope.

 

Good luck, try this little plan and I hope it works out for you.

[Tony T]

Well, Eliza, if you think you can get through this love thing totally unscathed, you are absolutely wrong. If you aren't willing to take risks, you can forget about ever finding true love. Finding the love of your life, or even a relationship of any sort in the meantime, takes courage, guts and RISK!!! You never, ever know what direction your feelings are going to go in. While it is important to protect your feelings, you are really screwing yourself by not getting answers and living in uncertainty. You are drawing matters on and on and on. OK, so you don't want to talk to him. If you aren't willing to do what you need to do, please be kind to yourself and forget him, move on, and find a relationship where the guy makes it very clear to you that he is interested. That should work for you. Just learn this: You have control of your emotions. You make the decision on who to like and who to love. If you made a decision to love somebody, you can also undo that decision. Love is a decision. Right now, you are making the decision to make yourself miserable and, not to be cruel, but that borders on insanity.

[Eliza]

Tony and the other person who wrote,

 

Thank you very much. I realized that both of you are right and if I never take risks then I will never be hurt, but I will also never be loved. This summer I will certainly give it a try. Getting responses from you both has helped me alot! I thank you both for your help. I will write back to tell you what happened, so look out for my name in the near future.

 

Eliza

 

P.S.

 

Tony, I didn't take offense to your little comment, you were probably right. Love can make anyone a little insane.

Well, Eliza, if you think you can get through this love thing totally unscathed, you are absolutely wrong. If you aren't willing to take risks, you can forget about ever finding true love. Finding the love of your life, or even a relationship of any sort in the meantime, takes courage, guts and RISK!!! You never, ever know what direction your feelings are going to go in. While it is important to protect your feelings, you are really screwing yourself by not getting answers and living in uncertainty. You are drawing matters on and on and on. OK, so you don't want to talk to him. If you aren't willing to do what you need to do, please be kind to yourself and forget him, move on, and find a relationship where the guy makes it very clear to you that he is interested. That should work for you. Just learn this: You have control of your emotions. You make the decision on who to like and who to love. If you made a decision to love somebody, you can also undo that decision. Love is a decision. Right now, you are making the decision to make yourself miserable and, not to be cruel, but that borders on insanity.