Has anyone 'cured' themselves of retroactive jealousy

[dartanyan]

I read so many threads here about people with retroactive jealousy.

 

Does anyone have any success stories of curing yourself?

 

What happened? How did you do it?

[orangesean]

Get over it and give it some time? I don't know just keep telling yourself that the present matters.

[Enema]

I think it can go away in a few ways:

 

1) Naturally fades as you mature

2) A few failed relationships because of it wake you up to its futility

3) Mind altering drugs give you a different perspective on life/love

4) Counselling

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

To complement enema's list:

 

5) Naturally fades as your relationship matures.

 

I used to be jealous. Over time, my bf taught me I had no reason to be, and over time, I learned to trust him.

[Potatocakes]

I have for the most part. I very seldomly have 'bad' days where his past bothers me, maybe once every couple of weeks. Still not great but definitly and improvement.

I just kept telling myself that I didnt want to be without him and even though he regrets most of his past and it drives me crazy neither one of us can change anything thats happened.

[changchewsoon]

It took me a while to get over it, and indeed it is something not easy to be dealt with.

 

At first, I tried to deny my own feelings and not to think about it. However, the harder I try to ignore it, somehow later it manages to always find its way to get back an me and its really eating me.

 

So I decided to come clean with my girlfriend. And being the wonderful and sweet girl she is, she made a lot of drastic changes and actions as well to prove her love for me and to comfort me as well. She was so upset that she could not do anything to change how I felt. She was so worried that I might leave her if I am not able to get over it.

 

When I saw how my jealousy was eating our relationship and how upset she was, I knew this girl really cared a lot for me and I knew I had to fight this jealousy and get rid of it.

 

I felt bad for making her regret for her actions in the past, for I know that it was what she went through in the past for her to be who she is today. Everyone has a past, and we should leave it as it is.

 

My retroactive jealousy comes from some of the silly things she has done in the past, which made me doubt of her personal values and not being able to understand why she made some of the silly decisions as though that she don't love herself.

 

But had she not went through what has happened, she will not be the person for who she is today.

 

So, to hell with retroactive jealousy. I won the war.

[Throne Of Lies]

That was a really insightful post Chang, thanks.

 

If you can't get over it- break up with her. It might not be fair, but I consider dating someone whos past makes you miserable pretty dumb. Especially if you have lived chastely and think you deserve the same. By the same token, don't throw something out that is irreplaceable. However, I find that people generally have too large a definition of irreplaceable. Good luck!

[Lonestar]

So I decided to come clean with my girlfriend. And being the wonderful and sweet girl she is, she made a lot of drastic changes and actions as well to prove her love for me and to comfort me as well. She was so upset that she could not do anything to change how I felt. She was so worried that I might leave her if I am not able to get over it.

 

 

 

That's a good woman you have. Most people would not go to that extent to help their SO get over being jealous. Instead they get angry which only makes it worse.

[vertigocidic]

I understand what everyone is going through here. Me being a naturally insecure person and then having someone in the past cheated on me and then left me for someone else, it is very hard to get over it.

 

But, it's true; The past is the past, and we must move on! I have faith on everyone in this board who has suffered/is suffering from retroactive jealousy to overcome it and be happy. I mean, think about it; Being jealous of someone else does make you feel misreable on the inside, doesn't it? Who wants to be sad? Certaintly not me.

 

Thank the Lord I have found a very wonderful, honest, compassionate boy and we have been together for 9 months and counting. I know, it seems a bit short and we are just kids, but jealousy happens alot in every relationships, and it needs to be recognized and terminate.

 

Just think of it this way; You know in your heart when someone really does love you. If you don't feel it in your heart (or gut), then either you're right or you need a helping hand out of this feeling of jealousy.

[wittygirl09]

I think I may be suffering from this as well. I don't know why my mind keeps going back to his past.. the mental images both shock and hurt me.