He invited me to his house.

[OWoman]

I don't see how living a secret life and taking part in dishonest behavior that is betraying someone else is classy behavior at all. I think that if you have to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it. Class to me means representing yourself a certain way, and if you an MM doesn't even acknowledge his OW, and if he would be embarrassed to be found out and has to hide it... yuck. So not classy in my book.

 

You may have been his dirty little secret, but many OWs are flaunted by their MMs and shown off proudly. They're certainly not embarrassed that they're with a gorgeous woman rather than a dowdy lardbucket, and if they feel the need to hide anything it's that they're not married full-time to the hot piece on their arm rather than the lump on the couch back home.

 

"if you have to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it" - interesting notion. When I was in high school I'd regularly get full marks on Maths tests that the rest of the class would fail. My Maths teacher would hand my paper back after class and ask me to keep my mark quiet so as not to discourage the others. You're saying I should not have done well at Maths, because I had to hide it? I should have failed, like the others, so that they could revel in their mediocrity and peg that as a benchmark for adequacy? What a bizarre idea!

[OWoman]

ExMM has told me quite a few times that his W was only willing to try a couple of different positions and that was all. Knowing him the way I did, he needed much more than those two or three positions. He either lied, or she just doesn't know her H well enough. How can anyone not take advantage of such a willing and creative lover? To each his own; I suppose we all have our crosses to bear.

 

Mine didn't TELL me about his W'S sexual inadequacies, but it was pretty clear from his responses to me. He didn't even know what a female orgasm felt like until our first encounter!! Imagine living all those years with someone and nothing you do - or want to do - brings them pleasure; they either just lie their with their eyes closed waiting for it to pass or stop you going there or doing that or make faces or pull away or act hurt; it must make you feel like you're a pretty crap lover. I'm surprised more of them don't go looking elsewhere for some independent verification that they're not the worlds suckiest lover, and that the problem does not lie with them.

[OWoman]

Sure there is. Its called oral sex. If the oral sucks' date='[/b'] there is no way I'm going to do-the-deed. No way, indeed!

 

As opposed to blowing, licking, nibbling, rubbing, and all the rest?

 

Interesting though that you regard oral as a gatekeeper to vanilla - many people regard it as far more intimate than vanilla, and a boundary they wouldn't cross with just anyone - like anal, I guess.

 

At this stage of my life though I've had enough experience to be able to tell if it's going to be worthwhile before any body fluids are swopped or any clothing dropped. Life is too short of mediocre sex. If it's not crash hot super flammable radioactive high alert sex, I'm just not interested. I can get functional orgasms any time I like from an inanimate device without the need for small talk afterward. I am so done kissing frogs - that belongs in he primary school years, tyvm!

[Lizzie60]

As opposed to blowing, licking, nibbling, rubbing, and all the rest?

 

Interesting though that you regard oral as a gatekeeper to vanilla - many people regard it as far more intimate than vanilla, and a boundary they wouldn't cross with just anyone - like anal, I guess.

 

At this stage of my life though I've had enough experience to be able to tell if it's going to be worthwhile before any body fluids are swopped or any clothing dropped. Life is too short of mediocre sex. If it's not crash hot super flammable radioactive high alert sex, I'm just not interested. I can get functional orgasms any time I like from an inanimate device without the need for small talk afterward. I am so done kissing frogs - that belongs in he primary school years, tyvm!

 

Ouch... does it hurt...

 

Yes strange that oral is not considered 'sex'..

[Lizzie60]

Mine didn't TELL me about his W'S sexual inadequacies, but it was pretty clear from his responses to me. He didn't even know what a female orgasm felt like until our first encounter!! Imagine living all those years with someone and nothing you do - or want to do - brings them pleasure; they either just lie their with their eyes closed waiting for it to pass or stop you going there or doing that or make faces or pull away or act hurt; it must make you feel like you're a pretty crap lover. I'm surprised more of them don't go looking elsewhere for some independent verification that they're not the worlds suckiest lover, and that the problem does not lie with them.

 

You just described my MM's W... she is sooooo not sexual (according to him or course) but I believe him.. just by the way he acts and is 'surprised' by my sexual 'reaction' .. like he's never seen anything like that before.. it's quite obvious... plus she hates oral.. He said he probably got it once or twice in over 20 years... one position only ... with the lights off except for the TV ...

 

No wonder is soooo obsessed with me... fell head over heels..and is sooo excited about tonite..

[LucreziaBorgia]

 

No wonder is soooo obsessed with me... fell head over heels..and is sooo excited about tonite..

 

Going over there is a risky and terrible idea, but if you are going to take the risk, just play it safe and careful.

[OpenBook]

That's interesting Lizzie... I had always assumed that in most cases, the CH is plain ol' sick of his W sexually (or the other way around, or both) and not because of any inadequacy on her part per se... but because the ennui of a LTR had long set in and sex is just not a priority in the M anymore. Don't most of your MM's complain about not getting enough sexual satisfaction at home?

 

I would bet good money that if the W got herself a new lover outside the M as her H was doing, she would be a firecracker in bed too.

 

It's too bad that a long-married H & W cannot find sexual bliss with each other. But I think it's par for the course. LTR's kill sexual passion. End of story.

[Lizzie60]

That's interesting Lizzie... I had always assumed that in most cases, the CH is plain ol' sick of his W sexually (or the other way around, or both) and not because of any inadequacy on her part per se... but because the ennui of a LTR had long set in and sex is just not a priority in the M anymore. Don't most of your MM's complain about not getting enough sexual satisfaction at home?

 

I would bet good money that if the W got herself a new lover outside the M as her H was doing, she would be a firecracker in bed too.

 

It's too bad that a long-married H & W cannot find sexual bliss with each other. But I think it's par for the course. LTR's kill sexual passion. End of story.

 

You got a good point here.. but in her case, I doubt it.. he got like 2 BJ,s in over 20 years... so even when they were in the 'passionate phase' she still was frigid.. but he had nothing to compare since they were both virgins and he only had sex with her best friend about 10 years in the marriage.. and then me... almost 10 years later.

[whichwayisup]

LTR's kill sexual passion. End of story.

 

If this is true, then every single OW or OM who ends up with their MM or MW will eventually have a crappy boring sex life...And both could possibly go looking elsewhere to get that honeymoon phase excitement of sex back in their lives..

[OpenBook]

If this is true, then every single OW or OM who ends up with their MM or MW will eventually have a crappy boring sex life...And both could possibly go looking elsewhere to get that honeymoon phase excitement of sex back in their lives..

 

Yup, I believe that too... IF they end up with each other. ANY couple who stays together for a long period of time... no matter how they got together in the first place... faces the death of sexual desire for their partner at some point down the road.

 

By contrast, if they kept things the way they were, the excitement and passion of an illicit OW/OM relationship could go on indefinitely (in theory anyway). But eventually, one partner usually becomes dissatisfied and wants more than a few stolen hours here and there, no matter how sweet those hours are.

 

So they break up... and a little while later the CS gets antsy again, and takes up with another OP.

 

It may be the only way to keep one's sexuality alive.

[whichwayisup]

Yup, I believe that too... IF they end up with each other. ANY couple who stays together for a long period of time... no matter how they got together in the first place... faces the death of sexual desire for their partner at some point down the road.

It's up to each person in the relationship/marriage to keep the flame going. Yeah, ofcourse there's gonna be times when one isn't in the mood or the sex becomes abit boring...But, it also depends on the people and how they feel about eachother in general.

 

So they break up... and a little while later the CS gets antsy again, and takes up with another OP.

 

Something those in affairs and end up with their affair partner should think about, huh?

[OpenBook]

It's up to each person in the relationship/marriage to keep the flame going. Yeah, ofcourse there's gonna be times when one isn't in the mood or the sex becomes abit boring...But, it also depends on the people and how they feel about eachother in general.

 

 

 

Something those in affairs and end up with their affair partner should think about, huh?

 

 

Uh, so you're taking both sides here??

First paragraph: Yes you CAN keep it alive.

Second paragraph: No you CAN'T - the cheating will just reoccur with someone else.

 

Which Way Is Up, WWIU?

[whichwayisup]

Which Way Is Up, WWIU?

 

That's funny! I really did LOL for real..

 

Except, you misread my 1st reply to you..See below:

 

If this is true, then every single OW or OM who ends up with their MM or MW will eventually have a crappy boring sex life...And both could possibly go looking elsewhere to get that honeymoon phase excitement of sex back in their lives..

 

I didn't say I believe it, though you think this IS true..I didn't agree with you at all on that one.

 

And my last line was in my other reply is also referring to that belief system that you believe. Maybe I didn't word it right. Sorry 'bout that..

[silktricks]

By contrast, if they kept things the way they were, the excitement and passion of an illicit OW/OM relationship could go on indefinitely (in theory anyway).

 

So by your definition a long term affair isn't a long term relationship?

[Unavailability_Lover]

I haven't seen my MM from work for a few weeks now.. I've been too busy and he was on holidays for 2 weeks... anyway.. this morning, I told him (msn) that I started to see someone else (my east indian guy)... he said he knew something was 'up' ... since I wasn't too 'talkative' recently.. (emails, msn, etc.)...

 

He came to my office this morning.. he was kind of 'desperate' to see me again.. asked me for tomorrow afternoon.. I said that I was busy...

 

He's been 'texting' me all evening.. and he just 'invited' me to his place this weekend.. he got a new hot tub.. and wants to 'try' it with me...

 

I haven't said yes yet.. I said I would think about it.. not sure I want to go there.. what if...

 

Has anyone been to the MM's house?

 

Hey Lizzie,

 

I haven't read all of the comments on here, but let me tell you: married men who don't respect their wives enough to take you somewhere besides their house, are selfish pigs.

 

I have an issue with a married man at the moment, myself (my thread is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1766525&posted=1#post1766525). Anyway, he too invited me to his house while his wife was at work. Luckily, I didn't go, because now he is trashing me to our whole office, claiming that I chased him, and he has told me "no" from the beginning. LOL, what a joke! Here he is the one who tried to get me to come to his house!

 

My advice is to stay away from the married man's house. Actually, just stay away from married men: because, they all turn out to be pigs. Mine really lead me to believe he was a kind and sensitive man, who really cared about me. HA!

 

Anyway, regardless of what you decide: be careful.

[Ms. Red]

Hey Lizzie,

 

I haven't read all of the comments on here, but let me tell you: married men who don't respect their wives enough to take you somewhere besides their house, are selfish pigs.

 

I have an issue with a married man at the moment, myself (my thread is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1766525&posted=1#post1766525). Anyway, he too invited me to his house while his wife was at work. Luckily, I didn't go, because now he is trashing me to our whole office, claiming that I chased him, and he has told me "no" from the beginning. LOL, what a joke! Here he is the one who tried to get me to come to his house!

 

My advice is to stay away from the married man's house. Actually, just stay away from married men: because, they all turn out to be pigs. Mine really lead me to believe he was a kind and sensitive man, who really cared about me. HA!

 

Anyway, regardless of what you decide: be careful.

 

Using such a wide brush to paint based on your experience does not go over well. Does this mean you will never marry because then you will have a "married man" in your life?

[angie2443]

It's too bad that a long-married H & W cannot find sexual bliss with each other. But I think it's par for the course. LTR's kill sexual passion. End of story.

 

OpenBook, I don't know how to ask this question, but I'm going to try because I always find it interesting when a woman takes on a view like yours.

 

I understand the concept of switching partners to keep the excitement alive and I understand why it appeals to women as well as men. What I don't know, is, how a woman can attract and switch to new partners after she gets past her "date of sale". I guess I just assumed that any woman around 35 or older would worry about that and would want a stable partner. I'm assuming from your post that you're older (and my apologies if I'm wrong) and I'm currious about what your thoughts on this are.

[Citizen Erased]

Using such a wide brush to paint based on your experience does not go over well. Does this mean you will never marry because then you will have a "married man" in your life?

 

Not to mention none of that lovey dovey emotional stuff applies to Lizzie. She has made it quite clear she is not in it for a relationship. Trying to warn her off MM because he will break her heart is just not appropriate in this case. She doesn't have one. At least not when it comes to relationships involving men, married or otherwise.

[Ms. Red]

Yes CE and when ever someone starts a reply on a highly active thread with

I haven't read all of the comments on here, but let me tell you:

 

 

They are usually ignorant of the OP & how the thread has progressed.

 

 

Hope you had a great time Lizzie!

[pollywag]

Yes CE and when ever someone starts a reply on a highly active thread with

 

 

They are usually ignorant of the OP & how the thread has progressed.

 

 

 

I agree! I see this a lot happening on this particular board, no offense to that poster that warned Lizzie about getting her heart broken, and this is not particular to her but I see that a lot of people don't give a crap about what the original post is about they just want to post about their own agenda and their one track minded advice for everyone to read just because they love to hear themselves preach.

 

I hope they are listening to themselves because more than likely no one else is... :laugh:

[OWoman]

Actually, just stay away from married men: because, they all turn out to be pigs.

 

Some of us here have experiences to the contrary.

[OWoman]

I understand the concept of switching partners to keep the excitement alive and I understand why it appeals to women as well as men. What I don't know, is, how a woman can attract and switch to new partners after she gets past her "date of sale". I guess I just assumed that any woman around 35 or older would worry about that and would want a stable partner.

 

You're kidding, right? Women only hit their sexual peak in their late 30s, and while a woman of that age may be past her "sell-by date" for BREEDING purposes (though not anymore - with a little help from science that can stretch almost infinitely; and even without, women in their 40s are effortlessly spawning) she's certainly not past it as a sexual partner! And men who are interested in more than just spawning know this!

 

I'm past my sell-by date according to your classification but I've never had so many potential (and actual, before MM and I slipped into happy-ever-after exclusivity) partners on offer!

 

Not every woman of "a certain age" gets fat & frumpy or becomes invisible. For many of us, it just gets better and better!!

[soda]

Some of us here have experiences to the contrary.

 

Tell us how this ends up for you. He cheated on her...he'll probably cheat on you too if he hasn't already.

 

One thing that I've learned is that we all have things figured out...until we don't.

 

Lizzie is sometimes wrong with her comments (we all are), but she's honest.

 

I simply don't buy what you've been sold. I hope you enjoy it while it lasts, though.

[OWoman]

Tell us how this ends up for you. He cheated on her...he'll probably cheat on you too if he hasn't already.

 

One thing that I've learned is that we all have things figured out...until we don't.

 

Lizzie is sometimes wrong with her comments (we all are), but she's honest.

 

I simply don't buy what you've been sold. I hope you enjoy it while it lasts, though.

 

How things end up for us will only be apparent down the track. Based on track record, though, he's "likely" to be faithful for another 30 years and I'm "likely" to jump anything that moves. And it's only cheating if there's a demand, or expectation, of monogamy. Which in this case there isn't, so no, I won't be crying into my cornflakes on that one.

 

For the record, though, I have seen a good number of OWs happily married to their MMs with no "cheating" down the line. My father being a case in point - not even an eyeball has wandered in all the years they've been together since he Dd my mother and married his fOW. It can, and does, happen, albeit not in your universe, but certainly here on planet earth.

[OpenBook]

So by your definition a long term affair isn't a long term relationship?

 

That is correct. Not in my book, anyway. It IS a relationship of sorts, but not a solid one like a LTR. (I also believe that Bud Light isn't really beer... it's just horribly-flavored water.)

 

I didn't say I believe it, though you think this IS true..I didn't agree with you at all on that one.

 

And my last line was in my other reply is also referring to that belief system that you believe. Maybe I didn't word it right. Sorry 'bout that..

 

I am hoping that someone will prove me wrong in my theory. I'm sure there ARE exceptions out there (Tommyr comes to mind). But they are all too rare. Sexual passion cannot survive a LTR in most cases.