Gunny376 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 A woman dumps me? For whatever reason? All that means? Is I've got to find myself another woman! What one will abuse? Another could gladly use! I've more to offer most women, than most women have to offer me? No brag, just fact! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Gunny, the only thing she did is make me take a good look at myself. I don't need another woman to be happy. The two reasons we are here on earth are to love & to be loved, that doesn't mean I have to be married to do that. I have friends that love me & I have friends that I love as well. Like the saying goes; all people will disappoint you sometime in your life so you have to make the best of those friendship..Some will stay some well go, but they are all there for a reason....for a season.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 So Tuesday the stbxw calls, I was at work so I ignored it. She finally left a message. I call her back & she said; I don't know why you don't answer my calls, why you are ignoring me...I just said; sorry I was with a customer & I couldn't. She said because I didn't get my paperwork into the courts that we have to fill out more paperwork now. I didn't know I had a time limit on it. Then she shared started talking about us, how I'll have a lot to offer someone. I had given made her a scrapbook for our 25th anniversary and I had asked for it back. She said she wanted to keep it because she was looking at it the other day & said; we did have a lot of good times together. DOH!!! Then she said; I'm going to give myself a year & then you never know I wouldn't even so no to us maybe getting back together.....WTF?!?!?!?!? Put me threw all this & then in a year say; o.k. lets gets back together now. Sure I know it has happened (have cousins that did it) but why would I want to go back to someone that walked out on our marriage just because things were not smooth????? Well that is down the road & today we worry about today. Saturday I start divorce care class again, I figure a refresher won't hurt me at all...... Link to post Share on other sites
dead-dyke Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Then she shared started talking about us, how I'll have a lot to offer someone. I had given made her a scrapbook for our 25th anniversary and I had asked for it back. She said she wanted to keep it because she was looking at it the other day & said; we did have a lot of good times together. DOH!!! Then she said; I'm going to give myself a year & then you never know I wouldn't even so no to us maybe getting back together.....WTF?!?!?!?!? Put me threw all this & then in a year say; o.k. lets gets back together now. Sure I know it has happened (have cousins that did it) but why would I want to go back to someone that walked out on our marriage just because things were not smooth????? Holy crap PW. I guess your divorce care host is correct, huh? Are you still working on your list for 'when' she comes back? Simply mind baffling. How often does she think she is going to keep playing w/ your emotions? And how often does she think you will let her? I'd play very coy if she does. Make her believe you are gone for good. Unless of course, you are in reality, done. Then she can really work on herself. Just thinking out loud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted February 7, 2009 Author Share Posted February 7, 2009 I'd play very coy if she does. Make her believe you are gone for good. Unless of course, you are in reality, done. Then she can really work on herself. Just thinking out loud. I'm going out next Saturday (Valentines) with a female friend. She is from DC class so she understands my situation & I understand hers. We have been wanting to get together just to visit & haven't been able to so I asked if she wanted to go eat???? I forgot it was Valentines. She wasn't sure at first since this will be the first time she has been out with a man besides her EX in 20 years. I told her it is just two friends going out & having fun!!!!! Life is good in the hood!!!!! Right Ilmw?!?!??!?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 :p:p:p I posted on another fourm (a dating one) that I wanted to go "Andy Griffith and Hellen Crump" slow. A gal that's got "game" that e-mailed me said that she didn't think it would work out between her and I because she tends to get "naked" early on with someone new? Then I read in another fourm that women over 50 don't want to get married. Just looking for a exclusive relationship. HELL I'm all about THAT! I'll even give you a key to my place so she can come over and hold a un-announced "strange pantry/ear ring" inspections! Link to post Share on other sites
suzanne2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 I think that it is a good thing to get back out there. It helps keep your mind off things and as long as you are totally up front with the person then there should be no reason not to hang out and go on "dates". Have fun - you only live once. Link to post Share on other sites
Billy Bob Posted February 7, 2009 Share Posted February 7, 2009 She wasn't sure at first since this will be the first time she has been out with a man besides her EX in 20 years. I told her it is just two friends going out & having fun!!!!! Don't forget to bring protection! Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 HELL I'm all about THAT! I'll even give you a key to my place so she can come over and hold a un-announced "strange pantry/ear ring" inspections! What the heck is that, Guns? Did you mean to say "panty inspections???" Now that, I get... Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 What the heck is that, Guns? Did you mean to say "panty inspections???" Now that, I get... :lmao: Yes that's what I meant Trimmer! But, if she wants to check out my pantry ~ she can do that as well! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 I have no idea what the heck you guys are talking about.....:confused: cta7978, That is something I don't have to worry about, that is the farthest thing from my mind at this time. I'm not even sure it would even want to stand to attention for the occasion at this time. :eek: Had a blue evening last night, maybe cause I got a letter from the courts saying I need to fill out more paperwork, maybe seeing my friend's holding hands at church, I don't know..... Skin, it's been 5 months almost 6 & I'm still getting those feelings, they just don't last as long or maybe I am learning how to deal with them better now, I don't know, but they still suck & I'll be glad when the paperwork part is over & I'm finally divorced. That will just be another step to healing I feel & one more part of my life that is negative that I can fill with things I want to do. Started DC class again yesterday (second round for me) and I see it at a different level this time. I can focus on what they are talking about without the emotions of what was going on. I really do feel sorry for those that are just starting like I did last fall...One of the guys in the group is there to start up a group that after DC class you want to visit, talk there will be a place to meet. I think it is a good idea because when you are in class you have to stay on the subject & it is really easy for people to start to vent, tell there story & this other time will give people that time..... Now back to house cleaning.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted February 10, 2009 Author Share Posted February 10, 2009 Last night was our second DC class, I am taking it over again. I have already noticed being in a different place in the separation I see things so much different so I'm glad I'm doing it. Sad part is seeing these people that are just starting the journey & remembering I was there, but knowing now there is hope, there is a future so I'm trying to help them understand that. I know it is hard because I didn't understand it at that point but just being supportive I think is the best thing... Looking forward to the weekend and just hanging out with a friend. There are two girls in the DC Class that are from a town close by & they were saying every Sat. evening there is a group of singles that go country western dancing so I might just have to go check it out. Can't dance worth a hoot, but hey if Skin can do it so can I!!!!!!! Not really my style, but it doesn't hurt to go see what it is all about. Meet new people, maybe get to step on the feet of a few ladies, it's all good. As for the divorce we are having to send in some more paperwork for the courts, the stbxw has been helpful in getting me some of the papers I needed & I have given her some that were still here at the house. I do feel once it is all over & I get over my anger & swallow my pride that we could be friends. I do know after taking some of the classes I have done & listening to different talk shows she is in a fantasy world and I just hope her the best. Once she wakes up she is going to realize she gave up a lot for what "she" thought a marriage should look like. The only thing I wish is she is happy being single..... Link to post Share on other sites
skinman Posted February 10, 2009 Share Posted February 10, 2009 There are two girls in the DC Class that are from a town close by & they were saying every Sat. evening there is a group of singles that go country western dancing so I might just have to go check it out. Can't dance worth a hoot, but hey if Skin can do it so can I!!!!!!! PWS... so glad to hear that things are going well for you....... And your above statement is so true... If I can do it anyone can.. Brought a laugh out of me. Something that has been missing from my life for a while ... so thanks PWS.... its good to read that your getting out with the opposite sex something I still havent had the pleasure of doing... Keep up the good work friend and know in your heart that one day she will look back and realize what a hell of a guy she let go...... God Bless you PWS !! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted February 14, 2009 Author Share Posted February 14, 2009 O.K. so tomorrow evening I'm going out to eat with a friend from DC class & I have a question. We are going to a new BBQ place in town that neither of us have been too... My question is; are light pants or dark pants more dressy looking???? I don't mean like dress pants but just Khaki type pants???? It's not really a date but you know as Gunny says; you have to look your best no matter what.... Jeans would be fine but got to look good.....I'm also wearing a polo shirt... Link to post Share on other sites
dead-dyke Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 Khaki's are nice. Just be sure not to slop on them if they're light. I think light or dark? Go w/ what you're mood is like tomorrow. Your guts' never wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted February 22, 2009 Author Share Posted February 22, 2009 Life gets better, I'll be so happy when the divorce is over!!! Hopefully the end of next month...Boy do I remember those first few months, & even remember month 4 & 5 but month 6 is really starting to get fun..... My friend from DC class & I text alot, sit together in church & it is good just to have someone of the opposite sex to talk to. It is funny since we don't have anything to hide we can talk open about anything. I'm meeting all kind of new people with the classes & learning so much about me. Spring is just around the corner, bike season has started, just finished a 50 mile ride today with a 28 mile yesterday so things are going well. I know I'll still have those days but I also know I have people I can talk to that can get me out of that funk really fast..... Just need to sell the house & then things will hopefully be good after that. Again I want to thank all those here on LS for there support, suggestions, it has helped me so much. It is funny when you do the work to make yourself better then things just seem to fall into place & you start worrying less about the other person.... Link to post Share on other sites
suzanne2009 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I am glad that things are looking up for you. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
skinman Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 PWS... you are my inspiration friend... you have been such a blessing in my life during these difficult times.. I am so pleased to hear that life is treating you well... I hope the same goes for most of us that are hurting from what our spouses have done to us... God bBess Friend and keep pushing forward. Skin.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 PWS... you are my inspiration friend... you have been such a blessing in my life during these difficult times.. I am so pleased to hear that life is treating you well... I hope the same goes for most of us that are hurting from what our spouses have done to us... God bBess Friend and keep pushing forward. Skin.... Someday something will push you over the edge, for me it was signing that paper for the divorce. After that I knew what she thought of the marriage and even if we got back together I figured she would run again when it got bad again. Once you get over that it is ALL GOOD!!!! Saturday plans are; go snow shoeing with a group from the church, then country dancing with some of the singles from another church. Two girls are in the Divorce Care class & they invited me. It is easier since I don't have kids at home but it is getting better you will see. I didn't believe it either.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 WOW!!!! Last night was a ruff one. I had to call & talk to the stbxw since she didn't answer her text message about getting the house on the market, then I got some paperwork from her lawyer....... I don't know what it was but it really got me in a down mood...I guess I'm not out of the woods yet with those feelings even though they aren't as often. I just have to remember today will be a better day & move forward. I did get a couple nice text messages of encouragement from a friend so that helped, plus I called my buddy & did some woman bashing & that always helps..:lmao: Each day is a day closer to when it will be final & right now that is what I'm looking forward too......... Link to post Share on other sites
skinman Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Hang in there PWS....you have the right attitude friend...today will be a better day and things will get back on track for you...Remain positive... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 ILMW, I see the light my friend!!!!! You have always told me, just keep working & sooner or later you will see the light, well my friend it is their.... The other day when I was down instead of blowing it off as a bad day I tried to look at why I felt that way. I had to talk to the stbxw about the house & I got paperwork from her lawyer, but I don't think it was as much talking to the stbxw but the loss of having to move from a place that I have lived in since 1983.....I need to grieve that loss because it didn't have anything to do with talking to the stbxw. I think I'm at the point that I can talk with her & it doesn't bother me anymore, I know I'm getting to a better place for me. Well I have a busy schedule planned for this weekend & last night I thought I was just going to get ready. Well this friend that I email & text a lot with (from divorce care) thought I was going dancing Friday night which I told her no it was Saturday so she asked if I wanted to go to a movie with her? I had asked her earlier in the day I would like to do something with her sometime & she said she would like to go to a movie with a adult instead of always being with her kids. I'm not going to pass up a chance to go have fun so I said; sure I'll go with you. OMG did we have a good time, got their a 45 minutes early so we had time to visit, then when the movie started we got to snuggle a little & boy does that make a person feel good. Got in a few quality hugs & just had a great time. We are both physical touchy kind of people. This morning there was a very nice email from her waiting for me explaining she had fun, that it felt good & I didn't cross any lines. I could go into detail but you get the idea, we had fun.... Well ladies & gentlemen, I know I have a long ways to go but it is looking a LOT better for this kid!!! Now today I go meet new & old friends snow shoeing, then go out dancing tonight with a co-worker & meet more people...My suggestion for those that are having troubles is get out & meet people.....We were meant to love & be loved per the bible so that is what I plan on doing. The Realtor also came over last night & did a walk thru & she will start the paperwork. I know for those that are just starting the process feel their is no hope and I thought that way as well, but I want to let you know there is hope, keep working on you, take classes to better yourself. Don't let that other person have so much control over your life. We are in control of what is in our skin & no one can get in unless we let them in..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PWSX3 Posted March 7, 2009 Author Share Posted March 7, 2009 Met the stbxw & Realtor last night. Have to say those feelings come back when you see the spouse but I kept it at a business type level & when we were done & was out of there. Funny when the Realtor said; oh it only took half hour didn't you have something you needed to do & I replied yes I'm going to a movie. The stbxw blurts out; ya he never took me to movies. Then we get outside & and she asked me if I wanted to talk? What the hell for? She asked if I was sure I wanted to sell? Doh that is why I was their. Then she asked if she could come over & get some rocks we have in the back yard? I just told her to text me when she wanted to pick them up...... Sorry I had places to go, I had someone at home waiting. Someone said don't be surprised if she starts coming up with crazy questions just to get a hold of you. Well she will have to go thru text or voice mail, I scan all my junk from her.....LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Justanotherschmuck Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 Last night was our second DC class, I am taking it over again. I have already noticed being in a different place in the separation I see things so much different so I'm glad I'm doing it. Sad part is seeing these people that are just starting the journey & remembering I was there, but knowing now there is hope, there is a future so I'm trying to help them understand that. I know it is hard because I didn't understand it at that point but just being supportive I think is the best thing... Looking forward to the weekend and just hanging out with a friend. There are two girls in the DC Class that are from a town close by & they were saying every Sat. evening there is a group of singles that go country western dancing so I might just have to go check it out. Can't dance worth a hoot, but hey if Skin can do it so can I!!!!!!! Not really my style, but it doesn't hurt to go see what it is all about. Meet new people, maybe get to step on the feet of a few ladies, it's all good. As for the divorce we are having to send in some more paperwork for the courts, the stbxw has been helpful in getting me some of the papers I needed & I have given her some that were still here at the house. I do feel once it is all over & I get over my anger & swallow my pride that we could be friends. I do know after taking some of the classes I have done & listening to different talk shows she is in a fantasy world and I just hope her the best. Once she wakes up she is going to realize she gave up a lot for what "she" thought a marriage should look like. The only thing I wish is she is happy being single..... I've been reading some of your posts like another poster suggested. This line in bold print is so so FAR beyond what I can imagine that I had to comment on it. S, if my wife and I can be friends, we can be MARRIED. We always used to laugh and say "I hate it when couples say, yeah, we're divorced but we are great friends....???!????! What? Just what the hell does THAT mean? Would you EVER want to be friends with someone who lied to you and broke your heart? Not me, that doesn't even make sense. I mean you don't have to be consumed with hate, but FRIENDS?? I can't imagine. I'm not saying others CAN'T feel that way, but I couldn't. Its too bizarre. When my wife walks (there are many reasons why she hasn't yet,kids, her parents, her CONSCIENCE,) I don't plan on staying around. After 30 years together, seeing her, alone or especially with someone else would be too much for me. I'll sell by biz and whatever I have and I'm gone. If I'm not married any longer, why in Gods name would I want to be in New England, with proper schools, and proper laws, and proper people?? I nice bar/eatery on the beach in some small Expat community sounds about right to me. Have been planning it for about a year now. There will be NO more FAMILY things. Their is NO family left. I've told my kids that and while they are not thrilled with the idea of me not being at graduations and weddings, they understand (or say they do). I'll fly them down to whereever I am and we can throw a big shindig again-WITH NO EX OR HER FAMILY. They can live with me, whatever....just NO sight of her, EVER. It would just be too weird and too much. By the way, that guy was right. You have an interesting story. I feel bad for you, but I see the progress you are trying to make. I can tell we are different people going through something pretty similar. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted March 14, 2009 Share Posted March 14, 2009 There will be NO more FAMILY things. Their is NO family left. I've told my kids that and while they are not thrilled with the idea of me not being at graduations and weddings... Funny, for as intensely as you advocate keeping the vows you spoke at your wedding, you are ready to turn tail on your kids at the drop of a hat. Wow, in spite of what happened to my marriage, I feel a God-given responsibility to the children I chose to bring into this world that goes beyond any words I could have spoken. I didn't have to speak these words - God wrote and re-wrote them on my heart the day each of my children was born. So it's an interesting dichotomy, the fervent intensity of your insistence on the sanctity of your wedding vows come hell or high water, but your willingness to step out of your kids' lives and declare the family to be non-existent, just because that would be "too wierd." ...they understand (or say they do). Of course they say they do - your approach has thrust upon them the role of caretaker. They can't stand to see you in anguish, so they will put on any show that will appear to make that better, even if it's to their own detriment. Sure dad, you don't need to show up at my wedding. Yeah, I understand. I'll fly them down to whereever I am and we can throw a big shindig again-WITH NO EX OR HER FAMILY. They can live with me, whatever....just NO sight of her, EVER. It would just be too weird and too much. Sure, Dad, any time there's something important in my life, I'll be OK choosing between you and Mom. I understand. Incidentally, I'm not saying you can - or have to - "be friends". I feel the same uncertainty as you when I hear people say "oh, we're still frieeeeeends..." My ex is sure as hell not my wife any more, and I don't particularly consider her a "friend", but she is the parent of my children. And as such, she'd damn well better be there at graduations, weddings, births, and any other times that parents should share children's proud milestones. I know - and welcome - that she expects the same of me. We don't have to be friends. We are still parents. To abdicate a full commitment to that is to reject the responsibility I accepted when I had kids. How is that any less dishonorable than breaking marriage vows? Link to post Share on other sites
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