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[PWSX3]

It's the weekend & the fun has started.

 

My son goes to a private Christian school so for them graduation is a big deal. They started last evening with a program & then they have two today & then actual graduation tomorrow morning.

 

It is going to be interesting because it will be the first time I'll have to interact with the former wife in some type of manner. After the program last evening I was walking around talking to people & looking for my son at the same time & finally found him talking to his mom so I didn't even go over, just kept talking to other people until he came and found me so made it thru the first day.

 

Now today my G/F will be with me which I don't think the former wife knows about yet, so I guess she will know after today if she sees the two of us holding hands & talking to my son. I am just thankful my G/F is willing to go to the activities with me & her boys are also joining us for the actual graduation so that will be a lot of fun.

 

Last week I got an email from the former wife & so I replied and told her sorry I was busy with my son's graduation, moving, etc. She replied with; in this email you talk like you don't even know me and no matter what he is "OUR" son. I just replied; I am sorry but there is no more "us, we, ours".....You are his mother & I am his father.

 

She also sent me a RSVP for the reception after graduation, my folks thought it would be nice we sent her & her folks one so after she sees me the G/F and her boys it will be interesting to see if she still shows up.

 

I don't wish any bad on my former wife, I hope she has a happy life, I just don't need her in mine anymore. She was the one that didn't want the marriage anymore & gave up on us. I don't need anyone in my life that doesn't love me.

 

So wish me luck these next two days, I'm just going to enjoy my sons graduation with him then Monday it's packing day & I'll be moved out. Can't believe I'm actually looking forward to Tuesday so this will all be behind me & I can start my next chapter in my life.

 

The only thing left is closing on the house June 1st & then there is no reason the former wife or I have to communicate about. :bunny:

 

For those still struggling, keep working at it, keep trying working on yourself. Their is nothing you can do about the other person, you can't make them love you & most of the time once you step back & you really start looking at things, the other person isn't who you really want to be with anymore if they have walked out on you. Why would you still love someone that doesn't love you????????

 

Hope everyone has a great Memorial weekend........

And for GUNNY & the others that have served for our country I just want to say; thanks for protecting our country!!!!! I do appreciate it...

[Intricategirl]

Last week I got an email from the former wife & so I replied and told her sorry I was busy with my son's graduation, moving, etc. She replied with; in this email you talk like you don't even know me and no matter what he is "OUR" son. I just replied; I am sorry but there is no more "us, we, ours".....You are his mother & I am his father.

 

I told my ex that exact same thing last weekend. I said that I didn't know if it was the one relationship aspect he was hoping to hang onto with me, but that doesn't exist anymore. I'm a parent, he's a parent, and at graduations and such, we're just two separate people wishing the kids up there on stage a good life. I told him that I hope we can at least respect each other's rules, such as not letting them watch a movie that I think is inappropriate, or taking them to get a tattoo without consulting the other- but in the end, we're only respecting those rules because the fear of our own rules being trampled.

 

I don't think he got it.

[PWSX3]

at my class Thursday evening we were talking about how graduation has to be really hard on a lot of people. I know a few people that are separated/divorced that there kids are graduating.

 

Intricategirl, hope you have a good weekend as well......It is tough but we will all get through it....

 

I try & look at the positive side, at least my son is glad I'm with him. My buddies daughter doesn't want anything to do with him except when she needs something so I am thankful for that.

[Gunny376]

Thanks for the 'props" as they say on the 'street" (as in proper 'respect' ~ due.)

 

Just walk up to someone you see with a 'Purple Heart' tag, or a US Armed Forces Retired tag, or a "Disabled Vet" tag on thier car and shake their hands and simply say "Thanks!"

 

It will mean a lot to them!

 

For Perry?

 

She's going to be on you like a pack of rabid dogs on a sick three legged cat!

[Gunny376]

( this is where Gunny comes in and tells us to

"Stop feeling sorry for ourselves!"...LOL

 

That was my hardest task! To get over it and get my happy @ss busy living my LIFE!

 

Or get busy dying on "Cold Mountain!" (Ref the movie of the same name)

 

I choose to get busy "living!"

[PWSX3]

Things are going O.K.

Yesterday when we went to the gym my G/F asked if the former wife would be their & I said; yes cause we walked past her car.

Then we walk into the gym & guess who was standing just inside the door? Yep the former wife, but we just walked on past found my folks & sat down.

 

Then yesterday afternoon we had tribute to parents which the G/F didn't feel comfortable going so I went alone & I walk in & there she (former wife) is standing waiting for me. She handed me a key and said; this was on one of the key rings must belong to the bike lock or something. I just said; no it is a house key which she replied; no they don't look like that, unless you changed the locks which I said; yes I did. She sure had a funny look on her face after I said that.

 

Then at the evening program her & her mom sat two rows in front of us (me,G/F & her two boys) so she knows about her now..

 

Haven't heard from her since & things are going well, my son has been having so much fun & that is what it's all about.......

Just trying to make his last days in high school a fun & exciting time, something he will remember for a long time.

 

Today is the big day. We have our seats reserved so I know were we all set & I got silly string for the boys to spray as my son walks out of the gym so it should be a good time....

 

Just like everything else in this process time does heal, time makes things not as awkward and hopefully with time we can both move on.

 

I was not the one that wanted the divorce but I am the one that is doing something about the situation that I was dealt with and moving forward. Just like others have said, the former wife will always be in my life one way or another, but we can move forward & enjoy ourselves without them.

 

Looking forward to a fun day, getting lots of pictures & just letting my son have the best day he can.....

[PWSX3]

Graduation went well & we had a blast.

 

After wards we were all out on the lawn & the former wife & her folks came up to us because we were talking to my son & she introduced herself to my G/F and my G/F even took a picture of my son & his mom for her so I don't think there are evil feelings...

 

The former wife came over after graduation for the reception & stayed for a while but I could tell it was hard for her. she did talk to my folks & I could tell she was crying. At least we were able to be in the same room & I even volunteered to make a copy of all the pictures of our son & give to her.

 

It just showed me that maybe we can be civil & that would be best for our son even though he is older. Besides that I feel there is no reason to be "friends" with the former wife. She is the one that wanted the divorce, she is the one that filed so I will just move on & that will be the end of that chapter in my life.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I'm surprissed she didnt try to slit your throat or something

[Gunny376]

Trust me its eating her up inside.

 

Women want what other women want ~ and it was probably a major shock to her system that you've already found her replacement.

 

You don't have to be 'friends' per say, but you should always be friendly to the Mother of your only child. Which being the 'stand-up' kind of guy that you are sounds as though your doing.

 

But, your absolutely right, wasn't the 'deed is done' its all 'water over the damn and under the bridge' and there's but one thing one only to do?

 

Move on and get busy with the first day of the rest of your life! Don't look back. No regrets, no sorrows. You did all that you could to hold 28 years of marriage together, and the XW wanted nothing to do with it.

 

At 48 (?) she's going to find that she can find a man ~ but what kind of man? The older a woman gets the harder it is to find a "good" man that even so much as has a job, a running car, etc ~ especially in this economy.

 

Once approaching 50, many men say to Hell with it, and aren't even looking for a steady girl friend let alone a wife? Many have 'spent the bolt' with the first, second, and even third wife, and are literally to the point to where they can't afford another wife / divorce.

 

By doing the hard work you've done and are doing ~ your moving on with your life.

 

Which as it should be.

[john-1968]

Trust me its eating her up inside.

 

Women want what other women want ~ and it was probably a major shock to her system that you've already found her replacement.

 

You don't have to be 'friends' per say, but you should always be friendly to the Mother of your only child. Which being the 'stand-up' kind of guy that you are sounds as though your doing.

 

But, your absolutely right, wasn't the 'deed is done' its all 'water over the damn and under the bridge' and there's but one thing one only to do?

 

Move on and get busy with the first day of the rest of your life! Don't look back. No regrets, no sorrows. You did all that you could to hold 28 years of marriage together, and the XW wanted nothing to do with it.

 

At 48 (?) she's going to find that she can find a man ~ but what kind of man? The older a woman gets the harder it is to find a "good" man that even so much as has a job, a running car, etc ~ especially in this economy.

 

Once approaching 50, many men say to Hell with it, and aren't even looking for a steady girl friend let alone a wife? Many have 'spent the bolt' with the first, second, and even third wife, and are literally to the point to where they can't afford another wife / divorce.

 

By doing the hard work you've done and are doing ~ your moving on with your life.

 

Which as it should be.

 

AHMEN...........Damn, I love this guy....

:bunny:

 

Its time to finally turn around and say what so many of us really want to say,

All I need is myself, nobody needs a partner but it would be nice if I had one.

 

When you need, then you are needy, when you want or would like, then you are independent.

 

Listen to Gunnys words, they are the the wisest on on this board.

Follow them, and you wont go far wrong...........;)

[mammax3]

Sounds awesome! Glad the day went well, PWSX3!

 

You sure sound like you're being quite a Man! (please feel free to tutor any errant males you happen upon!)

 

[PWSX3]

Gunny you are correct, I got a text from her yesterday that said; I work, play with my puppies, go to bible study & church & that is it. Kinda pathetic. This was after I had told her that "we" went ate to eat, then went miniature golfing with the boys. I had stopped by the duplex to drop off some papers to the neighbor & she was finishing cleaning the duplex and just asked what I was up to.

Then she followed that with; You have so many friends & I am so jealous of that. I'm having a hard time with being replaced so soon, maybe I still have feelings for you.

 

I am sorry but those are things you need to think about before you get carried away & file for divorce. I did not want the divorce but I am dealing with the hand that I was dealt because of it. I tried to share with her that she needs to look outside her box, that there is a lot of things to do out there but you have to look for them. That was a big issue in our marriage, I was always the one coming up with things to do, & then after our separation I would ask & she didn't want to do it I would do it myself & that just pushed us farther away....

 

I did get a text that I have been waiting for. I had told her that she blamed all our bad marriage on me & that I have learned it wasn't true & I am working on what I could have done so I'll be more prepared for my next relationship. She replied; I no longer blame only you for all our problems.

 

So Gunny I guess she is finding out the grass isn't as green over there & that maybe she was a little hasty in your choice, but that is a choice she made & I need to move on with my life.

 

As for me & the G/F things are going well, we had a blast this weekend with the boys. She said they have gone mini golfing before that she hasn't had that much fun in a long time. I know we have a long road ahead of us & she keeps telling me she wants to take it slow, which is good because that helps keep me in line as well....

 

Chrome, she isn't that type of girl, but I was surprised she even came up & talked with us. Maybe she was just curious of who she was. I know she asked my son Memorial day when he was at her sisters on facebook if we were dating since I have a picture of the two of us on there & my son said; yes they are.....

 

So we keep moving forward, keep learning & see what happens.

[mark982]

she's starting to figure out, she seriously messed up.

[LovieDove24]

Why oh why is it that the dumper only ever wants the dumpee back once he or she is in a new relationship?

 

There really must be some sort of diagnosed psychology behind it. Maybe its as simple as wanting what we can't have? Maybe not. Even so, does that make it genuine...or just desperate?

[seibert253]

Success is the best revenge. It's great when the WTF have I done light shines bright.

[TrustInYourself]

Gunny you are correct, I got a text from her yesterday that said; I work, play with my puppies, go to bible study & church & that is it. Kinda pathetic. This was after I had told her that "we" went ate to eat, then went miniature golfing with the boys. I had stopped by the duplex to drop off some papers to the neighbor & she was finishing cleaning the duplex and just asked what I was up to.

Then she followed that with; You have so many friends & I am so jealous of that. I'm having a hard time with being replaced so soon, maybe I still have feelings for you.

 

I am sorry but those are things you need to think about before you get carried away & file for divorce. I did not want the divorce but I am dealing with the hand that I was dealt because of it. I tried to share with her that she needs to look outside her box, that there is a lot of things to do out there but you have to look for them. That was a big issue in our marriage, I was always the one coming up with things to do, & then after our separation I would ask & she didn't want to do it I would do it myself & that just pushed us farther away....

 

I did get a text that I have been waiting for. I had told her that she blamed all our bad marriage on me & that I have learned it wasn't true & I am working on what I could have done so I'll be more prepared for my next relationship. She replied; I no longer blame only you for all our problems.

 

So Gunny I guess she is finding out the grass isn't as green over there & that maybe she was a little hasty in your choice, but that is a choice she made & I need to move on with my life.

 

As for me & the G/F things are going well, we had a blast this weekend with the boys. She said they have gone mini golfing before that she hasn't had that much fun in a long time. I know we have a long road ahead of us & she keeps telling me she wants to take it slow, which is good because that helps keep me in line as well....

 

Chrome, she isn't that type of girl, but I was surprised she even came up & talked with us. Maybe she was just curious of who she was. I know she asked my son Memorial day when he was at her sisters on facebook if we were dating since I have a picture of the two of us on there & my son said; yes they are.....

 

So we keep moving forward, keep learning & see what happens.

 

P, I can identify completely with this post. I'm happy for you man. I know that in some ways, this is difficult. I have no doubt you will overcome because that is the kind of guy you are. Best wishes!

[PWSX3]

So today was a big day. I am amazed at the emotions you go through with every step of a divorce.

Today was our closing on the duplex. This morning I was a little down, it is sad that after 26 years in the same house it will no longer be mine (ours) and that was something I did have to grieve.

 

Then I got a text message from my G/F & it is amazing the timing that girl has, it really picked up my spirits & I felt better.....Things went very well, didn't take long at all. We did get some money back so I met the former wife at the bank & we cashed it out & split the money.

 

We walked outside & I walked with her to her car, gave her a hug & said; I hope you find what you are looking for & I wish you the best. She then started talking, telling me how she is jealous of me & my son leaving tomorrow for Yellowstone, because that was a trip that we had talked about doing a few years ago.

 

I still feel she is having second thoughts......She then said; we did have some good times together didn't we????

Funny because I feel we have changed rolls. When it first all started I was looking at the good times we had, she just looked at the bad, but now I look at the bad & what both of us need to change & she just looks at the good times we had.

 

There was a couple of times she started talking about how I have fun & that she just plays with her dogs but that isn't my fault. That was part of our problem in our marriage, I wanted to do things & she didn't....

 

I finally told her good bye & that we shouldn't need to see each other or talk unless it's about our son & since he is out of school we shouldn't need to do much of that either. I wanted to make sure she got the hint of, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

 

Then I met my G/F at the park, she is watching two other boys for the summer so she went there so we could talk after wards.

We were standing on the bridge just watching the water & I don't know what it was or is, but standing there on that bridge I felt so much closer to her, like we have bonded even closer now that the house was final. I didn't say anything to her until later I texted her & shared that with her which she said; oh my God I felt the same way, it is like a heavy weight has been taken off our relationship with the selling of the house & knowing the former wife is now out of the picture. It really felt good....

 

So now it's time to concentrate on my new life, my new beginning with my G/F, we don't know what is going to happen but we both know we want it to work, she is such a great person.....

 

I know I wasn't looking when we met & I wasn't sure at first if it was the right thing, but I'm happy we are together.....The former wife said she is having trouble with the idea of being replaced so soon, I just said; sorry I didn't mean it & I'm not just going to set around either......

 

So things are really looking good, I do believe that light is shining pretty bright right now.

Tomorrow my son & I leave for Yellowstone, then July 4th the G/F & I have plans to get away together and then the last two weeks of July we head out east with my folks so it will be another busy two months......

 

Life is good, just give it time......What goes around comes around. The divorce wasn't my idea & I really didn't have a say so in what happened, but it is my choice of what I do because of that & I'm taking advantage of it.

 

Time to turn the page & start all fresh!!!!!!!

[Gunny376]

Great to hear things are turning your way P, and that the storm clouds of your life are giving way to the sunshine that's always been there for you!

 

Throughout all of this ~ you've handled it the right way in taking lemons and making them into lemonaide!

 

IMHO you should be the poster-child of LS divorce-seperation section!

[Chrome Barracuda]

Very Strong!!!!

 

Sounds like you are moving forward and not looking back. I feel sorry for your ex. sounds like she's turning back towards you, but damn she's the one that filed for divorce??? Oh well, you make your own choices.

 

What happens now PW???

[dgiirl]

PW, it's so pleasurable to read your updates I'm glad to see things are going well with the new gf and she's there to help you through this transition. Be careful not to go too fast, as your relationship is still new, but also go with it and have fun! You deserve it

 

It also still sounds like your exwife is still unhappy with her life. She thought you were the problem only to find out now it's her that is making her unhappy. Not much you can do about that. She does sound depressed tho. I think she was depressed before you guys separated, and I think she still is. Is she getting any individual counseling?

[PWSX3]

PW, it's so pleasurable to read your updates I'm glad to see things are going well with the new gf and she's there to help you through this transition. Be careful not to go too fast, as your relationship is still new, but also go with it and have fun! You deserve it

Thanks dgiirl, you know when I first joined that you were such a big part in me starting down the path of looking at myself, what part did I have in all this & what was "I" going to do about it & I thank you very much for that.

It also still sounds like your exwife is still unhappy with her life. She thought you were the problem only to find out now it's her that is making her unhappy. Not much you can do about that. She does sound depressed tho. I think she was depressed before you guys separated, and I think she still is. Is she getting any individual counseling?

I totally agree with you, she is depressed & was when she left. Her best friend had died & I know that had a lot to do with it as well, but I didn't realize how much of an impact that has on a person especially since they were so close.

 

Yes she is seeing someone from her church & she told me that she is going off her anti-depressant meds & just use what the bible says to help her. I wonder about this lady just because of some of the things she has said but it's not my worry anymore......

When she was cleaning the duplex right before we closed she was telling me how she is jealous of my friends, that she just works, goes to bible study, church & plays with her dogs. She also shared that she is having trouble being replaced so soon, I really do believe she would like to get back together, but I don't know that for sure & I'm not about to ask because I don't want to.

 

I know there are a lot of people here that are hurting, are in the same boat I was but there is hope. People told me; there is life after divorce & when you are in it you can't see it, you can't imagine being happy ever again but I can tell you from experience you can & you will be.........

 

I'm looking forward to the 4th weekend because we are taking the G/F's youngest to meet his dad for two weeks & when we get back we have a motel reserved for two nights & I doubt we will come out to watch any fireworks. Told her oldest & my son that they will have to find something to do & that they are on there own for the 4th so they have plans to buy fireworks & shoot them off at my folks. The boys get along very well, the youngest is always asking when we are coming over?????

 

This last weekend we went 4-wheeling (there first time) & we had a blast. Still having trouble adjusting to 5 instead of 3 like we had & now 2 when it is just me & my son.....

Things are going well, like dgiirl shared, we need to take it slow but it is hard to do.

 

This fall I still plan on taking some of the classes I took last year again & just do some more work on me. I find it very easy to fall back into some of the old ways & I don't like it but at least I know I'm doing it so I can stop.

 

I wish everyone a Happy 4th of July!!!!!:bunny:

[PWSX3]

Tomorrow we start our two week vacation, I don't ever remember taking two weeks at one time for vacation.

It's going to be a lot of driving but it should be fun.

 

My boy & I have been looking for apartments to rent & found a nice (we hope) townhouse that has just a little more room then our duplex had so hopefully it will work for us. The nice thing it is still in the same area that we lived before & so it will be convenient.

 

When we get back from our trip we can start moving in. I have been told by my G/F that I need to down size which I already knew.

 

It will be nice to finally be in our own place after selling the duplex in May.

 

Looking forward to the trip, but I will miss my G/F but that will just make seeing her again that much more fun!!!!!!!

 

Took Solutions class last night at the church & it just got me looking forward to this fall when I can start taking the classes I did last year over again. They have really been helpful but there is so much to learn you can't do it all at one time, or I can't......

 

It is getting a LOT easier to look at my faults & work on them, but even now once in a while after almost a year (when she moved out) I hear something on the radio or something just snaps me across the face & it brings tears to my eyes.

 

I still have feelings (like as in a friend I guess) for the former wife & I think that is normal. When you are with someone for 28 years it's hard not to but I just keep reminding myself who gave up, who walked out & that helps me get focused again on me, plus having someone that really cares for me (G/F) and appreciates what I do for her that makes it a lot easier as well.

[Gunny376]

You've seriously grown and learned over the last couple of years!

 

Your so much not the 'OmegaMale' you were when you first came to LS!

 

You've regained control of your life!

 

Your such the AlphaMale!

 

"Ra! Ra! Ra!"

 

As the Spartians shouted!

[LisaUk]

Hi PW, I have always found your advice to me on my thread to be so helpful and hopeful, that I decided it was time I read thorugh yours. So, that is what I have done over the last few evenings. I want to say thank you for your honest heartfelt posts over the last 7 or so months. All that you have been through and all that you have written has helped me more than you could ever know.

 

I hope you are having a great vacation and look forward to your posting when you return.

Lisa

[myway4077]

I would like to know if i should have NC with my ex wife? we have two kids and i find it difficult to do this. I also believe am struggling beacuse as a christian i want to follow the word of the good book, Corinthians 13;4 am sure you are familiar. Everyone on this site seems to think NC, 180's work. Am trying to figure out my best approach at reconciliation. Thank you and God bless.