Will he come back?

[Tate]

Tate - I imagine that your OW really struggled to write that email, and that a cold, distant, and objective tone was the best way she could get through what must have been a difficult task for her. Blocking out her emotions would likely have been the only way she could have held her resolve, rather than giving in to warm memories of good times and heartfelt emotions of fear and loss and loneliness.

 

I think you are 100% right... *sigh* I think it also stems from the point of not getting her hopes up that I will come back for her... 'cause if I didn't that only means more of those emotions that you just described...

[luvly1jmh]

Yesterday I finally found the strengh and courage to tell my MM that it was over. The A had been going on for 4 years, I love him but I just can't continue living this lie. I proposed NC for a while and told him to really think what he wanted. That he needed to really decide; either work thing out with his W, or end it completely. That he could come back only with divorce papers in hand. When it was time to say goodbye I said, " I feel I will not see you in a long time". He responded... I will see you sooner than you think, I just have to finally work on those papers.

 

Will he ever be back? I felt he left leaving me with hope, I feel excited and hopeful that things will finally work. Do you think it was just another way to keep me waiting and not moving on? I need advice.

Would a man that lie and cheat what you want? Do u believe and trust him. You know in your heart and soul the answer.

[Lyssa]

Hi HOO - sorry for coming a wee bit later.

 

I went NC with MM after I realised I wanted more. It wasn't easy as things were really great between us. We just clicked even after the first time we met but I knew if I continued being the OW, I wouldn't be really happy with the situation.

 

So I went NC - told him that he needed to figure out what he wanted and that if he wanted me back, he better have his D papers with him. I knew that was the right thing to do and honestly, I wasn't so sure he'd come back but he did. Their M was not the way it used to be for a long time. He had always wanted to get a D but his xW wouldn't have it but I reckon after so long - they decided it is for the best so that both can find happiness of their own. So my point is that - it can happen.

 

FMM flew him a few weeks ago and now we are living together. I'm sorting things out my side before we fly back to his country. Things are better than ever now and after all the things we have gone through - it made us stronger together.

 

Like OWoman said - it's not about giving hope but just letting you know that things like this do happen. I believe that if MM really loved OW - he'd do the right thing.

[OWoman]

Hmm, I'm picking up an interesting trend here:

 

t was PRETTY SCARY for me too. I ended up moving 100 miles away and changed jobs so that we could be together.

 

FMM flew him a few weeks ago and now we are living together. I'm sorting things out my side before we fly back to his country.

 

... and in my case, it's me upping sticks to move to his country! It seems that it's the OW who makes the move, most of the time.

 

I'm sure there are structural reasons for this - around jobs, kids etc - but it really does seem to be a consistent pattern!

[Lyssa]

... and in my case, it's me upping sticks to move to his country! It seems that it's the OW who makes the move, most of the time.

 

I'm sure there are structural reasons for this - around jobs, kids etc - but it really does seem to be a consistent pattern!

 

Now that you mention it.. yes and for good reasons too. As for me, it's his small children, my wanting to relocate (anywhere!) and seeing that the business I'm starting up in his country is the best investment right now - it's the right thing to do

[GreenEyedLady]

The prospect of dissapointing is very daunting... it's a fear of mine in general and with this being what I consider the biggest decision of my life so far makes the pressure nearly unbearable... My OW and I have a lot of obstacles to overcome as well if things happen... she would be moving as well.

 

The way you describe the "let me go" phone call is stunningly similar to our experience... exact actually. I told my OW it sometimes takes that sort of revelation for me to see the light of how much pain I am causing her... because at times she seems so strong. It's because of that I am respecting our NC rule and trying to get down to what I need to do.

 

GEL, thanks for your words and experiences; I appreciate them as I head into this weekend... a potentially very difficult one.

 

T

 

It doesn't have to be all bad. It will probably depend on how your W reacts. If she is in love with you, feels competitive etc. she could make it hard and stressful. Doesn't always happen though. When they separated, it wasn't about me at all. And since she's known he's been with me, she's never acted like some BS's that you read about and how they freak out sometimes.

 

And about disappointing people, that's something you have to be able to weather. It's either about staying somewhere where you're not happy (and most likely your W is not happy either) or about possibly disappointing people but living your life authentically. I was sick of the lying I knew was going on (but not sure of exactly) and ready to move forward, with or without him.

 

I am really glad that it's with him though.

 

Good luck. I know it's hard. Either way, it's hard. But it can work out.

 

Who can you live without?

 

That's the million dollar question.

 

GEL

[OWoman]

Now that you mention it.. yes and for good reasons too. As for me, it's his small children, my wanting to relocate (anywhere!) and seeing that the business I'm starting up in his country is the best investment right now - it's the right thing to do

 

Similar, in our case - moving his kids to my country at this stage would have dire consequences for their schooling (the two systems are very different) and they're close to the end; career-wise for both of us, his country is the better bet right now; and there were family issues to keep him there that are less urgent now. But the plan, once his kids have done with school, is to return to my country (which we both prefer!)

 

But I was thinking, on another level, beyond all the practicalities... perhaps the OW is prepared to make the move to show her commitment, given that the MM has just demonstrated his commitment by making a big move of his own (leaving the M)?

[Tate]

Who can you live without?

 

That's the million dollar question.

 

GEL

 

That is what I hope to answer for myself with these last 12 days and over the next week. It can be difficult to answer that question when juggling W, OW, my emotions, etc... At the very least, NC broke some of that cycle.

 

And you are right on either way being hard... spot on.

[Lyssa]

But I was thinking, on another level, beyond all the practicalities... perhaps the OW is prepared to make the move to show her commitment, given that the MM has just demonstrated his commitment by making a big move of his own (leaving the M)?

 

Yes, that is one of it too (for me anyway). Either way, we are ready to to do anything for one another because of what we have gone through. As for now, he knows how much my father needs me right now and he is here with me to keep my father company while I sort things out. His children will be joining us soon and I cannot wait! So much that he has done for me, the least I could do is make him just as happy, if not more!