25 Years: How do you tell him so as not to hurt his self esteem?

[OFFICEMAX]

Just to update you since I my last post. I have been to 3 conselors. They all seem to want to drag out my counseling for the money end. The bright side is that I have learned and listened to all three very closely. The main gist of it is that I had low self esteem and lost my "authentic" self within the 25 years.

 

DO I love my husband, Yes, I love him as a person, but not as a wife should. Whym, because I married him without really knowing who I was and now I know for sure we want different things in life. I kept going to counselors waiting for someone to tell me if I was doing the right thing. They were all trying to get me to think on my own. THAT IS A GOOD THING.

After 3 conversations with my husband that I wanted to leave, I am still trying to get up the nerve to ask for a temporary separation. When I am not with him, I want to leave. When I am with him at home, I feel so damned sorry for him. I see all that he has worked for in his home (even tho I did too), it is the hardest thing in the world to devastate a person, no matter what they have done in the past. He has apologized many times over. I accept it.

 

Anyone else would love to have their "rotten" husband turn good. He can't do enough for me. It's been 3 months and he still caters to my every need. Am I foolish for still wanting to try to take a break for a while? Financially, I truly believe it is a bad move. All of the posts have excellent answers. And each one is right. IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO: do I want to accept him and try to love him again or NOT.

 

I am going to take the risk of separating for 30 days. (if I can get the nerve up to tell him). If I come back and he's gone, well I have to live with it. I THINK HE WILL BE THERE FOR ME. But, I personally , just have to get away and find out what I am really feeling. Because right now, I have no feelings at all.

 

Loving a guy you're married to and wanting to leave is probably the worst stress I have ever been thru. The turmoil of wanting to tell him, but afraid to hurt him is neverending. I WANT IT TO BE EASY. But it just won't be and that is so very hard. Thank you all so very much for your input.

[libra]

I can totally understand your situation. I won't repeat my situation (too long "grass is always greener") but I am in the same situation. Separated for a month, he came over tonight for dinner. He arrived all dressed up and offering to take me to an Art museum this weekend. He is pulling out all the stops and I wish I could feel something!! I do love him but do not desire him. He was excited all day today to see me tonight (he told me this) ........ I felt sick to my stomach (did not tell him this). I don't want to lead him on but how can I hurt him so bad?

 

If you find the answers, let me know.... counseling hasn't gotten me any closer yet, hence the message boards. I wonder if I already know but can't admit it to myself yet. Or... am I being selfish and giving up on something special?

 

Good luck to you, my thoughts are with you. You aren't alone

[OFFICEMAX]

THANK YOU AND BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALSO. MY COUNSELORS ARE ALL SEEMINGLY SAYING THAT I HAVE TO MY NEEDS FIRST ..THAT I HAVE TO NOT FEEL SO MUCH OF HIS PAIN AND MOVE ON. MY SOUL WON'T LET ME DO THIS. SO AM JUST COPING DAILY WITH FEELING SO BAD ABOUT HURTING HIM AND STILL WANTING TO LEAVE. I DID TELL HIM LAST NITE THAT I WAS LEAVING FOR A MONTH NEXT YEAR. THAT DID NOT FAIR TOO WELL FOR THE NIGHT.

 

IT'S A TOUGH JOURNEY AHEAD AND I AM JUST MENTALLY TIRED OF RESEARCHING AND COUNSELING TRYING TO FIND OUT IF I AM ACTUALLY DOING THE RIGHT THING AND HOW NOT TO HURT SOMEONE SOOO VERY BAD.

 

BEST WISHES FOR YOU!