norajane Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Now, like everyone else who gets out of a f*cked up relationship, you accept that you made a mistake in believing in her and put on your big boy pants and do the hard thing - live your life day by day until she is just a distant memory. Replace your not-plopping with plopping. Go out with friends - to concerns, to the zoo, to museums, to restaurants, to bars, to movies, to weekend golf getaways, whatever. Friends are the people who will help you get out of your funk and show you there is still a hell of a lot of life left in you, and show you there are a hell of a lot of women out there who would not yank your chain like this one did. Now, you get it through your head that people break up every day - this forum is FULL of stories - and while you think this is different, it's not. You've broken up before, and you've made it through. This is NO different. Believe in yourself that you will get beyond it, because you will IF you accept that this is DONE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 Now, like everyone else who gets out of a f*cked up relationship, you accept that you made a mistake in believing in her and put on your big boy pants and do the hard thing - live your life day by day until she is just a distant memory. Replace your not-plopping with plopping. Go out with friends - to concerns, to the zoo, to museums, to restaurants, to bars, to movies, to weekend golf getaways, whatever. Friends are the people who will help you get out of your funk and show you there is still a hell of a lot of life left in you, and show you there are a hell of a lot of women out there who would not yank your chain like this one did. Now, you get it through your head that people break up every day - this forum is FULL of stories - and while you think this is different, it's not. You've broken up before, and you've made it through. This is NO different. Believe in yourself that you will get beyond it, because you will IF you accept that this is DONE. But I like taking OFF my big boy pants and doing the HARD thing.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrr baby! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 But I like taking OFF my big boy pants and doing the HARD thing.... grrrrrrrrrrrrrr baby! Excellent...signs of life!! Now go out and find yourself a transition-girl/fwb and have some fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 Excellent...signs of life!! Now go out and find yourself a transition-girl/fwb and have some fun. a hood rat? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 Excellent...signs of life!! Now go out and find yourself a transition-girl/fwb and have some fun. I am a big boy, but honestly, I am SO far away from being able to do that. Just the other night I was out at a Sushi Bar, and this very attractive woman came in and wasnt wearing a ring.. She kept looking over at me and smiling. She asked the bartender girl if she knew who I was. Anyway, I "imagined" starting the conversation, talking, getting to know eachother a little but, exchanging numbers and all of that.. I thought I was going to throw up... And the next day, I felt like I was disloyal... F***ed up, I know, BUT that is my reality right now... She left me a couple of long voicemails (because I hung up on her yesterday) admitting that she had thought that the Divorce was coming any day, because if you remember, H came down the stairs one day about a month and a half ago and said it was, that he'd be home that night with a "plan" and it would be quick.. Well, nothing since.. So NOW she has been thinking WTF? "I thought is was about to happen and I feel "stuck"." I have told her about certain "patterns" I have seen here on LS, that usually around 3 years, the H finally says ENOUGH.. She mentioned that in her voicemail, and can't see 3 years of this life.. WIth all of that being said, I promise you all, I WILL NOT LET THAT EFFECT MY DISMANTLING of this affair Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I don't know what they should be called or me either.. All I know is I BELIEVED... now what? Now believe in yourself and the blessings ahead for you. They are there, you just have to trust that you will get to them. The pain is a motivator, you don't ever want to feel this way again. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I am a big boy, but honestly, I am SO far away from being able to do that. Just the other night I was out at a Sushi Bar, and this very attractive woman came in and wasnt wearing a ring.. She kept looking over at me and smiling. She asked the bartender girl if she knew who I was. Anyway, I "imagined" starting the conversation, talking, getting to know eachother a little but, exchanging numbers and all of that.. I thought I was going to throw up... And the next day, I felt like I was disloyal... F***ed up, I know, BUT that is my reality right now... She left me a couple of long voicemails (because I hung up on her yesterday) admitting that she had thought that the Divorce was coming any day, because if you remember, H came down the stairs one day about a month and a half ago and said it was, that he'd be home that night with a "plan" and it would be quick.. Well, nothing since.. So NOW she has been thinking WTF? "I thought is was about to happen and I feel "stuck"." I have told her about certain "patterns" I have seen here on LS, that usually around 3 years, the H finally says ENOUGH.. She mentioned that in her voicemail, and can't see 3 years of this life.. WIth all of that being said, I promise you all, I WILL NOT LET THAT EFFECT MY DISMANTLING of this affair so why can't SHE file for the divorce? I don't get why something she claims to want to do is dependent on the H filing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 so why can't SHE file for the divorce? I don't get why something she claims to want to do is dependent on the H filing. I have read that there may be many reasons.. The one that makes the most sense to me is this: She, the mother, has already done enough damage.. IF she was to run out and file, it would be perceived by more than the H that she "left for another man". She has been hoping that with this time, that THEY, husband and wife, could reach a point of discovery.. discovery that the MARRIAGE, before, during and after the affair is not working. I know some here think more black and white, and that is OK, I guess, but the fact is that MW may truly want to Divorce with some integrity left.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I have read that there may be many reasons.. The one that makes the most sense to me is this: She, the mother, has already done enough damage.. IF she was to run out and file, it would be perceived by more than the H that she "left for another man". She has been hoping that with this time, that THEY, husband and wife, could reach a point of discovery.. discovery that the MARRIAGE, before, during and after the affair is not working. I know some here think more black and white, and that is OK, I guess, but the fact is that MW may truly want to Divorce with some integrity left.. Okay. Sounds to me like she just doesn't WANT a D badly enough...but then you probably already knew that. I'd say the leave with integrity angle is about shot already (just my opinion) Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I have read that there may be many reasons.. The one that makes the most sense to me is this: She, the mother, has already done enough damage.. IF she was to run out and file, it would be perceived by more than the H that she "left for another man". She has been hoping that with this time, that THEY, husband and wife, could reach a point of discovery.. discovery that the MARRIAGE, before, during and after the affair is not working. I know some here think more black and white, and that is OK, I guess, but the fact is that MW may truly want to Divorce with some integrity left.. That seems more about preserving reputation than integrity, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 That seems more about preserving reputation than integrity, IMO. well, whatever we want to "call it", it doesnt fly with me that much anymore anyway... And it is just one of many reasons, conscience or not.. it doesnt matter to me anymore. NEITHER of them are talking about any of this, AT ALL.. Just a recipe for disaster Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 sounds like the blinkers are well and truly off then SD, that's progress...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 sounds like the blinkers are well and truly off then SD, that's progress...... "blinkers"? did you mean "blinDers"?? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 "blinkers"? did you mean "blinDers"?? I'm an aussie, and horses wear blinkers Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 I'm an aussie, and horses wear blinkers so, when they are running around a racetrack, is the Left Blinker on the whole way?? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Okay. Sounds to me like she just doesn't WANT a D badly enough...but then you probably already knew that. I'd say the leave with integrity angle is about shot already (just my opinion) The most integrity one can muster in a D, IMO, is to do it as cleanly and painlessly as possible. Dragging it out and leaving everyone hanging on waiting is conflict avoidance, and seldom constructive. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 so, when they are running around a racetrack, is the Left Blinker on the whole way?? no, that's an "indicator" (though it can be a blinker as well lol) and it also depends where the race is being run........ down under we sometimes run races in the opposite direction to here Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 The most integrity one can muster in a D, IMO, is to do it as cleanly and painlessly as possible. Dragging it out and leaving everyone hanging on waiting is conflict avoidance, and seldom constructive. I have to agree with that one OW - integrity is knowing what needs to be done and doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 I'm an aussie, and horses wear blinkers Thanks for clarifying LF - we call them blinkers here too and I've always wondered what people were talking about with "blinders" - I thought it was maybe a blindfold? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 Thanks for clarifying LF - we call them blinkers here too and I've always wondered what people were talking about with "blinders" - I thought it was maybe a blindfold? to me, a blinder stops you seeing anything - blinkers however just stop you seeing anywhere but straight ahead - now they're off, SD can look around and see the big picture Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 to me, a blinder stops you seeing anything - blinkers however just stop you seeing anywhere but straight ahead - now they're off, SD can look around and see the big picture now SD is blindly confused as to what a blinker really is.. I guess it's good to be distracted as well... But you are correct.. One of the most helpful things from being here on LS for a while now is learning all of the "patterns" from all sides of the Triangle.. I know nobody wants to feel like they or their relationship is "just like everybody elses", BUT, you have to be smart, and go ahead and swallow a little pride and ACCEPT that you just may be "just like everybody else".. Thanks ladies Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 no, that's an "indicator" (though it can be a blinker as well lol) and it also depends where the race is being run........ down under we sometimes run races in the opposite direction to here blinkers are indicators? Oh. Indicators are called "flickers" here, but not blinkers. This is all terribly confusing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted July 26, 2008 Author Share Posted July 26, 2008 blinkers are indicators? Oh. Indicators are called "flickers" here, but not blinkers. This is all terribly confusing... "flickers" are boogers here... So it's good to have "blinders" on when somebody is "flickin" Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 "flickers" are boogers here... So it's good to have "blinders" on when somebody is "flickin" Don't they have drag flickers in hockey? Sure hope THAT means something different Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted July 26, 2008 Share Posted July 26, 2008 "flickers" are boogers here... So it's good to have "blinders" on when somebody is "flickin" I think I'd rather see so I can take evasive action! On an unblinkered horse, at full speed! Link to post Share on other sites
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