my man looks...all the time

[Alexanne]

I have been with a wonderful boyfriend for about a year and a half. I am only his second girlfriend and he is 28yrs. So he is kind of behind in learning relationship ettiquette. Everything is good but there is one issue that keeps popping up that I can't seem to feel better about.

 

He is constantly looking at other women. I am an attractive woman, and it hurts my feelings when he always has to watch VIP with Pam Anderson or Howard Stern because there are playboy models on it, or Ed the Sock because of the raunchy bikini contests. Every time we pass by a strip joint, he'll always joke and ask if I'm thirsty...to me that is him saying that he's thinking about wanting to see strippers. This is really affecting our relationship because he does this without thinking, he has done it all his life. But we are living together, shouldn't he show me the respect and not be looking all the time? He says it is because he notices everyone, tall, short, male, female, etc. and it is just part of scenery. But racing to get to the TV if he hears Pam's voice or something. I am hating going places with him because if a hot girl goes by I know he is looking and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I am not the type to go around checking every guy out, and asked him what if I did, he said it wouldn't matter it's part of life. The other issue is the topless issue, where we live it is legal to go topless, I am not as well endowed as I would like and the idea of topless girls that he'll see, drives me crazy. He is very much a supporter of the topless issue.

 

I have come to the point where I don't know if I can handle this relationship with his constant desire to see other women. I know that he wouldn't cheat, and it is a part of life. It is something he likes doing, seeing the scenery. I think I've tried everything and said everything to get him to understand my feelings on this, he says I am insecure and it is my problem.

 

I asked him to help me with my problem and he is trying not to make as many smart alec comments, but I still am hesitant to go to the clubs, beach, gym cause I know he's checking out the other girls.

 

How can I get myself over this. He is a brilliant man that I love very much, I am very intelligent and usually very confident, until I see him looking at other women.

 

Why can't I get past this?

[Tony T]

There are many answers to your problem. First, it is rude to look at other women with the fervor that your boyfriend has. But it is absolutely normal for men, no matter what their marital status, to look at and admire attractive women. In this case, you have told him it bothers you. It does so because you have some insecurities yourself and, also, because it is rude. If after explaining to him that it is behavior you cannot live with he continues, then you have no choice but to leave. There are so very many men out there who will give you 100 percent of their attention and not be rude. You don't need to subject yourself to a realtionship where a particular behavior is driving you nuts. It is doubtful he will change. It seems a habit or addiction and you cannot eliminate all other females from his view. So either you need to become more secure with yourself, increase your self-esteem, not let yourself be bothered by his roving eyes, or you need to move on. Leaving may be painful but not nearly as difficult as putting yourself through this kind of crap until he is blind.

[Shirley]

I have been with a wonderful boyfriend for about a year and a half. I am only his second girlfriend and he is 28yrs. So he is kind of behind in learning relationship ettiquette. Everything is good but there is one issue that keeps popping up that I can't seem to feel better about. He is constantly looking at other women. I am an attractive woman, and it hurts my feelings when he always has to watch VIP with Pam Anderson or Howard Stern because there are playboy models on it, or Ed the Sock because of the raunchy bikini contests. Every time we pass by a strip joint, he'll always joke and ask if I'm thirsty...to me that is him saying that he's thinking about wanting to see strippers. This is really affecting our relationship because he does this without thinking, he has done it all his life. But we are living together, shouldn't he show me the respect and not be looking all the time? He says it is because he notices everyone, tall, short, male, female, etc. and it is just part of scenery. But racing to get to the TV if he hears Pam's voice or something. I am hating going places with him because if a hot girl goes by I know he is looking and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I am not the type to go around checking every guy out, and asked him what if I did, he said it wouldn't matter it's part of life. The other issue is the topless issue, where we live it is legal to go topless, I am not as well endowed as I would like and the idea of topless girls that he'll see, drives me crazy. He is very much a supporter of the topless issue. I have come to the point where I don't know if I can handle this relationship with his constant desire to see other women. I know that he wouldn't cheat, and it is a part of life. It is something he likes doing, seeing the scenery. I think I've tried everything and said everything to get him to understand my feelings on this, he says I am insecure and it is my problem. I asked him to help me with my problem and he is trying not to make as many smart alec comments, but I still am hesitant to go to the clubs, beach, gym cause I know he's checking out the other girls.

 

How can I get myself over this. He is a brilliant man that I love very much, I am very intelligent and usually very confident, until I see him looking at other women. Why can't I get past this?

Hi!

 

It's a natural fact. Men like to look at women. But making comments as you pass by a strip joint is being very rude to you. In that situation, he is playing with your feelings purposely to get you riled up. This is something that the two of you should talk about together. The reason it upsets you when he looks at other women is due to your own insecurities. You think that he looks at other women because he doesn't think you're attractive enough. This is not true. The world is full of beautiful women, and men will always take advantage of looking at them. Instead of getting upset about it, think of it this way. He spends his day, looking at many beautiful women, but he comes home to you.