meeting the ex g/f in LDR

[joshfrench24]

My story is really complicated and out of the ordinary. sorry but it is long and complicatd you will see : )

 

I meet this lovely girl last November. We are both 24, started bonding immediately : the passionate flirting and get to know everything about the other ones life. I knew she was leaving in Guatemala to work in an orphanage for a year in February. Something she always wanted to do. After a month of dates & getting to know each other we couldn’t resist. It was like love at first sight, soulmate & all. ( we both felt we were made for each other instantly)

 

During two months we had the best time of our lifes. It was the first time for her that she felt really in love (she had had lots of relationship before, one that lasted 2 years too) and deeply connected with someone else. All our friends said we were fitting perfectly. Her parents never saw her that happy before.

 

We both agreed that we were made for each other & that we will survive the long distance even tough we’ve been together for only 2 months. That I would come to see her in the middle (after 6 months) of her volunteering. She also told me that I made her hesitate between (love life with me or humanitarian) now that she believe she has find real love with me she will come back to be with me.

 

A complicated thing is that she cannot have any babies and has always planned of working with kids since she learned the bad news. Thus her working in an oprhanage. We talked about it I accepted her that way and told her it is great to adopt, it doesn’t bother me or changes my feeling for her. She is quite shy with her feeling (doesn’t know how to express them)

 

She left in early February. For the next 2 months when she left to Guatemala (to work in an orphanage) , we send each other love letters, email & phone. (news at least once every week) she said “she really missed me and loved me so much. which is a good sign”. She was sending me a letter every week !! but we never talked about our commitment in the future to come.

 

And then it started… she had a breakdown in April for I do not know what reason exactly (flu, difficulty with babies, no time for herself and to much time to think alone about everything, tough times in the orphanage). She started not giving many news.. I thought she wanted to live her experience fully and accepted that she needed to be alone to experience her “dream” and see for herself what she desire in her life. (she told her best friends when she left not to give her news if possible she wants to be on her own in this experrience)

 

Couple of small news over the next weeks. I kept sending her letters and emails, the phone conversation were getting weak.

And suddenly she writes back in May saying she is so lucky to have me i am such a great guy that she has to make effort if she wants us to work out . she is looking forward to my visit and hopes to be ready and meet my expectations. She was sorry she did not have time or need to write me she did not know why .

 

 

 

12 days later : she said she needs to talk on the phone (we had agreed on the date of our visit I sent her my plane tickets) we talked : she said “she doesn’t feel anything anymore. Not missing me, feels no need to give me news doesn’t know what she feels. Does not know what she will feel once she sees me again. My last letter left her indifferent. She doesn’t know what she wants to do in the future , she is lost, maybe wants to move abroad work with kids. That I have to live my life. 1 year apart is too long we don’t know how we will feel. If I come I must not expect to reconquer her. She will be happy to see me as a friend but not as her boyfriend. I must live my life and not expect or hope something “ we agreed to see each other 1 day instead of 10 days initially. »

 

 

I deeply love her, I do not know if she left her feelings behind to my benefit so I could live a normal life and not wait for nothing. She is really hard on herself and believes she will be alone because she is meant to be (cannot have children).

 

I am still going to guatemela with some friends and we have agreed that i see her on my own at the orphanage for 1 day..

 

Recently we’ve been talking again but really small talks about nothing & organising my trip overthere. I am trying to brake the ice for our visit to be less akward.. but it is difficult. She remained really distant at first because she does not want me to hope.. said she was sorry for being like that to me.. now 3 weeks ago she is opening up again.. she said she was depressed. she almost left everything overthere to quit . she said recently she misses home and family and friends, her liberty, tough language and no friends overthere. but will persue her mission. Her brother is really worried about her he send a letter to her 4 best girl friends saying that she is really lonely & depressed and that they must help her & contact her. Her parents are rather sure she will come back before the end (i do not know them personaly but i got the info)

 

 

What should I do when I see her in Guatemala? I am really concerned about her life overthere & her happiness. I still love her but am not hoping much after 4 months of half NC. I have no idea how i will feel when i see her & she said the same. Help me please how should i plan this day. should i tell her i still love her or remain casual & lower my expectations?

[whateverwillbe]

It sounds like she could use a good friend right now. Go see her as just that. Let her know you care about her as much as ever and want to be there for her. Let her know she is someone special in her life and you really do care about her well being. Don't go away in her time of need. Continue on with your plans. And when you leave, leave as a friend with an open door, so she knows she can contact you if she feels the need to.

 

A good friend is someone who is there when you need them the most, despite the troubles that are going on in their life.

 

And in the end...if it is meant to be, it will be. Just be the best you can be for her.

[joshfrench24]

thanks whateverwillbe.

 

love your nickname pretty optimistic ; )

yes i think you're right she really needs friends in this difficult time she is going through. I will take note of your advice and tell her she counts very much in my life as someone special & that i am concern of her well being.

 

i will go there as mature as possible & will try to brighten her day and entertain her as most possible to make her feel well.

 

what do you think are my chances that she still feels something?

should i keep no hope & just play the friend game ?

i don't want to close the door just yet.. for me ..

but what should i do for her?

i am affraid she might stay really distant during our metting because she will not want me to hope. if i play the friend zone she might open up more but is it what i want...

 

thanks for any support out there.

 

cheers & best of luck to all with LDR

[whateverwillbe]

It is hard to say if she still has feelings. Perhaps seeing you again will bring them back. Just be as mature as possible, like you said, and only go over as a friend. Stress can do funny things to people, so if she is as stressed as she sounds, cuddled with depression, she is in real need of a visit from an old friend.

 

Good luck, I hope things work out for you. You sound like a great guy who is very concerned---I can only wish good things for you and her.

 

I hope it is all worth it in the end. If nothing else, if you go and things don't work out, just keep in mind that you did what you needed to and that makes you a good person.

[joshfrench24]

thanks again whatever will be. what's your name by the way. (me quentin i am french)

 

i had a small talk with her on gmail yesterday she is actually in mexico at a friends place for 3 days in order to renew her visa. seems good for her to take a tiny brake.

i told her we are meeting soon and it is good that we talk again & smooth a little bit the atmosphere between us. she said yes of course you are completely right & you are coming soon..

I said i will send her a letter before we leave (since i do not know if we will be in touch before i leave there : in 2 weeks she is extremely busy remember) that will reassure her on my expectations to make the best of this day for both of us ; with key word positivity and entertainement!

she laught & wrote "sacree quentin" french- as you're unpredictable & am surprise & touched"

 

well don't know if this whole thing about letter is a good idea. but it is thoughfull & might help to reconnect with less akwardness before our meeting. and she will receive it like 5 days before we meet : )

what do you think?

 

anyway i will keep you posted on how things went.

[whateverwillbe]

The letter sounds good, keep it simple.

 

I can't post my name here, such a big country I live in, but it can seem so small at times.

 

I hope you have a good time, and do hope all goes well.