Behavior of a Guy Friend

[foreverin]

First, let me start by saying I'm not a teenager, instead a woman in her 30's. I have fallen head over heals with a friend of mine, but have NO CLUE what he is thinking!!!

 

We have known each other for almost 10 years. We were more 'friends of a friend' we knew each other, but were not extremely close. Well within the past year that all changed. We got to be very close friends. We shared alot of personal details with each other. Shared our common values, beliefs and could talk to each other about anything. Then all of a sudden it's like the other shoe dropped. He, for no apparent reason, became much more withdrawn and talked less than 1/2 as much to me. If we are around each other he'll still talk, but not the same way he used to. We often communicate via text and 1/2 the time he seems to be really flirtatious and 1/2 the time he doesn't even respond to my texts.

 

I have never openly showed an attraction to him yet I think about him almost 24/7. The last time I was around him though he hardly talked to me at all. We were chit chatting a bit then a call came in and he took the call, quite talking to me and as soon as that call was over proceeded to make another call, so I just went ahead and left.

 

Now when we are around each other I have to approach him, he very rarely comes up to me anymore. Regardless of romantic feelings...What happened to our friendship??? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

[carhill]

If he shows low interest (sounds like it to me), he's either dating someone else, you've been friend-zoned, or he thinks your lack of open personal flirtation (I'm assuming here) mean he's in your friend-zone, and, if the latter and he has attraction for you, that could explain his diminished interest.

 

I know when a woman is attracted to me. I feel it. She looks in my eyes a lot, smiles, and randomly touches me.

 

I'm having that issue with a married friend of my wife's right now. Very disconcerting. Most guys think if a woman is nice to them, she wants them. I know better, having had a lot of platonic female friends. There's just a difference. I feel it. It doesn't happen very often.

 

In your case, you may have to reset the clock with NC. Try it

[stillafool]

I think he is picking up on your feelings for him and it's uncomfortable for him.

[soda]

I think he is picking up on your feelings for him and it's uncomfortable for him.

 

I have to agree. I think he probably figured out that you're much more into him than he cares about you.

 

I had a female friend once who I realized had feelings for me. I didn't have those same feelings for her, and in the short term, the friendship died.

 

My guess is that the friend is trying to phase you out of his life without hurting your feelings. The harder that you push, the less you will receive in return from him. He will claim that "he's too busy" or he will give you reasons why he hasn't been in contact.

 

As painful as it will be, I think your emotional energies would be better spent elsewhere.

[Chinook]

I had a female friend once who I realized had feelings for me. I didn't have those same feelings for her, and in the short term, the friendship died.

I had this exact same thing happen to me recently (with a guypal). It's a shame but it's also one of those things where, when someone has feelings we don't... it makes us uncomfortable around them. That's because we know that we're capable of hurting that person by openly rejecting them. That's not a nice thing to feel about a friend and so consequently, we distance ourselves from the situation... and the person. Like any relationship... a friendship without nourishment will die.

[mental_traveller]

He probably is interested in another woman. Even if he isn't, he's clearly not interested in you as a romantic partner. My advice is give up on your feelings - if he wanted you that much, he wouldn't be acting so cold.