Just a joke!!!

[Stephanie]

I wrote a letter before about my boyfreind being a jerk, and not calling me because his freinds are here. Well anyway this past Friday he called, and I didn't even have to call him he left a message on my answering machine. I took everyone's advice and wasn't going to call him back. I figured let him wonder what happened to me for a while. Anyway I was on the phone w/ my good freind and we start talking about dreams. I said "Well you know every dream has a meaning so i will go look it up on the computer and will see if there is anyhitng on it." I go on line and my boyfriends on line. I got off right away. I didn't want to talk to him. So then i got the idea i will go on under a diffeent screen name and see if he's in a chat room, and if he is see what he says. Wel that didn't happen he was in a chat room buty it was full. I asked my friend if i should start talking to him and say I'm some else. Well I did and i start talking to him. I told him I was older than i was and said i was from a diffrent town and everything else. Then I ask him do you have a girlfriend and he says "Yes i do but she's not pleaseing me right now. So he's telling me to talk dirty to him and I was. Then after a while I couldn't go on and I said "I have something to tell you." He says "What" Then I said "This is your unpleasing girlfriend." After that he said nothing to me. Then he got off line. So called him and he didn't answer his phone. Now this was Thursday now its Saturday. I have said i'm sorry and everyhitng to him on his voice box and I've written him e-mail and he still is not talking tome. I'm really worried its over w/ me and him and that's not what i want at all. I really care about him and did it as a joke! Just a harmless joke and it's caused him to stop talking to me. I don't understand. I'm very puzzled about this whole thing. What should i do? Do you think he will call me soon???? Please Help Thanks again for your help!

[Tony T]

By talking to him, asking him questions and talking dirty to him under an assumed name, you embarassed and humiliated him about as much as any human could take. The reason we love people is because of the way they make us feel. Make us feel great and we will love you forever. Make us feel bad (embarassed and humiliated) and it's not likely you'll ever hear from us again. Additionally, you have caused a breach of trust. Put yourself in his place. Someone sends him an instant message, he's bored, decides to play around...and then finds out it is his girlfriend. Does that sound like something that would make you feel good. The second mistake you made was identifying yourself. You should have played along and used the information for your own decision making process. Lots of times guys with girlfriends (and married men as well) will say things to other ladies online just to have fun. A lot of people online lie about a lot of things. You can no longer judge online dishonesty because you've done it yourself. I (a guy) experimented one time, at my sister's suggestion, and created a screen name (LusciousBlnBabe) along with a mouth watering profile to go with it on AOL...went into a chat room for 45 seconds and had instant messages going with 15 guys within a minute. I never told any of these strangers I was a guy. The experiment was over (mostly because I was bored) in two minutes. YOU HAVE REALLY BLOWN IT BUT FORGIVE YOURSELF AND MOVE ON. Never, ever put somebody you want a continued relationship in such an embarassing position. Now, if it had been a guy platonic friend, he may have found it funny. But in this situation, you have caused the guy you care about to want to crawl into a hole and cover it up. No matter what happens, NEVER, EVER, EVER DISCUSS THIS WITH ANYONE, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE THAT KNOW HIM, AND NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN, NEVER NEVER NEVER. It will cause others to wonder about your judgement, ethics and honesty and you don't want that either. If you must talk about it further, post it here or talk to a psychologist. My prayers are with you and miracles do happen but you may have to pray and go to church an awful lot with this one.

[Shirley]

I wrote a letter before about my boyfreind being a jerk, and not calling me because his freinds are here. Well anyway this past Friday he called, and I didn't even have to call him he left a message on my answering machine. I took everyone's advice and wasn't going to call him back. I figured let him wonder what happened to me for a while. Anyway I was on the phone w/ my good freind and we start talking about dreams. I said "Well you know every dream has a meaning so i will go look it up on the computer and will see if there is anyhitng on it." I go on line and my boyfriends on line. I got off right away. I didn't want to talk to him. So then i got the idea i will go on under a diffeent screen name and see if he's in a chat room, and if he is see what he says. Wel that didn't happen he was in a chat room buty it was full. I asked my friend if i should start talking to him and say I'm some else. Well I did and i start talking to him. I told him I was older than i was and said i was from a diffrent town and everything else. Then I ask him do you have a girlfriend and he says "Yes i do but she's not pleaseing me right now. So he's telling me to talk dirty to him and I was. Then after a while I couldn't go on and I said "I have something to tell you." He says "What" Then I said "This is your unpleasing girlfriend." After that he said nothing to me. Then he got off line. So called him and he didn't answer his phone. Now this was Thursday now its Saturday. I have said i'm sorry and everyhitng to him on his voice box and I've written him e-mail and he still is not talking tome. I'm really worried its over w/ me and him and that's not what i want at all. I really care about him and did it as a joke! Just a harmless joke and it's caused him to stop talking to me. I don't understand. I'm very puzzled about this whole thing. What should i do? Do you think he will call me soon???? Please Help Thanks again for your help!

Hi!

 

Please try to get over this guy. He's enjoying the fact that he has this power over you. It's an ego thing. You need to think better of yourself and believe that you are worth being loved. And you won't get that from him. Start going out and meeting new people and have some fun dating other people. The one comment he said while you were chatting, says it all. "She's not pleasing me right now". Relationships are a two way street. Both people have the desire to please each other. He doesn't care one bit about pleasing you.