Can someone define LOVE?

[Honey]

Hello all

 

I need some serious input. A good friend of mine have just asked me last night what is the meaning of the 4 letter word which is not Bad word ... but L-O-V-E. He's in dilemma ... he's not sure whether the girl whom he've met for about 5 months is out of Love?!!

 

I myself have a life companion. We've been together for 6 years. He respects our relationship and he knows I know what LOVE is. Personally, how can I put it in words? To me, its like - define SWEET in sugar.

 

I have the answers but I need some inputs. He's a soft hearted person ... caring and very helpful. But girls take it wrongly. He's been good to all Girl-friends and not sure what Love really is.

 

Pls help. Thanks heaps.

[Tony T]

Wow, the most difficult question you could post here. But I'll give it a shot.

 

Love is different things to different people. First it's a feeling, but different people feel it in different ways. There is no direct meaning because it is a flowing thing, a moving thing that does not sit still long enough to be defined. It is mainly defined through its symptoms.

 

Assuming you mean ROMANTIC love, to be real it has to be mutual. The parties think of each other often and long to be near, to talk, to hear each other's voice, to do little things for each other. Their existence tends to be focused on each other. Perhaps it is best defined by why we fall in love. We fall in love because of the way the other person makes us feel when we are with them. Some people fall deeply in love with abusive persons because they equate love with the abusive manner in which they were treated as children. People from healthy families tend to fall in love with those who treat them with kindness, consideration and respect. There must also be that very special chemical element, otherwise the love is only platonic. That chemistry cannot be manufactured...it has to be there, but chemistry standing alone is only infatuation. The initial chemistry is what sets off an initial attraction that can develop into love with time.

 

Healthy love seeks out only the very best for the beloved. We fall OUT OF LOVE when someone ceases to make us feel good when we are around them. Should they turn their attention elsewhere, we feel jealous, neglected, abandoned, etc. Initially, we are deeply hurt...but ultimately we fall out of love.

 

The biggest enemy of love is complacency. When we take our beloved for granted and cease to nurture the relationship like we should, and it happens all too often, the person senses this and those feelings of being special go away eventually...and they fall out of love.

 

The bottom line is, if you have to ask for a definition, you are not in love. Everyone who is in love knows it beyond the shadow of a doubt. And when the person we love is away from us, we can hardly stand it. One of my favorite quotations is, "Love knows not its own depth, except in the hour of separation." So often we don't know just how much we love someone until they have gone...and we realize that we took them for granted.

 

The greatest writers through history have never been able to put their finger on its exact meaning. I suspect that's because feelings have to be felt, not defined.

 

I must also say here that mature love may not be quite so passionate, but it is a warm, secure feeling that there is a fondness for each other that transcends definition and a great hope that it will last forever. Just being near each other, but doing different things, brings a contentment that cannot be described. But many people split up or divorce after the fireworks stop sizzling because they think it's over. They stop feeling that emotional high that was there in the beginning. In most cases that's an eventuality because the chemicals in the brain that cause the fireworks neutralize after a bit of time. (Doesn't sound so romantic but it's true). If there is a deep committment and a mutual fondness and respect, the relationship will continue.

 

NOW AS FOR YOUR GUY FRIEND, he needs to go with his gut with regards to his girl friend and her feelings. If he wants to jump start the relationship, he should play it cool and back off a little. He should know her well enough to know what can win her heart back. Secure women don't want someone who is possessive and demanding of their time. They love men who can live without them. Those with insecurities seem to prefer the opposite.

 

You said he was soft-hearted, caring and very helpful. Many ladies, usually the younger, less mature ones, tend to get bored with a guy like that. They like a challenge...a man who is unpredictable...a man who doesn't kiss their ass. You may need to ask him to seek the advice of many lady friends in this regard.

 

It's really hard for a very nice guy to change but, let me tell you right now, MOST WOMEN DO NOT LIKE WHAT IS READILY AVAILABLE TO THEM AND ACTIVELY PERSUE A CHALLENGE, especially at the beginning phase of a relationship. Love is many things and is cheapened if it is bestowed too quickly without too much effort from the receiver.

 

Good luck to all and my apologies for the brevity!!!

[Honey]

Dear Tony

 

I knew it! I knew you'll be either the 1st or 2nd person to reply me.

 

Thank you for taking the time in responding my post here. Very indepth and you've elaborate well.

 

Your quote "Love knows not its own depth, except in the hour of separation" makes sense and I agree with you.

 

I will print out your response and let my friend read it. I have the feeling that it is NOT love that he've felt with this girl.

 

Thanks again Tony!

[Shirley]

Hello all I need some serious input. A good friend of mine have just asked me last night what is the meaning of the 4 letter word which is not Bad word ... but L-O-V-E. He's in dilemma ... he's not sure whether the girl whom he've met for about 5 months is out of Love?!! I myself have a life companion. We've been together for 6 years. He respects our relationship and he knows I know what LOVE is. Personally, how can I put it in words? To me, its like - define SWEET in sugar. I have the answers but I need some inputs. He's a soft hearted person ... caring and very helpful. But girls take it wrongly. He's been good to all Girl-friends and not sure what Love really is. Pls help. Thanks heaps.

Hi!

 

There really isn't a definition for love, but I describe it this way. Love is a feeling that you can't explain. When he's happy, you're happy. When he's sad, you're sad. You could sit for hours on the couch, watching movies that he likes and you hate, and you wouldn't get bored. You're happy being next to him. And if you got to sleepy, you wouldn't go to bed. Not by yourself anyway. You curl up on the couch and fall asleep next to him. If he were on his death bed, you'd wish that you could take his place so he could go on living.

 

And once you feel this type of love for someone, it never dies. It's not possible to fall out of love with someone. This is also the type of love you need to have in order to live HAPPILY ever after with someone.

[Arvi]

Hi! There really isn't a definition for love, but I describe it this way. Love is a feeling that you can't explain. When he's happy, you're happy. When he's sad, you're sad. You could sit for hours on the couch, watching movies that he likes and you hate, and you wouldn't get bored. You're happy being next to him. And if you got to sleepy, you wouldn't go to bed. Not by yourself anyway. You curl up on the couch and fall asleep next to him. If he were on his death bed, you'd wish that you could take his place so he could go on living. And once you feel this type of love for someone, it never dies. It's not possible to fall out of love with someone. This is also the type of love you need to have in order to live HAPPILY ever after with someone.

I think....

 

"Love is a feeling when you feel that you are feeling a feeling such a feeling you have never felt before"

 

No pun intended .. but I think its true !!!