I'm an idiot (distant) husband.

[Ronni_W]

What I said: "I'm sorry to not be listening. My mind was elsewhere, thinking about work".

What my wife heard: "What you are saying is not as important as what I am thinking about. You are not as important as my work".

:love: You are my hero!!! A man amongst men.

 

What a load of crap I was saying! I still can't understand why it took me so long to acknowledge and understand this!

Because it was so much EASIER to act like the helpless, useless, misunderstood, under-appreciated schoolboy, is why.

AND...you were taking for granted your wife's love, patience and forgiveness.

 

Okay. Test #1

What are you gonna do (how are you going to respond) when you backslide -- which you 100% will do -- and realize that she just said a whole bunch of words...of which you do not have the foggiest comprehension?

 

Tip: Before you answer, listen for what your own Inner Voice is counseling.

[2sunny]

when you are unclear or confused about what she is saying - don't be afraid to ask her for clarification... such as...

 

"honey, i want to understand what you are telling me so would you kindly explain it to me again in a different way so i can get it?"

 

then be clear with her back "ok, so what i heard was___________, am i correct?"

 

and remember that TONE OF VOICE is huge! some folks can mess up all the good things they are saying with a nasty tone of voice. be a loving and kind voice as you interact with her.

[highfive]

:love: You are my hero!!! A man amongst men.

 

Because it was so much EASIER to act like the helpless, useless, misunderstood, under-appreciated schoolboy, is why.

AND...you were taking for granted your wife's love, patience and forgiveness.

 

Okay. Test #1

What are you gonna do (how are you going to respond) when you backslide -- which you 100% will do -- and realize that she just said a whole bunch of words...of which you do not have the foggiest comprehension?

 

Tip: Before you answer, listen for what your own Inner Voice is counseling.

Hi Ronni,

 

A test! Actually, I was wondering about this very probable occurrence, and how I will respond, so hopefully you can talk me through it.

 

My inner voice is telling me to say the truth: "I'm sorry, I did not hear everything you just said. I am working on my listening skills and they are improving but I may need your help and patience from time to time. Can you please repeat what you just said. It is important that I understand your words correctly".

 

How does that sound?

 

In the past, when this happened I would sometimes have to pretend that I digested the conversation, which eventually would lead to " You don't remember? I told you about this yesterday. Obviously you were not listening".

 

Looking forward to your response. Any other tests?

[Ronni_W]

My inner voice is telling me to say the truth: "I'm sorry, I did not hear everything you just said. I am working on my listening skills and they are improving but I may need your help and patience from time to time. Can you please repeat what you just said. It is important that I understand your words correctly".

OMG!!! :love: Now your Inner Voice is my hero, too!!! (How lucky am I? - two new heroes in one day .)

 

That is EXACTLY right -- be open and honest ALL THE TIME. Do not try to BS her with crap...she will know when she's getting "fake empathy" and when she is not being heard. She may not show it at the time but, believe you me, she will know...and it won't go on the "deposit" side of your 'love bank' (you have been to marriagebuilders.com, yes? And you were totally intrigued to start learning about your OWN emotional needs and lovebusters, I'm intuiting .)

 

The technique that 2sunny suggested, to ask for clarification and to rephrase what you (think you) heard, is incredibly effective -- obviously for when you actually WERE listening but are still not clear.

 

Test #2 was gonna be about how are you gonna involve your wife in your process and enlist her support -- but you covered that already...you are TOO excellent .

I encourage you to extend your support circle, too. Ask people you trust and who you know have your best interest at heart, to point out if/when they see you 'zone out' or say something that could be phrased in more positive, supportive or encouraging ways. Especially, ask them to call you on your BS. And remind them to be kind and gentle with you.

Test #3 depends on how much time you have. And it's not really a test but an idea I had, for you to practice your ever-growing skills: Browse the LS forums and look for where others are BS'ing themselves. Teach them what you know, about that. The downsides and how to improve things.

Practice 'listening' to what they write, practice expressing your opinions and counsel in positive, uplifting ways. Bonus with this one is that you also give back to LS. Double-bonus is that you and your wife are the ultimate beneficiaries.

 

Do the same thing with grocery store clerks and cab drivers. Practice, practice, practice...wherever, whenever and with whomever you get the opportunity.

 

Now. Do some of your own thinking -- imagine a challenging scenario, listen for your answer -- post both here, and get some LS feedback.

 

Well done! Major hugs.

[highfive]

OMG!!! :love: Now your Inner Voice is my hero, too!!! (How lucky am I? - two new heroes in one day .)

 

Where is the BLUSH smiley?

 

... She may not show it at the time but, believe you me, she will know...and it won't go on the "deposit" side of your 'love bank' (you have been to marriagebuilders.com, yes? And you were totally intrigued to start learning about your OWN emotional needs and lovebusters, I'm intuiting .)

 

Yes, I have read about the deposit side of the love bank.

 

 

Test #3 depends on how much time you have. And it's not really a test but an idea I had, for you to practice your ever-growing skills: Browse the LS forums and look for where others are BS'ing themselves. Teach them what you know, about that. The downsides and how to improve things.

Practice 'listening' to what they write, practice expressing your opinions and counsel in positive, uplifting ways. Bonus with this one is that you also give back to LS. Double-bonus is that you and your wife are the ultimate beneficiaries.

 

I will try this when I have some more time.

 

Now. Do some of your own thinking -- imagine a challenging scenario, listen for your answer -- post both here, and get some LS feedback.

 

Well done! Major hugs.

 

Thank you Ronni. One scenario I was thinking about is if the boss calls me after-hours, when I am home or out somewhere with my wife and family. I know the call is very important. I am torn because I don't want to take the call and upset my wife by having it interrupt us, but the call might be critical. What to do?

 

Inner Voice says to ignore the call until my wife says "its probably important, so you better take it" So I take it, keep it short and don't think about it after I hang up.

 

Comments?

[2sunny]

Thank you Ronni. One scenario I was thinking about is if the boss calls me after-hours, when I am home or out somewhere with my wife and family. I know the call is very important. I am torn because I don't want to take the call and upset my wife by having it interrupt us, but the call might be critical. What to do?

 

Inner Voice says to ignore the call until my wife says "its probably important, so you better take it" So I take it, keep it short and don't think about it after I hang up.

 

Comments?

 

set up your boundaries by allowing your co workers to understand that if they need you after hours your phone will go to VM. they need to leave you a message allowing you to understand the urgency of what is needed and can't wait until you arrive at work... then you can decide if it requires your immediate action - thus taking family time away or if it can wait until a later time.

[highfive]

set up your boundaries by allowing your co workers to understand that if they need you after hours your phone will go to VM. they need to leave you a message allowing you to understand the urgency of what is needed and can't wait until you arrive at work... then you can decide if it requires your immediate action - thus taking family time away or if it can wait until a later time.

 

 

Thanks 2sunny. I like your suggestion and will use it. As before, I'll turn off the Blackberry, but check voicemail when it is appropriate.

[Ronni_W]

One scenario I was thinking about is if the boss calls me after-hours,

2sunny is right -- take responsibility for your own stuff instead of hoping for, or counting on, your wife's psychic powers to kick in .

 

And your Inner Voice is right -- keep it short and don't let it interfere with the rest of your time with your wife. (That'll take some practice, and if you find your mind going to and fro, just let her know that you're struggling a bit.)

 

But. You are amazing me with your own ability to foresee the future. To wit, "I know the call is very important." Before you answer it? Really??? (Or are you trying to BS us, again?)

 

How often in the past 24 months have you received important-verging-on-critical, after-hours calls from your boss? And, were they REALLY that urgent, or was it just easy for him to call you because he knew that you used to be an idiot husband?

 

As 2sunny says, definitely let all and sundry know that you won't be as available as in the past.

But. On the terribly infrequent occasion when there really, truly, actually is something going on at work that might need you at an odd hour, you do of course need to make appropriate arrangements to fulfill your work obligations.

 

Your wife is an intelligent and reasonable woman (well, that is what my Inner Voice is telling me) -- so just let her know ahead of time that work needs you to be checking your VM every couple of hours (or whatever), and you may need to attend to it. And only call them back if it REALLY is something that ONLY you can handle/fix. If it's once in a blue moon, it is difficult for me to envision it becoming an issue.

[carhill]

I am torn because I don't want to take the call and upset my wife by having it interrupt us, but the call might be critical. What to do?

 

Are you a doctor? Will someone die if you don't answer? If yes, by all means do so. The life you save might be mine If no, please see below....

 

Perspective........

 

You are a very versatile and loyal tool in your boss's toolbox and you likely make a lot of money for him/her and his/her company. Trust me, s/he won't be around to wipe your ass when you're sick or dying. Guess who that will be? Yes.....that person you're putting on the back burner to take his/her call. Think about that. Perhaps you need a life-altering event to jolt you into putting things in perspective, maybe like a divorce

 

Does that sound harsh? Yes, I think it does. Now, put on the goggles of your wife's experiences in her marriage for awhile and see really how harsh it is.......when you do, you'll be on the road to recovery.

[Ronni_W]

Guess who that will be?

Are you SURE that type of image/thought breeds admiration and respect for one's partner? Cos I'm not seeing it, and I'd not like it if MY partner was using anything along those lines, in his attempts to facilitate MY happiness.

Keep her/him happy cos later you'll need him/her to wipe your butt? Are you SURE?

[carhill]

You have it backwards. My mother's loyalty to my father was *because* of how he loved her, not that he loved her and treated her well because he *expected* that would be the outcome. This is essentially the difference between the younger generations and those of my parents. I'm seeing this line of thought in this thread. My wife thinks more along the lines of the "me" generation, where I think more along the lines of the "what can I do for my spouse and my country" lines of my parent's generation. It's a fundamental incompatibility.

 

And yes, my mom did wipe dad's ass and change his bedpan for a few years prior to his death, just I cared for her after she became demented (and did exactly that more than a few times), not because I "owed" her for parenting me, but because I loved her. I hope you see the difference. I would have been more likely to do the same for my wife if she hadn't treated me with such vacuous indifference the last few years.

 

Plus, I don't like bosses, which is why I don't have one, and haven't for decades.

[highfive]

2sunny is right -- take responsibility for your own stuff instead of hoping for, or counting on, your wife's psychic powers to kick in .

 

And your Inner Voice is right -- keep it short and don't let it interfere with the rest of your time with your wife. (That'll take some practice, and if you find your mind going to and fro, just let her know that you're struggling a bit.)

 

But. You are amazing me with your own ability to foresee the future. To wit, "I know the call is very important." Before you answer it? Really??? (Or are you trying to BS us, again?)

 

How often in the past 24 months have you received important-verging-on-critical, after-hours calls from your boss? And, were they REALLY that urgent, or was it just easy for him to call you because he knew that you used to be an idiot husband?

 

 

 

Your wife is an intelligent and reasonable woman (well, that is what my Inner Voice is telling me) -- so just let her know ahead of time that work needs you to be checking your VM every couple of hours (or whatever), and you may need to attend to it. And only call them back if it REALLY is something that ONLY you can handle/fix. If it's once in a blue moon, it is difficult for me to envision it becoming an issue.

 

 

Thanks again Ronni and 2sunny. I understand and agree with your suggestions, and my Inner Voice is starting to have much more influence on the way I think and act. Its early days yet, and I have a long way to go,and I am sure to need more help. I really do appreciate all the support and concern, and I'm very happy that I found this site.

 

Perhaps soon I will write a new thread entitled "To all you distant husbands out there: LISTEN UP", because I believe that all husbands need to learn this lesson much earlier, before it is too late.

 

As an aside, stay tuned, I think a crisis is looming..

[2sunny]

the question was never about whether or not he loved his wife enough to go the long(er) haul with her - it was HOW to be a kind, loving and respectful husband along the way.

 

seems he is off to a good start. any ideas and input we can collaborate on would be helpful for him and others that may be reading here. especially as new scenarios rear there ugly head and challenge him.

 

he certainly can't be the only spouse in the world with these circumstances.

 

oh no, what is brewing? it's never good when you can feel it ahead of time....

[Ronni_W]

, not because I "owed" her for parenting me, but because I loved her.

Hey, carhill.

I know exactly what you are saying. I get that dealing with all sorts of medical conditions and personal hygiene issues can easily become part and parcel of any relationship, at any stage but especially as one or both age.

 

My point was that when we, er, 'youngsters' (shuddup! ) are looking for ways to inspire and motivate us to turn "off the Blackberry", so to speak, that can also be done with more uplifting/inspirational images and thoughts.

 

^5's Blackberry goes off...a picture flashes in his mind's eye of his boss wiping his ass or his wife doing it. Now. Maybe that WILL help him decide whether to answer it or not. I don't know. Or maybe a picture of him and his wife, walking hand-in-hand in their sunset years, will help him decide.

 

Between us, we got both images covered. I like it!

[Ronni_W]

As an aside, stay tuned, I think a crisis is looming..

It's a choice that you have, but why not use this board to see if we can help you avert any crisis?

Post it here, if you wish -- you won't have to follow any "advice" but something you receive may help.

Hugs and wishes for EXTREMELY good outcomes!

 

 

Perhaps soon I will write a new thread entitled "To all you distant husbands out there: LISTEN UP",

Good idea. Not so much about posting it, but about writing it -- start a word doc. or whatever. Whenever you decide, you can always post it, or bits and pieces.

Journaling is an invaluable, therapeutic tool -- utilize it to your full advantage.

[highfive]

It's a choice that you have, but why not use this board to see if we can help you avert any crisis?

Post it here, if you wish -- you won't have to follow any "advice" but something you receive may help.

Hugs and wishes for EXTREMELY good outcomes!

 

Thanks,

 

This experience has been life-changing for me and I believe I am on the right track for improving my marriage. However, there is significant damage to repair, and the healing process will take time.

 

As you know, I have been away a lot, and my wife recently told me that she needs time away from the family (and me) for herself, and that she plans to do this soon. Of course I now understand that she feels neglected and taken for granted, and that I am to blame.

 

To be honest, I am quite uneasy about her need to get away. I understand that she needs and deserves time away from the family, but I am concerned that this may be the first step toward leaving, and that perhaps my neglectfulness has opened the door for someone else to enter her life, giving her the attention she has lacked from me.

 

The Crisis: How should I handle this? What should I say or do?

 

My Inner Voice says "Don't resist, encourage her to go, don't worry that someone else has entered her life".

 

My other voice says "There is someone else (can you blame her?). You should intervene".

 

She has never given me reason to think that there is someone else, and I believe that she would leave me first before get involved with someone else, but I have been a real idiot.

 

Any advice? How to deal with the turmoil inside myself without harming the progress I have made?

[Ronni_W]

Highfive,

Stop for a minute. Is this a crisis that you are creating in your head, or has she recently (like today) mentioned it again?

 

Have you shared with her the insight that you got yesterday, about 'what you said' versus 'what you now realize was the message that your were giving'? I'd encourage you to do that, at the very least. Also, perhaps, show her what you have been reading at marriagebuilders.com and at coping.org. (The goal here is to make her aware of the concrete action that you have taken in the recent few days, and the new insights and awareness that you have already gained.)

 

Let her know that you now do, finally, recognize the extent of damage your attitude and behaviour caused to HER psyche and self-esteem. That you know you have a LOT for which to make amends. That you have every desire and intention to do that. That you know it will take time. That you know you are already seriously over-extended at her 'love bank', and it is to her grace that you are now appealing (no longer just her understanding and patience.) Go deep, go long, go heavy...in an adult, masculine way.

Don't go all begging and pleading and apologizing -- ye olde schoolboy is not welcome here! He will not serve you well.

 

Ask if there is any way that she can envision the TWO of you scheduling time away, together -- whether it's a one-night stay at a hotel or spa, a weekend, or a week.

 

(Any/all above can be classified as your "intervention" -- definitely you do need to do that...for her, perhaps even more than for yourself. And, of course, for your marriage. If there is ANYTHING that you can do right now, it is to let her know where you are, and how far you have come in a such very short time. And hope that it is enough for her to want to see the next phase of your growth and development.)

 

If she says, no, that she definitely wants some alone time, then your instinct to simply let that happen is also correct. And then we all get on our knees and pray that your fears about another guy are completely groundless (what is your Inner Voice saying, about that?) Or that you will have demonstrated enough for her to not make any hasty decisions about your marriage.

 

Your own thoughts and comments?

[2sunny]

if you are wondering at all about another man - then logic says start checking up on her.

 

check her cell phone and the bill (don't overlook texts), install a keylogger on her computer, check the money she spends and where it's spent. pay attention to her time away from the family if she is away at all.

 

no need to get alarmed... just start paying attention to the whole picture. if your gut is telling you something may be "up" - then there is usually cause for concern.

 

where does she say she wants to go "alone"? when? how long? start asking a few questions that may give you a place to start with your awareness.

 

most of all - do not over react - just pay attention...

[Ronni_W]

...I am to blame. ...I am quite uneasy ...I am concerned ...I have been a real idiot.

(Where is the 'real-time chat' button?)

 

Instead of "I have been an idiot" ... "I have been neglectful, emotionally unavailable, and taking your love for granted. I told myself BS excuses, and I expected them to satisfy you, too." (Let her know what you know; that you DO have a deeper understanding the REAL, underlying issues that you need to improve.)

 

Instead of "I am to blame" ... "I have so much to make amends for, and I will appreciate it if you will allow me to do that. I'd like the chance, and I am aware of the consequences if I blow it, this time." (Just taking the blame isn't saying anything new...it's not showing your awareness or that you intend to DO anything new, about it.)

 

"I am quite uneasy ...I am concerned"

Expressing these sentiments need extra care. We don't want to turn it around so it becomes about YOUR needs, but we also do want to express your FEAR. Work on something like:

Now that I am really STARTING to understand the situation between us, I am finally smart enough to know that you could be very closing to leaving me. That scares me. And yet I know I am responsible. I honestly don't know if you have any more understanding and patience and forgiveness to give me. All I can do is hope and pray that you do.

 

Are you getting what you'd be trying to express there? (Hope so, cos I can't really put it into words .)

[Ronni_W]

My other voice says "There is someone else (can you blame her?). You should intervene".

 

She has never given me reason to think that there is someone else, and I believe that she would leave me first before get involved with someone else, but I have been a real idiot.

STOP doing that...IMMEDIATELY!!! Tell that stoopid freakin' voice to eff off. Be firm with it.

 

All this is, is you now BS'ing yourself in a whole different direction. It's STILL just your 'inner schoolboy' who is whining. Make him stop. Tell him, thanks so much for all his work until now, but YOU are taking over. You now have the skills and awareness to be in 100% charge and control.

 

What is your purpose for dwelling on what an idiot you USED TO BE??? How is that serving you, right now? How is it saving your marriage, and helping your wife feel better about things? How is it gonna do all of this, tomorrow?

 

STOP! Forgive yourself for your OLD, dysfunctional ways. Welcome your NEW Self. Praise your heavens and your seas, and whatever else you pray to. Just say, "Thank you, it was great. Bye-bye, now." And freakin' move forward. It's a decision that you just have to make - to forgive yourself, especially. And to just keep taking bigger steps towards your and your wife's brighter and happier future together. "Just do it!"

[highfive]

Highfive,

Stop for a minute. Is this a crisis that you are creating in your head, or has she recently (like today) mentioned it again?

 

Have you shared with her the insight that you got yesterday, about 'what you said' versus 'what you now realize was the message that your were giving'? I'd encourage you to do that, at the very least. Also, perhaps, show her what you have been reading at marriagebuilders.com and at coping.org. (The goal here is to make her aware of the concrete action that you have taken in the recent few days, and the new insights and awareness that you have already gained.)

 

Let her know that you now do, finally, recognize the extent of damage your attitude and behaviour caused to HER psyche and self-esteem. That you know you have a LOT for which to make amends. That you have every desire and intention to do that. That you know it will take time. That you know you are already seriously over-extended at her 'love bank', and it is to her grace that you are now appealing (no longer just her understanding and patience.) Go deep, go long, go heavy...in an adult, masculine way.

Don't go all begging and pleading and apologizing -- ye olde schoolboy is not welcome here! He will not serve you well.

 

Ask if there is any way that she can envision the TWO of you scheduling time away, together -- whether it's a one-night stay at a hotel or spa, a weekend, or a week.

 

(Any/all above can be classified as your "intervention" -- definitely you do need to do that...for her, perhaps even more than for yourself. And, of course, for your marriage. If there is ANYTHING that you can do right now, it is to let her know where you are, and how far you have come in a such very short time. And hope that it is enough for her to want to see the next phase of your growth and development.)

 

If she says, no, that she definitely wants some alone time, then your instinct to simply let that happen is also correct. And then we all get on our knees and pray that your fears about another guy are completely groundless (what is your Inner Voice saying, about that?) Or that you will have demonstrated enough for her to not make any hasty decisions about your marriage.

 

Your own thoughts and comments?

 

This is a crisis in my head. Nothing new has happened, other than that I think she is still planning her time away.

 

At this point, I have not fully shared my insight with her, but she probably senses the change in me, and my behavior. Also, I have not told her about Marriage Builders or other forms of support, because I know she thinks I should be able to sort this out on my own, without support.

 

However, I tried to tell her that I understand the hurt I have caused and that I am going to take action so that it does not happen again. Her reaction was indifference; I don't think she bought it, she probably just considers it be more lip service from School Boy. Only action and time will change her mind. I will try to explain all this to her again soon. I find it easier to write, but I think speaking would be better. Just need some practice. Funny; I can present at conferences to hundreds of people, but I can't present this to my wife without being very nervous and fumbling my words. I guess this is because it means so very much.

 

I also suggested that we should spend some time away together, but she said that she is not there, yet.

 

My Inner Voice says there is not another man, that she would not jeopardize our life and family, but, late at night, my fear that there could be someone else enters my mind and I start to spin.

[2sunny]

Ronni - why are you telling him to ignore a gut instinct?

 

i understand you saying "don't beat yourself up and move in the positive direction." but let's not forget to look at the whole picture.

 

not saying she is cheating... just saying that if he senses it that much - there MAY be a reason to pay more attention.

[Ronni_W]

Ronni - why are you telling him to ignore a gut instinct?

Call it a hunch -- his 'schoolboy' is still very much alive and kicking, and will be fighting for survival, about now. His 'Inner Voice' is under-developed, and ^5 is still in beginning stages of learning to distinguish the difference between the two. Or. Let's just call it a hunch.

Plus. ^5 said he has no reason to actually suspect that there's anyone else.

[Ronni_W]

I tried to tell her that I understand ...Her reaction was indifference; she probably just considers it be more lip service from School Boy.

I will try to explain all this to her again soon.

Er. You already know WHAT is going to be the outcome if you "try to explain again"...and you know WHY you will get that outcome...and you are still thinking it is a good idea?

Share with me, if you will, your thought processes on that -- something needs tweaking but I'm not yet sure what .

 

I think many find it easier, on some level, to communicate non-intimate information and opinions. And sometimes even to reveal our most intimate 'stuff' to complete strangers.

We humans are just weird and warped, haven't you noticed? But we ARE extremely lovable .

 

Yeah...I know. It is about self-managing your fear, and not all-of-a-sudden turning into some needy and neurotic individual. My gut is that that will drive her further away, so you MUST just learn to control it. Learn to NOT give in to your impulses to keep "explaining" and telling her the same old, same old thing she's heard...how many times before?

 

I know she thinks I should be able to sort this out on my own, without support.

 

Are you at all open to correcting her impression of you, about that?

[highfive]

STOP doing that...IMMEDIATELY!!! Tell that stoopid freakin' voice to eff off. Be firm with it.

 

All this is, is you now BS'ing yourself in a whole different direction. It's STILL just your 'inner schoolboy' who is whining. Make him stop. Tell him, thanks so much for all his work until now, but YOU are taking over. You now have the skills and awareness to be in 100% charge and control.

 

What is your purpose for dwelling on what an idiot you USED TO BE??? How is that serving you, right now? How is it saving your marriage, and helping your wife feel better about things? How is it gonna do all of this, tomorrow?

 

STOP! Forgive yourself for your OLD, dysfunctional ways. Welcome your NEW Self. Praise your heavens and your seas, and whatever else you pray to. Just say, "Thank you, it was great. Bye-bye, now." And freakin' move forward. It's a decision that you just have to make - to forgive yourself, especially. And to just keep taking bigger steps towards your and your wife's brighter and happier future together. "Just do it!"

 

Ronni, thanks again for reminding me to kick Schoolboy out of my life! As you wrote, Schoolboy is fighting for survival. He is like a bad habit I am trying to quit. I know I can do it, but it might take some time. He sneaks back in my mind when I am vulnerable. So far, I have been able to keep the Schoolboy battle internal; I am not allowing him to influence what I say or do. Now I must work hard on getting him out of my thought processes, then my New Self will be complete.

 

Tonight I grow weary of the Battle, but tomorrow I will continue with new strength.

 

Yes, I am considering telling my W about the support I am asking for.

 

Inner Voice is saying there is no other man, so no snooping is required. If she needs time away, I will help her arrange it, and not worry.

 

Best,

^5