Is he not intersted in me?

[Cricket96]

I think I like a guy who's not interested in me in anything more than a friend. I invited some friends to happy hour (including him whom I've never met before until my coworker told me to invite her son, so I did). I was surprised by how handsome (average handsome) he looked, so I was quickly smitten. I did have to leave early to drive someone back, leaving him alone with non-talkative strangers. I apologized the next day in an email and said that I'll plan something better next time (that wasn't my event the first time). He said it's fine and that we can hang out next time. Of course, I never heard from him again, so whenever I have a happy hour going on I would invite him, but he would decline because I always ask him at the very last minute like the day before. Then one day he was planning to set up another happy hour asking if I would be interested and I declined because I was busy with something. After that I didn't hear from him for awhile until one day he fwd me some inspirational stuff to which I replied back just to see if he would respond back. He did ask about how I am, etc. I think we exchanged about a total of 8 emails that day. Then I don't hear from him again. I'm always the last one sending the last email, but now I'm learning to let him be the last one to respond that day and I not respond again the next day.

 

My office is moving to one that is closer to his next year and he said that we should hang out when this happens. I agreed.

 

Our emails are not flirtatious, but they're full of smiley faces and tongues, especially his.

 

Well, so I have this event going on that I'm planning and asked him if he wanted to go with my people and he said he'd love to. This would be in 3 weeks. I don't know if he'll back out then.

 

So now I feel like an idiot thinking about him day and night while he's probably thinking of ways to back out of this upcoming event.

 

Do you think he's not interested in me in something more?? Because if he is he would've emailed me everyday and flirted right? I keep on blaming it on the first bad impression I gave him.

 

Anyway, I know the answer, but I just want to a hear an answer from someone else. Thanks.

[Ronni_W]

Do you think he's not interested in me in something more?? Because if he is he would've emailed me everyday and flirted right? I keep on blaming it on the first bad impression I gave him.

Cricket...your imagination is getting the better of you!

You did not make a "bad impression" the first time -- he could be thinking that you are a very loyal/trustworthy person for keeping your promise to drive that person back to wherever.

 

And why is your imagination telling you that he's making plans to back out of the next event??? Remember, that is just fantasy stuff going on in YOUR OWN head. It has nothing to do with HIS reality -- he could be worrying about how to get some 'alone time' with you that night, without coming on too strong.

 

Honestly, to me it sounds as if he DOES like you...not that he is already interested, just that there is a possibility that, like you, he may have a desire to "feel things out" a bit more to see if there is the possibility of getting interested.

(Note that there are a lot of ifs, maybes and potentials in that...nothing is concrete, so do not let your heart get all entangled .)

 

It sounds like neither of you has too much confidence in your 'reading the signals' or flirting skills. He probably doesn't want to come across like some psycho-email-freak -- emailing "every day" would be a bit like that, don't you think?

 

The only thing I can suggest is to be yourself...fun and friendly by the sound of things.

If there is a movie that you'd like to see, you let him know that you're going to see it "next Tuesday" or whatever (give him 4 or 5 days notice since he doesn't seem to like last-minute things), and ask if he'd like to see it with you. After that, wait for him to ask you out -- if he doesn't do that in about two weeks, then it is a very good chance that he's not interested.

 

Most importantly -- do NOT let your mind "create" supposed facts and reality that are NOT true and do NOT exist...except if they are really positive imaginings...those are perfectly fine . Good luck!

[Cricket96]

Wow, I never thought of it that way. Thanks for putting a positive spin on it. Before I did mention about all these movies I'd like to see, but he never asked if I wanted to see it with him; however, when I did attach a day to it, he did say he'd love to go. =)

 

Yeah, I do get a feeling like he's trying to see where this is going too before he tries to put more effort into it. I wasn't looking my best that first happy hour we went to and I did look bad by whispering twice to a guy I drove back, so maybe he thought something was going on there.

 

 

 

Cricket...your imagination is getting the better of you!

You did not make a "bad impression" the first time -- he could be thinking that you are a very loyal/trustworthy person for keeping your promise to drive that person back to wherever.

 

And why is your imagination telling you that he's making plans to back out of the next event??? Remember, that is just fantasy stuff going on in YOUR OWN head. It has nothing to do with HIS reality -- he could be worrying about how to get some 'alone time' with you that night, without coming on too strong.

 

Honestly, to me it sounds as if he DOES like you...not that he is already interested, just that there is a possibility that, like you, he may have a desire to "feel things out" a bit more to see if there is the possibility of getting interested.

(Note that there are a lot of ifs, maybes and potentials in that...nothing is concrete, so do not let your heart get all entangled .)

 

It sounds like neither of you has too much confidence in your 'reading the signals' or flirting skills. He probably doesn't want to come across like some psycho-email-freak -- emailing "every day" would be a bit like that, don't you think?

 

The only thing I can suggest is to be yourself...fun and friendly by the sound of things.

If there is a movie that you'd like to see, you let him know that you're going to see it "next Tuesday" or whatever (give him 4 or 5 days notice since he doesn't seem to like last-minute things), and ask if he'd like to see it with you. After that, wait for him to ask you out -- if he doesn't do that in about two weeks, then it is a very good chance that he's not interested.

 

Most importantly -- do NOT let your mind "create" supposed facts and reality that are NOT true and do NOT exist...except if they are really positive imaginings...those are perfectly fine . Good luck!

[Cricket96]

Or maybe he has another girl he is interested in at work. One time I was flirting with someone via email whom I thought liked me and because his emails were so short, I found out towards the end that he was married. Quite embarassing.

 

I think your instincts are right. If he was interested, he would have asked you on a one-on-one date by now.

[Ronni_W]

Or maybe he has another girl he is interested in at work. One time I was flirting with someone ... I found out he was married. Quite embarassing.

Well, yes...that is a possibility that he may have another interest. But there is the exact same possibility that it is not the case.

I know it's difficult not to put our past experiences onto our "current people" but if you look at it a different way, when we do that it is extremely unfair to the new people. Kind of like saying, "well, I know this one guy who is a porn addict...so you must be one, too, because you are also a guy." -- See how nuts that is, when you look at it like that?

 

Also, I would have taken it as being quite embarrassing, too -- for the married guy, not for me! You acted honestly and in good faith...there is NOTHING to feel badly about. HE was the doorknob . If this new guy turns out to be a similar 'knob', it's STILL not on you, Cricket. But honestly, my intuition is still saying that how he is acting suggests that he does like you for you.

[waleen]

Imagine right now that I'm leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I'm on my knees pleading with you. I'm saying this in a loud voice: "Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be." I know it's an infuriating concept — that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you're one of the nine, ladies!) I can't say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.

:laugh:

[Suiyobi]

Imagine right now that I'm leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I'm on my knees pleading with you. I'm saying this in a loud voice: "Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be." I know it's an infuriating concept — that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you're one of the nine, ladies!) I can't say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.

:laugh:

 

Wouldn't it be the same the other way around? Like, if the guy is doing the chasing then it could mean that the girl is just not into him, either?

 

Edit: As a personal note, I like ladies who take the initiative every now and then. Makes me feel like I'm not the only one that's contributing to the development of a relationship.