Finding a bf

[renaissancewoman101]

I want to have a bf in my life. I miss having someone close to me, someone to do stuff with, have sex with, wake up to, etc. It's been so long. My biggest problem is that I tend to isolate myself. Besides working, I stay home a lot. I do go out shopping and out to hang out with my friends, but that's about all.

 

Lately, I've started taking an art class. Been doing that for about two months, and have joined some social groups. Have met a few people at these places, but no one dateworthy and guys don't seem all that attracted to me. Art class is hard, since I dress grungy since it can be messy, and I tend to get stuff on me (hair, clothes, etc), by the end of the class.

 

I do know guys are attracted to me. Just this past week, a guy who was visiting someone who lives on my floor, started chatting me up in the elevator, and invited me over to his friend's for a drink. I declined because I had just come back from exercising and was really tired.

 

I've done the online dating before, and seem to meet more weird people and people out for ONS, rather than guys looking for relationships.

 

Also, should I be the proactive one, and start chatting up guys I find interesting?

 

I am hoping to meet guys who are my age or a lot older than me. I would like to date someone who is at least ten years older than me. I think older guys are more mature and less apt to play games and mess with a woman's emotions.

[Tony T]

I am hoping to meet guys who are my age or a lot older than me. I would like to date someone who is at least ten years older than me. I think older guys are more mature and less apt to play games and mess with a woman's emotions.

 

...Don't quite understand what you're looking for here but if you'd like to meet at Starbucks tomorrow evening after work for a cup of coffee I'll be the guy in the corner with the briefcase. See you there!

[renaissancewoman101]

I wasn't putting this up as an "ad" to meet people. Moreso, I want to find out what I could be doing wrong or right in terms of being able to meet someone to date, soon.

 

I want to find ways to up my dating potential.

[JustinWolf]

What you're doing wrong? I think you're looking. In most cases, when you aren't looking for anyone someone just comes hopping along like a rabbit during easter. What I'm trying to say is just be happy and live your life, enjoy yourself and people will be attracted to you. Stay pos.

 

-justinwolf

[Serph]

Geez, ANOTHER nitpicky woman who gets guys clearly hitting on her but thinks she is too good for them, and then has the gall to complain that she is alone! You dont say?

[Suiyobi]

Take it easy, don't be too selective with men, and soon you'll get yourself a boyfriend.

[citizen67]

I am totally having this problem also. I think I might give off a vibe of unapproachability. I have been trying to make eye contact with people and smile - and not just men I might be interested in, but just with people in general. I smile at the old lady behind me at the checkout and the kid on the elevator and make small talk if it feels natural. I took an art class too and really liked a guy who was singel and, if I do say so myself, would have been pretty lucky to get me (when my sister met him she was like 'you are so not serious') and nothing. I joined the gym and I go there like 4 days a week - I'm in great shape - nothing. For a while I was commuting on the train - saw the same people every day, nothing. Go to alot of concerts - nothing - got majorly checked out at Pearl Jam - lots and lots of cute guys at that show, but how do you get to the next step? And I am not scanning the room whereever I am desperate for love - I'm really not - so that "stop looking" crap is BS. Meanwhile I just found out that my ex BF is dating like, every girl in town

[McLovely]

I'm in the same boat. It's only been made worse by the fact that ALL of my single girlfriends are now in serious relationships and don't feel like doing "girls night out" anymore - they would rather be with their boyfriends on the weekends. It's forcing me into isolation and it sux! No woman wants to be the girl alone at the bar or restaurant on a Saturday night.

[Suiyobi]

Every now and then flirt with the guy you're interested in. That's the next step.

[stefspets]

You should have said yes to the guy who invited you for a drink.

 

Yes, you should chat up guys who you are interested in.

 

If that fails, try craigslist.

[melodymatters]

Definitely try being more open minded ! I met my current beau walking down the street, I started the conversation and gave him my card.

 

He called the next day and told me he was shy and would NEVER have approached me.

 

He is also a LOT younger than me, and the sexiest, sweetest guy I've ever met !

 

Ya just never know !

 

Good luck !

[lovestruck818]

What you're doing wrong? I think you're looking. In most cases, when you aren't looking for anyone someone just comes hopping along like a rabbit during easter. What I'm trying to say is just be happy and live your life, enjoy yourself and people will be attracted to you. Stay pos.

 

-justinwolf

 

That's not true. If you want to find something you have to look for it. Things just don't find themselves if you don't go looking for them.

[AriaIncognito]

That's not true. If you want to find something you have to look for it. Things just don't find themselves if you don't go looking for them.

 

I"ve never found someone when I was looking. I think that when you're looking, you might throw out an air of desperation or even might just not seem happy with yourself.

 

As soon as I stop looking, is when someone comes into my life. Happened this year on new years eve, when I least expected it.

 

Honestly, try to find things to occupy yourself. Go out with friends, and don't set your expectations on finding someone. Once you are happy with life, you'll not care if you find someone, and more than likely will then meet someone.

 

Just my 2 cents. I know it sounds like bs, but in my experience, it's always worked this way.

[Pmb]

I want to have a bf in my life. I miss having someone close to me, someone to do stuff with, have sex with, wake up to, etc. It's been so long. My biggest problem is that I tend to isolate myself. Besides working, I stay home a lot. I do go out shopping and out to hang out with my friends, but that's about all.

I guess the obvious thing to do is to get out more. You exercise, do you belong to a gym? If you like to read then do you like to go to bookstores when have a coffee shop? If you are religuious then do you go to things like single's bible studies? Just a few ideas of the top of my head.

Lately, I've started taking an art class. Been doing that for about two months, and have joined some social groups.

Great idea! I'll have go keep that in mind myself!

Have met a few people at these places, but no one dateworthy and guys don't seem all that attracted to me.

What exactly is "dateworthy"? If you mean that there is no instant chemistry then perhaps you might give it a second try for delayed chemistry? Perhaps it takes more than a first impression. Especially since first impressions will always be false impressions.

Art class is hard, since I dress grungy since it can be messy, and I tend to get stuff on me (hair, clothes, etc), by the end of the class.

That makes no difference at all. Men can see the beauty behind the outer covering

I do kno0w guys are attracted to me. Just this past week, a guy who was visiting someone who lives on my floor, started chatting me up in the elevator, and invited me over to his friend's for a drink. I declined because I had just come back from exercising and was really tired.

Keep your options open. Instead of saying "No thanks." or "Sorry but I'm tired" say instead "Sorry but I'm tired, how about a rain check?" etc.

 

Take all this with a grain of salt because I'm terrible at all of this.

 

Good luck.

 

Pete

[kdark]

I"ve never found someone when I was looking. I think that when you're looking, you might throw out an air of desperation or even might just not seem happy with yourself.

 

As soon as I stop looking, is when someone comes into my life. Happened this year on new years eve, when I least expected it.

 

Honestly, try to find things to occupy yourself. Go out with friends, and don't set your expectations on finding someone. Once you are happy with life, you'll not care if you find someone, and more than likely will then meet someone.

 

Just my 2 cents. I know it sounds like bs, but in my experience, it's always worked this way.

 

This isn't true for me. When you say something about an "air of desperation" it makes it seem like you are putting out a vibe that you can't even control, like it's almost supernatural. I know that whenever I see a girl I like, I have to have her, and will do anything, and wait as long as possible to have her.

 

But the problem is that it has been six months and no girl has sparked my interest... The whole "stop looking" thing hasn't worked for me at all. I focused and worked hard to get a big promotion at my job. I'm almost done with my college, and I go out with my friends almost every night. I still haven't found anybody, and it's really starting to get to me.

 

There's never any solace for the people who can't live a happy and full life without someone else to share it with...

[A.G.Doren]

From my experience you have to look, but without expectation. I think its a matter of being open to whatever comes your way (within limits of course).