TalkLikeLion Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 So I was basically enamored with a guy I met my freshman year of high school. I spent four -almost five- years wanting him, and all the while he kept me at an arm's length. I always reckoned he had feelings for me but didn't know how to express them or show them. I finally got over him when I went to school in Missouri, and then all the drama with my most recent ex has basically turned me numb. I hung out with the guy I've wanted for so long last week, and all of a sudden I get a confession from him that he's always cared about me but didn't want to do anything until it felt right, and now he wants us to be together. Now I'm so ridiculously confused. I know no one can dissect my own feelings except for me, but I just need to get it off my chest, I guess. I care about him and trust him a lot, but I just don't think I want to be with him anymore. And he's been totally sweet with how upset I've been over the ex, trying to cheer me up, he wants me to come down and see him next weekend and go to some festival with him. What would you guys recommend? Seeing as I don't know how I feel for him and, honestly, right now I just want to go out and meet people, have fun, see where things take me....I mean, S. completely shattered my ability to trust people, so I don't want to rely on an old friend as a relationship just because I know I can trust him or because he's there. But at the same time, I know how much it took for him to tell me he wants to be with me, and I can't stand hurting him by basically saying "too late!" I've also always kind of considered the "prince charming" thing to be what I strive for. Obviously no one is perfect, but I mean perfect *to me*, not perfect in general. With S everything felt so 100% perfect (until I learned he was a lying, cheating sociopath and not the person I thought he was) and I want that feeling again. And I know I won't have that feeling with this guy, that I'll always feel slightly strange and awkward. I know there's no real advice to be given here, but like I said, i just needed to get it off my chest. If anyone CAN give advice, that would be great. Am I being too stuffy with my emotions? Maybe I'm striving for too much here, looking for an unattainable dream. I don't know how to handle things like this, at freaking all =/ Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Trust your instincts. It's his problem your feelings have changed and that you have moved on. If he hadn't been so anal about approaching you before, and waiting until it felt right (What kind of crappola is that? It's rubbish... the 'right time' is never the 'right time'. It's also never the wrong time either. it's just 'the time'....!) What he means is that it felt the most suitable time for him, because it was more convenient to him to do it this way... what did he do all those years he was waiting for the right time.... lead a celibate life, and se nobody else? I doubt it. So you see, he was just having fun and waiting for the right moment. For him. What is he doing, expecting you to run across the grassy meadow, arms outstetched, in slo-mo, crying "Yes!! At last! the man I have waited for all these years finally said he wants me!!" - ? Oh,. per-leeeeese!! In your dreams! No, thank him very kindly, and say that's really nice, but you've moved on now.... you've just bounced out of a crap relationship and you're not going to risk labelling him the re-bound guy, so you're declining his kind invitation, but you're very flattered....You'd love to go to the festival, (if you would) that would be fun, but it wouldn't be for any reason other than to go to the festival.... If you don't want to go, just say so. be up front and honest. We are not sincere enough. We pussy-foot around, seeking excuses and ways out of possibly hurting someone's feelings, but too often, we end up complicating things more.... Just be honest, upfront and open with him. Then, there can be no come-back, no recrimination, no "Shoot, why did I say that? Now he thinks....."! See? Simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TalkLikeLion Posted July 28, 2008 Author Share Posted July 28, 2008 Trust your instincts. It's his problem your feelings have changed and that you have moved on. If he hadn't been so anal about approaching you before, and waiting until it felt right (What kind of crappola is that? It's rubbish... the 'right time' is never the 'right time'. It's also never the wrong time either. it's just 'the time'....!) What he means is that it felt the most suitable time for him, because it was more convenient to him to do it this way... what did he do all those years he was waiting for the right time.... lead a celibate life, and se nobody else? I doubt it. So you see, he was just having fun and waiting for the right moment. For him. What is he doing, expecting you to run across the grassy meadow, arms outstetched, in slo-mo, crying "Yes!! At last! the man I have waited for all these years finally said he wants me!!" - ? Oh,. per-leeeeese!! In your dreams! No, thank him very kindly, and say that's really nice, but you've moved on now.... you've just bounced out of a crap relationship and you're not going to risk labelling him the re-bound guy, so you're declining his kind invitation, but you're very flattered....You'd love to go to the festival, (if you would) that would be fun, but it wouldn't be for any reason other than to go to the festival.... If you don't want to go, just say so. be up front and honest. We are not sincere enough. We pussy-foot around, seeking excuses and ways out of possibly hurting someone's feelings, but too often, we end up complicating things more.... Just be honest, upfront and open with him. Then, there can be no come-back, no recrimination, no "Shoot, why did I say that? Now he thinks....."! See? Simple. your response really made me smile. thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 Try it and see. You never know, you might get on amazingly well. And if you don't, just break things off after a month or three. What's to lose? Denying him up front without seeing how it goes will mainly benefit your ego, not your chance of finding a great relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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