Inflikted Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I'm kinda just venting, here, so sorry if this gets lengthy... Wow, now, where should I begin...? @_@ I'm 19, 20 by the end of the year, haven't had a girlfriend, haven't even had a date. And I'm not too happy about that, obviously. Yeah, I've heard people say "Oh, you should enjoy being single, it's not so bad!", and I'm not saying it is, but... well, I've BEEN single for my whole life now; I already know what it's like, heh. I'd love to experience being in a relationship, especially considering my peers throughout life make it seem to easy to obtain. Truth is, I know I have some big confidence issues that hold me back, but I just don't know how to work through them. For one, I'm super self-conscious about my height. Being 5'2", 5'3", even most girls I meet/ know are at least a little taller than I am. That's not to say I wouldn't date a girl taller than me, but it's hard to be taken seriously when my height makes me look like a little kid. >_< Other than that, I don't necessarily think I'm unattractive, but I don't consider myself any better than just average-looking. Either way, though, I think I have a great personality, and a lot of good qualities, but I tend to shy up around people, so only those that are really patient with me (which don't seem to be many people...) get to see that. I'd love to work out my confidence and shyness issues, but I don't know how. Seems like people just say "You just have to get over that stuff!", but that's easier said than done... Especially when I have no clue HOW to "get over" those things. Those issues aside, though, another big problem I have is that I don't quite tend to really feel anything for girls I meet. I've liked a lot of girls as friends (truthfully, I don't think I have that much trouble opening up around girls), but just that -- friends. And I've never gotten any indication from those girls that they were interested in me, either, so it was pretty mutual. Well, back when I was in high school, there was this one girl that I probably would've dated if I got to know her better; I wasn't, like, "crazy in love" with her, but that could've changed over time. She was pretty shy, like me, and I later learned from other people that she apparently had a little crush on me. It's kinda unfortunate, because she probably would've at least been a good first girlfriend for me, if nothing else, so I kinda wish I'dve known that sooner. Ah well. There IS a girl now that I'd really like to be with badly, but I think I pretty much shot myself in the foot, with her. 'Course, I don't know what's going on with that, because it's pretty much in this awkward little limbo, at the moment, so who knows what, if anything, will come of that. :/ Only thing I really have to look forward to is that fact that I'm starting college in about a month. Everyone says college is the time when you meet lots of new people, and I've been told I'll most likely meet girls that I'll be interested in and/ or that'll be interested in me, but... to be honest, that was what I thought when I was going into high school, and look how that turned out. How do I know the same thing won't happen in college? I can't help but be very wary... Ah well. If you managed to read through all this (and if you respond, too), thanks. That's about it. Link to post Share on other sites
refurb Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 A few points: 1. You've been single for "your whole life". Well, you're only 19, so that ain't saying much. 2. If you really want to turn girls off, act desperate. 3. You want to get over the shyness? Well, what do you do if you want to get better at crosswords? You do a lot of crosswords. You want to get better at interacting with people? Interact with a lot of people. It's really that simple. RF Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 I know where you're coming from, but be careful what you wish for. Being single should be embraced, it's something you will miss when you marry Mrs wrong. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 That's for sure. Just wait until you get your heart broken. Or stomped on a few times. That whole" it's better to have loved and lost " is a bunch of crap. Being in an R will not guarantee not feeling alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 That's for sure. Just wait until you get your heart broken. Or stomped on a few times. That whole" it's better to have loved and lost " is a bunch of crap. Being in an R will not guarantee not feeling alone. I have contemplated that same exact thing, I have determined that I would rather have been raked over a bed of hot coals for an eternity, and dropped into a salt sive before I let myself go through that again. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Suiyobi Posted July 28, 2008 Share Posted July 28, 2008 Yeah, I've heard people say "Oh, you should enjoy being single, it's not so bad!", and I'm not saying it is, but... well, I've BEEN single for my whole life now; I already know what it's like, heh. I'd love to experience being in a relationship[...] Man, that's what I say to myself, too. LOL! I'd love to work out my confidence and shyness issues, but I don't know how. Seems like people just say "You just have to get over that stuff!", but that's easier said than done... Especially when I have no clue HOW to "get over" those things. Found a couple of sites to help you start off with boosting your self-confidence: http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Shyness http://www.ehow.com/how_2879_overcome-shyness.html Those issues aside, though, another big problem I have is that I don't quite tend to really feel anything for girls I meet. I've liked a lot of girls as friends (truthfully, I don't think I have that much trouble opening up around girls), but just that -- friends. And I've never gotten any indication from those girls that they were interested in me, either, so it was pretty mutual. Well, back when I was in high school, there was this one girl that I probably would've dated if I got to know her better; I wasn't, like, "crazy in love" with her, but that could've changed over time. She was pretty shy, like me, and I later learned from other people that she apparently had a little crush on me. It's kinda unfortunate, because she probably would've at least been a good first girlfriend for me, if nothing else, so I kinda wish I'dve known that sooner. Ah well. About that little story with the girl, I totally know the feeling man. I sometimes resent the fact that I was so BLIND as to not notice the girls who actually liked me back in my middle and highschool years... Anyhoo, you say that you don't have that much trouble opening up around girls. That's good man because you're on the right track. The problem is that you maintain a mutual feeling with them, so much so, that you give the "let's just be friends" vibe. What you're missing is the flirting aspect. You gotta give a little sexual tension, man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 A few points: 1. You've been single for "your whole life". Well, you're only 19, so that ain't saying much. I guess, but to be fair, that is probably close to 1/3-1/4 of my life. :/ 2. If you really want to turn girls off, act desperate. Heh, well, I don't really think I come off as "desperate" to girls. I mean, I've come to a point where *if* there's a girl I like, I'm pretty much expecting it to not work out. That and, well, I think I'm a little too "picky" to be desperate. I know where you're coming from, but be careful what you wish for. Being single should be embraced, it's something you will miss when you marry Mrs wrong. Heh heh, yeah, believe me, I've seen a horrible case of some one ending up with "Mrs. Wrong". See, my uncle (I guess back when he was about my age) was totally in love with this one girl, but her family situation required her to move away, and he was left totally broken-hearted. He took up drinking for a little while, then eventually rebounded with a very very loose girl. She pretty much took over his life, and he just kinda let her. She slept with SO MANY guys, even while with my uncle, and either he was totally clueless to that, or he knew but didn't have the willpower to care at all. She even had these sick goals; like, she wanted to sleep with both of his brothers (which she did), and she wanted to sleep with guys of all different races and social classes, etc. And there's no happy ending to this story; they ended up getting married, having three kids, and they're still together today. And she's STILL as bad as she was before; only this time, she masks it from her kids by claiming to have "found God". But it's all BS. You have no idea how scared I am that something like that will happen to me, in the future... @_@ Found a couple of sites to help you start off with boosting your self-confidence: http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Shyness http://www.ehow.com/how_2879_overcome-shyness.html Thanks, I'll take a look at those. you say that you don't have that much trouble opening up around girls. That's good man because you're on the right track. The problem is that you maintain a mutual feeling with them, so much so, that you give the "let's just be friends" vibe. What you're missing is the flirting aspect. You gotta give a little sexual tension, man. Well, a big part of that is because I don't find myself all that attracted to many of the girls I meet. :/ I don't have the simple-minded idea of "Wow, she's hot, I want her!"; I look for something deeper than that, and I don't tend to find that. I DO think I have a "flirtacious" side; like, back in high school, these idiots that liked messing with me any chance they got put this one girl up to pretending to flirt with me. I wasn't all that interested in her to begin with, but I played along. And I think I did fairly well pretending to flirt back; I pretty much broke the little game they were playing, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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